Chapter Eleven: Kind of Like Reality

Author's Note: Matron, haha, my AIM SN is BladedSorrow, in case you ever want to talk lol, and I am online a lot of the time.

I really enjoyed writing that last chapter, so I think I may have to put some more flashback chapters in here later. Oh how I love messing with fantasy character's lives! This chapter brings us back to Garden, the next morning. Who knows what will happen?

There is a warning I must make for this chapter. This one contains some … more explicit yaoi in it than the last one. I kinda pumped it up for this. If that REALLY grosses you out, I suggest that you read the first part and… maybe skip the second half of the chapter. No flames, that won't help anything. Thanks!

The room they were in on the train was quiet. Neither of them spoke, and the first rays of sunlight spread across the floor, creeping ever closer to the pair sitting on one of the benches, staring in different directions, lost in different thoughts.

Rinoa could barely contain her rage toward her father, and was going to give him hell like he had never seen before. Hopefully they got to a doctor to have Selphie's injuries examined and documented soon, or else they may not be able to have a case. And she so wanted to do something to send her father to the hell where he belonged. They could not have gone to a doctor in the city, Caraway could have arranged for that to be covered up. He had a lot of sway there.

The girl next to her was curled up in a little ball, taking up the least amount of room possible. Selphie wanted nothing more than to forget everything that had happened to her in the past twelve hours and go on living her life.

It was bad enough she was being taken back to Garden, a place she had seriously hoped never to see again. As much as she loved Rinoa for getting her out of that situation, she felt some impending dread hitting her whenever she thought of the place she called home. All she really wanted to do was to sever all ties, but at this point it seemed like she was going to have to face reality, and her mistakes, and return there.

The thing she was worried about most was Quisits. What if she wasn't okay when they got back? What if she was hurt, or worse? Selphie would never be able to live with herself, and would rather not know than have that guilt resting on her shoulders. If it wasn't real then she could push it to the back of her mind and forget about it for periods of time.

Neither of them wanted to disrupt the silence, but they knew they were going to have to talk eventually. The train was still a ways away from Balamb, and even when they reached that they had to make the hike to Garden.

Rinoa got to a point where she couldn't take it anymore. She looked over at Selphie and back to the window. "Listen…" she started, but the sentence died because she didn't know what she really wanted to say, or what she could say that would improve the situation.

The other girl looked over her shoulder at her, then set her head down on her knees.

"I'm so sorry," Rinoa said.

That made Selphie look at her. "For what?" she asked.

Rinoa stopped, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say. "We used to be so close, and I never… told you about any of that stuff with my father."

Selphie sat up on the seat. Her feet barely scraped the floor of the train. "Can I see them?"

Confused, she replied, "See what?"

She didn't know how to go about this, getting what she wanted, so Selphie stayed silent for a minute before responding. When she did, all she did was pretend to drag a razor across the flesh of her wrist.

Seeing that, Rinoa closed her eyes and gasped. She choked back on the tears that sprang to her eyes and she turned her head away from Selphie.

"Oh God, no, never mind. I'm overstepping my bounds…" Selphie said quickly, trying to repair whatever damage she did.

"No… you're not overstepping anything," Rinoa said quietly. Her fingers played at the edges of the black cloth that covered her wrists. "How… how did you find out about that?"

Selphie slid closer to Rinoa, easily gliding to a position where she was sitting on her knees on the seat, her face inches away from Rinoa's. "When I stayed in your house… I was looking for something, I can't even remember anymore, and I found this basket under your sink…"

"How is that still there?" Rinoa didn't ask Selphie the question, she just let it hang in the air. "Why didn't he… do anything with it?"

"Rinoa…" Selphie said, hugging her friend close. "Please, I need to see this for it to be real…"

For a space of heartbeats Rinoa had the urge to deny that anything had happened to her, that she never did anything to herself. But she knew that it was too late for that, and it would only be fair for her to show Selphie, to give her what she asked for. Rinoa had seen Selphie at her weakest mere hours ago, it would only be right to return the favor.

"Okay, hold on…" Rinoa said gently, easing down the cloth that hung tight around her wrists. She had bought those the morning after her first cutting incident.

Even though the scars were old and fading, it still brought a look of fear and dismay into Selphie's eyes. She couldn't hide it fast enough, and Rinoa saw it. All she wanted to do was cry, instead she ripped the sleeves back into place. "Showing you that was a mistake."

"No, I needed to… for all this to be real." Selphie said, tearing up herself. "How can your father live with himself?"

"I don't know, but we're going to make sure that he gets what he deserves," Rinoa said, taking one of Selphie's hands firmly in hers. "We won't let him get away with this again, right?"

"Right," Selphie said, not sure if she meant it or not. She wanted to run out of the train, to get off at the next stop and just run, keep running until she found a place where she could settle down and finally get on with her life, instead of being stuck in this hell. It was a hell she made only for herself, but one that was just as strong as any other.

She was really thankful that Rinoa had saved her, thankful beyond words, but she couldn't stay with them. That much she knew. She just hoped that she could keep herself together until she had accomplished everything that Rinoa wanted from her. Then she would slip into the background, disappear again, and this time for good.

"Why did you come for me?" she asked, slipping away from Rinoa and looking back towards the door.

"I had to."

Selphie did not quite understand. "Why didn't anyone come with you?"

Rinoa paused. She didn't know how much to reveal to her friend without making her freak out about the whole situation of going back in the first place.

