Title: Nights in White Satin

Author: sky75rk

Standard disclaimers apply.

/whatever/ - other people's mind talk

/whatever/ - Kyuubi talking

Whatever – thoughts

In reality…

Naruto woved in and out of the forest, chasing after Sound-nins and several missing nins before coming to a stop. He successfully overtook them and he delivered a painful blow to each of them that rendered them all unconscious or otherwise, dead.

In reality, dreams and ambitions can cause more pain and anguish than what actual life can provide.

He silently walked and examined the bodies scattered in the ground. It had been a long week, fighting to wave off the insistent attacks of the Akatsuki and what remained of Orochimaru's forces in their attempt to invade Konoha. Finding that there was no one in particular he should bring back, he turned to his heels and left, going back to where the fighting was still not settled.

He arrived at the clearing, witnessing many wounded and dying bodies all over the place. The moment he arrived, Konoha was already winning and they did not need him to help any longer. He saw several ninjas already dancing in triumph, smiling, laughing over their victory, scowling and spiting the bodies of the enemies. Eyes downcast, Naruto walked forward towards his teammates, he glanced down at his feet and saw a certain silver-haired Konoha-nin lying still. Dead.

Kabuto.

/Did it hurt when you learned of his betrayal? Not just against you but against everyone/

Slowly, Naruto knelt and fingered the wounds the traitor had on his body, the earth seeping the blood that spilt from his thrashed body. Are they smiling too when I bleed? Or do they spite me more when I stain their land with my cursed blood?

Blood that stained his hands after so many kills for the sake of protecting Konoha was left forgotten, and vaguely, Naruto wondered if he had been worth anything to them at all.

"Naruto-kun," a soft voice disrupted his reverie and it gave him an underlying meaning that he should face her and talk to him. A soft-spoken command. Should he care? Or simply remain in his position? After all, she was one of them.

/Have you ever thought of satisfying your own soul? It would be fun to quench your thirst./

/I'm not like you. I don't hurt/

/But we are the same. Both you and I. We both hurt, although not the same thing./ The taunting voice filled his head, as he watched with dull blue eyes the continuity of the revolving world. Everyone was moving on, only he did not.

"Let's go," his emotionless tone kept Sakura from staying too near him. He was different, and for the first time, she was afraid of him.

/Aren't you thirsty for something else that is not simply water/

Naruto ignored the tempting voice inside his head, the Kyuubi talking to him, wanting to make him fall into obvious commands, to satiate the longing that fired in his being all these years. To make Naruto taste the sweetness of having his revenge on the people that hated him for so long. To let him savor the happiness that would come to him in the end, after they all died.

Death. Hatred. Redemption. Requiem.

Faded blue eyes stared only in one direction which was Konoha. His mind traveling within the pictures of how happy people were until they saw him and they would start scowling and throwing petty insults at him. How he shunned them all, blaming himself for everything. Is this punishment? Punishment for a fault that wasn't even mine to begin with?

He wanted them to taste death. Feel his hatred. Have his redemption. Be the one to deliver the requiem. But he couldn't. I'm not like that.

/Do you think that God will save you? Lies, they all are! No one will save you. No one but me. Together, we can give salvation for each other./

/No. I'm not like you/

/You think that you can fool everyone with your deceptions and feigned innocence, but you cannot. You cannot escape this. Escape me/

The stench of blood was hanging heavily in the air, surrounding each one of the surviving ninjas with its mark. It was a sign of their fate; that the crimson fluid will forever follow their path and lead them towards their destruction.

He trudged forward, wearing his usual idiotic smile, directing it to no one in particular. He didn't care if he looked stupid to them. It was his consolation.

/Tell me, are your smiles real? Or are they just another one of your facades/

It was brutal. The demon fox was attacking the most vulnerable part of his being. The assault was leaving him immensely scarred, and somehow, it hurt. It hurt more than the physical attacks hurt him. And in it, he was wounded deeply than most of the people he had known had seen him.

The brave warriors of Konoha returned bearing the good news of victory. They each went in different directions after entering the gates of the village, their symbol that they were at home at last. Many of the ninjas going to drink and celebrate, planning it to be a village festival. Most of them just agreed eagerly can't wait for the occasion. There was peace at last.

"Bye guys! I'm stopping by my house to see my parents," Naruto heard one of the rookie nine say, waving goodbye before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Similarly, the others did the same, excusing themselves to go home. Likewise, he did the same.

Arriving back to his forsaken apartment, he carefully placed his key inside the keyhole and undid the lock from the other side. He stepped inside, his mind automatically reiterating the words 'I'm home', but he didn't say it out loud. There was no one to acknowledge his presence inside anyway.

Home. Is this another one of the lies I've fabricated? It wasn't enough just to be in the comfort of his own private place. His body mechanically went to the bedroom, dropping to his bed like the lifeless child he is. I live my days like any child with a perfect life would have, but why am I still dead?

