Author's Note – I forgot the Principal of St. Bartleby's name, I can't remember if they specify, but my brother misplaced the whole series so I couldn't refer to the books, anyway his name will be Mr. William Abbot. Also I know nothing about bombs or blowing up places, I couldn't think of a high-tech and original way to do it, so forgive me. This is a One Shot.

The Arsonist

Yet again Artemis Fowl found himself sitting patiently outside his Principal's office. He inspected his nails as he waited uncomplainingly. His blue eyes rose to the gilded letters spelling 'Principal' on the wooden door. Just then the door swung open and a stern looking man regarded Artemis with a bespectacled gaze.

"Come in, Master Fowl." He said grimly.

Artemis took a seat on the plush couch positioned just in front of the Principal's desk. The low lighting lamps shone a golden glow on Artemis' pale face. He observed his Headmaster with an amused expression, but secretly he was curious as to why he was here. No doubt about his unexcused week long absence. Artemis had come prepared; he had a genuinely fake doctor's note inside his jacket pocket

"Enlighten me, Mr. Abbot," The boy said, "Why am I here?"

The suit clad man shuffled papers on his desk, "You are here, Master Fowl, because you have not been in attendance at Saint Bartleby's for the past week. Unexcused."

Artemis smiled with composure, the smile did not last for long, just as he was about to reach into his jacket to pull out his doctor's note Mr. Abbot said, "Don't even assume that I will believe that doctor's note you have, Artemis."

A dark eyebrow shot up on a pale forehead.

"I had a chat with your mother, Angeline, regarding your absence." The headmaster continued, "She has assured me that you were not suffering from any sort of malady." It was Mr. Abbot's turn to smile.

"So you enlighten me, Master Fowl. Where were you this past week?"

Artemis's mind raced with excuses, before he could voice one, his headmaster remarked again, "Actually you don't have to tell me, Artemis, I am quite sure I know exactly where you were. Zurich, am I correct?"

The boy genius went over his chances of dodging this predicament in his head, he decided to come clean. After all, Mr. Abbot did have his mother on his side.

He smiled his vampirish smile, "You've caught me, Mr. Abbot." Mr. Abbot glanced up in surprise; he had expected this student to deny this occurrence. "What's my punishment? Detention? Extra Work?"

"Don't take this matter lightly, Master Fowl." Mr., Abbot said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "This is no simple affair; your punishment will be much greater."

Artemis didn't answer. He waited patiently for Mr. Abbot to continue.

"The School Board and I have reached our decision," He said gravely, "You will be expelled, Master Fowl."

"Expulsion, Mr. Abbot?" Artemis said, he was poised and calm for someone who was about to be expelled, "Surely that is too severe a punishment for merely missing school."

"Do not think you can talk your way out of this, Artemis. Your disregard of the school rules has gone too far."

"Mr. Abbot, clearly you can come up with another penance." Artemis said, leaning forward in his chair.

"There is no other option." The Headmaster said conclusively.

The boy genius leapt out of his chair. He pressed his palms on the Principal's desk and lowered his gaze to meet Mr. Abbot's.

"Do you really think expelling the most promising student in the whole of Ireland, perhaps the world, is a good decision, Mr. Abbot?"

"The School Board has made its choice, Artemis."

"They suppose expelling a future Nobel Prize winner is an excellent idea?" Artemis asked with a sneer, "It is unfortunate that a school with a reputation as great as this one should have a School Board full of fatuous imbeciles."

The pale youth turned to leave, before he departed he spun around, his blue eyes gleamed maliciously. "You'll regret this." He said, slamming the door behind him.

"Artemis. There is no need to get angry at me. You brought this on yourself." Angeline told her son firmly.

"You could have at least lied. For my sake, Mother." Artemis said.

"Lie?" Angeline asked appalled, "This is what's wrong with you, Artemis. You have no morals. I thought I brought you up correctly."

Artemis wanted to say that he had brought himself up, but seeing as his mother was already upset, he decided against it. He retired to his room to seek out a suitable school for a child prodigy, not to mention, billionaire. He sipped his Irish spring water as he scrolled down many pages on his computer screen. He was intently reading the advantages many schools claimed to have. Claimed, Artemis reminded himself, was the operative word. Deciding to take a rest for his slightly frazzled mind, he lit an aromatherapy candle specially bought over the internet. The advert for the candle declared it relaxed the mind and body when the fragrance was inhaled causing the inhaler to experience ultimate tranquility. Ultimate tranquility seemed to be just what Artemis needed right now. He leaned back in a black leather chair and skimmed the pages of a Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen booklet. The glossy pictures made him sick. How dare the school think they could humiliate him like that? Expel a boy genius? Their loss!

