A/N: Warnings: 1. Gaz and Dib sibling chat. 2. Dib rant on Irkens. 3. Tiny lime at end, it barely counts as half a lime 4. Baby's sex revealed! 5. Long chapter, a lot of dialogue. 6. Zim's completely lost it...

Speaking of the baby, I have some names picked out, but I'd love my reviewing readers to tell me what they'd name the precious little monster.

Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion

Chapter 9

"Aunt Gaz"

Dib heard the footsteps stop behind him. Zim stood in the doorway, dressed only in a simple black robe made of thin, but absorbent Irken cloth. He was simply staring at Dib with a knowing sort of look, and his eyes were violently red in the dim light. His silence was disturbing.

"I didn't think you'd come up," Dib remarked honestly. Zim shrugged his shoulders very loosely and carelessly, not thinking about the sleeve that slid silkily off his shoulder. It exposed his skin to the cool air.

Very lowly, he said, "I wish to speak with you Dib-human."

"Oh," Dib gripped the PDA tightly. He did not like Zim's tone. "About what?"

Zim sighed, pulled the fallen sleeve back into place, and very loosely sauntered to the sofa and slid slowly onto the cushions. He sighed once more, audibly, and full of an emotion Dib couldn't quite place. Zim was staring at him very strangely. His eyes were...cloudy? Hazy? Something...but it was disturbing nonetheless, and when he spoke again, asking Dib to sit next to him, Dib knew something was up. Zim was never so casual and friendly to him.

Curious, Dib sat, still holding the PDA and preparing for some kind of physical attack.

After a too long moment of silence, Dib asked, "Were we going to talk about something?"

"Yes...oh, yes...I quite forgot."

Huh, damn liar.

"I was thinking, Dib," Zim stressed his name with a hiss, "that you and I don't talk very often."

"Yeah, so?"

"This, eh, not talking, does not bother you?"

"No." Dib grinned. "I don't like you very much. Does it bother you?" Dib's sarcasm was evident.

"Hmm...yes. But only in an enemy sort of way. Tell me, have you been going through my personal files?" Zim scratched his chin, seemingly uninterested, but the question was obviously important enough for Zim to ask, and Dib knew that Zim hated what was happening to his base. He certainly didn't know that it was almost gone, thanks to himself, and if he did, he would have bitched about it...very loudly.

"No, actually," Dib told himself that he was very stupid at that point, "I haven't"

Wait! Why haven't I looked through his files yet? God, I've been so busy destroying this place that I just forgot. But that doesn't mean I can't, now that Zim's so kindly reminded me...I bet there's something about his mission and his plans for conquest!

"I don't believe you," Zim licked his lips, then added, "but, if you had read them, then you would have said something by now."

"Why would I have to say anything to you?"

"But you would."

"It depends on what it was."

"Oh." Zim lost interest in the conversation. It had deviated from what he really wanted to ask Dib, or more frankly, what he really wanted to propose to Dib. He didn't care, right now-at the moment, lost in this feeling-if Dib knew his horrible secret, the one that exposed all his pitiful wounds and betrayed his...betrayal!

Somehow, Zim had hoped that the conversation would have led to something else, but like most of his plans, it diverged greatly, and now Zim's words were stuck between a hard place in his mind, and his mouth couldn't spit them out right.

He wanted to ask...no...he demanded...no...he needed something...

Zim looked at Dib, hoping that the distress in his heart showed through his expressive eyes, and he hoped even more, that Dib remembered him crying (more than once) and that the boy might have a little pity for him and help him in his most urgent time of need.

But...

Buzzzzzzz!

Zim snarled at the door as Dib answered it. He was so close to getting somewhere.

"Gaz!" Dib said, as the ringer (or intruder) invited herself into the warmth. She was wearing her heaviest jacket and seemed to be engulfed in it, but she quickly threw it on the sofa, nearly missing Zim; all the while she looked around curiously, ignoring both occupants of the room.

"Did you walk here?" Dib asked. "It's like, freezing outside!"

"Yeah. So, what's to eat? Any pizza?" Gaz made a beeline for the kitchen with Dib following.