/Because your thoughts are not your own. Even the words that come out of your mouth is something you've made up. Lies, everything are all lies./

If everything was just a lie, then am I only living in a dream? He found himself asking back; craving for answers from the only being that talked to him decently without shouts and insults, but the consequences of it was dire. Even with the creature residing inside him, he was still alone, more than anyone else ever thought. The physical company he has during the days deliberately vanishes as the wake of the midnight sky rises. His throat burned and no words came out of his mouth as he tried to speak. It jolted him awake, rendering him out of the endless void of mindless wandering, and he cringed at the thought to be locked away in the state of aloneness.

Music can be heard clearly through his apartment window, blaring all over the village at the start of the festival for their victorious battle. Naruto stared as the streets began to lighten until there were almost no dark areas that can be seen, even inside alleyways. The villagers walking about the streets with carefree smiles upon their faces, bodies as light as the wind, not caring where they took themselves emerged. They were happy.

/Are you envious kid/

Naruto turned away from the window and closed it, returning to his original place inside the bedroom. /So what if I am/

A deep throated chuckled resonated inside his mind, taunting, spiting, mocking him of the things that cannot be his. Bloodshot, slit eyes opened and he would've quivered in fear, if only it was the first time he'd seen it. But he wasn't. He was used to it. /You brought this upon yourself kid. Confining yourself in a prison dwelling on lies and fabrications… no wonder you never felt liberated/

It was a fact, but the bare truth he cannot handle, its wicked revelation causing him to shut the voice within him, drowning it in pictures of what could've been, but too late.

A rasp on the front door took his attention.

"Iruka-sensei," he acknowledged the presence that was standing patiently outside his house. His former sensei grinned at him, and was expecting for him to grin back, but the upper twitch of his lip muscle never came. Iruka dismissed it immediately, not wanting to force the blonde into doing something he didn't feel like doing at the moment.

"Everyone is at the village square already. What are you still doing here?" he asked the impassive Naruto that was motionless by the door frame.

The answer never came, the blonde's facial expression darkening by each passing moment, and Iruka was afraid for his sake for the first time since Mizuki's treachery. Naruto seemed to be pondering over a million thoughts crossing his fragile mind, thoughts that were beginning to take over his whole self in increasing speed, trying to change him for something he was not.

…but what is he anyway?

Iruka brushed it away, grabbing Naruto by the wrist and pulling him away. The silent trance-like state shaken away into the depths of shocking awareness that he was being led absent. He caught on nimbly, yet not desiring to be seen excited, not that he was, and he remained his impassive expression.

They arrived shortly, watching as the people mingled with each other in lively vigor. Iruka let his wrists go and instantly, he blended in the shadows, finding it easy to cling on into the darkness that surrounded the forest instead of pushing himself into the light that wouldn't take him in.

Brown eyes scanned the group and saw that the rookie nine together with their jounin teachers were already there. So was Gai and his pupils, Tsunade, Jiraiya and other jounins and chuunins he was acquainted with. It was a perfect attendance.

Or so he thought.

"Where's Naruto, Iruka-sensei?" he heard Sakura ask in the voice that was in between the gentleness of an innocent child and the roughness of an intelligent shinobi who faced difficult battle upfront. The chuunin teacher glanced at her with a puzzled look, knowing that Naruto was supposedly behind him. Immediately, he whirled around, expecting to see the blonde she was looking for, but to no avail. He was gone.

He knew that he shouldn't have let his hand go.

And now he was gone again.

"He was just here a minute ago," he faintly replied, and he earned a couple of worried looks and some curious ones from the group. Others who heard just carried on with their celebration like they didn't know the boy they were talking about at all.

The pink-haired kunoichi bit her thumb and thought. Everyone anticipated the next words that was about to come out of her mouth. Silence ensued, though the music was blaring loud. "Naruto, he's… changed. After the battle he… I don't know… he suddenly closed up," her voice was strained, unable to explain the blonde's most recent behavior. It seemed bizarre to her to see such an energetic kid lose the trait he was known for, especially when his presence carried a passion that brought the heavy air of war gradually fading.

"He's still human," Lee's serious voice spoke up. "I doubt that not even he could bare himself to smile with the deaths of his comrades,"

"No not like that. On the way back, he was smiling until…," Sakura's expression wavered, her voice quivered with fear. "I'm scared," she settled, words cannot make up for what she felt when she witnessed the change in her teammates actions.

"Scared?" Iruka didn't understand, just as the rest of them did not know what she was talking about.

"I'm scared that one day, Naruto will lose his smile," she finished her sentence, but its entirety was still incomplete. And when his smile is gone, will the Naruto we've known still be there?

Everyone tensed up, in their minds still not comprehending the meaning behind every word said and let go. It wasn't like it's the end of the world when Naruto stops smiling. "Naruto does not need a reason to stop smiling. If he wants to, why should we interfere? It's his business what he does. You're so troublesome," Shikamaru drawled out, his face sneering but not from contempt. He knew better. He didn't have hold on what the blonde wants to do with his life.