He tossed the booklet over his shoulder and let his head fall back and his shoulders droop. He was about to let his mind wander when the sudden whiff of burning paper struck his nostrils. He got up out of his chair to see the glossy booklet burning on the flames of the aromatherapy candle. He fished the booklet off the flame but the pages were still on fire. The picture on the front page was of the impressive and grand school, but held in Artemis' hand it was turning black as the flames licked the paper. The paper began to curl and fall away. Artemis allowed himself the luxury of a smug smile as he watched his old school burn up.

Suddenly his smile turned malevolent and his eyes gleamed.

Of course.

Why hadn't he thought of it before?

"Burn down St. Bartleby's?" Butler said his eyebrows rose over his dark sunglasses.

"Yes, Butler." Artemis said, "I know how it sounds, but it's what I plan to do."

"Is it really necessary, Artemis?" Butler asked, skeptical.

"Completely necessary, it's about time they learnt they can't mess with Artemis Fowl." The boy genius was deeply offended by the act of expulsion. Usually he didn't let emotions let the better of him, but St. Bartleby's had to be punished.

"I hope you don't mean to burn down the school complete with students and faculty?" Butler inquired.

"Of course not, Butler." Artemis scoffed, "I don't mean to commit mass murder."

"So what do you plan on committing?" Butler asked.

"Arson." Artemis smiled.

Artemis relaxed in his room, reminiscing his school days. It wasn't as if he wouldn't find another one, but obviously St. Bartleby's was the best Ireland had to offer. Artemis felt horrified he had to settle for second best. He certainly wasn't going to beg for them to take him back. If he got St. Bartleby's out of the way he would wind upgoing to the best school Ireland had to offer.

Butler was downstairs in the study going through the Fowl family's various contacts. Unquestionably one of them could be of assistance. To help him relax Artemis decided to hack into the school's security site. It would be amusing, at the least and help along the plan.

After about half an hour a slight knock sounded on the door and Butler entered, in his hand was a piece of paper which he handed to Artemis.

"Calvin O'Hara," Artemis read off the paper. "How fast can you contact him?"

"Already did." Butler said, "He'll be in Dublin by tomorrow morning."

Artemis nodded. Content with Butler's work he gestured to his bodyguard that he could leave now.

He turned his attention back to the paper. It contained all of Calvin O'Hara's contact information as well as a list of all the buildings he had 'worked'. He was satisfied that Butler had picked the right man for the job.

Artemis drummed his filed nails on the glass surface of the table. He was impatient, Calvin O'Hara was late. Something he did not like in business associates. Butler had performed several background checks on Mr. Calvin O'Hara He seemed trustworthy and professional. That was enough for Artemis to schedule a meeting with him.

After a few short sips from his chilled water glass, an unkempt man walked through the door of the exclusive restaurant. He was almost stopped by the concierge, but after he realized he was here to see the young Fowl he was immediately allowed to pass. Artemis shot Butler a dubious look from across the table. The man sitting opposite him was not what he expected of a professional arsonist. His auburn hair was greasy and untidy, his clothes on the verge of tatters and he had a stubbly chin. Artemis was dressed in the very finest of designer suits, his dark hair slicked back and blue eyes alert. He was not physically imposing in anyway, unless you expected to be scratched by his manicured nails. But everything Artemis lacked in size, he made up in intellect. If that didn't scare anyone then the seven foot tall bodyguard behind him eager to do his bidding would.

Artemis decided to take the first step.

"Mr. O'Hara." He said, "I understand you can help me with a little problem of mine."

"If the problem involves burning down something, yes, I can help you." Calvin drawled.

"Good." Artemis said, "I want you to understand, Mr. O'Hara that everything that happens between us is strictly confidential."

"I understand." He nodded, "Now what do you want me to do?"

"There is this building. I want you to burn it down." Artemis slid a paper across the tabletop, "Here are the blueprints."

"A school?" O'Hara said.

"You will do it while there are no people in side of course." Artemis assured him.

"Of course." O'Hara nodded, his head still bent over the blueprints. His head suddenly lifted, he looked at Artemis straight in the eye. "How much am I going to get for this job?"

"Money is no problem, Mr. O'Hara. If you do the job correctly you will receive a satisfactory compensation." The pale youth slid another piece of paper across the table. This had some numbers written on it. Calvin O'Hara smiled when he saw it.

