Sailormoon is not mine.
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Twilight Bastille: Chapter #3 – Depth of Field
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The night air was hazily warm, swirls of dust rising as Jacen's feet hit the ground. His thoughts racing, he walked quickly, unsure of where he was going or what he was leaving behind. I could call in a favor…Phil would send the meds over, no problem. Or what about Ben – I wonder if he's still with OSG?
Reaching the outskirts of the camp, he slumped against the high fence. He could see the shadows of the night watchmen atop the towers, standing silent guard over the gates. The stark moonlight threw their guns into sharp relief. Why was he even considering sending for the pills? It could get him into some trouble, he knew. And they were expensive all by themselves, without the bribe.
Jacen rolled his eyes at the errant thought. Really, when had money ever been an issue for him? He certainly didn't work here for the dough. What was he thinking? Why did this matter so much to him, anyway?
It had taken Jacen one look at the old man to know that he would probably never leave Manzanar. His will to live was certainly not lacking, but his ancient body would never withstand the searing heat and choking dust of another summer. The girl's grandfather spoke very little English, but that did nothing to diminish his clearly talkative nature. Jacen rather enviously sensed a wealth of stories begging to be told to great-grandchildren in his cracked voice, a gentleness in his lined hands, a ready smile in the many folds of his face. Jacen wished that memories of his own stone-faced grandfather evoked such instant warmth.
And the granddaughter? Little shrew…well, she'd been all priss until provoked. Her seething skepticism of his abilities had gotten under his skin in a way he didn't expect. I've never seen that kind of temper in any of these Japanese girls. She acted like she didn't give a damn what she had to do or say, just as long as she got what she wanted. And hasn't she? You're even seriously thinking about doing this now. What makes her little balls-out act so persuasive?
He knew he'd just hit upon the answer. It had been no act – beneath the cool veneer, Rei Hino was all fire. In truth, Jacen found that he remembered nothing about her so much as the aura of life, as tangible as the curve of her mouth and the soot of her eyelashes. She blossomed from the withered landscape surrounding her. Watch it, Doc, she's just a girl. A girl with a too-big mouth, he thought, half-amused, half-irritated that he was still thinking about this – her.
It had always been something of an obsession of his, proving people wrong. Jacen knew he didn't look like a serious physician, that his smile came too easily and too often. Who would take seriously the twenty-nine-year-old son of Manhattan royalty, fresh off his prestigious neurology residency and better known for enjoying women's beds than examining anyone in them? Jacen let the malicious rumors slide, preferring that his competence speak for itself. It did.
That had been a year ago, before a tour of duty he'd spent overseas as an Air Force captain, caring for the sky's wounded and dying. In the war, Jacen learned quickly just how little his residency had really taught him. His knowledge was useless in the face of the injuries he triaged every day, from minor concussions to horrific traumas. It was funny, really, how men fighting there somehow maintained a certain spark, a gritty will…and how men imprisoned here maintained nothing but apathetic sufferance in their collective fate. Confinement did terrible things to people.
It was the first thing he noticed when he arrived at Manzanar, how the distinction between men and walking corpses blurred. Some wished to die, and their leathery skins would not let them. Others in seemingly good health passed away, simply exhausted of their mortal cage. Jacen had talked it over with the former chief, Dr. Phifer, who had expressed a certain nonchalance. "It's hard to care, son, when your patients don't."
Was it really? He knew of at least one man who wanted to live, and badly.
Jacen turned to walk back to his barracks, turning the other doctor's words over in his head.
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Rei was undressing behind the curtain when a sharp rap at the door sounded. Startled, she threw on her thin robe and headed for the entrance, not wanting her grandfather to be disturbed. It had been two weeks since he lost access to his pills, and she didn't want him moving around any more than necessary. It was probably just Hotaru anyway; nobody but Rei's studious tutee would drop by this late.
"Rei? Who is it?" her grandfather's voice drifted from the back.
"Just a minute, Grandfather, it's – " Rei opened the door and found herself face to face with Dr. Jacen Amos – or rather, face to chest. She lifted her chin. " – you."
He raised a blond eyebrow at her disheveled appearance, but refrained from commenting. Jacen wasn't sure what to say to her as of their argument two weeks ago, but he thought it best to start by playing nice.
"May I come in?"
Rei opened her mouth to reply just as Grandfather bustled in with a tray of cookies, glasses of water, and oddly, fancy wineglasses they never used – they didn't even drink. She closed her mouth abruptly; Grandfather was clearly trying to impress the doctor.
"Sit, sit, Dr. Amos," Grandfather smiled warmly at Jacen. "You…need something?"
