Disclaimer: Characters and settings are property of J.K. Rowling. What you don't recognize is mine. And I wish I owned the Marauders (specifically Sirius and Remus) but most unfortunately, I do not.

Highlights of the Last Chapter: We discuss who's a bigger sex god, Sirius or James; we examine Sirius's backside, which is apparently amazing; Sirius admits he's been in love with James (not exactly, but close enough); the boys discuss their sexuality some more; Lily is a slut (or so she thinks); Sirius buys Janine a gift but we never find out if he gives it to her (he doesn't do it in this chapter, either, so I have to remember to have him give it to her at some point); Sirius runs off with James's clothes; Lily and James share an intimate moment in the shower; we again discuss the boys' masculinity, although it's this time a competition of masculinity between Sirius and James (while James is naked, no less); we discuss missing chocolate raspberry-thingies that nobody seems to have; Lily and Janine have a fight; Janine wonders if Lily goes dancing naked on the tables in the library, but Lily vehemently denies it; we discuss Tom and bad mental images; Lily knocks off James's glasses again; they both discuss Demonic Taxonomy; Lily finds she doesn't mind James's stupidity and crass comments as much as she used to; and they share a heartfelt conversation in which James gets a very disturbing idea which we are only now about to find out the results of. And strangely enough, through all this sexual innuendo, nobody actually has sex. Funny how those things work out, isn't it?

…Okay, so that's not exactly what happened, but it's close enough. And kudos to the following people for being good fortune-tellers (it appears you all possess the Inner Eye!): SillyGillie, DobbyGrl, little pink sock, limbo-gal, blue mittens, Celina K2, and Lily Evans 221! (Most of you guys got it, or were close enough! Um… you guys can have Oliver Wood dollies this time!)

Onwards with the chapter!

X-X-X-X-X

Alyssa leaned forward, propping her elbows up on the table. "Where is he?" she demanded impatiently, glancing at her watch for the sixth time.

"It's your fault," Janine shot back, leaning back in her chair, her feet set atop the table. "'Let's partner with James,' you said. 'He's good at Transfiguration,' you said. 'We'll get an O for certs,' you said-"

"All right, well, I'd counted on him being here!"

"We could have just partnered with Sirius, who is just as good as James at Transfiguration, but you had to say no… I mean, really, do either of us know the first thing about timed transfiguration? No. So how are we supposed to give a presentation on it by tomorrow if the third member of our group – the only one of us who knows the first thing about the subject matter – isn't present?"

"Well, excuse me. I just didn't want to see you and Sirius making goo-goo eyes at each other all class." Alyssa crossed her arms over her chest. "When I volunteered us to work with the un-present one, I hadn't realized that he wouldn't show up at all. D'you think Remus looks odd?"

Janine blinked at the abrupt change in subject, and glanced at their newest topic. "No," she said, at last. "A little tired – and a little exasperated, maybe, but that may be because he's working with Sirius. Sirius, who I should be working with right now."

"You'll survive; I doubt Remus is going to steal him from you. Don't you suppose we ought to at least start on this presentation?"

"No. Because I'm going to make James do the whole thing tonight. So there."

"Janine…"

"Well!" McGonagall stood up, her eyes sweeping imperiously across the classroom. "You should have finished at least half of your presentation by now. I expect these to be memorized by tomorrow. As a result of this, you will have no work for tonight, with the exception of finishing – or starting – your presentation. Class dismissed."

Alyssa and Janine exchanged worried glances and got up to follow their friends to lunch. After relating their dilemma, Lily spent the following ten minutes chiding them. "Honestly! You could have at least read the chapter if you didn't want to do it this weekend. Instead, you say and griped. It's your own fault."

"Easy for you to say. You're working with Daniel Johnson, who's a Ravenclaw. He's smart." Janine grouchily stomped a bit ahead. Lily sighed. Neither girl had apologized (although Lily had meant to, she decided not to in the end), but by the morning, the fight seemed to have blown over, so long as they both avoided mentioning it.

"I'm smart too, thanks," Lily retorted, pretending to be offended. Even so, she gave off scolding Janine and Alyssa as they entered the hall. "Anyway, it's not too difficult. I took notes on the chapter, so maybe you could borrow mine?"

"Ooh, really? Thanks!" Janine fell into a seat; Lily sat across from her. "Have you done that Defense essay for tomorrow?"

"Yes; I just need to do my conclusion."

"Really? Because I only have nine inches, and we need twelve…"

"I'll let you use some of my references, but I'm not going to let you copy of mine," Lily said sternly. "Honestly, Janine, we go through this every single day. I do not let you copy off of my-" Janine spit pumpkin juice all over the table. Lily jerked backwards with a grimace.

