Wow, months later, she updates! Slowly but surely it is getting done. Don't expect any updates soon or any particular update on any story. I'm just working on each story as it comes to me, though, I would like to finish this one first. I appreciate reviews, and in this case, flames, for having such a horrible updating habit.

"Bathroom Confessions"

Chapter 4

Dib gave up and stopped watching the tape. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Zim hadn't done anything remarkable, except cry and bitch about not getting any "lovin'" as he called it. Dib rewound the tape for later use and turned off the TV, turning casually in his swivel chair to look at his capture. Zim was still unconscious on his bed, his arms and legs tightly bound. On the floor were various tools Dib used to pry open Zim's obnoxious pak and pull out the deadly spider legs. Gaz had barged in on that little operation and demanded that Dib hand them over because they were "neat" and would add a nice touch to her strange bedroom.

Dib wished that he had a more private place to put Zim, but his dad's lab was only so big, and keeping an alien specimen a secret down there wouldn't last long. His room would have to do , that is, until he really decided what he wanted to do with Zim, but for now, Dib was content to observe the alien on his own time. Dib knew that once the Swollen Eyeballs, or any other government group had their fingers on Zim, he would not be allowed access.

He was too young, and not a doctor, and he definintely had no training in slicing up aliens for sure! Dib wanted to believe that he could be involved in whatever alien-probing went on, but as time passed and he became more aware of his own ignorance, he knew that he would have to at least get a medical degree before anyone would hand him a scalpel. That was fine. He would get his degree. He would do anything to stop Zim's stupid people from taking over the planet.

But he wasn't sure that would ever happen. The worst case scenario would be Zim actually taking over the planet, but in the time he had been on earth, Dib had only seen Tak, and she had only come to take revenge on Zim by taking over the planet. If Zim was so magnificent, which he wasn't, Dib added, then where were all the other aliens come to help him, or at least take over his invading job?

Dib stood and quietly observed Zim, taking careful note of how harmless he looked laying on his side, his mouth partially open...soft, even breaths came from his hidden alien lungs. His fragile looking antennae twitched a little, an unconscious response to an unknown stimuli. Dib had already taken several pictures of him sleeping, and he looked forward to his awakening. Something akin to giddiness bubbled up in Dib's stomach when Zim shifted a little, his arms tugging involunatarily against the bonds and his legs, wrapped in black fabric, jerked and betrayed shaped legs from years of training. Dib poked one of his thighs and then gave it an innocent squeeze just to feel the taut muscle. Man, was Zim in shape! He wondered then, how it was that someone who was so physically able could be so mentally disabled. I guess Dib had gotten the short end of the stick when it came to the body, as he was pretty sure Zim could kick his ass any day, but he prided himself on his brains and knew that when push came to shove, he'd win with his grey matter.

Just as Dib was considering joining a gym, he heard a soft cough and a then another, followed by a gasp of surprise.

Dib took his head out of the clouds and saw Zim staring squarely at him. He hadn't registered where he was, but Dib didn't know that, and he took Zim's new complexion to be that of pure piss-in-your-pants fear. Zim's skin had drained considerably and was so pale that he looked like someone had poked a hole in a precious artery or something. Well, there was no blood spurting anywhere, so, Zim's just scared as hell, Dib thought.

Zim, pale, finally getting where he was, gave Dib a stern look and said, "I think I'm going to be sick, Dib-human." Dib's face fell.

"Uh...wha...what?" he said.

"I'm going to be sick," Zim repeated faintly.

"You mean like sick-sick? Throw-up, vomit sick?" Zim nodded, trying to squash the horrible nausea that hit him as soon as he became conscience.

"Oh, oh, NO! um, ok...don't be sick! Wait!" Dib, after wonderfully articulating the situation and understanding why Zim looked like death, hastily undid Zim's bonds (not the ones tying his limbs, just the ones tying him to the bed) and rushed him gently, but awkwardly, to the bathroom, positioned him over a toilet, despite Zim's disgusted protest, and watched him curiously.

Bound hand and foot, Zim was like a little green bomb that could go off at any moment.

Zim, for his part, really, really didn't want to throw up, especially in front of the Dib. He didn't want to throw up at all, and honestly, in his long life, he had never felt this sick, though he had thrown up before, Gir being the sole cause of many of those incidents.

