Chapter 5 – Forgiveness isn't Easy
A/N: You guys and gals are really lucky that I have such a bossy muse… because on side of me says to let the people wait for awhile, but my muse says "Get off yo Sorry butt and type stupid!" soooooo…
Disclaimer: YOU KNOW BETTER ALREADY! I didn't own it two chapters ago, why would I own it now?
…………………………………………..
I awoke in a dreamscape, so I guess that means I really didn't wake up at all, but it felt so real… the landscape all around me was black at the moment, no figure could been seen.
"Forgive her Beastboy." A voice said quietly, it was right beside me, I turned and saw Terra.
Terra was dressed the same way she was the first time I met her, the wound in her neck was nowhere to be seen.
"Terra! How!" I was awestruck, she wasn't alive, because I know I saw her die, but there she was, standing right in front of me.
"Silly Beastboy!" She said playfully, "I'm still dead, but now I'm a part of you."
My face must have been quite a sight because she burst out laughing.
"Well, I guess I'm nor really PART of you, I'm just…always watching you." Terra said quietly.
"So…you are like my guardian angel or something?" I asked confusedly.
Terra smiled, "Something like that."
I looked at my feet, I was dressed in my uniform, "So…I guess you heard everything for the past couple weeks huh?"
Terra bent down and touched the ground, changing it from blackness into a small patch of flowers, "Yeah Beastboy…I heard it all, Silver Medal huh?"
I grimaced, suddenly wishing that I could take back everything I had said in the past forty-eight hours.
"It's alright Beastboy…I knew way before I died that your heart belonged…belongs… to Raven." She said knowingly, "It's important that you be honest with yourself…I…I know you cared for me Beastboy, I have no doubt about that. But…but I also know that you have been in love with Raven since long before I showed up…" Terra plucked one of the flowers and stuck it in her hair and smiled sadly.
I stared at the small flowerbed, not knowing what to say, so I simply said, "Sorry Terra…"
Terra smiled a normal smile at me, "Don't be, you haven't done anything wrong…I could tell about your feelings on Raven early on…but rather than try and get you two together…I tried to take you for myself." Terra's eyes were filled with memories, "I was selfish, and I knew that it was bound to fail on way or another." She shook her head, "So I want you to forgive her…in fact…I insist you forgive her…I want to see you happy again Beastboy…and I know you will never be unless you end up with Raven."
I frowned, "But she basically killed you Terra…Aren't you bitter about that?"
Terra sighed, "At first…At first I was…at first I wanted nothing more than to hurt her…but that would be counterproductive, I want you to be happy more than anything Beastboy."
Terra paused, thinking of how to word what she was thinking, "I caused you a lot of needless pain…and I believe Raven can heal some wounds I left on you. I believe you can heal each other's wounds.
Terra laughed softly, "Besides, by letting me die, she also freed me from Slade…now I get to stay with you Beastboy, I get to watch over you always and enjoy when you are happy…and try to talk to you when you are sad…"
Tears were welling up in my eyes but I made no move to wipe them, "Forgiveness isn't easy…Terra…I'm not sure if I can…"
Terra smiled that sad smile again, "I know Beastboy…but you have to ask yourself…Do you still love her?"
I just stood there…I didn't know what to say, did I? Did I still love her, even after this?
Terra waited for a moment, then, sensing I wasn't going to answer she said, "Love never dies Beastboy, never, it gets sick, it falters, and it gets wounded…but it never dies…unless you kill it."
I stared at the now expanding flower patch; it was three times the size it was before.
Terra continued, "Love can only be murdered, never die on it's own…that's what makes it such a powerful emotion…"
I looked up; "I meant what I said…when I told you I loved you…"
Terra smiled, "I know you did Beastboy, I know you do, but I'm not alive anymore…and you didn't love me as much as you love Raven and you know it."
I once again was staring at the ground, "Where are we anyway?"
Terra gently lifted my face with her hand; "This is your heart Beastboy…the darkness that is all around is the angst that you have allowed yourself to fall into…"
My eyes looked at the flowers, "So I'm getting better?"
Terra stared me right in the eyes, "Yeah. You are."
We just stared for a moment; neither of us said anything.
Terra smiled, "Well…You are going to wake up soon…I have to go…love never dies Beastboy…But when you kill it, you lose part of yourself…I know as good as anybody.
Terra then softly kissed my cheek, "But it's your choice Beastboy, yours and yours alone." And with that, she disappeared, the flower she had put in her hair drifted softly to the ground.
