He's just sitting there, not even knowing how cute he is. God, it amazes even me that watching him put film in his camera can turn me on like this. I pretend to be interested in what he's doing, winding the ribbon in and out of the camera, but I really have no idea what's going on. Any excuse to watch him, which I do until he looks up at me and cocks his head. "What?"

I just blink at him. "What, what?"

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

I quickly pull my eyes from him. The ceiling becomes very interesting.

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Well, now you're just purposely looking away. What's wrong?"

I make myself look at him, just not his eyes. "I'm not feeling well. I was just spacing, and you were in that space."

"Ohh, okay." He goes back to his camera, never noticing what a stupid accuse that was. He suddenly stands up and grabs his camera. "I'm gonna go film for awhile. You gonna be okay up here alone?"

I lay my head on the back of the couch, rolling my eyes. "Yes Mark. I'll be fine on my own."

"Okay. I'll be back later." I watch him walk out the door, and not thirty seconds later, Collins and Angel walk in, arm in arm. It's almost sickening how sweet they are.

Angel sits down next to me and puts a hand on my forehead. "Mark says you're not feeling well. What's wrong honey?"

I feel my eyes rolling again, not even meaning to, and Angel drops her hand, and gives Collins a puzzled look. He crosses his arms and smiles his stupid all knowing smile. "He's fine Angel, he's just hiding something, aren't you Roger?"

Angel smiles at me, curiosity all over her eyes. When there was a secret a risk, her eyes had a way of digging into you, so I look back to the ceiling. "What is it?"

At this point, I really want to kill Collins. "You know, not everyone wants you to tell everyone that they have something they don't want anyone to know. Can't you ever leave things alone?"

"The last time you told me my advice wasn't wanted, you were on drugs."

Angel's jaw drops a little as she looks at me. "Ohh come on." I throw a pillow at her, which she catches in the air. "I'm not on drugs. Not again. Never… again."

Her smile returns as she slides closer to me, making room for Collins on the sofa. "Well, what is it then?" Collins sits, and she slides into his lap, her eyes never turning from me.

I reach my hand out, motioning for the pillow, and she hands it to me. I slip it under my head and close my eyes. The door opens and I lift my eyes just a bit. Mark runs back in, grabs his scarf, smiles at us, and leaves again. While he was doing this, I sit up and smile, spacing again.

Angel hit's my leg. "Ohh my god!"

M smile fades as I look at her. "What?"

"You like Mark!"

I push away from her a little. "No I don't." I try to laugh, but that may have just made it worse.

She eyes me suspiciously. "Yes. I think that that's what it is."

I cover my eyes with the pillow and lean back. "Could you two get out of my house?" My eyes are covered, so I can't see what they do, but I don't fee the couch move, so I figure that their still there. "Please?" I peek out one eye.

Collins laughs and stands up, taking Angel with him, since she was sitting on his lap. "Fine, but that doesn't mean we're done talking about this."

Angel gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Feel better honey." She and Collins walk out the door. I fling my pillow at the closed door and hit my head on the arm of the couch.

I have now fallen asleep on the couch, been woken up by Maureen, fallen back to sleep, and been woken up again by some kind of construction outside in the past two hours, so I've given up on my well thought out nap.

I just sit and think. About the past, April and Mimi to be exact. It seems strange, even to me, that I think of them on the same level, when April is dead, and Mimi is in her apartment downstairs. Ever since we broke up nearly a year ago, I don't see her much. Everyone else still does. I asked Maureen what she wanted, and she said she was going to a club with Mimi and wanted to borrow some kind of something of Marks, so I let her, not really caring. I feel bad about the way things ended with her, but when it's not love, it's not. You can't really force those things. She told me that I had a cold heart, and the only time I felt love was with Mark. I know that she meant in a brotherly way, but for half a second, I doubted what she meant, and though of Mark, for that brief moment, as more than that and it stuck.

So here I am, sitting in the loft, crunching up paper, dipping them in glue, and trying to get them to stick to the ceiling, when Mimi's out clubbing with lesbians. I shouldn't hold anything against her. It was me after all who froze out in the relation ship. But if she can move on, why can't I? Mark! That's why! I'm about to throw another wad of paper at the ceiling when he walks in. I turn my head, and the wad of paper hits me in the head, and sticks to my hair.

"Wow that looks like a fun and not at all inappropriate game." He laughs and sets down his camera.

I pick glue out of my hair and walk over to him. "Get some good footage?"

"Nope."

"Ohh."

"Are you feeling better?"

I have no clue what he's talking about. "Huh?"

