Chapter Three: Certain Destiny Unclear

Selphie boarded the train without her usual glee at the prospect of jetting across land. No train songs came to her, no happy thoughts drew her attention away from what lay ahead of her. The guilt of leaving Quistis laying there on the floor was almost too much. She could still see her friend's eyes, glazed over and unseeing, staring blankly across the hall. Stepping over her body, Selphie had made her escape.

The wind whipping past, Selphie turned her thoughts to where she was going. She never made any actual plans ahead of leaving, and now that she had, there had to be somewhere that she could go. Mr. Caraway… yeah, she thought. Rinoa's father had seemed nice enough. Maybe if she told the right lie he would allow her to bunk up there for a few days.

It was perfect weather outside, but the warm breeze didn't thaw the ice that had overtaken her heart.

She was destroyed, completely alone. There was nothing left for her here, nothing left for her to do, to say. Wounds had cut deep inside her, and she felt helpless against the cruel world that had overpowered her.

As the train rattled to a stop, she scooped up her backpack and exited swiftly. The station was filled with people who were happy to see loved ones returning to them.

General Caraway, she thought. Get to him, and everything will be okay.

He opened his eyes and remembered where he was, what he had just done. The last few days overcame him in a flood of emotion, of meaningless turmoil. No one was in the room with him, only a dim light gave him any indication that he was indeed still alive and not floating in a limbo, lost to the void forever. The void that he had momentarily glimpsed in Time Compression.

Seifer tried to sit up but found no strength to do so. He crashed back to the pillows with a muffled grunt. Taking a moment to tell himself that he was in a hospital room, meaning that they hadn't killed him the moment he showed weakness and fell.

How long has it been since he had gotten here. The door wooshed open silently and Rinoa walked through. Outside the window the sun was just rising above the horizon.

"You're awake," she said cautiously.

He managed a grin that came out a ghost of the ones he used to wear with her. When they first met and Rinoa was so fragile, damaged, Seifer had known then that he had had the upper hand in their relationship. He had not known at first what she was running from, and for awhile it did not matter.

They were in love, pure, simple love, until … until Squall came into the picture at the SeeD dance. She forced Seifer out of his life and he wondered the halls hopeless, helpless. When he joined with the Sorceress, he thought in some distant way that he could win her back. If only he was stronger than the opponent, she would run back to him and he would be happy.

The memory that would not leave him from their time together was during the first time they decided to have sex. She slowly rolled down her arm warmers when Seifer saw them for the first time. Scars etched halfway up her arm, some that had just closed over.

When she saw that he was staring, all she offered was, "It was a rough period." She obviously wanted to forget.

Seifer was laying prone, nude, and wanting, but he held himself back. He crawled on all fours over to where she sat on the edge of the bed, her face bent down, concentrating on removing her clothes with out agitating the wounds. "Is it still happening?" he asked, running one finger fearlessly down one of the more fresh cuts.

Expecting her to freak out, he was taken completely off guard when she laid her body back against his. Her hair spilled over his chest and he smelled flowers.

"Hold me," she whispered into his body, wrapping her arms around his back and holding onto him like there was nothing left. "Please, just…"

"Sh, sh," Seifer mumbled. As he breathed in her scent again he leaned back, relaxing the two of them onto the bed. When she rose over him, her hair barely brushing his cheeks, he realized just how much pain she had experienced in her life. As she hovered there, staring into his eyes, trying to tell him her life story without words, she never felt more alive.

"I need you," was all she could think to say. "I need this. Now."

Seifer did not respond, but laid there, ready for her. Her body hit his and they fell together into the sea of euphoria some take for granted.

Back in the hospital room, he watched Rinoa make her was slowly to his side. For a second he was lost in that memory and wished that she would climb into the bed and comfort him like she used to, but realized that nothing was going to bring those days back.

"How are you feeling? When Squall brought you in here, I thought you were dead."

"Worried about me?" he retorted with a slight chuckle. The laugh hurt something inside him and he doubled up, grabbing his side. "Damn."

Her features hardened. "Why are you here?"

"Getting to the point, are we?" he asked. "I knew you guys would not be happy to see me. But I had to come back, ya know?"

