A/N: Hopefully by the end of this I'll be cranking out chapters every month again... until then!

WARNING: Unbeta'd and short.

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Marui Bunta was walking home after a tough day at tennis practice (despite the fact that depending on the storyline of the series he should be in high school by now) noisily chewing on his trademark gum. Normally, Bunta wouldn't be walking home alone right after practice (instead he'd usually hang with regulars and… eat) but today was different. And so, the pink-haired boy was walking home when he should be emptying his friends' wallets.

Another odd thing about today was that Marui Bunta was feeling quite uneasy (and he never felt uneasy) which bothered him to the point where he began chewing gum that had long lost its flavour. Today Marui felt like something was going to happen. Something big. Like some big and evil plot was lurking over the horizon just waiting to reveal itself to him. And he didn't like it. And Marui Bunta did not like things he did not like. That's just the way it was.

Deciding that the queasy feeling was probably all the clashing sweets he ate; Bunta decided to settle it by eating some sweets that did not clash (because, you know, Bunta is always right about everything). Reaching into the bag he was carrying Marui produced a frosting covered doughnut. Spitting out the gum that was now hurting his jaw because of the effort it took to chew, Bunta inhaled the doughnut. And then another, and another, and another and so on and so forth.

By the time the boy had finally reached his house he realized that he was out of the doughnuts he bought for a midnight snack (as if he expected them to last that long) and sighed at his misfortune. Crumpling up the bag, he stuffed it in his pocket and began to lick any excess sugar of his hand. Using sticky fingers to open the door that led to his house, Bunta made his way in.

"Mom, guess whose home?" Bunta called to the strangely empty house. And we all know that when houses are strangely empty something bad is going to happen. (And Bunta did too of course; he and Jackal didn't watch all those horror movies for nothing.)

Pouting in annoyance the volley specialist dumped his bag on the floor by the door and made his way right towards the kitchen. Scrounging around (in the fridge, in the cabinets, under the table…) Bunta frowned when he noticed there was nothing for him to snack on in the kitchen. This was a bad thing because today Bunta feeling particularly snack-ish.

Suddenly remembering that there was a freezer (that most likely held ice cream or something of the sort…) in the basement Marui made his way out of the kitchen and past the swinging doors with a sigh. He didn't really like doing all of this work for something that should come to him easily. Muttering under his breath Bunta made his way down the stairs and into the basement where surely, something bad happened. (And, no, I am not talking about the missing freezer that Bunta was sure was there this morning because, of course, he needs ice cream every morning as a part of his diet.)

There in the basement were his immediate family members (all four of them) and they were dressed funny. Not just 'ha, ha that's so dorky' funny but like full-blown, weird, out-of-this-world funny. His beloved family members (not the incestuous way, of course) were wearing robes, and ugly brown ones at that. Just staring at the robes made him hungry because we all know that the colour brown stands for chocolate, right? Either way, if the brown robes weren't weird enough the muttering was. Not just because it was muttering (the habit of muttering in irritation ran in his family) but because it was muttering in another language. A language his entire family knew and he didn't. This didn't make Bunta too happy.

"What is this!" Marui shrieked from his place on the stairs trying not to become one those over-dramatic female actors (actresses?) you usually saw in mystery/romance movies.

The biggest figure (his mother) turned in his direction and lifted the (ugly brown) hood from her head. Looking up at her eldest son she gave him a smile that mothers always give their children when they have a job for them to do that no one else wants to. "Sweetheart, I was hoping you'd stumble across our little… ceremony."

"Mom!" Bunta shrieked girlishly once more. (This was only possible because his voice hadn't cracked yet.) "What is all of this? And how did you know I'd be home early?"

His mother cackled (because we all know that only men and boys are aloud chuckling) and replied in a very normal-but-not-quite-normal voice, "Ever the inquisitive mind, Bunta. I'm afraid only a few of those questions can be answered."

The pink-haired (because as of now everyone else in his family had red hair except for his dad, who had purple) boy just stared at his mother expectantly.

Said woman began to sweat-drop under the heavy stare that nobody knew Marui was able to pull off until now but since only his family was here they will be the only ones who have this piece of information which they will never forget because Marui's Heavy Stare and damn intimidating. (A/N: Wow… I can pull off a Shinji!) Giving her eldest sun another fake smile the only woman whirled around, away from the boy this story revolves around. "Darling," she said referring to her husband, "please, explain your heir what is going to be taking place over the next little while."

Bunta blinked. "Heir? Heir to what?"

His father gave him a stern look (that Bunta was able to see because everyone else had removed their hoods at some point in time) before answering. "Bunta… you are the heir to this family as the oldest son. And so you must… become the pillar of Seigaku!"

Bunta stared at his father blankly. "Care to run that by me again?"

His father coughed repeatedly into his fist. "I mean… become the leader of this family!"

Marui straightened up and looked down at them all. "What the hell are you all on?"

His brothers began to snicker. "Aniki you shouldn't speak to your beloved family members like that!" They chorused together (because twins can always speak at the same time.).

"Shut up brats!" Bunta glared at his brothers. Didn't anyone in school tell them not to abuse drugs?

"Bunta!" Came his mother's sharp voice, "You should respect and love your family!"

"But mom!" Marui whined. "You're all being creepy and weird!"

"Bunta…" His father began. "You are not to speak about you're family in such a manner."

"Yes dad…" The pink-haired boy looked at the ground and pouted. When he was married and kids he'd never… oh wait, he was gay.

"Sweetheart," his mother cooed, "you need to find a spouse."

"…"

…?

Oh look, he fainted…

…!

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Marui awoke to a weird feeling on his nose. Has he woke up a bit more he realized the feeling that of his mother repeatedly tapping her finger against said nose. How long has she been doing that…? The bubblegum-haired boy wondered but didn't ask out loud for reasons known only to him. "Mom, what happened?" Was what he asked instead feeling slightly grateful that his voice wasn't all croaky.

"Isn't it obvious dear?" His mother gave him an incredulous look and stopped tapping his nose. "You fainted."

"I did not!" The eldest Marui son screeched.

"Yes you did," his mother said gently. "That's why you're on the floor right now."

"I did not faint," Marui said hotly, "I passed out."

"Either way sweetheart you have to go and find yourself a spouse." His mother got up, no longer in her robe.

"Where am I supposed to find one of those?" Bunta asked getting up and walking towards the newly appeared freezer.

His mother was now half-way up the stairs. "Oh, you're on a tennis team right? Finding someone that shares your interests should be easy."

Bunta paused. Someone from the tennis team…? And so… he set out on his quest to find a spouse.

THE END