"Eww," commented Alyssa, but Janine was staring at a spot beyond Lily, her eyes huge in her face. Alyssa screwed up her face. "What's the matter with you?"

"What is that?"

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

Startled, Lily whirled and saw a suit of armor clunking towards her, dragging a very large, very heavy sword. She stared, confused. "I never realized the suits of armor walked…"

The knight stopped in front of Lily, cleared his throat, and sank to one rusty knee. "Fairest Lily," began an extremely familiar voice – Lily could already feel the makings of a headache coming on, and unless she was very much mistaken, Jen had whipped another Memory Keeper from her bag (didn't that girl have anything better to with her time?). The knight cleared his throat, and continued. "Fairest Lily, I am your Knight in Shining Armor."

Lily stared at the person she was fairly sure was James, dumbfounded. He waited for a few seconds, and then flipped his visor up. "Are you all right?" She scowled into his very blue eyes – well, one of them was very blue; the other was a little purplish – hating the way his blond hair fell into them, in a way which made him look incredibly handsome…

…Blue eyes…?

…Blond hair…?

Oh, God.

"Er… James? Is… is that you?" Lily turned to stare at Janine, who had a grin unfurling across her face. "Er… one of your eyes is purple, and the other's blue…"

"Really?" He swore vividly. "Damn it – I hate Illusionary Charms! Can't even charm a damn eye!"

There was a long pause following this pronouncement, and then James yanked off the helmet, still scowling. His newly blond hair was dark and matted with sweat. Lily stared. Although she did like blond-haired, blue-eyed men, this was ridiculous. Yes, James looked handsome like that. But he hardly looked like James anymore, and what was the point of that?

Besides, he looked better with dark hair. That was her first thought.

Unfortunately, it was also the first thing she said. "You look better with dark hair," she blurted, and then covered her mouth. James stared at her, confused.

"But you said you wanted someone who was blond with blue eyes. I'm blond now, with blue eyes. And I'm a Knight, no less."

"…I don't like glasses," Lily said, snapping her fingers. "Yes, that's it! I don't like glasses. Sorry, Potter."

James smartly removed his glasses. "Well, there you are. I haven't got any glasses anymore."

"You're blind as a bat, Prongs," Remus hissed. "I agreed to help you out with this because you said you wouldn't do anything stupid. That constitutes as stupid!"

"Whereas traipsing into the hall wearing a too-large suit of armor and dragged a heavy sword doesn't constitute as stupid, of course," Janine remarked.

"Actually, I think he sailed on the stupid boat when he became blond," interjected Marlene. "Which brings up an interesting question. Why have you become blond?"

"Mr. Potter, what is the meaning of this?" James turned, staring at Professor McGonagall, whose mouth was twitching.

Lily, torn between feeling absolutely mortified and nonetheless amused, sat back, wondering how the hell James was going to get himself out of this one.

X-X-X-X-X

Oh, great. How the hell am I going to get out of this one?

"…Er… it was a harmless little charm, Professor… just to see if I could do it." James gave her an embarrassed grin, and then added, "A test of knowledge and an experiment to further education, Minnie."

McGonagall pursed her lips at the nickname that she'd thus far been unable to rid James (and Sirius) of. "And, no doubt, you have no idea how to reverse it."

Well, no. I'd counted on Remus to show me how to do it. "Er… it's the library, I'm sure. Somewhere."

"Yes. Of course. You are aware, of course, that there are exactly nine hundred, eighty-two thousand, three hundred and forty-six books in the library, aren't you?" James gulped. That's a big number. And we used to tease Remus about having read them all.

"I'm sure it'll be in the nine hundred, eighty-two thousand, three hundred and forty-fifth book, then…" James flushed brightly.

"Naturally, Mr. Potter. I hope, for your sake and mine, that your parents recognize you when you go home for the summer holidays. I would hate to receive a letter from them detailing how a blond imposter accosted them, claiming to be their son. And in the future, please try and limit your amusing displays to a time when they will not interrupt our meal times. Or the classroom, either." She strode away.

James was sure she'd been about to smile at him, though. He turned back to Lily. "So? What d'you think?"

"You look like a prat. And like I told you. You do look better with darker hair, and you obviously can't see without your glasses, and… what do you mean, you agreed to help him?" Lily glowered at Remus, and then at James. At least, he thought she did – it was rather difficult to see without his glasses – but he imagined steam billowing from her ears, and then it seemed entirely possible that she was glowering at him.

"Er… you see…"

"You told him? That was a private conversation, Potter! I suppose you've also told him about my little trip in the locker-room and seeing you dancing around in the nude, did you?"