The undeviating conservativeness of the reply struck Sakura. But this was Naruto they were talking about! If he stops smiling, will he be the same? Or will he just be a stranger? She didn't know. And she wanted to know!

As if reading her mind, Kakashi spoke after raising his head from the book he was still reading. "There are things we thought we knew and there are things we don't know that we want to know, but forcing it out of someone who maybe just didn't want to attend a celebration… we shouldn't make assumptions," At that, Iruka flinched visibly, he was the one who tried to drag the blonde along it seemed.

The male Hyuuga, who was silently listening to the conversation stepped back and exited the scene, going in the direction where he felt he would find the blonde youth. He needed some questions to be answered, and to find the truth, he would have to seek the boy by himself. He didn't need rumors going around his head.

The night was bright and lively. It was almost midnight and most of the villagers and shinobis were still partying the night away. Naruto cannot blame them though. They were just happy.

/Not unlike you right/ Kyuubi spoke up, hissing voice slicing through his mind. /And the moon bleeds for you/

It was true. Hanging above the dark, unclouded sky was the moon, turning red with an unnatural reason, probably bleeding for him just like the fox said, yet he doubted. Are you trying to share my pain? Or are you one of them, scorning me for a deed that I have not done? There was no answer, and the blonde wasn't waiting for it. It was plainly personified, yet he yearned for a response; an assurance that the moon was taking his side rather than fighting him.

He laid down the rocky ground on top of the Mount Hokage, the faces of the past leader sculptured and chiseled to their exact resemblance. He can hear footsteps coming up behind him. Confident and clear, not attempting to be hidden, and the blonde knew in an instant who it was. Only one person could come up to with that distinct sound, determined and focused on a goal—almost the same with Sasuke but fairly different. The killing intent was not there any longer. Diminishing under the change of the times and experiences, being replaced in a snail's pace but steadily becoming stronger. He had respected that.

"Neji," he called out as the long-haired Konoha nin materialized from the shadows and taking a seat beside him. "What are you doing here?" he inquired, though it wasn't in his intentions to face the pale boy. He bit himself back before he could smile.

If his smiles were not real and it was the one that bars him behind then he did not want to smile. Not any longer.

His question was met with silence and both of them stood still, not wanting to break the peace it brought to them. The sporadic momentum it offered was something that shouldn't be missed, like the birth of a new life, it was overwhelming and stunning and at the same time, it was frightening, as if its presence was just another illusion that threatened to wane if disturbed. But periods change, they pass and go, and Naruto thought, so will he.

After all, if his whole life had been a dream, what better way to break loose than to wake up?

Soft tone that was rarely heard spoke again, and if Neji wasn't bodily near the blonde, he would've mistaken him for someone else. "Do you know that even birds are not free?"

It attracted Neji's attention, confounded to hear such matter from the blonde. He did not answer though he just glanced at Naruto, waiting for his next words. "Why is that?" he finally asked after a few minutes spent without any words from Naruto.

The blonde could feel the weight of the Hyuuga's stare, but he ignored it. He just persisted on gazing at the starry sky and the moon that bled red, in his eyes the answer to his own question, the answer Neji was waiting to hear. "Because birds depend on trees to be their perch as they rest. Birds can't fly forever, or they'll die. They realize that even with the ability to fly, they can't be free of the chains that bind them on the ground,"

"But depending on other things doesn't make you a prisoner,"

"Their acceptance towards that is what makes them look free. And maybe that's what's making them free after all," the blonde concluded.

Neji turned his gaze to the night sky as well. "Saying those words makes you wrong then," he told Naruto kindly, pointing out the opposition in his words not to spite. He was rather… amused at the intellect the blonde was showing him at first, and then spinning back to square one.

"I guess,"

"So tell me, why aren't you smiling Naruto?" Pale, white eyes once again returned their attention to the boy beside him. Naruto now stared back, with the seriousness he never quite owned, his blue eyes actually revealing that at the moment, he was afraid to smile.

"To be free," he said simply, the demon in him snorting in disgust not pleased to see that the vessel he was trying to break was molding into something stronger.

Neji left it at that, the warmth within them was intoxicating, each not desiring to leave. Instances such as this one rarely occur and both struggled to hold it in their hands and lock them in their memory before they forget. And Naruto did not want to forget, because on this day, this single and most important day for him, he finally said his own words. Words that weren't covered nor tainted with lies and veiled within the opaque skin of a happy child, words that were overflowing with different, pulsating emotions that in the past, plague his mind, but now was evident. Words that turned the wheel to a different future, laying down a path which he knew, led down a path towards sanity and peace.

Finally… he had woken up.

-Cue: Harmonia-

A/N: ahh! I'm so cruel! I just had to write this because when I was about to sleep, sentences just pushed its way inside my head and it demanded to be written into a one-shot! I'm sorry! I know I should've just made the third channel of Kremlin Dusk or the next channel of Incarcerated Soul… but I couldn't help myself…

So… everything aside… what do you think? For me… this is certainly a PWP/Angst…

Review?