Author's Note: My second Death Note fic in two days. This is quite a feat. Again, written for the 30romances community on Livejournal. The themes for this one were "disheveled; in the rain" and "emotions". Yep. It's an L monologue, and it is angsty. I suppose you could call this ooc!L, because we've never really seen L do any angsting... oh well.
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Taken
It is raining now. I have never been fond of precipitation--it is cold, wet, and everything but comfortable. Yet I am standing here beside the street, well outside the light of the street lamps, in the rain. My hair is soaked, disheveled, and sticks to my forehead. Hangs in my eyes.
I do not know the time, though I can estimate that it is well past ten. Logic says to return to the hotel. Do more research. Focus on the Kira case.
Yet that was just it: the Kira case. I cannot concentrate; I cannot bring myself to put forth a full effort. I will not use everything I've learned or everything I know. I know the metaphorical clock is ticking; I am giving Kira too much time to act.
It was the Kira case that brought me here over an hour ago. I assured myself that I was merely going to appear at the house of Yagami Raito for a random investigation, a surprise interview. Yagami-kun is well aware of the fact that I believe he is Kira. Seven percent, ten percent, seventeen, twenty. I will tell him that it is lower, and he will squirm and wriggle like a trapped insect to prove himself innocent. It is not working, Yagami-kun. I wish I could not see through you. With my full effort--a full, perfect investigation worthy of the name L--I could have you, Yagami-kun. I could prove that you are, indeed, Kira.
And yet…
Perhaps I do not wish to complete the case. It is a pang of immaturity within me--it throws itself against everything I've ever known. Do not let emotions toy with you, they told me. Do not let them interfere with a case. They will lead you astray from justice.
They were strange things, these emotions. It is no longer a wonder that I'd been warned about them so vehemently all my life. They swell inside with such force and feeling I could almost think them tangible. A curiosity. They are dizzying, breathtaking, they leave me satisfied and content yet full of desire. A contradiction. They inhibit progress, they distract, they claw and tear at logic, justice, morality. A problem.
The streetlight flickers and the rain only comes down harder. I am soaked through to my skin now, feeling heavy and uncomfortable. There is a light in Yagami Raito's window, yet I can see nothing within.
I wonder several times if I should simply approach the door and ask to see Yagami-kun. Soichiro-san would not think it unusual--he would be perturbed, of course, by the fact that I still believe--or know--that his son is Kira, yet he would allow the interview. Perhaps even let me inside Yagami-kun's room.
And what then? I ask myself repeatedly. An interview? A search of his possessions? Even if I did carry out an interview or a search, it would not be to my full potential. It would be an excuse to see him.
The emotions are churning again, and I curse them silently. It is the strange, choked feeling in my throat and the prickling in my eyes. The sudden inability to draw breath, despite the abundance of oxygen around me. These emotions and their effects care not for logic, reason, or anything else I have ever known. They play by their own rules, their own laws; they have no justice or morality--they take someone and hold them hostage, tormenting and bringing ruin.
I know I have been taken.
They warned me! Why was I unable to heed their advice…? I am a master detective--I am L. Yet these emotions--this love--crept upon me, undetected, unnoticed, until it was too late. I have been taken.
As the streetlight flickers and the rain keeps up, I realize that I will never approach the door, never request to see Yagami-kun. It would be best to return to the hotel before too many people catch sight of me. Yet what would it matter…? Yagami-kun is Kira. And if I do not complete this case soon, he may finally kill me.
And, I think with a rueful smile, it may just come to that.
I turn and begin the walk back to the hotel, slow and arduous, my bare feet cold and soaked. The streetlight gives a final flash and goes out just as I walk beneath it. But there is new light, now, coming from up the little staircase, warm and bright. The door of the Yagami house is open, and standing there is a familiar silhouette.
"Ryuuzaki…? What are you doing out there in the rain?"
End Note: I think I'm having too much fun with this. xX Yep. Thank you for reading.