"Hang on, now, I wasn't dancing. It was an innocent mistake!" At this point, all of the Gryffindors within the vicinity of five feet were listening to the conversation very carefully.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jen's eyes were bright. "What's this about Potter dancing around in the nude? Were they selling tickets somewhere? Don't tell me I missed that."

"I'm not sure whether to be revolted by your actually wanting to see that or the fact that you mentioned it," Lily retorted. "And it was an accident. Although knowing Potter, he probably set that one up, too. You never learn, do you?"

Her voice seemed to have taken on an amusing tone to it. Still, James couldn't be sure – not without his glasses. He finally conceded and jammed them on this face. Yes, she definitely was smiling, a bit.

"Please don't do this again," Lily asked him sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes. Unbelievable. Was she flirting with him?

…No. She was glaring at him, although she still had a smile on her face. Damn it, should have left the glasses off. "Yes, ma'am," he replied meekly, and dropped into his seat. He cast a pleading look at Remus. "You'll help me get rid of this stuff, right?"

"Forget it. You're on your own, Prongs. Good luck with finding that nine hundred, eighty-two thousand, three hundred and forty-fifth book."

X-X-X-X-X

Severus jammed his history of magic homework into his back, scowling. Narcissa had approached him during his lunch (followed by the gaggle of girls that trailed behind her when they weren't trailing behind Bella), demanding that he help her finish her own homework before they had to hand it in. He had refused, of course, and she'd been very upset and threatened to tell Lucius.

Which was a bit of a problem, really. Lucius could be ridiculously nasty when he wanted to be.

Fortunately for him, however, it was likely that Narcissa had completely forgotten this threat, due to Potter's spectacle during lunch.

A high giggle from behind him nearly caused him to groan, but he managed to hide it, which he found to be a spectacular feat. Bella's high laughs and giggles tended to sound odd at first, but after hours of them, they got boring. He whirled, his wand immediately clenched in his fist. "Can I help you, Bellatrix?"

"Now, now, pet, there's no need to be that way," Bella said fondly, reaching out to touch his lank hair. "I only fancied a chat, that's all."

"Talk, then," ground out Severus. "And make if fast, or I'll be late for class."

"You have Charms now, don't you, pet? I'm certain Flitwick won't notice if you're the teensiest bit late." Bella smiled and smoothly sidled in front of him to block his path, bracing herself by leaning against a wall. "I promise, it won't take much of your time at all."

"Talk," spat Severus again.

"Now, now, there's no need for that," Bella said with a smooth smile, and then she leaned forward, arms crossed across her chest. "You see, Lucius and I had a chat."

Severus tried to sneer. "Did you, now?"

"Yes, we did. And he told me about the chat he had with you. Now, Lucius is quite convinced of your sincerity in joining the Dark Lord's ranks-"

Severus slapped a hand over her mouth, causing her dark gray eyes to flash angrily. He removed his hand, hissing, "Shut up! Do you want everyone to hear?" He removed his hand slowly.

Bellatrix continued as though he'd never interrupted her. "-But I am not so convinced, Severus. So that's what I want you to do."

Severus blinked. He rather felt as though he'd missed her whole point. "What?"

Her lips curved into a smile. "I've been bored since Rodolphus left. And Rabastan isn't nearly so interesting. So, Severus… convince me."

Severus couldn't prevent the disgust that crossed his face at that statement. He knew exactly what Bellatrix was referring to, and the thought repulsed him. It wasn't that Bellatrix was ugly, because she wasn't – Severus had never met a Black that was ugly, actually. They were all too good-looking for their own good.

Bellatrix looked furious at his unspoken refusal. She wasn't used to not getting her way – Another characteristic of the Blacks, thought Severus grouchily. "You think I don't see you? The way you watch… her."

Severus froze, his heart thudding wildly in his chest.

"She's pretty, isn't she? Even though she'd a Mudblood. I don't blame you. I see the others watching her, too. They all think she's pretty." Bellatrix leaned closer, lowering her voice until it was barely more than a whisper. "You know, Severus, the Dark Lord is rather fond of me. I'm his contact at this school. He believes when I say someone isn't trustworthy.

"It would be bad for you if he ever happened to find out that you fancied a Mudblood, you know. For you and your family. And I hear your mother's ill again, isn't she?" Severus's fists clenched. "It would be most… unfortunate if anything were to happen to her, particularly in her delicate conditions."

Severus's dark eyes glittered angrily, but Bellatrix only smiled smugly in response. She'd already won. "You're a smart boy. I'm sure you can come up with a proper excuse for Flitwick." She smiled, holding out a hand. "Convince me."

He refused to take her hand, but rather led the way down the hall. Smirking in a rather satisfied way, Bellatrix followed him.

