AN: This story is nearing its conclusion! I appreciate reviews, so come on people!

Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion

Chapter 12

"Some Nice Conflicting Feelings"

He wondered. How should I go? Without a goodbye or with? Leave a note on the kitchen table explaining that this is how it must end, whether he liked it or not. Or tell him that one day he'll understand all the crap that's been done to him. It's a wonderful life lesson that simply becomes better over time. It's a wound that heals.

Dib knew this was just stupid. It shouldn't be this hard to take his newborn daughter, still unnamed, and leave Zim right this moment. It wasn't hard! The door was right there. It was only him and her in this unstable boat. She didn't have a clue, lucky girl, and Zim was still in the medlab healing from the birth, two days prior.

The baby was asleep in a crib and Dib peered down lovingly at her. He had no reservations about raising her. He knew he would do well, especially with the help of Zim's base. The pieces he had stolen could also help him in other areas of his life as well, and the first thing he wanted to do when he got home, after settling in, was to create his own lab, his own space underground to work on things most relevant to him.

His dreams would all come to fruition eventually, but now he had to deal with the present and Zim was the last thing/person standing in his way. Dib ordered the now competent computer to watch the baby as he went downstairs to tell Zim...something. He didn't have any excuses. Excuses meant that something was wrong, and Dib wasn't wrong, or at least he didn't think he'd been wrong in the past. He had taken control of this situation and now it was finished.

But Zim would be the one left behind. That was something Dib knew would happen from the start, and now Dib had to make sure the alien knew exactly what would happen.

Or what could happen, if Zim wanted it...

It probably would have been a lot easier to tell Zim if he were awake, which he wasn't. Dib felt that all anyone did in this base was sleep lately (himself included). Of course, the past few days had been very tiring, especially for Zim. The computer regulated every blip and beep on the monitors and kept Zim sedated enough to not let his out of control hormones jeopardize the healing that his worn body needed. Dib remembered the unstoppable wave of tears the very first night. Pillows and sheets were soaked with his crying and in the background the baby wailed in response to her "mother's" anguish. Nothing could console Zim, so the only solution was to force him into blissful sleep.

Zim was only lightly sleeping now, despite the drugs, and the blanket covering him was wrinkled and disturbed from the moments that Zim was awake and moving. Dib smoothed the creases and lifted the blanket over Zim's shoulders. It was a neutral gesture. There was no need for Zim to be cold, if he even was, but still, something always got to him when Zim was vulnerable like this. The first time...no, he couldn't think of Zim vulnerable like that but, damn, when a night was long, dreams sometimes became too vivid.

He remembered a simpler time when Zim was tied to his bed. How exciting to think of the chase and the subsequent capture! And how exciting was it when Dib made Zim a prisoner in his own base! All of that had been ruined by the pregnancy. Things had changed, understandably, but Dib liked this changed. He liked Zim where he was, right where he could see him...

But to what purpose? Dib asked himself. Zim's not an Invader. He's been totally humiliated and by ME! his most hated enemy, or at least that's what he calls me sometimes. I can't leave him this way. We've been through too much, and when he wakes up, I'll say what's in my heart. Wow, I'm so corny. What's in my heart? Okay, what is in my heart? My heart...

-

This is what was in Dib's heart. This is what he told Zim when he finally woke up. Zim listened intently, yet, his body was relaxed. His antennae did not perk as if he was interested, yet his eyes were focused on Dib's.

Dib opened with a simple greeting. "Hey." Zim looked at him.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Dib nodded at Zim's obvious curtness.

"I've wanted to talk to you about something for a long time Zim, but I get so lazy sometimes. I put it off and now I can't avoid it, you know, it's too late to go back now, but that's okay because I don't want to change anything, even though you might want to. You see, it's not that I wanted to hurt you, but I did want to, a little. "

Zim's mouth hung open a little, an obvious sign of confusion. "What?"

"Sorry, that came out wrong. Look Zim, I never wanted to hurt you when it came to us and this mess we're in but I know I did by looking through your dumb files and whatever. I know you're embarrassed, but it doesn't matter anymore. You are here."