I walked over and picked it up, I stared at it for a moment.
"Titans! Assemble in the Security Room!" Robin's voice cut though the landscape.
Everything around me faded, and when I opened my eyes next I was in my room.
I rolled out of bed and set my feet on the floor.
In my hand, was the flower…how I have no idea, but it was there alright, no doubt about it, I went over to my nightstand and set it there.
I had changed into one of my uniforms before spying on Robin and Raven, I glanced up at the bloody one on my wall and sighed, "Guess I should get back to work huh?"
The uniform didn't reply.
I walked down to the Security room; I took in a deep breath before walking in.
"…And Starfire, you flank them they won't be expecting a…" Robin stopped when he saw me, in fact, everyone in the room turned to stare at me.
"So what do I do?" I said, trying to break the ice, looking up at the screen to see where we were headed…
It was the warehouse that Terra was killed in…
What were the chances…?
"Beast…boy…you…" Robin caught himself and went back to his mission planning tone, "You provide back up to someone, I'll leave that up to you…Titans, go!" Robin ran jumped onto a poll that led to the basement, he was soon followed by Cyborg, and Star flew out the window.
Raven was staring at me, as if she was shocked to see me out of my room, "Beastboy…I…" She started.
"It can wait Raven, we need to talk, but not until this fight is over, let's go." I said calmly, trying to keep emotion out of my voice.
Raven quietly nodded and flew out the widow after Terra; I changed into a falcon and followed shortly.
The scene was not pretty from the start, it was Slade's robots again, and there were actually more this time.
I was busy fighting three by myself, disobeying Robin's orders to pair up with someone, but I didn't really care what he thought.
I turned into one of my favorite forms, the T-rex, and lunged at a robot...
And then I saw her face…
"I…love you."
"I know Terra…I love you too."
My eyes widened, it was one of the last things I had said to Terra, and it went though my head as is if I was watching a movie, cutting off my vision.
"Well, do you hate her?"
"No, I could never HATE Raven."
"But do you still love her? Are you angry with her?"
Do I still love her? I think I do…I wouldn't be having so much trouble deciding if I didn't…would I?
This was a sound only exchange, because it was all in my head the first time I had heard it, my vision cleared just in time to see that I was just about to get hammered in the face, so I turned into a turtle to absorb the blow.
The robot hit me clear across the room; I transformed into a monkey in mid-air and was about to bound off the wall when Cyborg clouded my vision…
"Nothing. But keep in mind, if you can forgive her for what she has done, maybe you could find happiness with her."
"I…I don't know…"
Could she make me happy? Could I save her from her eventual self-destruction?
Pain exploded in my face, my vision cleared to find that I was staring at the ceiling, I had missed the bounding off the wall idea by a long shot, I had even smacked into the wall so hard that I reverted to regular Beastboy form.
Three robots surrounded me, I turned into a Raptor and lunged at one of them, tearing it apart with my talons, I then lunged at another, transforming in midair onto an elephant, my momentum carried me right through the robot, crushing it.
I turned back into myself, and thought for a moment how to defeat the last one, then another vision appeared…
"Forgive her Beastboy."
Terra's face clouded my mind once more, and this one cleared quickly, but not quick enough, the robot had launched a saw blade at me, and I noticed just in time to jump slightly, not thinking to turn into a humming bird or something.
It hit me in the right side of my stomach, of course it had been aimed for my neck, but that fate had been avoided. It didn't change the fact that I screamed when it hit me, I made much more noise than Terra had, Terra had let out a cry, but only a soft one, if no one had been looking at her, we may have not noticed her fall.
I had screamed so loud that the rest of the fighting stopped for a moment, friend and foe alike looked to see me twist and to the ground.
I don't know how long I stayed conscious. I had blacked out, I knew that much because I couldn't see anything, but I heard a muffled female scream, not in terror, not in rage, but I sickening mixture of both at the same time that must make nice elevator music in hell.
Then I felt arms around me, I didn't know who's arms they were, I wanted to open my eyes so bad, so bad that it hurt, but my eyes would not obey me.
The arms squeezed me, not hard, not roughly, just a gentle squeeze, like the kind you get from an old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, or the kind that lovers share every now and then.
"Love never dies Beastboy"The arms made me feel safe, made me feel…comfortable…
I totally blacked out then, no thoughts or awareness…as if I fell asleep, cradled by the arms of darkness
…………………………………
Hey, if you review this story…um…you will find…um…that French fries will taste slightly better to you… try it! C'mon!