X-X-X-X-X

Remus sat cross-legged on the prefects' bathroom floor, a book open in his lap, trying very hard not to smirk. Sitting next to him, knees drawn up to his chest, Sirius wasn't even trying not to smirk, and Peter kept randomly bursting into fits of sniggers. Not that Remus was blaming them, or anything.

James was bent way over the sink, his head upside down under the water, trying rather fruitlessly to wash the blond from his hair. Cluttered around him were numerous empty bottles – shampoo from Alyssa and Marlene, who'd taken pity on him, and even from Jen and Janine, who hadn't, but from whom James had swiped shampoos anyway. He also had three empty bottles of All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, and even a bottle of Sleakeazy's, although Remus failed to see how Sleakeazy's Solution was going to help James in any way.

"Is it coming out?" James shouted through the water.

"No," Sirius said in a would-be bored tone. "Scrub harder." So James did, digging his fingernails into his scalp.

Sirius stood up and pulled another bottle from his bag – a bottle of Firewhisky. Remus stared as Sirius went over to James and poured it onto his head. "There, that's Evans's. Maybe it'll get rid of it."

"Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure Lily's hair smells like apples, and that definitely smells like… Fire… whisky… Sirius, you sodding prat!" James head whipped up, his sopping hair smacking Sirius straight in the face. Sirius snickered madly and back-pedaled wildly, flailing his arms in an exaggerated motion.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure which is more pathetic," he mused aloud. "That you're actually allowing Sirius to supply you with potions for your hair or that you know what Lily's hair smells like."

"What, are you saying I won't be able to get rid of the color?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll get rid of it, all right. Eventually, anyway. What worries me is that you'll take the hair along with it." He pursed his lips. "Although maybe that's not such a bad thing… after all, it would probably help James not to run his fingers through his hair, and maybe Lily might like you better bald."

James bent low, swooped up Jen's bottle of shampoo, and chucked it at Remus. Remus ducked expertly and grinned at his friend. "Face it. You had that one coming."

"So what did possess you to turn your hair blond, anyway?" asked Peter, lying on his stomach and trying to scribble an essay in writing as large as possible, designed to take up as much space as possible.

"She told me she wanted a blond-haired, blue-eyed knight. I figured, if…"

Sirius roared with laughter. "Brilliant! Even Petey's not that stupid!"

"Hey!" Peter interjected, looking injured. They others ignored him, although Remus shot him a sympathetic look.

There was a knock on the door. Startled, they all looked up – Jen poked her head in. "Sorry to interrupt, but-"

"How'd you get in here?" Remus demanded suspiciously.

"Charmed one of the seventh year Ravenclaw prefects into telling me," she replied matter-of-factly. "Can you help me with my Potions essay?"

"Sirius and James are both better at Potions than I am," he replied automatically. "Hell, even Peter's better than I am. I barely scraped an A in Potions."

"Well, we can help each other," she replied congenially. "Come on."

"Why don't you ask Janine?" Peter asked in confusion. "She's one of the best in it…" Jen gave him a meaningful look. "What?" Pause. "Oh. Oh! Right. Remus, go help her," he ordered.

Remus, who was not used to getting orders from Peter (or anybody else, for that matter, seeing as he rarely listened when his other friends gave him orders) was mildly irritated, also because they were obviously all keeping him in the dark about something. "Fine. Don't tell me anything. See if I care."

"Right, we won't, then," Sirius replied cheerfully, slapping him on the back. James was grinning like an idiot, too (he appeared to have forgotten about his intent to kill his best friend moments before). "Have fun!" Giving him a none-too-gently shove out the door after Jen, he hastily slammed the door shut. "About damn time, too," he added grouchily, his grin gone. "I thought we'd never get rid of him. Although, admittedly, giving you all that crap was a good way to pass the time until Jen came."

Moments later, the door opened again, admitting Janine, Marlene, Alyssa, and a fiercely scowling Lily. "Well, thank you kindly for kidnapping me," Lily said sulkily. "Why are we here? Why are they here? How'd you get the password?"

"Ravenclaw prefect told Jen, who told me, but I'm not telling you which one because you'll get mad him," Marlene replied with a smirk. "And it's Remus's birthday this week, so we need your help."

Lily blinked. "It's Remus's birthday?"

"Bit slow, aren't we, Evans?" Sirius was grinning. "See, the reason we hold a party every year on February twenty-eighth is because Remus turns a year older then. That's why we have a big sign saying 'Happy Birthday Rem'-"

"Sirius, shut up," interrupted James. "How would they know that? We hold that party in our dorm every year." He grinned. "But not this year. We found a better place."

"A better place?" questioned Janine. "Where?"

"It's called the 'Come and Go' room," Sirius explained. "We charmed a house-elf into telling us."

