Disclaimer: Don't own slayers. Maybe one day when/if I win the lottery and/or make millions on the stock market I will. Until then I make no profit from this.

87, 88, 89, 90… 90 tiles on the ceiling. 54 boards on the floor, the wallpaper pattern repeated 36 times and that was the 4th time Amelia muttered 'justice' in her sleep.

Damnit you're not supposed to be paying attention to her! Zelgadiss berated himself and rolled over on his side to face away from the princess.

It was hard not to focus on her though, purely because he was trying not to. Even as he told himself to ignore her he was listening intently to her breathing and the occasional word or expression that filtered through her sleep.

By the time he got to the room she was already changed and curled up in bed sleeping lightly, and so it should have been easy for him to do the same rather than have to talk with her or feel embarrassed knowing she was on the other side of the screen as he changed. But no, it was impossible. He'd been nothing but aware of Amelia since Xellos said those fateful words;

"Oh don't worry Miss Amelia, it could have been worse. Imagine if YOU had drunk any of that."

That had of course conjured an image to his mind that Amelia would no-doubt have called 'unjust' and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep that image out of his head now that he was in a room with her… alone… Ack! He grabbed the pillow and covered his head with it and willed himself to sleep. He would not become a pervert, he would go to sleep and forget all about her.

"Mr Zelgadiss..."

Zel sat up sharply and looked over at the princess. She was still sleeping. But... she had said his name? Was she dreaming of... him? Why would she dream of him? Were the others in the dream? Was it just himself? Had she said his name with affection or just her normal cheery manner? Was it a good dream? A nightmare? Did it matter?

Why would she dream of him seemed to be the million dollar question though and only one answer flitted through Zel's mind; maybe she cared for him?

"…Miss Lina that's my meatball…"

Maybe not.

"For jus…ti…ce…"

Murmuring the last phrase Amelia turned in her sleep and faced away so he could no longer hear her ramblings. That was five times she'd said it then… ACK! Don't pay attention, don't pay attention!

XOXOXOX

No matter how she twisted or turned she simply could NOT get comfortable! Laying on her front was impossible, on the side cramped whichever arm was beneath her and laying on her back put more pressure on her ribcage due to gravity and the mass that had accumulated on her chest... It just wasn't fair! If she had shared with Amelia or Zel she could have asked them to slap a sleep spell on her but no, she was with Gourry.

Gourry... Gourry who had been worried about her. Enough to suggest this... Gourry who was... awake and staring at her!

"FIREBALL"

"Oooow, what was that for?" a now crispy Gourry asked.

"What do you mean 'what was that for'? You were staring at me!"

"You were tossing about, I was checking to see if something was wrong."

Lina blushed and looked away. He'd been worried bout her again, and she'd... she shook her head and pulled the covers closer around her.

"Lina? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Gourry. Go to sleep..."

Lina looked back over to find him already snoring lightly although he looked slightly burnt around the edges. She sighed and decided there was only one way she would be able to get any rest, it might not work but there was only one way to find out. She put her hand on her forehead and concentrated "Sleep." The spell took effect almost instantly so she wasn't able to stop her head hitting against the headboard on its journey back to the pillow.

XOXOXOX

Amelia bounded down the stairs the next morning with all her usual enthusiasm. But when she got to the table where her friends were she found them looking a lot less than 100 percent. Zelgadiss had bags under his eyes and was drinking more coffee than usual, Lina was massaging a bump on the back of her head and Gourry had patches of soot on his face as if he'd been fireballed...

"Morning! Did everyone sleep okay?"

Zelgadiss jumped at the sound of her voice and looked away giving a stiff nod in answer of her question. Lina muttered 'fine' around a mouthful of pancakes, one hand still rubbing the back of her head. Only Gourry looked up and smiled at her.

"Yup, how about you?"

"Out like a light" she grinned and helped herself to the few remaining pancakes sacrificing one to Lina in order to avoid the silent death threat she received upon taking the last one. Lina's glare could bore holes through mountains.

After finishing her meal she was going to ask if they were moving on or if they would stay at the inn until Lina's ...situation was resolved when they were interrupted by a new voice. The gang looked over to find the innkeeper and another man they hadn't met standing by their table.

"Excuse me, are you Lina Inverse?"

"Depends, who's asking?"

"Ah, forgive me, my name is O'Hara I'm the mayor of this town. I was wondering if you might be interested in a job..."

"What sort of job?"

"I'd like you to take care of some bandits that have been plaguing the town recently."

