Teyla Emmagen
The gate room is a haven, it always has been. It's the first sight I see when I return through the star gate and it will always be. I turn around, expecting John to come through just behind me, as usual.
Instead he falls. My heart rebounds into my throat as I see his wounds. Bullet holes in his chest, arms, and legs. He's bleeding all over the gate room. The star gate shuts down and I'm by his side.
My eyes are clouded by my own tears. His eyes are dazed, he seems distant. "We need a medical team!" I yell.
Rodney echoes my call. "We need a medic god damn it!"
I can't lose him. Why can't he say something? Why can't he look me in the eyes and wink? Why can't he assure me it's going to be all right? Ancestor's ghosts, I don't know if I can take it.
I can't stop my tears, I can't stop crying. I'm sobbing like a little girl who can't have her way. But the only thing I want is for John to live, for John to hold me once again. The world is a much harsher place without him.
Carson and his medics lift John onto the stretcher, carrying him to the infirmary. I follow, my hand entwined with John's. I'm praying ever single Ethosian prayer I can. It seems like a pitiful way to help.
John's lying on the surgical table, Carson already working to help him. I don't understand medicine like he does, but it works miracles, right? I'm right beside him, begging, "John please?" Aiden just behind me. Elizabeth and Rodney standing on the just beyond the bed.
The only ones not crying are Aiden, John, Carson and his nurses. John smiles slightly and I break into a fresh course of tears, dropping to my knees beside him. It suddenly dawns on me, he's barely there.
I kiss him trying to project everything I am into it, as if it will make him feel better. I try to smile for him, just one last time. Instead I find myself crying once again. My tears burning their way down my face. All of it, hurts too much.
His eyes become even more distant, I don't know why. He opens his mouth. "I..." I strain to hear what he's saying. "love..." I feel my knees give out on me. "you." I collapsed into a pile on the floor.
I saw his eyes as they closed and knew that it was the end. John, my husband to be, was dead. I looked around, even Aiden, who's happy expression almost never ended, had tears streaming down his face.
The little girl inside me howled. My insides felt numb. Nothing had prepared me for this. The pain was just so great that it burned. It burned hotter than fire. It burned so much that I couldn't contain it.
I screamed, my voice horse. Aiden bent down and picked me up, holding me as my body shook with sobs. It helped to have a shoulder to cry on. I envied Aiden, he was still holding it together. I was falling apart. Correction, I had fallen apart.
Life didn't seem what it used to be. I prayed to the ancestor's for John's deliverance. He couldn't, just couldn't be dead. Yet he was, and here I was, forced to mourn for him.
Fresh sobs wracked through my body, causing Aiden to rock me back and forth like a small child. He didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to be said. John Sheppard was gone, he was dead. The man I loved was forever gone.