RFC sat down at her computer and went onto the computer and opened up her trusty Microsoft Word and watched as the pretty white paper-like thing popped up just waiting to have utter chaos written on it known as the human language… called English.
RFC Wanted to write a parody that would make everyone laugh until they bleed. Alas she wasn't sure of where to start… unlike every other idea for a story she had ever gotten from her Idea Dragons (curse their little souls for she loved them because their ideas were so good, but like her-the dragons were either very lazy or on vacation.) She was finally doing something on her own… for the first time in the history of her fanfiction writing…
She looked at the blank screen and began piecing together little tid-bits of information she knew of Kingdom hearts and Final Fantasy… Then it hit her… She sneered as she began typing the title and all that jazz…
Clones in Kingdom Hearts
By: Roaring Flame Cat
-For silverstrifey and Silver Neko for their stories of Chocobos that never did quite attack, and stories told by my favorite kitty man Kimahri have made me laugh so hard in the past and inspired me to write this fanfic…-
RFC typed those words and then wish that she had an answering machine to play a disclaimer for anyone who asked… Oh how she wished she owned her favorite bishies that were created by Squaresoft… but she didn't and how she hoped no one would beat her with sticks for if she used an idea simmilar to the stories listed above. Like silverstrifey's third person view thing… and an idea that came from Silver Neko's story which in turn sparked the idea for the entire fic… OH! And for Rose Flame's idea of sticking Al Bhed in her fic Faith and Feather.
RFC smiled upon finally finishing the God/Leviathan forsaken disclaimer… and began to type the beginning of her fic happily.
Sora sat by himself just looking at his shoes above the water thinking "Gee I bet I could make a boat with these shoes…" Somewhere else in a far far away land a man named Tidus was doing the same and thinking, "God my shoes make me look sexy… Chicks dig the shoes…"
"Uh Sora….? What are you doing…?" Riku asked standing a few feet behind Sora. How he got there in the fist place the autoress didn't have a clue… But at this point in time she didn't care for it was VI in the morning, she was wired on caffeine (courtesy of Red Mountain Dew), and she had been listening to heavy metal for the past X hours…Oh… and she couldn't stop writing in roman numerals…
"Contemplating my own theory on how chicks would dig me more than you…" He replied with a smile. The authoress too, smiled at the simple minded Sora-kun… for he waz her bishie… She didn't know what bishie meant… and again she didn't care at this point in time. All she knew was that it meant something good…
Riku sat down next to Sora and gave him a smirk "No you weren't. You were planning to become like that little old lady that lives in a shoe-"
"Nuh uh…"
"Ya huh…"
"Nuh uh…"
"Ya huh…"
"Nuh huh……."
The authoress leaned back in her leather computer chair with the squished down cushion and starred at her computer screen blankly. "GAWD I get on the computer to write a parody and thiz iz all I can come up with! ….. Hmm…" She thought for a minuet and took another swig of her RMD. "AH! It needs Kimahri…" She said with a sneer… as she began twisting the world of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy into her own twisted version. As she did so she began to laugh… Slowly and quitely at first but it quickly turned into something you'd either hear from Hojo as he touched one of those lamps that make you're hair stick up, or Yuffie going into hysterics upon hearing the words 'Materia doesn't exist'
Thank Leviathan that it did…. For the authoress too, loved the shiny colored spheres of wonderful and painful surprises for if you were the enemy… Anyway getting off topic… She finally laughed so loud and so insanely it waz heard in a very VERY far off land… where people are very silly… but the authoress loved them so…
"NANI TSUNDAY!" A silly Japanese woman screamed at her silly Japanese husband and two silly Japanese kids as they looked at her like she was mentally insane.
"Dear… No one speaks Japanese anymore… He said peering over the rim of his glasses as he folded his Japanese newspaper in half so he could give his Japanese wife the most confused sort of look he could possibly give with his Japanese eyes.
"Nani?" She asked again.
"Hun… How many times do I have to tell you… we… silly… Japanese… people… do… not… speak it…. Only read…. And write… in it… and ya wanna know why?"
She nodded and he cleared his throat. "We only write in Japanese so that when a certain authoress purchases Doujinshi from her favorite websites we can be extra sure that she will be drivin' insane by the silly symbols we call words… as this cirtain authoress can not translate our language. For she only has one silly book of how to translate Japanese… but it is completely useless for Doujinshi… Thus the reason we write Doujinshi…" He said with a smug look as he flipped his silly Japanese newspaper open again and began to read from it…
All the while the two silly Japanese children on the floor were playing with silly little Japanese figurines that the authoress wished she had. One had a little Hamtaro figure and the other a pokemon that the authoress did not know it's name… (althought she wish she did...)