"Dib-human!" Zim jumped up and caught Dib at the kitchen table. "I am not done talking!"

"Well finish. Me and Gaz are going to eat pizza." Dib sat and Gaz pulled a frozen pizza from the freezer and tossed it in the apparently human oven, which in reality was a super Irken oven that cooked it in approximately three minutes. She sat with the hot dish and the siblings dug in, leaving a very bewildered Zim standing beside Dib, who was relishing the melted cheese, spicy pepperoni, and various vegetables...

Zim swallowed thickly. The smell. He had wanted to finish his apple pie tonight...

Oh, but the pizza smelled sooooo good. How he had hated the smell of cheese before, and Gir, with his insatiable appetite for pizza...where was he now? Zim, compelled by the cheese sat, keeping his eyes on the food, and leaning in, took a single slice. Dib watched him closely, not intrigued that food diverted his short, but violent attention. It wouldn't be the first time food had distracted the alien, and Dib had used it many times to get out of sticky situations.

"So," Dib began, assured that Zim wouldn't talk, "why'd you come?" Gaz barely looked up from her delicious and greasy slice. She shrugged, as if it wasn't important.

"No reason," she said, but added quickly, "I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Here?"

"No, Dib, the couch outside. Yes, here."

"Why?" Zim spoke suddenly. "I don't want you here. Dib!"

"Zim, just shut up." Zim sat straight up, indignant. "Gaz you can stay. And don't make that face Zim, it makes you look stupid. She probably just misses her brother."

Gaz grinned evilly at Zim, but her smile faded, "No, I don't miss you Dib." Dib rolled his eyes.

"It's only...me and dad got in a fight." Gaz sank into her chair, but not before taking another slice of pizza. "Just, stupid stuff. It doesn't matter. Where's Gir?"

"Um, in the labs somewhere. Wait, what did you fight about?"

"Nothing, forget it Dib. I'll go home tomorrow. Dad'll be at work. I want to avoid him for as long as possible."

"But, why-"

"Drop it."

"Okay," Dib said meekly. Zim eyed the siblings quietly, chewing on his pizza, and swallowing as he thought of this situation. Gaz would be here tonight. But it didn't mean anything. She would be upstairs. No, it would not ruin anything at all. Zim stood slowly, and spoke to Dib softly, very friendly.

"If you don't mind Dib, I would like to talk to you, again..." he added as an afterthought, "tonight." And he was gone.

Gaz chuckled when he was gone. "Wow, he's getting fat."

"Gaz!"

"Oh come on. Besides, he's a jerk. You should call him fat more often."

"Yeah, but he's more than a jerk. I mean, violent and moody are just the tip of the iceberg. God, he's so...mean! Pregnant mean. He was crying earlier, well, he cries a lot lately, but sometimes he yells and throws stuff while he cries, and it's just plain creepy. Like he's angry and sad at the same time."

"Maybe he has PMS."

"Why do you do that?"

"Because I like to embarrass you. So, he has to have a uterus and vagina thing, or something, to be pregnant...does he have a period too?"

"Ack! Gaz! You're sick!" Dib threw down his half-eaten pizza at the thought of green alien menstrual blood.

"He he. You're the one who had sex with him. And all this time I thought he was a dude."

"He is, but...nah. It's just scientific stuff you probably don't want to hear." Dib braved himself to take his pizza back. Gaz shrugged.

"Tell me. Gotta have something to hear. Nothing on TV, and goddamn left my GameSlave at home."

"Wow, how'd that happen?" Gaz shrugged again. Too mad to think straight? "Well, anyway, if you want to know, Zim and all his people are bred to be certain things. Zim's a soldier, a bad one, but each one is given a purpose before birth. It's sad, I know, but, the funny thing is, they're all supposed to be sterile and their weird government doesn't want anyone reproducing. It's like some kind of sex control, anyway, to do this, they stop the fetus from forming into it's full potential, and like humans, we are all females to begin with, except we develop with our hormones and stuff to become male or female. But get this! If you're a male Irken, you still have your male hormones, like, you'll be a boy, but have the uh, girl part. Male Irkens have straight antennae and girls have curly, and they also have dark lashes too, like Tak. Anywho, they're just like us that way! Girl at beginning and whatever at the end. So Zim is a boy, technically, well, according to his species and culture. Funny thing too, he thought he was sterile, and I still can't find out why he isn't. See, he has male hormones, but some of the female hormones and reproductive organs got left in...not the vagina thing, because that's a given, but the uterus and ovaries and stuff...they're NOT supposed to be there! He's supposed to have the external female characteristics, but none of the internal, which leads me to conclude that Zim is somehow defective, in more ways than one."

