A/N- Okay so I have to say this, not based on any of my readers or the reviews somewhat bad reviews that I have received, but based on something that my friend said about this story. My friend said that she didn't think this was such a great idea cause it changed the way that the show was (by Buffy and Faith being bisexual). I have something to say to all writers and reviewers out there. My story isn't going anywhere. I love it. It is my baby, I spend all my free time on it, I put my whole heart into and I have put on here so that I can get some opinion on my writing ability and my storyline. And she sits there and tells me that it is stupid that I have changed their story line. Well to all you writers and readers out there (of any story in any categories) we all are different. We all have different minds and hearts. And that is where we write from. But we should also be open to other writers and the way that they choose to write. We can't all follow the same pattern or it would be boring to read fanfiction, it would be just like watching the show. You know I think that fanfiction is amazing because it is all these different people writing different versions of the show. It's interesting. Anyway that was my rant for the time and I will get on with my chapter. (Again no offense to anyone; just as my hippie friend would say 'chill' and see others views as openly as possible)

Chapter 7- How Do I Feel?

It had been months since Faith and Angel were killed, months since she had seen there bodies in those caskets, and months since her mother had finally realized the extent to which she had messed up. And yet Buffy still had the same dream, the one in which she was falling and everyone stood around and watched her, laughing and hoping she'd fall faster to whatever was at the end. Months of waking her mother up and herself in the wee hours of the morning with screams and yells had grown tiresome It was a wonder that they got any sleep at all. Night after night she would have the dream, and night after night her mother would stay by her bedside until she was able to fall into a medicated sleep with no dreams at all. Things had begun to get better in her real life though. She was slowly being more social, instead of not going out and crying all the time. She was even planning on going to the Bronze that night with Willow and Xander. Spike, who was said to show up tonight as well, had been a great friend to Buffy through out the whole thing. The three of them understood that it was going to really take some time for her to get back to being normal. And then there was her mother. Buffy guessed that seeing Buffy so upset over the death of her friends and knowing that they were just Buffy's age, really put things into perspective. She finally told Buffy that she had been going to a Divorced support group, where she met a man. They had been seeing each other when Buffy had to move. He moved down a few weeks after the accident, being there for Joyce. She said that when Buffy was ready she could meet him that he had known about her the whole time. Also that she was going to try and be a better mother, to show more interest in Buffy and be the mother that Buffy needed. Buffy was living great, except for the dreams. So she woke up the next morning with the same sickly expression on her face, a minor side effect to the sleeping pills the doctor had given her. Buffy dressed and went downstairs where her mom had breakfast on the table. Buffy sat down and began to eat some of her fruit salad. Her mom sat there and ate some toast. "Mom did I ever tell you that you make great breakfast?"

"Nope."

"Most important meal of the day you know? Makes you all energetic and ready for the fantastic school day." Buffy said in an all too cheery voice.

"Yes I suppose school is hard right now. Aren't you taking exams?"

"Worse. The dreaded study and review before the exams. History and me are going to have a fight and I think history might win."

"It's important to know what happened in the past so that you don't..."

"Repeat the past's mistakes. Heard that. But me, I have a hard time remembering last week much less three hundred years ago."

"Well maybe Willow can help you study?"

"I hope so." Buffy grabbed the, ironically, history book that had been sitting downstairs all night.

"You know if that book was ever actually taken to your room..."

"It would be lost under the pile of Seventeen magazines. The astrology charts, and the How to Be a Better Kisser guides and never again see history class."

"Right of course." Buffy smiled and walked over to give her mom a kiss on the cheek. Joyce smiled at her daughter. "Oh Buffy?"

"Yeah mom." Buffy turned around at the door.

"You have a doctor's appointment tomorrow during the first half of school. He wants to check on your sleep state and see if you can come off the sleeping pills and the anti-depressants. Get your assignments."

"Okay mom." Buffy said as she skipped out the door.

School-

Buffy walked in, her air of confidence long since gone by the weight of her pain. She did, however, seem abnormally happy today. She bounced over to Xander and Willow, both of whom were standing at Willow's locker, contemplating the mysterious whereabouts of Xander's math book. "We've check both our lockers, maybe we left it at your house studying." Xander said. "Although I have to say I am not sad that it's gone. Good riddance horrible book that haunts my sleep, may you never return."

"Are you talking about your history book? Cause that is the one that haunts me." Buffy said with a smile.

"You guys... I can't imagine hating the books. They are such great..."

"We know Willow. Such great things filled with knowledge and other stuff that just makes normal people's brains hurt. Super Willow's brain, however, absorbs all the information and then spits it out at random times in order to make other's brains hurt. Then your brain laughs at our brains, mocking them and telling them that they are stupid." Xander said.