"Done." He drawled. A brief but firm handshake was performed over the table and both parties prepared to leave.

"Oh and Mr. O'Hara," Artemis called before he left. "I like my steaks well done."

Mr. O'Hara smirked, he got the message.

"Artemis, why did you hire an arsonist?" Butler asked, "We could have gotten the job done ourselves."

"Butler, dear Butler." Artemis sighed. "Don't you see? Once the school is reduced to cinders they are obviously going to turn to me as the first suspect."

Butler nodded.

"We will make sure I have a suitable alibi while the job is taken care of and that Mr. O'Hara is flown safely out of the country soon after. If he is caught he might confess."

"I would have loved to burn down St. Bartleby's myself," Artemis smiled at the thought, "But I'll be happy with just watching it burn."

Artemis continued, "I'm sure it will drive Mr. Abbot and the rest of his friends on the School Board crazy knowing I did it, but having not enough proof to accuse me of it." Artemis leaned back in his favourite black leather chair. A telephone rang on the mahogany table on Artemis' right. Butler picked up the receiver and after an exchange of few words handed it to Artemis.

"It's O'Hara," He said.

"Mr. O'Hara, I've been waiting for you to get in contact with me." Artemis spoke into the phone, "What are your plans?"

"I've decided on a simple petrol bomb. Several small bombs actually, nothing that will cause much damage to the formation itself, but it will result in blazing fires. To burn the school black, like charcoal." He said.

"Or a well done steak," Artemis took a stab at a joke.

"Exactly,"

"Very well," Artemis said, "When, where and how are you planting these bombs?"

"The perimeter moving inwards towards the centre. When one bomb is triggered the rest will initiate as they will be placed in a sequence. I have some inside men working on the job. Disguised as janitors and such, they will place the bombs whenever you like, but in my opinion I suggest you wait as long as possible to place them, to prevent them from being found."

"I see." Artemis said, "I think the 29th will be a good date. Two weeks from now. It will be on a Saturday and the school will be relatively empty."

"What about your alibi?"

"Ah, yes." Artemis grinned, "The most important part. It so happens that on the 29th is the biggest society event of the year. I usually avoid such occasions, but I think I can make an exception just this once."

"Good."

"I will ensure that my presence be known to Mr. Abbot, he makes it a point to attend such drivel." Artemis sneered, "Very well then, Mr. O'Hara I shall expect you here tomorrow at 11 AM. I want to meet all your inside men as well as inspect the bombs. We will also run through the plans for the trigger and the depositing of the bombs."

"Alright."

The call ended.

Two Weeks Later

"Arty, the car is waiting for you," Said Angeline, positively beaming at her son. She couldn't believe that he was actually going to a social event.

"Yes, mother, I am aware of that." Artemis said, fixing his tie in the mirror, "Have Juliet tell Butler that I will be leaving in fifteen minutes. I have an important call to make."

"Okay, Arty" His mother smiled brightly then shut the door quietly as she left. Artemis sighed, his mother had no idea.

Satisfied with his refection in the mirror he turned to the telephone and dialed Mr. O'Hara's phone number.

"I presume everything is in place?" Artemis spoke into the receiver.

"Flawlessly," The familiar gruff voice replied. "Rest assured there will be no glitch in the initiation."

"I shall." Artemis said, glancing at the grand grandfather clock ticking by his desk. "All evidence will be destroyed?"

"Yes," Calvin said.

"Good man," Artemis praised, "Now I must go. I will expect to hear the detonation at exactly 10:15 PM."

"You'll hear it."

Artemis replaced the receiver and exited his room.

It was very uncharacteristic of Artemis Fowl to mingle with guests at a social event. Then again it was uncharacteristic of Artemis Fowl to be at a social event. Artemis, flanked by Butler, soon located Mr. Abbot, his former principal. The man was amicably chatting to a group of well dressed people. Artemis smirked once he noticed that they were in front of a large floor to ceiling window. This window faced Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen. The perfect place to see the explosion. It was quite fortunate that Griffin Hall was located as it was.

"Ah, William, good to see you," Artemis said, he referred to his former headmaster by his first name, as he was no longer enrolled at his school, Artemis saw no necessity for titles.

"Master Fowl," Mr. Abbot said, genuinely surprised to see Artemis there. "What brings you here?" gesturing to the crowds of people, drinking, dancing and merrymaking. It was not an environment Artemis liked to be in frequently.