"You need a life Dib." Gaz left the table and Dib's weirdness behind. She didn't care that there was nothing on TV. Dib had gotten the awful rant out of his system and hopefully he would be out of her hair for the rest of the night. She was sorry she even asked about Zim.

"Well, I'll be downstairs, listening to whatever Zim has to say." Dib remembered the PDA, and tossed it to Gaz. "Have a look. Oh, and just ask the computer if you need anything." Gaz was suddenly left alone with a huge TV and a PDA...she too smiled when she saw the screen. She'd have to teach the brat a few useful things when it was born, including self-loathing, all around meanness, and the ever powerful art of ass kicking.

"Hey! This thing has video games!"

Deep in the labs, Dib wandered the halls, though, his wandering wasn't aimless, it was rather slow and thoughtful. He traced the walls with his hands, his base, and was reassured of its possession by the satisfying feel of cool metal under his fingers. It wouldn't be a moment sooner when it was totally his and Zim was gone, and in his place would be a child he would raise to be good, unlike its ungrateful "mother" of an Irken!

Dib stopped at Zim's room. This was his favorite. He kept it clean and when he wanted to be elusive, he came here. Ironically, it was always the first place Dib went when he needed Zim; the secret spot never failed to reveal his prey. Dib ordered the computer to open the door, and it did with a swoosh, to reveal Zim sitting in plain sight on the edge of the bed. It was very disconcerting, to say the least, to find Zim facing the doorway and staring straight at him with unflinching eyes. It was as if Zim knew he was coming that very instant, which was quite impossible, and it gave Dib the impression that Zim had been sitting there the whole time, unmoving and waiting for him. He must really want to talk.

"Hi, Zim?"

"Yes, Dib-human."

"So, let's talk so I can get back to work."

"Doing what?"

"Oh, nothing important. Destroying your lab." Dib said it like he was joking.

"Hmm. I suspected you were doing something sinister, human. Of course, I didn't believe you when you said you'd give my base back. Did you think I was stupid? You didn't think I would hear or feel the vibrations of my base moving? I know what you've been doing."

So much for my crappy attempt at a joke. "You caught me, red-handed." Zim looked at the human's hands in disbelief.

"Your hands are not red."

"It's just a saying."

"Come here, Dib-human," Zim ordered harshly. Dib was once again offered a peek at Zim's legs; uncurtained by his robe and gracefully crossed, Zim seemed too relaxed for his unpleasant tone, and try as he might, Dib could not tear his eyes from the curve of the calf in his vision, the dip and rise of his foot, and the peak of his sharp knee. Why was that leg made so beautifully? Why was it the pefect shade of rich jade?

Crap, I sound like some kind of poet, Dib thought. Rich jade, my ass! I hope I'm not blushing. Do not blush, no blush, no blush...please, please...

"You're blushing Dib. Why? Are you thinking about something? Something you don't want to think about?"

"No. Just, um, no."

"Come here."

"Tell me what you want so I can get out of here."

"Pfft. You're such a liar Dib-human. Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?"

"It's none of your business."

"IT IS MY BUSINESS!" Zim leapt off the bed and rushed at Dib with an angry fist. "You monster. You have no idea."

"Zim, get out of my face. I'll have the computer restrain you."

"I don't care! You won't hurt me! I'm carrying your spawn! Yours! Not mine." Zim turned away, his intent blurred by nausea and anger. He staggered back to the bed and sat, clenching the white sheets until they became ruined with stiff crinkles.

"It's...a boy, Zim. We're having a boy."