"Yeah Willow. Your brain is a big, mean bully." Buffy said.

"You seem to be in a better mood." Willow said as she closed her locker.

"Yeah the Buffster seems to be doing much better these days." Xander said.

"I am doing good I guess." She hadn't told Willow and Xander about the dream; she didn't want them worrying anymore then they already did. She had told Spike though, and was hoping to get some alone time with him to tell him what she had dreamt about last night before waking up and taking the medicine.

"So you are still coming the Bronze." Xander starting dancing, rather badly. "Crazy dance party and all."

"Come on now. No one wants to see that." Spike stood behind Xander. Xander stopped dancing and frowned.

"I think his dancing is great. Save me one tonight." Buffy said to Xander. He smiled and was going to say something cool but choked on the words. "See you guys later I got to go get something for Spike out of my locker." She shot a look at Spike. He looked confused then said, rather frantically.

"Oh right. That thing in ya locker. Right let's get it shall we?" Buffy smiled and shook her head in annoyance as she walked away with him. They walked outside and sat in the courtyard. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just needed someone to talk to that wasn't going to be all 'are you okay' or 'you need to talk about it'."

"Right love. Well I am here for you, talk away." He lay back against the wall and shot her a smile.

"I had another dream last night." Spike shot up and looked at her concerned.

"I thought that was what you've been takin' all those meds for."

"Yeah. I only take them if I wake up from a bad dream. Anyway I was falling again, but this time I wanted to... like I wanted to know what was at the end of the fall. It was like I didn't think that I would die when I reached the end. But everyone around me was laughing and telling me to fall faster, all these people that I didn't know and some of the ones that I do know. And then as I would look at the crowd, Angel and Faith would show up. There bodies would be all bloody and cut and their faces would be bloody with missing eyes and stuff." Buffy was crying a little it now. "It's hard to get that image out of my head."

"It's okay love. Everything is goin' to be okay." He took her into his arms and held her tightly until she stopped crying and left him to go to class. Then he just sat there, thinking about her and how it felt to hold her in his arms. He was a little bit confused how he could develop these feelings after not like her when they met. What had started out as a way to get back Drucilla had turned into an interest/friendship and then into a full-blown crush. Many times over the past few months he had found himself holding Buffy as she cried on his shoulder or being there when she remembered all the good times that she had had with them (and the details of that turned him on quite a lot).

The Bronze-

Buffy walked in wearing a short black miniskirt and a purple tank top. She hadn't been to the Bronze in quite a while, but she certainly got attention from both guys and girls. Even Willow had to do a double take when she saw her. But Buffy noticed no one expect for Spike, who was dancing with a brunette. "Who's that?" She said when she reached Willow.

"I don't know... Spike hasn't been here in a while... I mean I don't think they are dating... they were dancing last night... I mean... oh." Buffy smiled. Willow couldn't lie so even the smallest question that Buffy asked and she would spill everything she knew.

"It's all right Willow. I don't care." Buffy didn't know if she cared. Spike had been the friend that she needed through out this whole thing. With all that had been going on she didn't know if she still saw him like she had all those years ago. Well it hadn't been years, but it sure felt like it. Spike must have seen her cause he told the girl goodbye and walked over to them.

"Glad to see ya out and about. Missed your outfits." He said looking her up and down. She smiled and took him in. He was wearing a pair of leather pants and a black shirt. His white hair seemed to glow in the dark lighting of the club. His eyes though, they shinned through her and right to her soul. She smiled, but this time at Xander who had appeared behind Spike.

"Are you going to sit down or just drool over her?" Xander said. Spike shot him a look.

"Naw. I was wonderin' if you wanted to dance with me?"

"Sure." Buffy said. In the back of her mind she remembered Faith's words, Dance with him like you would Angel. You'd turn us both on. She thought about Faith for the first time without crying, just with a smile and a need to dance very sensually with Spike. She didn't want to look him in the eyes while they dance, she feared his eyes.

"Somethin' wrong love?" He asked her.

"No. Why?" He lifted her head up until she was staring deep into his eyes.

"You will not look at me." She kept staring into his eyes while she danced with him. All the sudden she seemed way too aware that she might really feel something. She looked away.

"Who was the girl?"

"Someone to dance with. Jealous?"

"Nope." Buffy said with a little smirk. "Why should I be? If I had you, then yeah I'd be jealous. But we are just friends." Spike looked at her a little weird.

"Do ya feel it?" He asked her, getting close to her face and looking her right in the eyes.