Rinoa sat down in a chair, safely out of reach. Seifer realized he did not know where his blade was, and this was the first time he was completely defenseless since before he came to Balamb after leaving the orphanage. "No, actually, we don't know. There is a lot going on right now, and we need to know why you chose to come back, and…" she paused, as if not certain whether or not to go on. "And, how you survived the Time Compression. Everyone thought you had died."

"I came back because I had to. And about Time Compression… well, I don't remember anything after losing to you on Lunatic Pandora. I remember our battle, and then I remember everything being over and I was stranded in the streets of Esthar with nothing."

"Why did you have to come back?"

He looked at her and laughed. "You weren't in the orphanage. Ask anyone from them. We had to come back here. Always must we return to this place. I almost died because I refused, knowing that I might die if I did decide to return."

Rinoa looked at him as though she thought maybe he was delusional. He understood her perfectly, as he was not completely sure what he was saying himself. The words fell out of his mouth and he just kind of let them, not knowing for sure what would be next. "I don't understand what you are saying."

"Look," he said, losing patience. "I don't know what I am saying anymore than you do. If I didn't come back here, I would have died. I felt so sick, being out there, and something inside me told me that the answer was here. Home."

The word slipped out and he wished he could take it back.

"Home?"

Seifer sat in silence. "Bring someone in here that is from the orphanage. They will know what I am talking about."

"Everyone else is… busy." Rinoa said, too tired to make up an excuse for them.

"Busy doing what?"

"As I said, there is a lot going on here. The only one I could probably get in here would be Zell. He's the only one not totally buried in other problems right now, but after everything that happened between the two of you, I doubt that would go so well."

"What about Selphie?"

She sat there, not wanting to say anything, not sure how involved she was supposed to get in this conversation. What if he was just sizing them up? What if some sorceress still commanded him? "She has a lot of … stuff going on right now that she has to deal with on her own. She won't be able to help us until she's helped herself."

For the meantime he seemed to buy it. Rinoa could not help herself from having a massive internal sigh of relief. "Listen," she continued. "We will deal with you when we can. Squall wants it known that you are not exactly welcome here, and as soon as you are back on your feet he wants you gone."

"It won't be that easy," he chuckled.

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's the truth."

Rinoa rose from her chair and backed to the door, being careful to keep her full attention on the man in the bed. "Rest, Seifer."

Without another word she turned and left the room, the door closing with a soft click behind her, leaving Seifer to the brightening day.

"There really is no need," Quistis said, pacing in the Headmaster's office, watching Squall and Zell. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You collapsed and the doctors aren't sure why," Zell said in the most even tone he could manage. "You shouldn't be up here, back to work. You should be taking it easy, lounging around your room or in the lounge. We don't want to risk another episode."

"But you are going to give Balamb Garden back over to Cid just like that?" she said indignantly.

"No," Squall said. "We are letting him take over for a couple days, maybe a week, just to make sure everything is okay with you. He told me that he was planning on coming up soon anyway, he wanted to visit us all." He paused before saying the next part. "And, Matron is coming with him. She's apparently dealing with a lot of stuff."

None of them had spoken to Edea since the downfall of Ultimecia. She thought that it was all her fault, which everyone knew it wasn't, but couldn't help but harbor some resentments toward her. If her coming back here was going to do anything, it was bound to dig up more problems than fix anything.

"What?" Quistis and Zell said in stunned unison.

"She needs to see everyone, she wants to fix some of the damage she thought she caused. Cid said that she's been going through this phase of depression since the…" Squall let his voice die down when he noticed that his words were falling on ears deaf to him.

"I go out for a day!" Quistis said, now bordering on outrage.

"How could you permit something like this without clearing it by us?" Zell asked, petrified.

"Cid has the utmost trust in her."

"So?"

"So it means that we should give her a chance at least."

No one said anything for a couple minutes, just shifted in an awkward silence that overwhelmed the room.

Selphie stepped up to the front door. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door loudly, firmly, trying to blink away the tears from her eyes before the door was opened.

A young maid opened the door a crack, asking who it was.

"Say it's Selphie. General Carraway will know who it is. I need to speak with him."

"The General is a busy man."

"Please tell him that it's urgent.

"Okay," the maid said, and closed the door. Selphie knew that she would be back. She would open the door for her and she would step into her new life. Who knew what lie in store?