Chapter 21
Three Weeks Later
Las Vegas, Nevada
"I'm impressed with your progress Dr. Grissom, you've recovered fast. I hope you will recover just as fast in your rehabilitation here at the Clifton Institute." The young therapist walked Grissom down the hallway which was painted a stark white. The young man's brown eyes reflected the colour of the walls, making him appear as if he had no pigment. His slicked back brown hair and his expensive looking glasses indicated that he took great pride in his appearance. His neatly manicured finger nails scratched his head as he tried to analyze Grissom through his lack of response. Grissom hasn't spoken one word since he found out he killed Sara's baby. Their baby.
"You've only been here for three days how do you like it?" The doctor asked. Grissom's clothing was a mirror of his image. He only wore black and sometimes he didn't bother getting dressed in the morning. He frequently tore at his clothes believing that he didn't deserve to look presentable. He was still on suicide watch since his attempt in Miami which left a large scar on his neck. The scar reminded him of Sara everyday, it made him remember the pain he caused her. He didn't deserve to be alive and he hated everyone for letting him survive. The team visited him once when he woke up and he could tell that they were forcing themselves to smile. Grissom knew of Catherine's gesture, she saved his life and for that he could never forgive her.
"Listen Grissom you cannot be released back into public until we find out what caused your behavior. You can be in here for the rest of your life if you don't start talking." The doctor opened the door marked "Dr. Fieldstone" and gestured for Grissom to enter. The room smelled of leather and paper as the former supervisor made his way further into the office. Two leather chairs we laid out in front of an oversized desk which was pilled high with folders of other patients. A bookshelf at the back of Dr. Fieldstone's desk caught Grissom's eye and he slowly made his way over to the various bodies of works. He immediately picked up the book marked "Macbeth" and began looking over the pages.
"You like Macbeth? It is one of my favorites. Lets start talking about your life Grissom, you know you have many people who look up to you. All of your colleagues were extremely worried when you tried to kill yourself, you have a purpose here. Ending your life would affect too many people…" Grissom continued to look through the play, never looking up from the pages.
"Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it; he died as one that had been studied in his death to throw away the dearest thing he owed, as 't were a careless trifle " Grissom quoted before slamming the book shut and putting it back where it once lay at rest.
"If you are trying to say that your life is worthless that you could just throw it away like a piece of garbage you're wrong Dr. Grissom. You're here so that we can analyze what caused your behavior, there has to be a logical explanation. You do not have a previous history of mental illness, with your help I can find the source and cure you. I know I can." Dr. Fieldstone continued to watch Grissom sit reluctantly in the seat in front of him.
"If you knew me you would know that I do not deserve to be here." Grissom sighed as he gripped the chair's armrest in a means of relieving stress.
"We are not ourselves when nature, being oppressed, commands the mind to suffer with the body." Fieldstone managed to smile when Grissom raised his eyebrow at the quote.
"Shakespeare wrote that before he met me, the quote would have been altered significantly if stated in the present." Grissom's eyes immediately filled with sadness once more as he began to rethink the events which occurred in the past.
"I looked at your history Grissom. Your childhood must have been unbearable when you lived with you father. It says here that he used to rape and abuse your mother with you in plain sight?" The doctor hoped Grissom would start to open up so that he could continue his treatment. If he could release all of Grissom's pain and emotion there may be hope.
"Yes…But I can't remember all of it. Sometimes I have dreams or at any point during the day an image flashes in my mind about an event from my childhood. It started to happen more often during a specific case." Grissom confessed as he continued to grip the arm rest. His eyes were still bloodshot from lack of sleep, indicating to the therapist that Grissom still had nightmares of the events he could not remember.
"Tell me about the case that triggered your memories." Fieldstone calmly asked.
"It was an abuse case involving a father who beat his wife so hard that she died. I was the first on the scene, the father had kidnapped his children and they were found in a hotel closet. I took myself off of the case because I knew I would be too emotionally involved." Indents started to form on the armrest as Grissom dug his nails further into the leather.
"So you started to remember more memories after working that case. But you must have done other abuse cases in your career, why did you become less stable after this one?" The therapist waited for Grissom's response as he noticed that his patient began to sweat more as his nervous state increased further.