The child with the pokemon looked up and asked, "Tu oui drehg sudran ryc paah tnehgehk dra lmayhehk lraselymc ykyeh?" (Do you think mother has been drinking the cleaning chemicals again?)
The child with the Hamtaro looked at him and then her mother with a questioning look before she answered with a sigh. "Hu... E drehg dryd cra'c paah bmyoehk fedr dra bansyhahd synganc ykyeh..." (No... I think that she's been playing with the permanent markers again...) The pokemon kid sighed and their father looked at them with an odd look. Though he didn't say anything.
"Tu oui drehg ra lyh ihtancdyht Al Bhed? (Do you think he can understandAl Bhed?)Hamtaro kid asked.
"E ruba du dra knayd yht sekrdo Pikachu God hud... E sayh ed uhmo duug sa, fryd? Y suhdr du sasunewa yht vehymmo maynh ruf du cbayg...?" (I hope to the great and mighty Pikachu God not... I mean it only took me, what? A month to memorize and finally learn how to speak...?)Hamtaro kid nodded and continued to play withher little figurine.
The authoress finally regained enough sanity to stop laughing (at the fact that she had written the word 'Japanese' and 'silly' over XX times each in under a minuet. And because of the fact that Kingdom Hearts was going to be a shell of it's original story.) As she finally realized every car alarm in the immediate area (and then some) was going off, and many evil looking fat people dressed in blue suits holding boxes of doughnuts were pounding on her front door.
"Fudge… If they break down my door they're paying for it…" She rolled her eyes and just continued to write for she knew all to well that she could take on a bunch of fat cops… She bought shuriken at her last convention. "Haha… yes my shuriken and dragon daggerz" She mumbled with confidence and then went back to typing her story.
"EEK! WHAT EES KIMAHRI DOING IN PLACE THAT ONLY KIDS ROAM LIKE CHOCOBO RUNNING FROM TEE-DUHS!" Kimahri screamed as he somehow appeared in a strange place surrounded by water…
"Did someone call?" Tidus asked as he walked toward the voice that had "supposedly" called him.
"GASP!" Kimahri screamed yet again, "BOY FROM PAST THAT TRY TO HIT ON POOR YUNA WITH HORR-EE-BLE SAYINGS LIKE 'CHICKIES DIG MY SHOO-Z!'"
"Say what?" Tidus asked with confusion.
"YOU NO FOOL KIMAHRI! YOU EVIL COPY, YOU!" Kimahri said pointing his clawed finger out as if he was intending to gouge poor Tidus' eye out.
"Whoa! Calm down kitty dude… I think you might have me confused with someone else…" He said scratching the back of his head.
The authoress thought this would be a wonderful time to have sommore fun as her twisted vision of all of her favorite Squaresoft games became even more twisted.
"H-hey! Where am I?" Tidus said as he looked around being overyly moronic as usual.
"GASP! THE WORLD NO LONGER MAKE SENCE TO POOR KIMAHRI BRAIN! WHY MUST BRAIN BE SO CON-FEE-USED!" Kimahri howled out as he clutched his head with his giant paws… Oh how the authoress would love to hold those paws in her hands…oh how she loved fuzzy things…
Tidus looked at Tidus and Tidus looked back at Tidus. The two looked at each other and seemed to be frozen in time. Tidus lifted his gloved hand and Tidus lifted his ungloved hand to his. Their hands touched and it was like a connection was made…
The authoress thought it would be really creepy to have a Yaoi fic about Tidus and Tidus. So with a laugh she shook the thought out of her mind. "Silly yaoi thoughts… heh… though Shonen-ai waz alwayz more my thing…" She sighed as she continued to type… But first she read over the paragraph above and began to laugh again… So far that was her favorite paragraph… for it was horribly fun to read real fast...
Tidus pulled Tidus into a BIIIIIIIIG hug and they began to cry on each other's shoulders… being as moronic as they were, they thought that they were brothers… They had not realized that they were the same person… yet… one was younger… and came after the older one came along… MAN the stork must've screwed up BIG time with that delivery…
"Silly spant people…" The authoress laughed as she paused for a moment to get a pillow to replace the squished leather seat she had been sitting on for so long.
"Hey RFC… What 'cha writin'? Yuffie said strolling calmly into the lair of the Authoress.
"HUSH! At thiz point in time I be known only az de AUTHORESS!" She began to laugh manaically again.
"How come?" Yuffie asked as she watched RFC dig through a pile of stuffed animals trying to find a pillow.
"I'm trying something new with my stories… I'm trying to refer to myself in a third person view…"
"Why's that?" She asked watching RFC slowly disappear in the pile of stuffed animals and random plushies that had been unearthed as RFC dug deeper and deeper into the pile.