"I have decided to change my ways, William," Artemis lied, in spite of what his mother thought, Artemis could lie without a pesky conscience. "The expulsion from St. Bartleby's has made me reconsider my actions. I have decided to turn over a new leaf."

"Hmm." Mr. Abbot murmured disbelievingly, but the way Artemis said it, so sincere, it made him want to believe him. Only God knows what Master Fowl could achieve for mankind if he just put his criminal tendencies behind him, Mr. Abbot had thought on many occasions. Maybe he really did mean it, he thought.

"Master Fowl," A broad shouldered man in a tailored suit approached Artemis. "I am Frederick Castle, a director on the School Board."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Castle." Artemis said politely, no one would imagine that furtively Artemis would have loved to see Butler slash Mr. Castle's throat.

"I trust you are the boy we just had expelled from St. Bartleby's." He laughed with gusto. Artemis clenched and unclenched his fist, but his face remained expressionless.

"Why, Mr. Abbot told me you were quite the cheeky devil. I didn't expect you to be so charming, Master Fowl." He said.

"Well, William is known for his exaggerations." Artemis commented, sipping his drink to keep from strangling Mr. Castle. Any comparison between Artemis and a 'cheeky devil' was enough for him to see red.

Artemis checked his wristwatch. Only 13 more minutes to go.

Riddled with impatience for what he felt would be one of the most important and blissful moment of his life, Artemis decided to get a refill for his now empty glass.

"No alcohol this time, Artemis. I don't want your mother getting bothered." Butler warned.

"Surely, Butler," Artemis scoffed, "You know I can hold my alcohol well for a minor. Even if I did get drunk, do you think anyone would notice with the incident about to happen?"

Armed with a full flute of champagne and a seven foot tall bodyguard Artemis resumed his place in the circle of School board directors and principals. He had decided to be present when the explosion occurred.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Artemis said, clearly over the voices of the partygoers. "To St. Bartleby's, greatest school in Ireland!"

"To St. Bartleby's --" The guests started, but they never finished, because just then a deafening noise struck everyone's ears. All heads turned to the large window overlooking the grand school. In its place were colossal flames rising by the minute. Gasps and shouts filled the room as people panicked. Artemis tried very hard to act genuinely surprised, but it was a known fact that Artemis could never play dumb for long.

"You did this!" William Abbot hissed at Artemis after he had gotten over shock.

"Why, Mr. Abbot that is a terrible accusation. Do you have any proof?" Artemis said, pretending to be deeply offended by the statement.

"I'll get you for this." He shouted.

"Careful, Mr. Abbot, you don't want to go around threatening boy geniuses. You'll never know what they'll do." Artemis advised. He turned, leaving the principal shaking his fist, red faced and frothing wild.

Artemis followed the crowds of people rushing to the rooftop to get a better look. He waited patiently for a group of teenagers to pass so he wouldn't have to be jostled and then entered the elevator. All around him was talk of the bomb.

"Was it a terrorist attack?"

"Ohmygod, maybe, it was like, a suicide bomb, like."

"Or…maybe…a sign….from the future…"

Artemis rolled his eyes. If only they knew they were standing in the same elevator at the conspirator behind it. The elevator tolled when it had reached the desired floor. Once again, Artemis waited patiently to avoid being manhandled.

It was no problem for Artemis to get spot where he could see the school burning brightly. After all, he had Butler to fight away crowds to manage him a good place. He stood there for a long time watching, just watching. His school days burn away, just like they had when he was expelled. His old school was soon engulfed in a blazing inferno.

Soon the crowds began to fade, people either got tired of watching the growing flames or they hopped into vehicles to go get a closer look.

From the corner of his eye he saw Mr. Abbot approach.

"It's atrocious." Artemis wailed in mock anguish, his head in his hands for added effect, "Who could have done such a thing?"

"Don't pretend, Artemis, I know you did this." Mr. Abbot sighed.

"You know nothing, Mr. Abbot." Artemis said, raising his head, "Neither do your friends on the School Board. You know absolutely nothing."

Mr. Abbot didn't say anything.

"Surprising, I thought you would defend yourself." Artemis mocked. "You felt so sure, didn't you? That day, when you expelled me, you felt so sure you were doing the right thing. How do you feel now, William?"

Mr. Abbot had been rendered speechless. Slowly he turned and left, without a word, defeated.

The orange glow from the rising flames lit up Artemis' already gleaming eyes. He smiled his vampirish smile.

No body messes with Artemis Fowl without having to pay the price. Nobody.

THE END

Author's Note - So what do you think? Please review, I don't mind if you critisize me, I suppose it's for the best...