"And I really don't want to know how you did that," Alyssa remarked. "Why are we here?"

"To help us plan his party, 'course." In an undertone, Sirius added, "We're going to need to add that room to the map, by the way. It currently stands as a broom closet – remember we used it to hide in?"

"Right."

"All right," Janine interrupted, thus ending their soft conversation. "So we'll need decorations-"

"Actually, we don't," James said with a grin.

Marlene cocked her head. "Well, food, at least-"

"Nope," Sirius countered, still grinning.

Lily gave them an impatient look. "Exactly what sort of party are you planning to have, then? One without food or decorations?"

"Come with us, Miss Evans, and all will be revealed," James said with a smile and in what he hoped to be a mysterious voice. Lily personally thought he looked like a prat, but she kept that to herself. He stood up and offered her his arm.

She ignored it and turned, striding out the door, calling back, "So where is this 'Come and Go' room, Black?" James's smile fell.

Janine clapped him on the shoulder. "Better luck next time, Jamie," she said with a glimmer of delight in her eyes, and then darted after her best friend, saying, "Come on, then! We haven't got all day!"

X-X-X-X-X

Marlene whistled, her face shining with delight. "Amazing! This room is – I wonder what sort of magic it took to make a place like this! So, if, say, I wanted a nice plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies…" She turned, and her eyes felt on a plate of them. "Brilliant!" she cried eagerly, snatching one up and quickly stuffing it into her mouth.

Peter watched her eat them and smiled. "It's a great room, isn't it?"

She turned to him, her eyes sparkling. "It's bloody fantastic, that's what it is!" She sucked in a breath. "It's totally amazing!"

Peter smiled slightly, and turned his head. It seemed like all of the girls – even Lily – were transfixed by the room, by everything in it. He didn't blame them. When he'd first come to it, he had been too.

His eyes flew to Marlene, who was now giggling and stretching out across the millions of fluffy pillows that had suddenly materialized on the floor. Lily stood by the bookshelf, her hand drifting across each title with reverence. Alyssa was perusing the many fashion magazines that had appeared on the table next to Marlene's cookies. Janine was standing by Sirius, taking in everything at once.

Peter envied Sirius and James, he really did. James had – well, everything. The perfect family. Loads of gold. And no matter how arrogant he seemed, he was still a selfless person when it came to his friends. What he'd done for Snape proved that. He hadn't done it for Snape, and although he claimed he'd done it to earn Lily's love (which hadn't worked anyway), Peter knew the truth. He'd done it for Sirius and Remus, knowing that if Snape died, they'd never be the same again, and he couldn't bear it if they changed on him. He was just like that. People loved him. The popular, noble James Potter.

Sirius, too, was amazing. He was the handsome one, the one girls flocked to – not necessarily because of his popularity or family name or anything like that, but simply because he was so damned good-looking. Everyone loved him, his bright grins, his funny jokes, everything. He may not have the life that James did, but he certainly had enough traits to make up for it. Everyone loved him as much as they loved James. He was Sirius, and whenever he was mentioned, it was like an epithet came to mind. The roguishly handsome, charming Sirius Black.

Peter always felt like he faded into the background when around them. And Remus, too. While Remus wasn't outwardly handsome or charming, and he certainly wasn't rich, people flocked to him to. People always were asking Remus for help, and he freely gave it. Even when standing next to the fairly unimpressive Remus Lupin, Peter faded.

He noticed it among the girls. Janine was hugged Sirius around the neck, half in his arms, kissing him repeatedly on the cheek and announced how brilliant he was to have discovered this. James was laughing at them and casting fervent glances at Lily, as if wishing she'd be doing the same for him. Strangely enough – she caught his eye once and smiled a little admiringly (although Peter knew she'd die before admitting to that), declaring that even though he was a prat, she had to credit him with discovering this – it was ingenious.

Too bad none of them knew the truth. That the three of them and Remus had been in the kitchen when a pair of house-elves had been discussing what they deemed the 'Come and Go' Room. Remus had heard it, with his impeccable werewolf hearing, and commented on it. And Peter had been the one who asked. Asked the house-elves where the room was, and inquired about it. And then James and Sirius had jumped in and stolen his thunder. And of course, everyone proclaimed them brilliant – they'd call Remus amazing for having heard it, even though the reason for hearing it was something about him that he'd give anything to change.

But nobody would call Peter brilliant.

Peter liked his friends. They made him who he was – he knew that people only liked him and talked to him because of his friends. Otherwise they'd ignore him. Despite that, he liked his friends, and knew that they didn't just put up with him because they didn't have a choice – they actually liked him. It was a nice feeling, even though Peter knew he'd never measure up to his friend's brilliance. He envied them as much as he loved them. He even hoped some of their brilliance would rub off on him. But even if it did…

Still, nobody would call Peter brilliant.

