A/N: Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed, glad I'm making you guys feel something (Not a very good Drama if I didn't) I'm also looking for some possible Beta readers for a new Atlantis fic I've started brainstorming on. If you'd like to help, just either use the review feature or e-mail me.
Rodney McKay
Death is the cessation of all life. John Sheppard was that. His eyes were closed, his body was still. Even before he'd stopped breathing, I could've seen that we were losing him. His eyes had been glazed, almost as if he could barely see anymore.
You know, I never thought I'd lose my composure like this. I always thought I could take death. I was wrong, I couldn't take death any more than I could be a soldier. Yet I always went off world with John. I'd bicker and argue with him and say that I hate him, but at the same time, I always felt better around him. He was my friend.
I'm not sure I'm even remotely ready for him to be gone. I'm not sure anyone is. Teyla's shaking she's crying so profusely. Elizabeth is trying to stay strong but I know better, she's falling apart. Aiden's holding his head high, but I can see the weight. He's losing it too.
Even Carson's stifling a tear. None of us were ready for this. John Sheppard is our leader, he leads by example. He never abandoned anyone and he never will. This feels so close to abandonment that I feel I've betrayed everything he ever did for me.
I leave the infirmary, walking slowly to my room. I suddenly hate Atlantis. I hit the wall with my fist. The pain in my hand provides a small respite from the pain of John's death. "DAMN IT JOHN!" I yell.
I enter my room, sit on my bed and turn on my laptop. I call up the city wide power distribution system I'd been working on. I try to work, I try to think of something else. The problem with friends is exactly this. When you lose them, they're gone forever, and they seem to take a part of you with them.
I feel vulnerable, as if there's nothing protecting me anymore. I'm a coward, and any semblance of bravery is gone, now that John's dead. I look around. I notice the picture on my dresser. I stand and walk over to it.
It's a picture of us, as in John, Teyla, Aiden, and myself. John's holding Teyla, kissing her on the forehead. Aiden and I are flanking them on either side. We had been on the planet with the Alpha site, near one of the planet's beautiful lakes. It had been our little vacation, just after rescuing Elizabeth from the Genii.
I smiled, tears coming to my eyes again. There wouldn't be any more memories like that. John was gone, and he wouldn't be coming back. Memories. They can be a curse or a gift. I try to remember the last thing John said to me. Come on Rodney, you're not that slow. Again, more tears.
He always had to be the last person through the gate. It was his job, it was something he had to do. This time, it had caught up with him. Even John Sheppard, the man who defied the odds all the time, couldn't avoid them forever.
I wish I couldn't calculate the odds. It would make it so much easier to just assume everything would be fine. Instead I know that we were lucky, and that was it. The odds were always stacked against us. This time... time had caught up with us. I closed my laptop. I wouldn't be getting any work done today.