"I've been reading Attack of the Chocobos by silverstrifey again… She does it why can't I?" RFC replied. Her voice getting quieter and softer by the minuet.
"I didn't say you couldn't…. I just asked why…" Yuffie replied taking a seat on RFC's bed, waiting for her long-lost-sister to resurface.
-Many minuets later-
"I FOUND I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IT!" RFC Chimed upon finally finding a pillow.
"What took you so long?"
"Oh I waz talking to Axel…" RFC replied calmly.
Yuffie gave her a quizzical look. "Axel? What's he doing in you're stuffed animal pile?"
RFC gave her a bit of a smug look. "I'm holding him for someone…" She said as she placed the pillow on the seat of the chair and sat down.
"Why are you suffocating him under countless stuffed animals!"
"Naw… he's ok… I check on him every now and again to make sure he's not dying or hasn't escaped… and he's actually a cool guy to talk ta…"
"………Are there any other –cough-hostages-cough- in you're room?"
"Only time will tell Yuffie-sama…" RFC replied with a cool expression and went back into her third person view position.
Selphie was merrily skipping her jump rope, (the cheep imitation of her former weapon in VIII) When she saw Tidus with an older man… and he was CRYING! Selphie instantly went into her overprotective girlfriend mode and began to smack the older man silly.
"HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BOYFRIEND YOU PERVERT!" She screamed and continued to smack him until finally Tidus came in a stopped her.
"S-Stop Selphie!" He said with pleading eyes.
"WHA-! WHY SHOULD I! THIS PERVERT WAS TRYING TO STRANGLE YOU!"
"NO! YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG!" He corrected her. "AND SINCE WHEN AM I YOU'RE BOYFRIEND?" He said with a look of confusion on his face. "We're brothers… I think it would be easy to tell…" He said taking a position next to the older version of himself… Again him being so stupid he didn't realize that the person standing next to him was the older more moronic version of him.
Leviathan only knew how stupid Selphie was, it was as if when she went to being younger in KH she lost pretty much every brain cell she could possibly loose… The authoress sighed for she loved Final Fantasy VIII Selphie… and KH Selphie was just so GIRLY it was sickening! And we all know how stupid girls are… Thus the reason the Authoress wore the name/gender 'Tomboy' with pride.
Selphie looked at the man she was attacking (who now had a fairly nice lump forming on his head from the jump rope) and then back down to her "boyfriend" with a sort of questioning glare that the authoress hated so much… Oh what she would've given to slap that look off Selphie's face.
"… Are you guys twins?" She asked finally after a long period of starring at the two.
Tidus looked at Tidus for quite sometime when the taller more moronic Tidus finally gave her a reply. "Are you crazy? We look noting alike!" He said giving her odd looks that only the older more stupid Tidus could give.
Selphie smiled that cat-liped smile of hers and simply said, "Ya… you just keep telling yourself that…" Then she skipped off into the distance, leaving Tidus and Tidus to give each other odd looks like 'WTF?'
The authoress gave Selphie an odd look. "Selphie actually acted smart…?" She looked slightly frightened for quite sometime, but then she realize she had nothing to fear for Yuffie would help fend off the you'd-swear-it-was-the-end-of-the-world-Selphie.
The authoress turned around to find her female ninja friend… But she was nowhere to be found. The authoress thought this was quite odd… but she shook the thought off quickly and continued on with the story.
Now Sora being slightly stupid during the story line of Kingdom Hearts he was usually even stupider than Selphie in most parodies… such as the one the authoress was now typing… But since the authoress loved Sora and all his simple-minded stupidity… she decided to give him a break… And torture Riku instead… MAN this paragraph was pointless………
Riku stood on Paopu Island looking out onto the ocean (like he was in the beginning of KH… When they were asking Kairi if she was a being from the beyond) when Sora popped outta nowhere and pounced on Riku.
"Ha ha! I pounce-ed you!" Sora said with a huge grin that made the authoress want to hug him to death.
Riku only looked into Sora's big eyes with his lust filled ones… He grinned a grin you'd only find of Sephiroth's face. "Hey Sora… Wanna reenact the beginning of Kingdom hearts?"
"Sure!" Sora said with his big cute smile.
"Ok then you stand right where you were when the heartless attacked." Sora obeyed and stood where Riku had told him. Riku held out his hand and looked at Sora with the same lust in his eyes as he had been giving Sora at the very beginning.
Riku was about to take Sora's hand and pull him into the kiss that he so deserved from Sora when Sora yelled out something so incoherent… it was well… incoherent. Sora then ran off laughing like a kid who was underage and walking out of a magazine store with as many Yaoi and Yuri doujinshi as the kid could carry.