Because Peter wasn't special like that. He didn't stand out, he wasn't an amazing flyer, brilliant at studies, nor did he have superhuman strength and heightened senses. All you had to do was look at Peter's Animagus form to know it – James had gotten a stag, one that stood tall and proudRemus was a wolf by nature, a fierce wolf.Sirius had gotten a huge dog, loyal just as he was. And what did Peter get?

A rat.

"Hey, Pete!" Janine had yanked one of Marlene's pillows out from under her and flung it at him. It thumped lightly into his stomach and fell to his feet. He looked down at it and then up at Janine, who had armed herself with two more pillows and was trying to avoid Marlene's attempts to grab her ankle and pull her to the ground. "Come on! Join the fight!"

Another pillow thumped into his head – Lily smirked from off to his right. Hey, looks like Prefect Evans really can have some fun. He snatched the pillow from his feet and with an almighty grin, flung it at James, hitting him squarely in the back and knocking him into Sirius. "Ha!"

X-X-X-X-X

Remus felt slight discomfited by the way Jen was staring at him with completely adoring attention. "Er, so… how many inches have you got on your essay?" asked Remus, shifting his weight awkwardly.

She smiled sweetly. "About ten now."

"Oh. I've gone eight." He glanced down at his writing, just so he could avoid looking at her face. "You know, I really suck at Potions…"

"Well, I could help you."

"I thought I was supposed to be helping you? Although I did warn you that I was awful at it…"

"Yes, you did." Remus finally chanced looking up at her again – to his relief, she was bent over her essay, scribbling away. To his shock, he found she'd already added another inch to hers. She glanced up at him, eyes bright. "Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you."

Or you were trying to get me away from my friends so they could carry on with some sort of secret project, and you're now acting way to interested in me for my comfort.

"Jen, are you all right?" He finally sighed and looked straight into her eyes, determined to get an answer. "Do… er… do you…"

"Like you? Bloody hell, Lupin, has it really taken you that long to figure it out?" She laughed. "You're either woefully oblivious or attempting to lie yourself into thinking I haven't had a crush on you for the past four years."

Remus appeared disconcerted. "You've liked me since we were twelve?" he demanded, his voice strangled.

She appeared remarkably calm about the whole thing. "Possible thirteen. Can't quite remember, I'm afraid."

"But – you set me up with Alyssa! You and Janine did, I know you did! Er… didn't you?"

"Actually, it was me, Janine, Lily, and Marlene. I knew she liked you, and it was fairly obvious you thought she was pretty and all that. So we set you up."

"I think you're pretty, too!"

Jen cocked her head. "Let's say that you somehow found out Lily had a crush on James, who's liked her since fourth year. Let's also say you had a crush on her. Assuming all that, let's assume that Sirius and Peter came to you and asked you to help set them up together. In fact, let's throw Janine in, too. Would you do it, knowing you still liked her?"

"Of course," Remus replied at once. "James has liked her for ages, and if she liked him back, then of course I'd… hang on, does she like him back?"

"What? Hell, no! She thinks he's an arrogant, self-deluded, self-important, egotistical, irritating-"

"Right, I get it." Remus was trying to digest this flow of information. "But that's different. If I liked Lily – and I don't, but assuming I did have a crush on Lily – I would know that James had liked her ages before me, and that he had the right. I get that you may have wanted Alyssa to be happy, but wouldn't she want you to be happy?"

"Yes. Except that I cut to the chase faster than she did and set you pair up before she had the chance to do the same for me. That's what friends do, you know. Give stuff up for each other. She'll probably return the favor with some random guy in the future."

Remus glanced at her. "Do you still like me?"

She shrugged, looking down at her essay again. Remus stared – she'd added another three inches while they were talking. How does she do that?

"Do you?" he persisted.

"I suppose so. I mean, you're a nice bloke and all that, aren't you?" Remus stared at her; she glanced up at him. "What?"

"I just – I never… I never realized that."

"You're a bit oblivious to your own charms." She patted his cheek. "It's sort of sweet, actually." And then she leaned in and kissed him.

Remus was too surprised to do anything except let it happen. When his wits finally returned to him and he had the presence of mind to kiss her back, her mouth opened under his, and his tongue delved in – if there was one thing Alyssa had taught it, it was how to kiss – No, don't think of her now, focus on this – and then a voice rang out from around the corner, "Hey, Jo! Have you seen Remus?"