Jacen returned the smile, genuinely. He brushed past her, not stealing the opportunity to touch her like some of the staff Rei knew would have. "Actually, I've just come to drop this parcel off for you, sir. I made a special request of a friend in higher places…I think you'll be pleased with the contents."
There was a confused pause before Grandfather's eyes widened, a disbelieving smile brightening his face.
"Th-thank you, Dr. Amos. Rei and I…thank you. Well, then… Sit, sit! You must have something to eat. No, no, no, sit!"
Smiling at the old man's insistence, Jacen sat in one of their plastic chairs, helping to plate the snacks and conversing easily with Grandfather despite his slightly broken English. Forgotten for the moment, Rei retreated into the lengthening shadows, watching them through slitted violet eyes.
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I don't understand. Is he still angry with me? Was he ever really angry at all, or was he trying to frighten me so I'd mind my own business? Why did he send for the medicines even though he said it was almost impossible? What must he think of me?
Rei had to admit that there was something to the doctor's style – his actions backed up that cocky attitude. He didn't bother with flimsy promises, he delivered. And quickly, too – she wondered who Jacen had to know, to have the pills in his hands within two weeks. Like I thought when I met him, Rei recalled. There's something more to this man. Throughout the mental barrage of questions, Rei was aware of an unfamiliar heat spreading under her skin as she studied the doctor's face.
His patrician features were shadowed in the dim room, and they looked almost hewn from marble. The only softness in his face was his mouth, bow-shaped and accustomed to a perpetual smirk. She wondered what secret amusement made him smile like that, always.
Jacen often ran a hand through his shaggy blond mane, a motion that reminded Rei of a lion's easy grace. He was a tall man, filling the tiny room – and she remembered from that day two weeks ago, rather dwarfing Rei herself. But his muscle wasn't what had intimidated her. It had been the fury in those eyes. Too much pain there to be just a man's injured pride.
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"What are you thinking of, Rei?"
The sound of her name felt too intimate in his husky intonation. He'd never said it before, seeming to prefer "kid" to other appellations.
"I noticed you watching us tonight, from your corner," Jacen said quietly. Not us. Me. What are you seeing in me, Rei?
The doctor stood just before her, forced to press close in the narrow space leading to the wash basin. In his hands was the tray, stacked with empty glasses and plates. Glancing over at her grandfather, she saw that he was soundly asleep, his mouth still moving slightly as though he was speaking. He'd been exhausted all day, despite resting, the unbearable desert heat lulling him to sleep. God, how she worried about him these days…
Rei turned her attention back to the man before her, his gaze colliding with hers. He seemed a different man from the carefree joker, the practiced flirt, the furious bully she'd met two weeks ago. The doctor's hard angles seemed subdued in the lamplight, quiet interest evident in his eyes. He changed personas like quicksilver, shimmering first one way, then another. She could have scorned Jacen's jokes and innuendoes, made light of his anger, but this...
She wished she'd put her hair up decently before answering the door, or at least donned something more substantial; what Rei wore was more appropriate for a husband's view than a guest's, and she felt naked under those flame-blue eyes. Even so, her flimsy robe now felt too warm, and she shifted slightly, feeling the wall press into her back. The hot, static air between them felt electrified, sparking fine tremors in her limbs.
No man had ever looked through her like this, like he saw an answering flame dancing just beneath her skin.
"Thank you. For everything you've done," Rei spoke softly, not wanting her words to sound rehearsed. She didn't know what else to say to him. A droplet of sweat meandered down the line of her jaw, and she somehow knew he followed its path.
"You're welcome." Jacen didn't miss a beat, for all that the last thing he was thinking of was prescriptions and pills. Rei didn't look the part of a girl, standing here in the shadows, woman's knowledge in her eyes compelling him in a way he hadn't expected.
Rei reached slowly for the tray, not even thinking. "Here, I…"
Her cool fingertips brushed against his, and they both started at the brief contact, jumping apart as though the slender thread dragging them together had snapped. An unused wineglass on the edge of the tray teetered and crashed to the wood floor. Rei dropped with it, breathing as though she'd been running, hiding her face behind the inky curtain of her hair. Her eyes fixed on the ground, she slowly began to pick up the pieces, ignoring the pricking nerve endings in her fingertips as she touched the sharp glass. The noise of the crash reverberated in Rei's ears, and his footsteps sounded that much more quietly as he walked past her and out the door.
Only when Rei was sure he was gone did she lift her face. Her hands stilled on the shattered fragments, and she abruptly sank backward, hugging her knees as she contemplated the wall in front of her.
