Disclaimer; I write stories for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others. I don't own the slayers, but if I can make people happy by using them is that really such a bad thing? Is that not why they were created in the first place? Entertainment? In that case long live the legacy of the Slayers through any means possible! (Particularly fanfiction)
XOXOXOX
Gourry took a deep breath and stayed very, VERY still. His life depended on it. He was hiding in the closet of what had become Amelia and Zel's room and he could hear the little princess moving about looking for him. Hopefully she wouldn't think to look in here, it was very small and cramped – not somewhere anyone would think to hide for a long period of time… Sometimes being an idiot has its advantages.
How had it come to this? Oh yeah, he'd eaten that soup. He should have known to trust his instincts and leave it alone rather than take the waitress's word that it was okay. But he'd just been so hungry after destroying the bandit camp that his instincts had been overruled by his stomach. And now he had… breasts… and it was NOT a nice experience. When he'd been forced into women's clothes before he'd found that the weight on his chest (not to mention the frills around his legs) got in the way of his sword and movement, indeed the only time he hadn't removed said clothing before using his sword was in Fe… Fe.. Fem… that place with all the shrine maidens where his life really did depend on looking like a girl.
But this was so much worse. This wasn't just a little stuffing he actually had breasts. Thankfully not as big as Lina had had, more on a par with Amelia -probably because he hadn't had any to start with. And now Lina had decided the best way to get through this was to dress him as a girl. That was one thing he didn't want to go through again. The first time had been bad enough, the second could have cost him his life and the third almost did when Amelia decided HE would be 'bait' for a sea dragon… she was definitely starting to act more like Lina.
No, he wouldn't let that happen again. He'd stay in the closet until the soup had worn off, it couldn't take THAT long.
"Hallo!" Chirped Xellos suddenly appearing in the confined space next to the swordsman and startling him so much he fell out of the closet with a yelp and landed on his back looking up into the blue eyes of Amelia.
"Ah, there you are Mr Gourry! MISS LINA! I FOUND HIM, OVER HERE!"
Mission accomplished Xellos disappeared back into astral space with a grin to watch the proceedings.
XOXOXOX
Lina settled back into her chair at the table opposite from Zelgadiss. They'd finally cornered Gourry and forced him into drag. She'd just left Amelia to put the final touches on with make up. She did feel kinda sorry for her protector, but then maybe this would teach him not to make comments on her chest size again.
"Look at this." Said Zelgadiss and handed over a flyer he'd been reading.
"Spring-time festival." Lina read aloud. "Dancing, stalls, games, fireworks, fun for the whole family… Hmmm, well it would be nice to have a break for a while, just have fun without having to worry about dark lords or bandits."
Zelgadiss sighed and nodded. He'd been expecting that reaction even if it wasn't the one he wanted, he hated crowds. He would just leave except he was out of leads for a cure and wherever Lina went rumours and hints were bound to follow so he'd stay until he got wind of a cure.
He began to seriously reconsider that decision however, as Xellos suddenly appeared in the seat next to him.
"Hello! How are you today?"
"Xellos, just the monster I wanted to see!"
Xellos had no time for more than a surprised 'oh?' before Lina had him in a headlock that would have cut off his air supply had he needed to breath.
"The waitress said they got the recipe for that soup from a travelling priest. That'd be you wouldn't it?"
"That is a secret."
"Well that's a 'yes' if ever I heard one." Said Lina before slamming the trickster's face into the table and saying 'Life. Is. Wonderful.' right in his ear.
"Now, now Miss Lina there's no need for that!" Said Xellos holding his hands out in a pacifying gesture and turning slightly green.
"I think there's every need, but what are you doing here Xellos?"
"Oh I just thought I'd stop by and see how you're all doing and give my commiserations to Gourry. It's fortunate you managed to stop Miss Amelia eating any though." He said with a sly glance at Zelgadiss, but was disappointed to find he elicited no reaction from the chimera whatsoever. His mind had been cleansed of all 'unjust' thoughts about the princess very effectively by the image of Gourry with breasts – some things are just not meant to be seen.
Lina was about to reply when an argument at the top of the stairs drifted down to their ears.
"Come ON Mr Gourry! It's not that bad!"
"Yes it is! I'm NOT going down there!"
"You can't stay in your room all day! It's not just to leave your friends by themselves!"
"Where's the justice in forcing me to wear this?"
"Well… um… It's like Miss Lina said! You shouldn't have made those comments about her! Besides I went to a lot of trouble to find that dress for you!"
Amelia appeared, walking backwards and dragging Gourry by the arm. She gave a fierce tug and the swordswoman –err swordsman stumbled into view as well.