He closed his eyes and tried to steady his nerves, but it just wanted to come up. Dib knew the feeling of not really wanting to throw up but at the same time wanting to, just to relieve the body's desire. He saw it on Zim's worried face and felt a little sympathy, only a little, but then he remembered how stupidly stubborn Zim was...they could be here all day! (Even though it was actually more like 11 pm, so, all night then!)

Dib said, with amusement, "Just let it go Zim, you'll feel better."

"How can being sick feel better?" Zim asked miserably. By this time, Zim would have tried to escape, but he had already tried to call out his spider-legs, despite blinding sickness. They wouldn't come...damn human...so he pretended to not notice, or care.

"Because you're getting rid of the sickness, duh. What, you've never thrown up before?" Dib laughed. He didn't believe no one had not ever been sick.

Zim moaned sickly in reply, and in his thoughts he blamed Dib for this feeling…this would only happen because of a certain big-headed fool was such a...fool! This was all the Dib's fault, for sure, Zim thought. And in actuality, it was. The pesticide/love gas had made Zim's sqeedily spooch overwork as it tried to purify the toxin in his lungs and his blood. His body had one super organ (though there were others) and if one part became infected, so did the rest. It makes for a bad biological design really, but it worked for the long-lived Irkens.

So, here was Zim and his sick sqeedily spooch. Dib sat on the edge of the tub as he watched Zim try to avoid his stare. The alien didn't want to look at the nasty toilet or the acidy water or the toilet paper or the locked door or anything, let alone Dib!

"This is your fault Dib-worm," Zim mumbled, "You and your stupid experiments. So what did you do to me while you had me under?" Zim imagined suddenly, what had happened, what he had thought. Dib too, suddenly remembered what had brought them to this bathroom and this situation. He remembered Zim's accusing words; he held up his hands defensively.

"I didn't hurt you, Zim. I only touched you to tie you up." Dib bit his lip and looked away, hoping that this converstation would always be a distant one. He never really imagined having to talk to the alien about what had happened, or why they would even need to, but for both of them, it would satisfy a rather morbid curiosity about how things had felt and what emotions, such anger and humiliation, namely for Zim, had coursed through their minds since that day.

Dib hesitated after Zim's simple red eyes lingered too long on his. The courage swelled back up though, and he said softly, "We should talk about what happened that day, Zim."

"Why?" Zim asked.

"Because we need to...to...to get back to where we were!"

"We didn't go anywhere Dib-human; we're the same as we've always been."

"But we have this thing hanging over our heads, and I know it bothers you too because I've watched you since that day and you're not the same." Dib paused and sucked in his breath and said angrily, "My dad doesn't think sometimes, and look what happened. The city became one big orgy." Dib snickered at that while at the same time trying to judge Zim's reaction to the beginning of this dialogue. He didn't seem interested.

"For what it's worth Zim, I didn't get anything out of you...just now I mean. You didn't say anything, well, you said some weird stuff, but it was just babbling." That piqued Zim's interest.

"What did I say?" he asked, noticing suddenly that the nausea was washing away.

"Something about betrayal. It didn't make any sense." Dib shrugged, cautiously leaving out the fact that Zim had asked him if he loved him. Zim had paled again, so terribly fearful that he had betrayed himself to Dib's confidence. His betrayal by the Tallests, the most valuable thing that he held to himself now, came so close to being Dib's toy. He would have hung it over his head by a string, taunting and maiming what was left of his dignity.

But, Dib hadn't heard the whole story, yet he was wondering what it was all about, and he added more, "What is that about Zim? Were you betrayed by someone?"

"No, never. Don't be stupid Dib, I just...I was just babbling, like you said." Breathing was difficult under Dib's scrutinizing stare.

"Well," Dib accepted the obviously nervous lie, "okay, Zim. Listen, just to set things straight, I don't want there to be any misunderstandings about everything that's happened alright? That day was not pleasant for me. I mean, you know that it was just my dad's fucking pesticide. God he doesn't think! What if someone got pregnant because of that? You remember those people in the hall...girls and guys! I'm glad that you didn't..." Dib shut up suddenly.

"Glad I didn't what?"