"Earlier, you said you didn't feel good." He places a hand on his hip and smiles awkwardly at me. "Are you feeling better?"

"Ohh ya, much better. It was just a headache. All better!" I attempt to smile, but Marks has already turned away, so I don't bother.

"Angel and Collins told me to tell you that they're bringing over dinner tonight."

I slump back and fall onto the sofa. Yay. Just the people I want to hang out with.

Mark eyes me for a moment. God he has great eyes. "Do you want to tell me something Roger?"

You have no idea how many things. "Nope." I walk to my room. "I'm just gonna take a nap. See you for dinner." I finally get that nap.

I guess I'm still sleeping, though I don't know how much sleep I actually got. Collins comes in to wake me up for dinner after what seems like I've only been sleeping for about ten minutes, but I drag my self out of bed and back into the kitchen. "Pizza!" The first good news all day. "At least it's real food and not that tofu, meatless stuff you always get." I grab a slice and eat it in four bites.

"It won't be pizza for long if you eat so fast." Angel takes very small bites of her pizza. "And the slower you eat, the less likely you are to get fat."

Mark pinches the nonexistent fat on his arm. "Do you really think that were worried about getting fat?"

"I actually think it would do them some good." Collins smiles at us. "Their clearly malnutritioned."

"Ya, and greasy bread and cheese is the way to do it." Angel rolls her eyes and continues to eat small pieces. She turns her glance to me and raises her eyebrows. "So, Roger. What did you do today?"

I shoot her an evil glance. "Nothing. Just took a nap and made a mess in the… are over there..." I lift my hand and point the living-dining-entertainment area.

"Ohh, is that all?"

"Yep."

Mark gives us a suspicious look. "I'm gonna get some pepper. Don't do anything interesting while I'm gone." He walks into the kitchen and Angel starts to follow after him, but I grab her hand and pull her back.

When she goes to say something, I clasp my hand over her mouth and pull her back to the table. "What were you gonna say to him?"

Collins starts laughing as Angel attempts to pull her hand back, but I don't let go. "I was going to get a drink." She finally gets her hand back and hits me. "And anyway, I though you said there was nothing to tell?"

I shrink back a little. "Well, those weren't my exact words."

She seems to have forgotten that I just pissed her off and she smiles back at Collins. "You do like Mark!"

I hit her and Mark walks back in. "You should never hit a lady Roger."

Angel sticks her tongue out at me and goes to stand by Collins. I think she's a little afraid of me now. I just don't want her to know how right she is about Mark.

I'm sting on the couch, staring at the wads of paper still stuck to the ceiling, when Mark come over and sits next to me. "What's wrong?"

I sigh softly. "Nothing."

"Do you think I'm that stupid? You haven't talked to me, like, had a real conversation with me in a month."

I sit up and cross my legs under me. "It's nothing."

Mark puts a hand on my shoulder and I feel myself shudder a bit. "Roger, we've been friends for nine years. We've been through more than most people, and we've gotten through it, but we've always talked. When you're ready, I'll listen to you." He squeezes my shoulder. "I love you." He gets up to leave.

"I love you too Mark." He smiles and stands up, about to walk away. "No Mark, I love you." I can't believe I just said it.

He stops walking and turns back to me, the confusions obvious on his face. "What?"

I stand up and walk over to him. "I love you Mark. I've loved you for awhile now, and I couldn't tell you."

I reach my hand out to touch him, but he pulls away. "I can't… this is too much now." He walks off and goes into his room. I can tell that he's not mad though, since he shuts his door normally, and doesn't slam it.

I'm laying in bed, staring at the wall opposite my door, when I hear the door open quietly. I glance up at the clock, it's nearly four in the morning, but I haven't slept yet. I roll over onto my other side and see Mark standing in the door way, his hair and clothing even more disheveled than normally. I sit up and smile.

He slowly, very slowly, walks into my room and sits on my bed. He looks at me for what seems like ten minutes, and then stands up to go. I feel myself frowning, but the frown dissipates when Mark leans over and kisses me. It's a very soft kiss, as if he's just trying to see what it feels like. I lift my hand and touch his back, but he quickly pulls back.

I look up at him and sink back into my bed a little. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling, happy, ya, but there are a million other things that I don't have a name for. Each one much be showing, because Mark looks down at me and laughs, the way he does when I have no clue what I'm doing, and he'll have to fix it later, but he doesn't have the heart to tell me that I'm doing it wrong. Once he stops laughing, he looks at me and smiles, genuinely. "Ya, this could be okay." He quickly leans beck down, wraps his arms around my chest, and kisses me. For now, everything is perfect.