"Don't you have guards or something to deal with this type of thing?" asked Lina, leaning back in her seat folding her arms and giving an 'I'm-not-interested' look that O'Hara seemed to miss.

"We did have a pair of mercenaries hired to deal with it, but they seem to have vanished..."

XOXOXOXOX

At that precise moment said mercenaries woke up in the hallway that connected the baths and the rooms with splitting headaches and found themselves in a rather awkward position. Practically nose to nose and lying one on top of the other they very quickly became aware of whose hand was where exactly and after blushing furiously for a few moments they disentangled themselves at light speed took off in different directions to find an order of monks to join. Somewhere on the Astral plain Xellos laughed.

XOXOXOXOX

"…You would of course be well rewarded for your efforts. Say… a hundred gold?"

Amelia stood up suddenly, slammed her hands down on the table causing Lina to wince as the sound reverberated in her head, she massaged one temple preparing herself for the justice-speech she knew was coming.

"Let's go Miss Lina! We'll get rid of the bandits and save the town! Those who live in darkness shall be brought to retribution by the hammer of justice!"

"Sit down Amelia, this isn't our problem. There's no way I'd work for that little anyway. Sorry Mr Mayor."

"Oh? Then how about one-fifty and we'll cover your expenses for your stay here?"

Lina blinked and a cat-like grin appeared on her face complete with sharper than normal teeth. She clasped her hands together and smiled as sweetly as possible at the mayor.

"Then I do believe we have a deal. Waiter! Another round please, triple portions like before!"

O'Hara sweated slightly and began to wonder if he hadn't just made a huge mistake…

XOXOXOXOX

"Wow, there are so many of them!" Amelia whispered.

Lina nodded her agreement and pulled back out of the bush they were spying under to form a plan. The bandit camp certainly was large. There were about 2-3 hundred of them in groups of about 20 seated around fires, the odd tent here and there probably containing supplies and loot and a couple more bandits. No way would she have ever thought of clearing this out for a hundred gold!

The best way of clearing out a camp like this was to scare as many bandits away as possible. So she had to go down into the camp and pull off a couple of big spells to surprise and scatter them. A drill brand or a blast ash… maybe a mega brand, then again given the average IQ of most bandits they'd likely be scared off by a burst rondo. Gourry would stop any of the braver bandits that tried to get close to her while casting and Zel and Amelia would pick off any stragglers. The problem was how to get down there without being seen.

"Well what have we here?"

Scratch that idea.

"Well there goes the element of surprise. Trust a bandit camp of this size to have a patrol." She said nonchalantly before fireballing the unfortunate guy and turning to face the legion that had now been alerted to their presence.

Around her Gourry, Zel and Amelia took up fight stances realising quickly they were going to have to brawl this out. Without giving the bandits the customary time to brag, make cliché puns and so on they launched into their attack. Flare bits and Burst rondo's from Amelia divided the mob into smaller groups while Daug haut's and the occasional Vlave howl from Zelgadiss altered the geography enough to keep them in their smaller groups and finish off the few who weren't fast enough to get out of the way of the lava. Gourry moved from position to position taking down bandits in their tens with single sword strokes. He was never where he was supposed to be and never in the same place twice as the bodies piled in his wake.

After finishing off a most spectacular drill brand that killed/maimed/scared off most of the remaining bandits and in a brief moment of lucidity Lina wondered how it had happened that a Black magic sorceress, a descendant of the original swordsman of light, a Chimera great-grandson of Rezo and a princess of Saillune had become so close that they fought together flawlessly without having to talk over plans beforehand. Amelia had it wrong, life wasn't wonderful –it was weird.

The moment of lucidity ended as the dust settled and Lina looked out triumphantly over the scene of devastation, holding up a victory sign as her friends regrouped.

"That's what you get for messing with Lina Inverse!"

The few bandits who had somehow and rather miracouslymanaged to remain unharmed through the attack exchanged glances and one stood forward slightly.

"Lina 'the bandit killer, dragon spooker, walking force of destruction' Inverse? That Lina Inverse?"

"I prefer 'Beautiful sorcery genius' actually." She replied with a flick of her hair.

The bandits exchanged looks again, started to grin and then… burst into laughter.

"That's a laugh! You Lina Inverse? You're just some wannabe fangirl! Lina Inverse is flat."