Amelia had gone to a lot of trouble to find the dress. Instead of the usual pink he was forced into when he had to go in drag Amelia managed to find a dark blue dress that pretty much matched the colour of the armour he normally wore. Even more amazingly she'd managed to find the only dress in town that didn't reveal vast amounts of cleavage. Due to the sudden increase of voluptuous women in town the tailors had been making the dresses smaller and cut much lower than could be considered decent. Gourry's dress however could be called turtleneck, with a collar that came up to just below his chin. White lace peaked out from the end of long sleeves and the skirt brushed the floor disguising the fact that he was still wearing his boots underneath it. His hair was caught back by a bow at the base of his neck and trailed down from there, except of course the bangs that were too short to be pulled back and fell over his face as they normally did. Mascara accented long lashes and a rich eyeshadow further complimented his eyes, a touch of gloss tinted with the lightest shade of pink made his lips seem delicate and, for want of a better description, feminine. Finally Amelia's pearl necklace and some clip-on earrings completed the ensemble.
Seeing the look of abject misery on her guardian's face Lina tried her best not to laugh, but was unable to stifle a small giggle which she hastily disguised as a cough. Xellos however was grinning widely.
"Oh dear Miss Gourry! You mustn't scowl like that, if the wind changes it'll stick!"
Giving a look that could have killed Gourry slid silently into the last seat at the table leaving Amelia standing. She was okay with this though, it was far easier to pose for a justice speech while standing.
"Mr Xellos! It's unjust to tease someone for things they can't control! At times like this true friends must stick together! So long as we have love and justice in our hearts we will help Miss Gourry through!" Suddenly realising what she had said Amelia flushed and back paddled furiously "I mean Mr Gourry! We'll help Mr Gourry through!"
Gourry's head hung and he drew patterns on the table with his index finger, a cloud seeming to hang over him. Not one to let anyone get depressed Lina slapped him on the back forcefully and tried to cheer him up.
"C'mon Gourry! Look at this! Spring festival! It starts tonight so we'll go along and I'll buy you dinner okay?"
"Really?" Asked Gourry looking up, the thought of Lina buying him dinner for once cheering him immensely. Lina just nodded and held up a victory sign. Zelgadiss sighed and decided it probably wasn't a good idea to point out that their expenses were being paid so Lina wouldn't really be buying him dinner at all. Lina probably realised that anyway.
XOXOXOX
They made it to the town square just as the music was starting. The entire town had been decked out with bunting and lanterns which trailed from house to house above the street. Everyone in town seemed to be happy –even for a festival. And Lina guessed it was because the bandits were gone.
The moment they arrived Amelia bounded out onto the dance floor and the only way the gang could spot her was by looking for the flash of yellow between the dancers –Amelia had changed into a sundress she had acquired on their latest adventure and her hair was wreathed with daisies, buttercups and primroses. Even Lina had changed into the black and gold trim ensemble she had worn in Femille. Only Zelgadiss remained in his usual clothing refusing to wear anything 'festive' though he did keep his mask and hood down.
They found a table that had been set up outside the tavern from where they could watch the dancing and claimed it as their own, Lina putting her feet up on the chair next to her reserving it for Amelia. Gourry brightened a bit as he watched the dancing, his foot tapping in time to the lively music. He may even have joined in were it not for his current…situation.
Xellos appeared out of the tavern moving towards their table carrying a pitcher and several tankards which Zel eyed warily.
"What did you put in that Xellos?"
Xellos gave a look of absolute indignation even going as far as to open his eyes to glare at the chimera.
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Tampering with good drink indeed, Lord Beastmaster would have a fit! You make me sound like some sort of monster!"
"You ARE a monster Xellos." Lina pointed out. Gourry blinked and looked round the table.
"Why would Xellos put anything in the drink?"
"He was the one who came up with that soup recipe" Zel explained and Gourry's eyes narrowed. Oh he did, did he?
Sensing the hostility from the usually calm swordsman Xellos grinned. But decided to change the subject as fast as possible, he wanted to stretch this out as long as he could and that meant putting off any physical confrontation. Pouring the drinks out he asked where Amelia was.
"I'm right here." She said, appearing by the table and claiming her seat from Lina before slumping down out of breath but grinning widely.
"Phew, it's been a while since I've been to a dance like this." She remarked looking over the dance floor as another reel stuck up.
"I'd have thought you had dances like this in Saillune all the time?" Zel asked.
"Yes, but not for this kind of dancing."
"That's odd" said Lina tilting her head slightly "I can't picture you slow-dancing."
"You'd be surprised." She grinned before blinking and turning to Gourry, only now noticing the death-glare he was giving Xellos "Is something wrong Mr Gourry?"
"Oh he's fine" said Lina dismissively and plonked a glass down in front of the swordsman "Here Gourry, drink up!"
Amelia got as far as opening her mouth to point out the injustices of drinking when the band announced the next dance as one she was familiar with. She jumped out of her seat and took Zelgadiss' hand
"C'mon Mr Zelgadiss, dance with me!"
"NO!" Zelgadiss snatched back his hand as if he had been burned, but the look of hurt and rejection on Amelia's face was enough to make him regret it instantly.
"I don't dance. It's nothing against you Amelia, I just don't."
Is what he wanted to say but he hadn't gotten past a stuttered 'I' before Xellos put an arm around Amelia's shoulders and began leading away her to join the dance.
"Let's go Miss Amelia, I'll dance with you."
"You dance Mr Xellos?" She asked, surprised.
