Comfort in the Arms of Darkness

Author: Zeon of the Twilight Blade

A/N: …My muse owns me…it is really a pain…Anyway this one is a AU, Terra joins the Teen Titans and gets killed, this crushes Beastboy, who finds comfort from an unlikely source…Why do it that way? Because I haven't seen the last "Terra" Episode, and because I can.

Chapter 1 – The Pain of Loss.

They say that the greatest thing in the world is just to love, and be loved in return…but what If the one that you love is dead? What if you watched this person die right in front of you? What if you could do nothing to stop it? Is it still so great to love? When it's impossible that you affections will ever be returned? When you will never kiss those lips, stroke that hair, or gaze into those eyes ever again?

I don't know about you, but I think it bites. I think it bites big time…It happened last week.

We were in a fight with some baddies, Slade's cronies I think…I don't even remember… all I remember was turning and seeing her face as she fell to the ground, the ribbons of scarlet that floated down around her, the…the hand that reached out in my direction.

I went totally berserk, and slaughtered all of the remaining robots in an insane, blind rage.

When they were all gone, Cyborg did a scan, he told me she wouldn't make it long enough to even get to the car, he told me that is was a flying saw blade, clipped her neck just right. He told me if I had anything to say I'd better say it quick, and they all left the room.

"Beast…boy…" Terra mumbled

"Yeah Terra!" I held he gently, wishing I could just heal her.

"I…love you." She said, then coughed up some blood.

"I know Terra…I love you too." I replied, paying no head to the blood on my hands, or my uniform.

"Guess…I…shoulda'…ducked…" and with that she was gone, all life force faded away.

I trembled. I shook. Then I broke out in tears.

I don't know how long I was crying, could have been an hour, could have been two, could have been five minutes for all I know.

Eventually I picked up her body and gave it to Cyborg, he would take care of her, then I got into the back of the car.

Nobody said anything, normally we'd cheer, I'd make bad jokes, and Raven would be the only silent one. Not tonight, not one word was said, not one joke was told, and nobody even thought about having pizza.

We got back to the tower, and I went straight to my room, where I have been ever since.

I haven't slept for more than five minutes at a time. Because every time I do I see he face, I see her blood floating around her, I see her reach out to me and then crumple to the floor.

For the first two nights I heard Robin screaming, losing a team member is a leader's worst fear, but battle and blood had made him cold and hard. Robin has been in many more scraps than I have, he has felt the pain of loss more than once, but like the mask that perfectly hides his eyes, he has the ability to perfectly mask his emotions.

Starfire cried for a few days too, she told me through my locked door that I could talk to her, that I could trust her. But I knew better, Star is nice girl don't get me wrong, but she is too happy, she tries to cheer people up. That's not what I need, I need someone who can understand my pain…then again I don't know that for sure either…I don't know what I need…

Cyborg clamed up for a few days after Terra's death, then he seemed to get over it I guess he just had to tap into the heartless robot side a bit more…

Raven…I don't really know… nothing seems to faze Rae, and she never really liked Terra, so I guess it really didn't matter to her.

And then there is me, Beastboy, one week, three thousand tears and no food later, still hung up on the fact that the one I love is dead.

People look at me and see a goofball, the joker that tries to keep everyone happy all the time, but that is only one part of me, nobody sees me down, because even if I am, I can hide the fact. So I guess that in a way I'm a lot like Robin, even when I'm sad, I act happy, I have perfected my mask too.

Why? Why am I like that? Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of acceptance. Fear that I'll let somebody get to close to the real me. Fear that they won't like what they see. Fear that they might get hurt.

So I wear my mask, and I pretend nothing bugs me and that's all there is to it.

But this incident shattered my mask, and so I covered my face by hiding in my room.

I've missed twelve disturbances this week, nobody bothered to come get me, I know that they are really worried about me, so they are letting me have my solitude.

But is solitude what I need? Do I need to be alone so I can brood over my troubles? Or do I need to have a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell me that it's all right, that it wasn't my fault. I don't know anymore.

I've even contemplated ending my life, but that'd just be a waste, just because I'm down and out, and don't feel like living doesn't mean I've got the right to give up. There are those in the world without superpowers, they depend on people like me to protect them…so I guess I will.

"Beastboy…open up…" I heard from the other side of my door, the voice was a slow monotone.

"What do you want Raven?" I asked, harshly I'm sure.

Raven had been my first love really, something about her never smiling mad me want to make her laugh that much more.

"We need to talk Beastboy." She said simply.

"I don't feel like it." I stated.

Part of the reason I was so attracted to Terra was because I knew that I could never have Raven. For awhile I had held hopes that maybe somewhere deep beyond those dark eyes she felt something for me, but eventually I gave up on that idea. Raven was darkness, and darkness feels nothing.

"Beastboy, either you open the door, or I open the door."

"Huh?" I was confused.

"Azarath…" Raven started.

Since when does Raven threaten to blow peoples doors in?

"Metreon…" She mumbled.

"No way! She wouldn't bust in here!" I thought to myself

"Zent…" She was almost done when I yelled, "Alright, alright…jeez…"

I opened the door using a remote next to my bed.

Raven stared into the room, probably surprised that it was perfectly clean.

When I closed my self in here, I felt like I was choking, I didn't have enough space, so I did something I hadn't done since moving in with the Titans.

I cleaned my room.

Not one of those quick teenage cleaning jobs either, this was military proficiency folded shirts uniforms hung, boots shined, the floor spotless kinda' things.

Raven then looked at the wall; she saw the bloody uniform.

I was going to throw it away, but I decided to hang in up as a symbol of sorts, Something to make me remember that no matter what, the things you love can be stripped away without a moment's notice.

I have several other uniforms, same make, specially designed for my shape changing powers, because when I try to change while wearing normal clothes, They either rip, or fall off, depending on what I turn into.

But when I got back I didn't have the heart to wear another uniform, so I just put one some plain clothes, a plain white Tee shirt and blue jeans.

Raven walked in and I shut the door with my remote behind her.

She looked at me, if I didn't know Raven I'd swear that she had concern in her eyes.

I looked at the floor, "So what do you want Rae?" I mumbled sadly.

...

Okay folks, there you go, if you want to read some more, then review. Please? C'mon! Don't turn away like that! Hello...?