"Rinoa, what's wrong? Tell me."

Locking eyes with her friend, Rinoa knew that she had better tell the truth. "A lot has been going on. There might be something wrong with Quistis." When she saw Selphie's guilty look she quickly added, "But we think she is going to be fine, she's just a little sick."

"That can't be it."

"No," Rinoa sighed, silently cursing the honey-haired girl for being able to see through her so easily. "Seifer's back, but he's borderline comatose, so I don't think there's much to worry about there."

"What else?"

"Cid's back to take Quistis' place until she feels better. He brought Edea with him…"

"What?" Fear rang through Selphie like a hot knife through butter. She scrambled until her back hit the arm of the bench. "Matron?"

"There's really nothing to worry about, I think everything is going to be okay," Rinoa said.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"It's personal, why I don't want to see her again," Rinoa tried to explain.

"And you think it won't be personal with me too? She basically raised me and then tried to kill me, us, all of us!"

"I know…" Rinoa said, at a complete loss for words.

Selphie seemed to quiet down and laid her head against the seat. "I don't know if I will be able to deal with this…" she whispered, and began to cry.

Her raven-haired friend just stared at her, not knowing what she could say, what she could do, in order to lift the burden from the fragile girl before her. There were no words that could make this right, and she knew it wasn't fair to drag her back into all that drama, but she knew that she had no choice.

Certain things couldn't be avoid, like fate.

"Fuck!" Squall shouted, slamming a wet hand against the tile in the shower. Hot water cascaded down his body, removing sweat and blood, burning some wounds that were still sore to the touch. "Fuck!" he yelled again, not sure what else to say.

When he ran to get Cid, he met Edea coming off the elevator. She had been in tears and ranting about something that he could not comprehend. As he rushed to the elevator, jamming his finger into the up button, her words began to don on him and he sank back on his heels, let out a breath of air, and turned to the task of trying to calm her down.

Now he was completely lost, he did not know what he could do to make things better at Garden. Cid's body had been taken out of his former office and they were arranging the burial at the moment. The office was being cleaned, getting ready for whenever Quistis woke up. She was laying in a different hospital room now than the one she was found in, but she showed no signs of waking up.

And Seifer… his body was removed, and the process of cleaning up the hallway and that room began. It was up to Squall as to what to do with the body, meaning if they were going to have a funeral or not. Personally, he thought it was very unfair that that particular burden fell to him, but he knew that it was the last thing he could do for the man he killed.

Standing in the shower, he still felt the heat of the fight weigh down on him. All he wanted was to block last night out of his mind. For Christ's sake, he almost killed Zell… his best friend…

The door to the bathroom opened, and Squall turned, trying to see out of the foggy glass to tell who was in the room with him.

"Squall…" a male voice said. He recognized it at once: Zell.

One of the panes slid open, revealing the small blonde man, standing completely nude before Squall. Squall was speechless, not sure what he should do. It was obvious what the other man wanted, painfully obvious, but Squall was not sure if he could handle it.

"Zell," he began, but was silenced.

"It was me," Zell said, stepping into the spray of the shower and closing the shower behind him.

"What do you mean?"

"That day on the beach, it was me that saw you and…" Zell stopped, not wanting to say the name, not wanting to stir up bad memories so soon. "That saw you in the cave back at the orphanage."

Squall could only stare at him. He was standing before him, a blonde wet dream powerhouse, and Squall had no words. For so long he had wondered about Zell, what it would feel like to touch him, to love him. But now that he finally had the chance he could not bring himself to close the distance between them. He had Rinoa, so nothing with Zell could ever be made real.

Feeling hopeless and lost, Zell turned to exit the shower. "This was dumb, I shouldn't have come here…"

One hand was one the shower door when Squall was behind him, taking him in his arms for a tight embrace. Zell instantly fell back against his friend's slender frame and gave in to all the feelings that had been flying through him for the past couple days.

Still not sure what Squall wanted, Zell remained motionless, but prone to him. What was this supposed to be? He wondered, closing his eyes and just praying that this whole thing was real.

Squall's hand slid down the front of Zell's body, exploring the path the water took as it fell down his ripped torso. His hand stopped, hovering right above the waistline, and Zell's body instantly reacted, and he knew exactly what he wanted to happen next.

Spinning around, Zell and Squall met in a whirlwind of kisses and caresses. They explored each other's bodies for the first time, each thinking the same thing: that as amazing as this was, it was going to be over all too soon.

In his mind, Zell could see them living out the rest of their lives together, but knew that nothing like that could ever happen. He wished that somehow they could be there for each other, and only each other. Rinoa shifted in and out of his thoughts and he wanted her to remain in the shadows. She was not there, she could not tell what her boyfriend was doing, what he was thinking.

To Squall, this seemed like a crazy dream, one that was swiftly getting out of hand. As much as this had been a secret fantasy of his for as long as he could remember, he knew it could not ever truly be. Soon Rinoa would be home with Selphie and life would have to go on the way it did. That was just the way the world was.

He wasn't even sure if he would reject Rinoa if he could. They were bound together, and he did not know if he could live each and every day seeing her, interacting with her, and not be able to do all the things he used to with her. That might drive him crazy.

On the other hand, here he was, in the shower with the perfect male specimen. As he turned Zell so his chest pressed up against the glass and positioned them perfectly.

"This is the first day of the rest of our lives," Squall said, and meant it. From here on nothing was going to be the same.