"Oh," Dib coughed, "I'm, I mean we, were fortunate...you didn't get pregnant or something." Dib laughed nervously at the stupidity of the statement. Zim understood though, considering that Dib was a human--perhaps he thought that what had happened in the fashion it had happened, then maybe something like pregancy could occur.

"I cannot bear children Dib-human, and I'm not a female," Zim added for good measure. Dib was surprised Zim told him anything about his body, but he was even more surprised that Zim was participating in the discussion, but Dib figured he would have to lead Zim in further….he wanted to know intimate details and to know them from Zim's mouth.

"I know you're not a girl, Zim. I assumed that's just how your species is made, I guess, and I didn't think too much of it really, you know, simply accepting you for who you were that day." Dib paused a moment to get his words right. He closed his eyes and felt the plastic bathtub under his gripping fingers.

"I could tell that I hurt you, even while it was happening." Zim turned his eyes to Dib's just now opening ones. What was he trying to say?

"I didn't mean to, even though I had wanted to hurt you before, lots of times, but not that way. Was it...was that your first time?" Zim swallowed and wanted to be sick again, but the sickness was passing away quickly, and he didn't have any excuse to keep his face towards the toilet now. Oh god he didn't want to answer that question. He nodded yes instead, finding his mouth suddenly too dry to speak. Of course, Dib knew it had been his first time. He could remember the vivid detail of the virgin passage, impossibly tight and sealed off a little in. It was broken quickly with some good hard thrusts of passion. He remembered the painful cries that were conflictingly mixed with pleasured moans and kisses.

Through the haze of memory, Dib felt the pleasure. Zim had been something good and sweet, and he had conquered his virgin body by simply laying on the desk and taking the innocent beating.

Dib could only say, "I'm sorry," very meekly. Zim didn't want to be in this place anymore. His sickness was gone. All his memories were not laced with something significant like Dib's. He verged on tears that didn't make sense. Why should he cry?"

Because. "You took something from me Dib," Zim said hoarsely, "and you don't care." Dib squinted questioningly. "I don't understand, what did I take Zim?"

Prideful to the last, Zim stuck up his face and glared hatefully at his so-called enemy, "You don't care what you did to me because it didn't hurt you. Don't try to justify anything you did and don't apologize to me. It didn't mean anything to either of us..."

"No!" Dib stood and without room to pace, he just stood, "It did mean something to me. I have that memory and that's good enough. It doesn't matter to me that I lost my virginity," he hissed the word, "but it does matter that I lost it to you! It means something to me that I hurt you and that we didn't feel anything from it! Would it have been better to have felt something so incredibly good, Zim, no pain or anything to hold us back, rather than this? For me, it felt good, but only at that time. We weren't given a choice Zim, and that's why I'm sorry. I can't apologize for hurting you when I want to, but I damn well can when I couldn't help it."

Zim looked Dib in the eye when he knelt at his side by the toilet. "Are you still sick?"

"No," Zim replied. "What are you going to do with me?" he whispered.

"I don't know yet." Dib smiled and said, "I thought you would have tried to get out by now."

"How can I when you stole my spider legs?" Zim spat. Dib grinned even more, he seemed so happy, despite the fresh conversation, the words of which were too fresh to make any real impression on Zim. Zim didn't want to see or feel anything right now.

Dib led Zim back to his room and tied him even tighter to the bed. Zim didn't struggle and he was pliable as clay.

Dib had to remember what he had said. Had he really confessed to Zim that their union had felt good at the time, while at the same time believing that it hadn't been good at all? Maybe that was the contradictory language of their relationship.

Zim was drowsy again and he succumbed to sleep quickly. He was so peaceful now and Dib couldn't help but feel a powerful emotion that was both good and bad. He could feel it in his gut and it repulsed him, yet drew him to Zim's side to watch him sleep.

Contradictory. Dib didn't know if he could turn Zim over to anyone. He was his alien, his belonging. He had lost his virginity to this green creature and he owed the best experiences of his life to him. In any other world, Dib would say he...no, he couldn't say that yet. Zim had already said...

Dib hadn't thrown that in his face after all. He could have asked, "So, Zim, you love me still?" Zim wouldn't know what it meant anyway, after all, they were just words without meaning.

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tbc...