Riku looked at Sora and cursed. "I'll get that kiss if it kills me…" He mumbled as he laid down on the trunk of the Paopu tree… Still eyeing Sora out of the corner of his eye.
The authoress looked at how the story was coming along and laughed much like she did in the beginning of the story, for she knew Riku would never get that kiss… she just like to play with his poor darkness infused soul… Well at least for now… and plus she liked Sora X Riku Shonen-ai…… as long as it was kept to a cirtain degree... as she always said...
Sora ran off in the direction of his 'Secret place' when he passed Tidus playing Pokemon cards with an older man. He halted in his tracks, wondering who this older dood was and why he looked just like Tidus.
Well being as simple minded as he was (much like the authoress) he looked over at what they were doing for a second and then continued to walk toward his 'Secret place'. Much like the authoress things were only interesting for so long… Although the authoress had a larger attention span than her dear bishie Sora… she probably would've done something of similar standards sooner or later.
Anywho… Sora merrily skipped off to his 'Secret place' when…
"EEK THERE'S A BIG GAINT KITTY IN ME SECRET PLACE!" Sora screamed as he tried to all forth the Keyblade from the depths of the name-blade realm… Sora stood there for a second… and then another… and another… and another…… When he finally gave up on his baby returning to him and picked up a stick that was silver, had a sharp edge and looked like a gun.
"BANG KITTY BANG!" Sora screamed as he held up the really BIG silver, sharp, gun shapped stick.
"Kimahri no fall for cheep attempt to frighten Kimahri away…" The big kitty said as he curled into a ball in Sora's 'Secret place.'
Sora glared at the big blue kitty and was about to poke him with the stick he found, when who should appear outta nowhere? Why SQUALL!
"It's Leon…" The scar-faced… er Swor-gun wielder corrected the young authoress…
The authoress sneered as a plan hatched inside her materia obsessed mind… (not as obsessed as Yuffie, mind you but still……… at least for the summon materia…) She would save it for later though…
Squa-er… Leon looked down at little Sora and plucked his "stick" from his hands. "This is not a toy…" He said coldly as he hoisted the "stick" onto his shoulders.
"RIP OFF ARTIST!" Sora screamed as he kicked the swor-gun wielder in the shin… hard… and jumped into his 'Secret place' with the giant blue kitty, who didn't seem to mind much.
Squall went colliding with the earth with something that sounded like a muffled scream and a large crash as he ate sand and salt water. There he laid… motionless… No, Sora did not kill him he just went into a state of shock from being defeated by a boy with no last name…
Sora glared at the swor-gun weilder from under Kimahri like one of those soldiers in those ditch things with grass taped to their head so the enemy doesn't see 'em. Squall laid there motionless and after a while Sora's short attention span caught up with him and he went back inside his 'Secret place' With Kimahri still on his head.
After a loooooooong while Squall finally realized that he needed to breath air in order to live (unlike some people the authoress could mention from Final Fantasy X) So he FINALLY resurfaced to the land above for the long forgotten "air". Although Squall could've just tilted his head and would've been able to breath… due to his face was only in II" deep water…
By now it was night and everyone was asleep… Due to that what everyone does when the sun goes down… well that is everyone except the authoress… oh yes… the authoress was forever under the curse of C-A-F-F-E-I-N-E… Alas that didn't change the fact that Squall was having urges for salt and vinegar chips…
"It's Leon…" Squall scolded the authoress again… She only sneered as she thought that now would be a good time to put her idea she schemed earlier into action.
"Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall, Squall…" She said with confidence. Oh how Yuffie had influenced her mind… and oh how she loved it… and the Copy and Paste buttons… she loved those too… For Squall didn't have the ability to do that…
Squall sent the coldest glare he could possibly muster to the authoress. A glare that she swore could've rivaled that of--- 'GASP'
Oh how the authoress loved her ideas… and oh how she loved leaving people in suspense…
The authoress leaned back in her chair again with a sneer of pure delight as she thought of the next character to appear in her story. Many different ideas began to flood her mind as she just sat there sneering at her computer screen.
Squall probably would've given her more death-glares if she had not decided to end the first chapter there…
She thought that many people would be confused for quite sometime at the cliffhanger she left the readers with. Even though she could remain her cool when it came to making a new story… and waiting until it was just perfect before posting it… she was anxious (from all the caffeine) and wanted to get this story up as soon as she could…
She sighed and looked around her room still wondering where Yuffie was… Oh how the authoress was getting lonely… and how she was loosing all feeling in her butt… She sighed with a bit of annoyance and forced herself to stop typing and get another RMD.