"I know where I am Dib-human." Zim clutched his blanket angrily. "Get on with it!"

"I'm just trying to say I'm sorry for everything, but," he added quickly, "not for all the saving the world stuff I had to do."

Zim replied, "And?"

"And...and that's all."

"No it isn't," Zim said cockily. "That's not all you want to say."

"How do you know? What if it is!"

"OH IT ISN'T!" Zim yelled. "You don't have anything to say about what's going to happen now, well let me tell you something you stupid worm monkey, you're just going to burn for this I guarantee it myself." Dib stood where he was, unafraid, as Zim swung himself off the bed. His feet hit the floor, and despite his wobbly stance, he threatened, "I don't need anything by my hands to break your flimsy human neck!"

Dib knew he shouldn't have done it, but he laughed. It was more like a quiet giggle; Zim heard it nonetheless.

"You DARE laugh at Zim!" he yelled with a squeak.

"Please. Look at you. You can barely stand, now get back into bed."

"I will not!" Zim would have torn off the lavender gown in spite but modesty came over him.

"I'm not sick anymore Dib-human, so leave me alone."

"If you get back into bed I'll leave you alone." For now.

Zim gave Dib a cautious glare, but he obeyed, surprisingly without any help.

"Okay, leave." Zim sucked in a breath to ward off the tears that he knew were coming, whether he liked it or not, and he turned his body away from Dib in a pathetic attempt to hide. If he didn't see Dib's face then maybe it would be easier to fight off the violent anger he felt now.

"Before I go," Dib whispered, "I have one more thing to say."

"Say it and go," Zim hissed.

"I will go, Zim, me and the baby. I'm going to leave today and go back home, and when I step out of this house I'll give control back to you."

Zim instantly turned around surprised. "What!"

"What? I'm leaving, that's all. I guess I thought it'd be harder to say, but that wasn't so bad." Dib grinned, but his smile was wiped away when he saw the confusion on Zim's face. It also helped when a tiny tear trickled down his cheek.

"But, I can't be here alone," Zim wailed. "You've ruined me Dib! What do I do?"

"Whatever you want, I guess. I assume you'll leave earth."

"I CAN'T LEAVE YOU MORON!"

"Wha—oh...sorry. I forgot." Good lie, Dib thought.

"I can never leave this place on penalty of death. You read it yourself Dib-human." Zim's tears continued but he pressed on with his plight. "If you hadn't looked through my things I wouldn't have to face this humiliation. Why couldn't you let me live in my lie?"

"Because it wasn't right—"

"It's not right that I've been cheated, Dib, that's not right at all. I carried that...spawn of yours in me for what felt like an eternity yet I have nothing in the end."

"Don't you think I know that Zim?" Dib stood over Zim and grabbed his shoulder to force him to look into his face. He felt the alien shudder at the touch and he thought that he could smell his salty, sad tears. "I know. I wanted to give you an option."

"What option?"

Dib laughed a self-contemptuous laugh. He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

"I want us to be something."

Zim squinted at Dib's sudden inability to speak coherently.

"I mean, we don't have to be anything," Dib let Zim go, "but I don't want you to leave because you need to be here, and if you're here, maybe you can be something."

"I don't understand. I thought you were going to leave me." Zim said. Dib made a frustrated gesture with his hands; he thrust them in Zim's face in a pathetic attempt to get his point across.

"I was going to leave, and...maybe I will, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't have a place and maybe you could have a place here. You don't have to leave."

Zim was silent as he mulled over Dib's proposal. "Are you trying to persuade me to stay for the sake of the smeet?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying, but—"

"You want me to stay because you need me?"

Dib nodded confidently. A very tense moment lapsed.

"It's something to think about, Zim." Dib did not wholly believe that his words had any substance, but he was not completely discouraged that they had made Zim think.

Thinking is what Zim needed to do now, more than ever.

So many options, but no recourse...save earth.

And Dib.

Dib was already so close to Zim, close enough for Zim to grab his shirt and pull him down into a surprise kiss, so quick that it was like a paper cut that stings a minute after. Zim was full of raging hormones and emotions, and now was his only chance to savor the feelings he repressed for so long.