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Once out the door, Jacen fought the urge to break into a dead run. What the hell are you doing? he asked himself furiously. One minute you're just trying to squeeze past the girl, the next you're about to take her and…In truth, Jacen had no idea how it had happened. He couldn't recall his exact thoughts as they'd stood there together, but he could remember the cadence of her slow, soft breaths, the lamplight on her cheek.
He hadn't expected to want her. By the time he'd become conscious of his desire, it had already grown strong enough for him to do something regrettable – thank God for fragile stemware. Jacen snorted. This probably didn't happen two weeks ago because we were too busy yelling at each other to notice the tension. And the tension was mutual, he was sure of that. Jacen had seen that sudden unashamed curiosity leap in her eyes, felt the responding rush of blood below.
So do something about it. What you always do.
No.
And the internal argument began.
Sure, this wasn't New York, and nobody familiar was here to gossip about his indiscretions, of which he had too many back home…but…did it matter that nobody was watching? Wasn't that why you came here? To get away from that life? Jacen swallowed, hard. Some ghosts would never forsake him, no matter how far he ran. Some ghosts he never wanted to leave behind. Nonetheless, Jacen owed it to himself to prove that he could be professional about this. Jesus, asshole, is it really such a big deal to just keep it in your pants this once?
The scent of that black curtain of hair, swishing around him as she sank to the floor…
Shit.
This isn't about the girl, Jacen lectured himself. It's about her grandpa. Though…he'd seen the look Rei had given her sleeping grandfather. There was nothing to describe it. He'd never seen such love in a woman's eyes, fierce and bordering on desperation, not for anyone.
If her grandfather broke, he suspected, so did she.
Jacen had just made his final decision on sainthood when wouldn't you want her to look at you like that? the itinerant musing skittered across his thoughts.
He did not sleep well that night.
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Rei sat in the hallway for some time, cupping the leftover feeling of his presence in her mind, turning it over and over and examining it.
She hadn't been surprised, exactly, when his gaze on her turned less professional, more predatory. Rei knew she was no raving beauty, but only a blind man could say she was not striking. Grandfather always says my eyes are my great fault – too dark, too watchful. Too hard, he says, for real loveliness. What had surprised Rei was her own reaction to the doctor. What exactly had transpired between them didn't matter; she remembered very clearly her unfamiliar longing, her unfulfilled need. Need. Just the word made her uncomfortable.
What is it about him? Men like him have always betrayed you. Papa could be charming too, when he wanted – he swept women off their feet and forgot about them. God knows, he probably still does…but I am no fool. I won't accept the things my mother accepted, took for granted.
"Child?"
Rei looked up. "Oh, Grandfather, you're awake…"
He stood over her, leaning against the wall. She noticed with alarm how loosely his skin hung over his frame, how labored his breathing sounded. Leaping up to steady him, Rei pulled his arm around her waist.
"I'll help you to your room."
Grandfather laughed softly. "I didn't mean to startle you. Where are my manners, little one? First, I fall asleep talking to Dr. Amos…" his expression grew worried. "Where is he? I didn't even properly thank him for specially ordering the medicines…what will he think of us?"
Rei shook her head. "He left some time ago, Grandfather. Don't worry. He understood that you were tired."
"Tired? Tired from what? I've done nothing but stare at my ugly old toes all day," he sighed. "With my pills, I'll be able to get back to work."
"Pfft." Rei all but shoved the old man into his bed. "Work, my foot. You stay – " she indicated his cot, away from the sometimes drafty windows " – here. For now, at least."
He looked around at the mess of pillows in disgust. "Here? Without any windows? How will I be able to see the delightful Izuko walk to the mess hall in the mornings? Or Kasumi at noon? Or – "
"Grandfather!" Rei cried in mock outrage, laughing. She threw another pillow at his head. "I guess your ladykilling ways will never quit, am I right?"
"My years of youth are hardly behind me," he grinned back. "Your grandmother would have agreed, if she were with us now." His tone sobered, as it always did when he spoke of his long-gone wife.
"Tell me again about her, and my mother," Rei said quietly.
"The blood of the samurai caste ran through her veins, and through yours too. When your mother was born so small, so delicate…"
Rei sat beside him on the thin mattress, listening more to the familiar cadence of his speech than to the wistful story she'd heard many times. Ten minutes later, he was fast asleep.
She kissed the top of his head, as she had grown accustomed to doing ever since she shot above him in height, and dimmed the lamps. As Rei padded out of the room, softly pulling the curtain shut behind her, Grandfather opened his eyes and stared into the darkness, able to make out the faint outline of his granddaughter by the basin, patiently scrubbing down their dishes. She wouldn't sleep for another hour or so, patching up their threadbare clothing. The lamps in the washroom dimmed as well, and he watched Rei's form coalesce with the night.
Child, who will love you when I am gone?
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