"Because I usually get a break, this time I was asked to contribute to an investigation involving a serial killer who raped and hung over twenty women." Grissom's eyes turned black as an image of his father holding Sara flashed in his mind.
"You later found out that the killer was your father. Was that a surprise to you?"
"It confirmed my worst fear. He always told me that I was going to end up like him since I was a child." Grissom felt his heart race further as another image of his father hitting his mother bubbled to the surface of his mind.
"You're remembering things as we talk aren't you? Why did you take your anger towards your father on Sara? What did she do wrong?" The questions made Grissom feel nauseous as another flash of Grissom hitting Sara to the ground flooded to his mind.
"She asked about my father, but I didn't remember hurting her. I just remembered my father hitting my mother and later my father hurting me. I never wanted to hurt her, I don't even remember doing it." Grissom felt tears form in his eyes as another flash of Sara crying beneath Grissom flashed to his mind.
"But you did hurt her Grissom. There were bruises on her wrists and she lost her baby when you threw her to the ground during the struggle you had with your father." Dr. Fieldstone hoped he wasn't being too hard on Grissom with his questioning but he needed to get him to remember in order for him to heal.
"I don't remember doing those things that's what scares me. That's why I wanted to die, I didn't want to hurt anyone again." Grissom looked at the ground unable to stare at the therapist in the eye.
"Try to remember, close your eyes and recall a time when you were at the house in Miami. Do you have a memory in your mind?" Fieldstone watched Grissom close his eyes and strain to recall a specific memory. Grissom nodded his head in a mere second indicating that he had done what was required. "Alright continue thinking about that moment and now try to remember a time where you felt angry." Dr. Fieldstone watched in fascination as Grissom opened his eyes in rage.
"You want to know what it was like for my Mother, in a home that you would fear to come home to every night?" Grissom's eyes appeared to not focus on the room and people around him. It was as if he was remembering his memories and physically acting them in the present. Grissom got off his chair and loomed towards Dr. Fieldstone.
"He would come home from work…And she would be too scared to fight back…Just like you…" Grissom clenched his fist around Fieldstone's neck with no hesitation.
"Dr. Grissom you're not your father! You're in the present." Dr. Fieldstone said as he struggled to breathe as Grissom's grip grew tighter around his neck.
"Why can't you just let it happen?" Grissom pushed harder making the doctor feel dizzy.
"We are not ourselves when nature, being oppressed, commands the mind to suffer with the body." The doctor managed to say before going unconscious. Grissom's grip immediately loosened as he was brought back to reality.
"Dr. Fieldstone?" Grissom asked as he bent over the young therapist who was slowly starting to become aware of his surroundings. After a few wheezing coughs Fieldstone stood up and slowly approached his desk.
"I think you're suffering from repressed memories Dr. Grissom." The therapist rubbed his neck where the quiet entomologist had once gripped with all his strength. "Due to an extreme amount traumatic events in your childhood, your brain repressed certain memories to allow you to forget about the pain and suffering you once endured in your past. Repressed childhood memories tend to be relived through adulthood only when a series of similar traumatic events trigger the release of your repression. You are a severe case as you not only remember your memories but you act out your memories physically. Since you are remembering repressed memories, your actions you conduct while remembering do not resister in your brain's nervous system. To you its like sleepwalking in a dream, it can be very dangerous as you may have guessed already." Fieldstone scribbled something on Grissom's chart before waiting for Grissom's response.
"Can you help me?" Grissom quietly asked.
"Yes if you're willing to let out all of your repressed memories once and for all. The theory is, if you release all of your repression the episodes will stop."
"You think she will ever forgive me?" Grissom asked, trying to hide his sadness.
"Forgiveness takes time, if I eventually notify her when you are cured she may understand the reason behind your actions. None of what you have done is your fault, its like blaming yourself when you get the flu. You did not cause your illness you need to realize this."
"You need to help me so I can show her that I'm different, that I'm not the man she thinks I am." Grissom pleaded.
"I will try as hard as I can." Fieldstone pat Grissom on the shoulder as he continued his therapy session in the hope of making more progress.