"Wh—what are you doing?" Dib whispered as Zim broke the kiss, keeping his fingers wound tightly in Dib's shirt.

"Getting my due." Zim's strong arms jerked Dib forward again. He pushed his lips against Dib's to force the human's mouth open. He wanted his alien tongue in that hot, even more alien mouth. He wanted to relive a sensation that haunted his dreams when the baby made his body mad with hormones. Zim dreamt of that day when Dib had him pinned to the desk, writhing with pain and pleasure because he wanted it and because he didn't want it. The chemicals in his body made him remember that day; they were strangely akin to the chemicals in the pesticide, and Zim often wondered through the haze of arousal if Dib ever felt the same things when he was sleeping or sloughing off an errant dream.

But those thoughts were quickly forgotten the moment Zim had to throw up or binge on donuts or day old pizza left in the fridge by Gir. Days, weeks, months...cramped in his base without fresh air until the very end. By then the gesture was useless. Dib hadn't gained much merit.

Oh, but the kiss. The desire his body created for some ridiculous reason. It made no sense!

Why should it linger now when the baby was finally expelled from his body? Zim could only reason that it was some kind of biological thing to keep the mother near the father or something. Maybe sex was a stronger bond than he previously imagined; maybe now it could bond him to Dib.

Zim released Dib from the kiss. He wanted more than this pathetic touch. True it felt good, but his body ached, especially between his legs, and it wasn't the ache of childbirth.

Dib was hovering over him, trying to understand what had just happened. "Did you just get your, uh, due?"

"Not quite," Zim whispered. His red eyes became brighter and they focused on a particular part of Dib's anatomy. It didn't take Dib very long to know that Zim was staring at his crotch, and for his own safety, he backed away.

"Um, well, Zim. I guess I should go--" Zim sat up quickly.

"Wait!" he yelled. "Don't go. Satisfy Zim!" He added very meekly, "Just once."

"As much as I'd like to not satisfy you Zim, you just had a baby and I think you're stressed."

"I am stressed Dib-human and I'd appreciate it if you un-stressed me." Dib didn't expect to smile at that simple comment, but he did anyway. The computer said he would continue to be hormonal, like during the pregnancy. Dib had handled many of Zim's strange sexual advances before, so this one was no different. Dib ordered the computer to give Zim a light sedative, and as Zim rambled about sex as he drifted off to sleep, Dib caught Zim's light whispers.

"Dib?" Zim said groggily. "You remember?"

"Remember what?"

"You said you love me…do you still…you don't know nothin'." Zim sighed heavily as the drugs pulled him deeper.

"No, guess I don't Zim." Dib watched as Zim fought sleep.

"Oh...you...will...Dib..."

Dib replied gently. "I'm sure you'll remind me." Zim finally fell into a peaceful sleep. The lights in the medlab were low and calming. Dib wanted to sleep too. He put his hand on Zim's brow to give himself some comfort.

Zim was here, and maybe, just maybe, he was here to stay.

-

Waking was a lot easier for Zim when he fell asleep in a place he knew, as opposed to a place he didn't. A few days in the medlab hadn't messed up his sleeping habits, but he hated waking up in all the equipment. He preferred his room much better, and now that he was finally released with a clean bill of health, he was ready to get back into some semblance of a routine that he mastered, not Dib.

Dib finally left the base in his control, but as Zim wandered through the halls, he immediately noticed how empty everything was. Many important weapons facilities and other dangerous labs were missing. Dib was not lying when he said he would take such things, but Zim accepted the loss with a mix sorrow and new-found freedom. Dib knew his horrible secret and now there wouldn't be a tactical need for his base.

It could become a home.

What was a home? Zim had called his base home many times, but it was just a word. Humans were more permanent but an Invader was a nomad. The base was a "home" ready to be picked up and moved to the next mission.

In the bigger picture Zim saw earth as his new home, at least for awhile. He wasn't allowed to leave earth, so said the Tallests, and it was just his luck that deadly space lasers were pointed at him in case he did leave. Zim wasn't ready to move anyway. He was too confused and lost. Where would he go?