"Oh I picked up a few steps here and there." He said, smiling at the sensations he felt as Zelgadiss joined Gourry in giving him death looks.
Lina sighed and leaned back, thoughts from earlier drifting by her – life was most definitely weird. First she'd drunk that soup, then Gourry had called a situation right (when he suggested they share rooms), then the bandit camp, then Gourry drunk the soup now Amelia was dancing with Xellos -what next? Zelgadiss would say he liked his chimera body? That was certainly the next weirdest thing that could happen.
"Miss Lala!"
Of course she could be wrong.
Gourry froze. He didn't have the best memory in the world but he remembered THAT voice. Very slowly he turned and found himself looking into the eyes of someone he'd hoped never to see again.
"Lala it IS you!" cried Volun throwing himself to his knees in front of Gourry "I finally found you!"
There were two occasions in the history of the world where someone had said or thought "well it can't get any worse" and it actually been true. The first was L-sama upon regarding her new creation, the second was a golden dragon who had broken his wife's best china, been forced to sleep outside, told his mother-in-law was visiting, had his breakfast stolen by his children, caught a terrible cold the day before, given a pay cut,ordered to do guard duty outside in the rain and was (at the time he thought it) on his knees staring down the handle of a certain jewel-tipped staff with the distinct feeling his death was going to be as painful as the beast priest could make it. He was of course, right.
But while it was entirely possible that Gourry's day could have been a whole lot worse, it certainly didn't feel like it to the swordsman.
"V-volun!" cried Lina as Gourry sat there thunderstruck. Zel arched an eyebrow, Volun? He's heard this story before hadn't he? Something about Gourry being proposed to… Suddenly the chimera's life slid into perspective and didn't seem quite as bleak as his friends did at that moment.
"My dear Lala" Volun rasped, taking both of Gourry's hands in his and holding them to his chest "At last we can be together. After the dragon attack I feared I'd lost you but now we're together again we can get your sisters blessings and be married at once!"
Gourry collapsed backwards into a dead faint as the image of himself in a wedding dress being married to another man flitted through his mind. Complete with Lina and Amelia throwing flower petals everywhere and Zelgadiss standing in the back arms crossed as ever.
"Lala? LALA!"
"Oh dear" Said Lina and gave a little giggle "My sis seems to have been overcome. I'll just take her back to the inn to recover"
"Please, allow me to help Miss Lili."
"No, no that's fine" Said Lina showing considerable strength as she managed to support Gourry wrapping one of his arms round her neck "I can manage and I don't think she'd like the thought of you going out of your way to help."
Lina started to drag the swordsman off and Zel made as if to follow but Lina shook her head.
"You better stay here and tell Xellos and Ame- um, Lulu where we are." She said before moving off leaving Zelgadiss to deal with Volun.
XOXOXOX
Gourry came to, sweating and looking around feverishly. Was it all just a dream? He looked down. Nope, he still had breasts so that part wasn't a dream, but what about…
"So you finally decided to wake up huh, Lala?"
He looked over and found Lina sitting on the other bed watching him.
"What happened?"
"You fainted. So I had to lug you back here and leave Zel to deal with your boyfriend."
Gourry shivered "Please Lina, don't even joke. What am I going to do?"
"Well the way I see it you have three options, 1 hide here until it's time to leave, 2 Face Volun and tell him you don't love him…"
"What's option three?"
"Give up and get married."
Gourry collapsed backwards again shaking his head furiously. That was definitely not an option he would consider. Suddenly, something rare and unexpected happened; Gourry got an idea. He wasn't sure it was a particularly good idea but in this situation anything was worth a short, right?
"Hey, Lina?"
"Yeah?"
"If Xellos made that stuff then it's like magic right?"
"Kind of. Monsters don't use magic like we do, so it's more like a timed curse than anything else."
"Right" said Gourry, letting that information go right over his head "but if it's like that, can't you do that thing Amelia does? That spell that cancels the others?"
Lina blinked, the flow break? It couldn't possibly be that simple could it? There was no way Xellos would make something that could be countered so easily. And if he had that meant she had gone through all that when it could have ended much sooner.
Not sure if it would be better if the spell worked or failed Lina held her hand out towards Gourry and chanted the words.
POP
'It'll wear off in a few days' huh? Oh that monster was gonna get it!
XOXOXOXOX
A/N: And here we go, Xellos' streak of luck runs to a close. How exactly does one get vengeance on a monster? Well you'll just have to wait and see. As for Volun, he'll be dealt with too.
This chapter wasn't as funny as the last few methinks. And i doubt the next one will be much better, i seem to have lost my inspiration... Ah well, i'll try anyhow.
CarolinaWhiteRose: Thank you, though I'm not so sure it's such a great story myself. When it comes to humour though, timing is everything. It just wouldn't have been funny if she deflated anywhere else than in front of a crowd like that. Anna Nimmie Tee: Thank you! I think that's the best compliment I've ever received. I quite agree that that was the best chapter; it's all going downhill from there but I try my best. And yes I imagine a happy dance would hurt Xellos, but then he always has displayed some masochistic tendencies.