"What?" Lina's voice was dangerously low and the gang could almost see the angry energy crackling off her "How dare you call me a wannabe? I'm-"

She was interrupted suddenly by a popping noise and everyone looked for the source only to see her chest had deflated. There was a moment of shocked silence (in which Gourry thought "Damn" having learned the hard way not to say so out loud.) until the bandits started howling with laughter again.

"You really are her! Ha! Lina Inverse stuffing her chest! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lina, now a similar shade of red as her eyes from a mixture of anger and embarrassment acted exactly as an angry, embarrassed Lina could be expected to.

"Darknessbeyondtwilightcrimsonbeyond-" she began to rattle off and only Zelgadiss' chimiric speed saved Gourry, Amelia and himself from being caught in the blast that shook the entire country a few seconds later.

"DRAGON SLAAAAVE!"

It was a long time before any bandits dared insult Lina Inverse, even when she wasn't within earshot.

XOXOXOX

Looking highly satisfied with herself Lina strode into the inn pronounced the bandit situation dealt with and ordered four platters of the house special ("Ahem." "Oh alright, three and a pot of coffee.") Her unfortunate friends walked a good step behind her wearing looks of annoyance, frustration and relief before they made their way to a table in the corner of the room and slipped back into the usual discussion. Skirting around the latest little escapade until…

"Here you go!" chirped the waitress "Three house specials and a pot of coffee!" she set the food down on the table, stepped back and in the fashion of waitresses everywhere asked; "Is that everything?"

Lina's face bore a resemblance to the one she had worn when she first tried 'dragon cuisine' AKA Orc and Whale meat.

"Umm… what is this?" she asked looking at the horrifyingly familiar blue colour.

"It's a new recipe we got from a travelling priest a few days ago! It's been very popular with the women here."

'Oh' thought Gourry, so the soup was okay after all.

"It doesn't smell bad" Said Amelia holding a spoonful to her nose. "It's a strange colour though."

The spoon was millimetres from her mouth when it was slapped away from her, a resounding 'NO' coming from Lina's direction.

"Amelia don't! That's the stuff I drank! It made me-"

POP

Very slowly Zelgadiss lifted his head from his coffee. That sound… Nervously he looked at Lina, she was still her normal self. Even more nervously he looked at Amelia she was…. Also still her normal self (Damn). He didn't have any so that just left…

XOXOXOX

The wolves of Wolf Pack Island twitched their ears in the direction of the cry of ultimate suffering echoing from somewhere on the mainland. In the Greater Beast's chambers Xellos paused in his task of refilling her wine glass to give his mistress a pleading look. Sighing Zelas waved her hand dismissively

"Go on then, if you must."

Xellos grinned and refrained from doing a happy dance- dignified monsters did NOT do the happy dance. He phased from his mistress's presence to reappear near the inn forcing his legs to remain still as he looked in through a window.

He estimated it would take Lina and Amelia about three hours to corner Gourry and force him into drag, which they would soon (with a little assistance) realise was the best option. The swordsman's fear during those hours would be most delectable. Not to mention his feelings thereafter.

Yes, Life was won- well… highly amusing anyway.

XOXOXOX

A/N: Xellos doing the happy dance… Can you imagine? I cracked up when I thought of that. Anyway…

I really need to stop this, but I just can't find a way to end it, too many lose ends. I think the chapter with the most definitive ending was the first, I really need to learn when to stop.

Mistress Dragonflame; I absolutely hate myself for not thinking of the sleep spell. In retrospect however, when fighting an opponent who is physically taller/stronger than oneself people tend to forget the little details. Besides, I couldn't have had Gourry and Zel jump in to save them that way and Gourry's 'I-told-ya-so' look would have lost its edge. Glad ya like though. Lina Gabriev: That's an interesting idea, although I agree that I have no idea how I'd get Naga into the fic. I was actually referring to the first chapter when I said I tried to keep the pairings out (I reckon you can read it without seeing any pairings- lets face it how ELSE would Zel react to a mental image like that?) The second and subsequent third chapters refused to be written without pairings. Glad you like and yes hopefully Lina will get a lesson out of this. The way things are going now though it looks like Gourry might too. Lesli; Sorry, okay Lesli. How about just 'Les'? hehe, anyway another update! I am writing other fics too, but they're a lot less spur-of-the-moment, longer and (in my opinion) a lot less funny. I do have a couple of one-shots written but they will probably never see the light of day. I know you can never really critique yourself but I'm not confident enough in myself and writing skills to post them without hours of pointless tweaking that will most likely make them worse. So we'll see how much of a boost I get from the reviews from this before I think of other things.