Visit Dib? The human had made it very clear visits were very welcome. How was the alien supposed to rationalize such a request? The human knew that he did not want a relationship with their offspring, but seeing Dib would be…pleasant. Yes, pleasant.

So that's where Zim went one day, approximately one week after giving birth.

He showed up on Dib's doorstep and Gaz answered the door just as she was leaving the house. She was not alone, as Zim noticed. In tow was a very giddy Keef. Arm in arm they left, but not before Gaz directed Zim to Dib's location. Luckily for Zim, Keef was too enthralled with Gaz's presence that he didn't shout, "Heya Zim!" or something equally annoying. Zim entered the house and shut the door behind him.

It was eerily quiet for a home at 3 o'clock on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Zim quietly tread up the stairs. He remembered exactly where Dib's room was, and he peered in cautiously. Dib was typing at his computer. In the corner was a crib made of a deep stained wood. Zim wasn't sure how he should make himself known, but the thing in the crib awoke and alerted Dib, who immediately turned his head towards the sound and inadvertently caught a glimpse of Zim standing in the doorway.

Dib acknowledged him with a look as he picked up the crying baby. She had simply woken up and was hungry for attention. Dib rocked her gently and she cooed her pleasure at being held.

"Hey Zim."

Zim didn't answer. He was eyeing the bundle in Dib's arms.

"I probably know the answer to this but…do you want to hold her, just for a bit?"

"Maybe."

Dib grinned. "Sit on the bed." Zim sat and Dib gently handed over the child. Zim let her nestle into the natural crooks of his arms. She was a welcome weight in his lap. Her big Irken eyes, now a deep red, blinked up at her "mother."

"I'm surprised you got by Keef without getting pulled into a dumb conversation. You know, him and Gaz are dating thanks to that pesticide thing. Lot's of weird stuff happened because of that stuff."

"I know," Zim said sarcastically. "What is her name?"

"Ima. Gaz named her. Do you like it?"

"It is…acceptable. Why didn't you name her?"

"I couldn't think of one. Gaz said Ima, and I liked it. Actually, I said it sounds like an old lady's name, but she punched me and that ended that discussion. I do love Ima though. She's so cute."

Zim glared at her perking antennae. "Yes, she is cute. Like the Peepi monster."

"I guess. She looks like you." Ima's fingers were flailing with her arms and Dib took great delight when she curled her fingers around his finger. She shook it like a toy and babbled little baby sounds.

"Ba ba ba" she cooed. Zim sighed and relinquished Ima to Dib's care. He cradled her, hoping that she would go back to sleep. She had been up all night crying, but she finally slept for a few hours, waking just now. She would soon need to be changed and fed. It was a routine Dib was trying to prepare to face for the next few years.

"What did your father say about her?" Zim asked.

"Let's just say he was happy I was reproducing."

"What about the fact that she's an alien?"

"I told him the mother had a skin condition." Dib smirked at Zim's incredulous pout. "Don't worry, I didn't say who the mother was. You're safe from being exposed. So, why are you here?"

"You said I could visit, so I am…visiting."

"She's asleep." Dib lay Ima back in the crib. "Do you want to go downstairs?" Dib asked. Zim shook his head no. Dib turned back to Ima for a moment. "We'll have to be quiet then," he warned, but when he turned around, Zim had removed his disguise and placed it in his pak.

"Zim?" Dib asked of Zim's seemingly pained expression. "Are you okay?"

Zim shook his head no, again. "You know why I'm here."

Dib swallowed. "Yeah."

"Would you?"

"Zim, I can—"

"Just once!" Zim whispered harshly. "It's not much to ask. I need this Dib-human. My body is out of control. Why can't you give this to me?" Zim's red eyes were so pathetic and pleading. Dib wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know if he could.

"Couldn't your computer help you?"

Zim snarled. "I didn't want it to help me. I wanted you to do it."

Dib laughed and smiled despite the situation.

"You're serious about this?"

Zim answered as if he were holding his breath for a thousand years. "Yes."

Well, I did tell Zim I wanted us to be something…let's just see if I can live up to my word.

tbc...