Both he and Jen jerked back – and not a moment too soon, because Alexia Walsh strode around the corner, her brown curls bounced around her face. She didn't seem to notice that Jen and Remus were sitting entirely too close together, or that both of their faces were flushed, and that Remus was deliberately avoiding her eyes while Jen was looking the slightest bit irritated. Her features were quickly replaced by indifference, and the blush disappeared from her face. She stood up and straightened her blouse (although it didn't need straightening) and quickly gathered her things, shoving them into her bag and shouldering it. "Thanks for your help, Remus. I'll let you hang out with your girlfriend now."

She strode past Alexia, who waved to her. She curtly nodded back. Alexia didn't seem to notice it, but rather vacated her empty seat, crossing her legs. "I never see you anymore!" she announced cheerfully to Remus. Then she sobered. "Granted, since the Hogsmeade incident…"

"Yeah," Remus mumbled absently, tearing his mind away from the searing kiss he'd just had.

"Are you all right?" she asked, concerned. "You look flushed. Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing?"

"No," he finally said with an effort, and wrenched a smile onto his face. "So, did you want to talk to me about something?"

X-X-X-X-X

When Lily eventually returned to the dormitory by herself (having successfully shaken off Janine and Sirius, who somehow got it into their heads that it might be a good idea to have a mock Quidditch match with James and Marlene, who didn't know the first thing about Quidditch, and having been ditched by Alyssa, who spotted Davy Gudgeon and immediately abandoned her in favor of him), she found Jen lying on her bed, facedown.

Oh, goody. Another bitch-fest. Fun stuff.

"You all right?"

"Er… I do feel a bit like a sleaze and an idiot, but other than that, yeah, I'm fine." Jen rolled over and cushioned her head with her hands, staring up at the top of her four-poster.

"Ah. So why are you a sleaze, and why are you an idiot?"

"For the same reason. I kissed Remus. I'm an idiot for that. And I'm an idiot for kissing him while knowing full well that he has a girlfriend. Although it's not my fault. He kissed me back."

Lily grinned devilishly. "Was it good?"

"Lily Evans!" Jen looked horrified, and then she smiled. "Yeah, it was good. Bloody amazing. He knows what he's doing."

"Hmm." Lily cocked her head. "He sure didn't back in the fourth year."

Jen bolted upright. "What? How would you know that?"

"It was an experiment. A failed one, let's say. And it was before Remus and Lys started dating, so I have no reason to feel guilty about it. And you are not to tell anybody about that, because I was planning to take it to the grave, but then I messed that plan up by letting it slip. Damn it all."

"I won't tell."

"You'd better not." Lily flopped on her bed. "You know, our lives are filled with too much drama."

Jen snorted. "We're teenagers. What do you expect?" Lily reached to her bedside table and picked up her book: The Complete Works of Shakespeare. Aimlessly flicking through it for a new one to read, she at last gave up and settled on Romeo and Juliet, one of her old favorites.

" 'But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? / It is the East, and Juliet is the sun. / Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, / Who is already sick and pale with grief / That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.' "

"What shit is that?" Jen demanded irritably.

"It's not shit, it's Shakespeare. I swear, wizards are utterly uncultured."

"That is not remotely true. I'll have you know we're all cultured."

"How can you not know who Shakespeare is?" retorted Lily.

"Who?" Lily and Jen glanced up as Marlene and Janine trooped it.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Janine. Shakespeare. William Shakespeare. You must know who he is."

"Is he a wizard?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Then why would I know him?"

Marlene and Lily exchanged looks. "Uncultured," Lily said mournfully.

"Don't I know it."

"Hey! We're not uncultured! Just because we don't read some Muggle trash-" Janine began indignantly, but Lily leapt off her bed and began pulling books at random off of one of the bookcases.

"Hello! Trash? These are all yours – I mean, really! The Passion of Beauty? 'Featuring the dashingly handsome Cyrus Rutherford, everyone's favorite magical hero, in his newest adventure, full of dark wizards and beautiful women!' That'strash!"

"It is not!" Janine snatched it from her hands. "It's a perfectly fine book! I mean, admittedly, The Rose of Aldoran is much better, but still-"

"In the Muggle world," replied Lily very slowly, "we call those 'trashy romance novels.' Shakespeare is not remotely trashy. Cyrus Rutherford is."

"He is not!" Janine hugged the books to her chest. "Oh, what do you know, anyway?" She placed the book back onto its shelf.

"She's right, you know," remarked Jen. "I mean, Lily, have you even read those? Every teenage witch does."

"I don't," replied Lily sniffily. "And I'll bet Marly hasn't, either." Marlene shifted awkwardly, a bit pink. "Marly! You haven't, have you?"

"Only one. The Secret of the Fwooper's Song. And I started reading The Wings of Thestrals-"

"Ooh!" squealed Janine, hopping on her bed now. "Did you get to the part where he's having dinner with Amaris and her father?"