"A boy?" Zim's shaking hand flew instantly to his swelling belly. All anger melted away, somehow. Dib sat beside him reluctantly.

"I was in the shower, Dib-human," Zim started talking swiftly, "and after that horrible test, I realized it was like that day with the sex. It was the same feeling and it left something tingling inside me. We remember how it felt and it felt bad and good at the same time." Zim's eyes were wild. "I was trying to say that it didn't matter anymore. It doesn't. I don't care if you have my base, or...I don't want you looking through my things stink beast! Erase my personal files! Erase them and make me forget. I need to forget. I can't do this anymore. I can't feel-"

"Zim! Don't do this. What do you expect me to do?"

"Do?" Zim repeated. "Have sex with me."

"WHOA! What?" Dib jumped off the bed and laughed at the absurd command. "Have sex with me?"

"Yes. It will make me feel better, Dib-human." Zim crossed his arms and shyly looked away. "I don't feel good. Don't you want me to feel good?"

"I want you to feel comfortable...and I only said that for the baby's sake."

"Well, I'm not comfortable and having sex will make me comfortable. That stupid procedure stuck that thing in me and now I'm all...something."

"I'm so happy that you're horny Zim, but I'm not going to help you. Go masturbate for all I care...hey! is this what you were trying to ask me earlier?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"So...what is this, masturbate?" Dib blushed instantly.

"Nothing. Look Zim, we don't like each other, and I'm not going to sleep with you so you're going to have to deal with it."

"But, Dib, you-"

"I'm leaving." Zim stumbled off the bed and caught Dib's sleeve, tugging it towards him possessively. Dib turned when he shouldn't have and he met Zim's lips and the push of his pregnant body against his body. Zim quickly lodged his fingers in Dib's hair, crushing him involuntarily to his mouth and sticking his snaking tongue into the human's. Zim moaned heavily, only satisfied by this feeling for a moment before loosing one hand and grabbing Dib's. He wanted to force Dib's warm hand between his legs, right at that burning sweet spot. It needed release and even now he felt hot juices flowing from inside him and wetting his inner thighs. Dib struggled against the attack, but he couldn't really hit Zim (the alien was stronger anyway) but any punch against his stomach, the only place that would hurt him, was conveniently cradling life. He was pushing away with one hand as the other fought Zim's guided direction to a very unwanted place.

Dib needed to call the computer, but he couldn't speak, let alone breathe. Zim's mouth was very, very selfish, and now, he felt his hand lodged between Zim's legs. His palm hit Zim's tight slit, wet and hot, throbbing for his singular touch. Zim pressed his palm harder against the flesh and he let out a heavy groan, his mouth fell open, and his eyes rolled back into his head. Dib's mouth was free...

"Computer...computer..." Zim still had his hand. He skillfully manipulated the human's fingers to probe deeper into his body, until finally, one found the desired spot and was pushed reluctantly in, only partly, but enough for Zim's knees to almost fail and his mind to reel in a half-realized pleasure.

"Dib," Zim moaned. Dib...

"Computer, restrain Zim!" Cables shot down from the ceiling and wound gently around Zim, knowing his condition. He was wrenched from Dib unwillingly, but he didn't protest. Had he honestly thought the human would comply with his wishes?

Dib wondered why he hadn't called the computer faster. His hand was soaked and his middle finger had been particularly violated, but that was his own fault.

I was just in shock, that's it. Shock.

Dib cleared his throat. Zim was silent, his body though, still raged. "I'm going to leave, and when I do, I'll have the computer release you."

"And we will never mention this again...ever." Dib disappeared and Zim was freed. The alien rushed to the bathroom and vomitted. He took another quick shower to relieve his body from the gush of fluids that would only stop when he was satisfied.

Zim looked at himself in the mirror.

Dib had his base.

Dib wanted his baby.

But he hadn't crushed Zim's pride...yet.

And he was refusing sex when it was plainly obvious that both needed it badly.

So badly in fact, that if anyone happened to see Dib in his private bathroom right now, one might say he was an expert on masturbation.

"Gaz was right. I need a life."

tbc...yay!