"Oh, yes!" Marlene grinned, eyes sparkling. "And her father says, 'Well young man-' "

" '-What are your intentions concerning my daughter?' " continued Janine, eyes shining. And he says, " 'Well, sir-' "

" '-I plan to ravish her thoroughly the moment your back is turned!' " finished Jen, grinning madly.

"Yes!" squealed Marlene eagerly. "I nearly died! I mean, can you see what would happen if Fabian said that to my father?"

"Or Sirius to mine!" added Janine, giggling. "Oh, God, his head would be speared on a pole outside our manor for the rest of eternity!" The pair of them, followed by Jen, collapsed into giggles. Lily rolled her eyes.

"You're unbelievable, all of you. Really, I have no idea what to say to you, no idea at all. But I am sad to admit you are my friends." She buried her nose in her Shakespeare.

"Tell you what, Lily. I'll make a deal with you. You read Cyrus Rutherford's books – at least The Wings of Thestrals or The Rose of Aldoran - and I'll read Shakespeare."

Lily gave her friend an amused look. "Will you really?"

"Swear on my honor. You can even quiz me on it when I'm finished."

"All right then," she said, snatching The Wings of Thestrals from Janine's hands and shoving The Complete Works of Shakespeare into her hands. "Hurry up with it, though, will you?"

Janine giggled. "We'll have you converted to our way of thinking by the end of the week."

X-X-X-X-X

A/N: So, we get a nice look into Peter's mind, and also a glimpse of Bella's semi-insanity and cruelty. I'll leave it up to you guys to imagine what they did. We're going to assume it didn't go beyond heavy snogging – no worries, Snape's in no danger of having a major relationship with Bellatrix, because we're saving her for her darling Rodolphus, whom we've actually never met. About Peter – I want to make it clear that he's not evil now. He's a good guy. And I don't blame him being envious of his friends. I have friends like that, and I envy them all the time. It's a fact of life.

So. BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Like I said before, this story is under heavy revision. Grammar editing and stuff like that. First off – I'm changing the Whomping Willow scene. I've decided it. Secondly, I'm making Sirius's eyes gray. I'm also going to change Janine's eye color because it's brown and I'd really rather it be something more interesting. Probably blue, or maybe a really DARK green, or a really light one – certainly not emerald like Lily's. If you have any interesting eye colors that aren't WAY STRANGE, tell me in my review and I'll consider it. I'm also changing their ages a little, so a few things will be a teensy bit skewed. Don't worry about it too much; it won't change the basic story. I had originally planned for Harry to be born when they were 24 (only because I hate killing them off so early in their lives, and I like have as much L/J action as I can) but I'm making it early now. Anyway, hopefully, by the time the next chapter is up, things will be fixed.

So again. I hope you guys read that. Anyway, I have three exams left to take, and then I'm on break. So, provided that I don't have very bad writer's block, I'll update as much as I can during that time, also provided that I get enough reviews to give me incentive to write. Also, I updated What It Takes, my D/Hr story, so if you haven't checked it out, please do so and leave a review for me!

Oh yeah – so I know some people were wondering why Lily didn't know about the Invisibility Cloak. I don't know, it just didn't seem like the sort of thing that you'd randomly find in a book, and if she were a Muggleborn, well, then she wouldn't know about it, would she? And assuming that Janine, Jen, and Alyssa do know about it – either because they grew up with James or are purebloods – well, Lily never bothered to ask them. So anyway.

As for Jen and Remus… well, it's like they always say (and I know I've mentioned this more than once)… one step forwards, two steps backwards. It's like a rule of life. In fact, I can apply that to my life most days. (Sad, isn't it?)

Why did I include trashy romance novels in this chapter? Hell if I know. I was reading some of them this weekend (yeah, I know, it's kinda sad) and they're fun to read. Especially when some of the dialogue is funny. That makes me giggle. If you're a fan of romance novels – go read the ones by Julie Garwood. Any of the ones about the Highlanders and the English women crack me up.

So, the next chapter: I don't really know, to be honest. Um, Janine asks questions about Shakespeare, Lily spends lots of time reading books with ridiculously masculine men and unbelievably feminine women on the cover (much to everyone's surprise, it's like what the hell is she doing reading stuff like that?) We hear from Janine's aunt, and Sirius finally gives Janine that gift. February ends with Remus's birthday (yay!) I actually have no idea when his birthday is… so I made one up. Actually, I did that for most of the characters. The next few months are heavy with people's birthday, so be on the lookout for 'em!

Hmm… I'm thinking of writing this story – or at least the Marauder era in general – from the Slytherin standpoint. What do you guys think?

Anyway, wish me luck on my Latin exam because that's probably the hardest out of the three I have left.

XOXO Peaches