"Do I feel..." She gulped and tried to keep her lips away as to not kiss him. She still remembered what it was like to kiss him, even if it was just a quick kiss to make someone mad. She wondered what it would be like to kiss him for real. "what?"

"Nothin'." He said, breaking away from her. "I'm a little tired love. Want something to drink?"

"No." She said and went to sit with Xander and Willow while he went to the bar.

Bar-

"Give me a beer." Spike said, obviously in a confused state of mind.

"You legal?" The bartender said.

"Do you care?"

"Nope." The bartender handed him one. "You care to talk about it mate? I've seen the puppy dog eyes you got for that girl."

"Yeah." He turned in the seat of the bar, looking at her. She was looking at him, but turned when his glance hit her. "She's something all right. Just can't quite figure what that something is."

"Better then that last girl you drug around. Crazy bitch if you ask me."

"Yeah. I suppose she was crazy. Never thought about it when we were datin'."

"Course not mate." Spike turned back around to face the bartender. "Love's blind and that girl you got over there." He flicked his head towards Buffy and Spike nodded. "She's in some need of glasses." Spike smiled at the man and put a twenty on the bar. He picked up his beer to leave. "No charge."

"That's for the advice." Spike told the man. He gave him a small smile and began to hit on the girl nearest to him.

"How about I buy you a drink?"

"I'm not legal." She replied.

"Don't much matter to me." He heard the guy say. Spike smiled and walked over to Buffy and her friends.

"What's put you in such a good mood?" Buffy asked.

"Bartender must either like him or feels sorry for him. That's the only way you get beer if you are underage." Xander said. Willow looked at him weird. "I get offered all the time after being turned down." Then he felt really sorry for himself and stopped talking.

"Good bloke. Sees everything that goes on in this club."

"I guess so; he has a pretty good view."

"I don't mean it like that. I mean he sees emotions and stuff. Could tell you if you were gonna get lucky and if ya weren't who to go to so that ya could."

"Maybe I outa talk to him." Xander said.

"Really?" Buffy said, ignoring Xander's comment and focusing on Spike. "What'd he tell you?"

"Not important." Spike said, drinking his beer. Buffy looked at her watch. Willow noticed.

"You like having a regular mom? Having to worry about what time to leave and stuff."

"Yeah I guess I do. I can't get into trouble like I did in Hemery."

"Right love. Cause ol' Sunnydale here is a hotbed for trouble and chaos." All of them laughed.

"I got to go or I am not going to be home in time." She gave Willow a hug and then Xander. "Thanks guys. I needed the night out."

"Glad to have you back Buffy. I missed your skirts." Willow hit Xander. "I mean you... I missed you." He sulked off to the bar. Buffy walked away towards the door. Spike ran and caught up.

"I'll walk with ya if you don't mind. I got to go home too I reckon."

"Why'd you stay at my house that night? I always wanted to ask." She said as they walked out the door and into the night air.

"I had spent the night at Dru's, already lied to my rents and all, when she went crazy. Threw me out. I needed someone who didn't know me well enough to let me crash."

"Why?"

"Cause anyone else knew that Dru had kicked me out and that she would be crazy enough to come after 'em."

"You put me in danger like that." Buffy wasn't really pissed, just annoyed.

"Didn't care for ya then." He said. She smiled. They had reached her porch and she held up a finger. She stuck her head in the door.

"Mom?" Her mom came into view.

"Yeah sweetie."

"Do you mind if I sit out here and talk to Spike for a while?"

"No go ahead."

"Thanks mom." She closed the door and sat on the swing, facing him. "On the dance floor you asked me if I felt it. What were you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Spike." She used her best pouty voice. "Please tell me."

"Bloody hell Buffy. You know that I can't say no to ya when you put like that." She smiled at him. "Fine." He threw his hands up in defeat and turned to her. "I feel this thing every time I am near ya. I don't know what it is."

"Really?" She inched closer to him. "Explain it." He looked her in the eyes, wanting so much to kiss her.

"It's this feelin..." He paused and inched a little closer to her. They were almost touching.

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"Like all I want to do... is..." He leaned down and kissed her. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. But surprisingly she returned the kiss. She moved close to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and becoming so wrapped up in the feel of him and the kiss. She wanted this. All those days and weeks of seeing him, wondering how she felt about him, it all melted away with that kiss. She didn't need to wonder anymore, she knew that she liked him. She knew that this was were she wanted to be, wrapped in his arms, kissing him.

"Amm." Joyce cleared her throat standing at the doorway.

"Mmm Mom." Buffy said, pulling away from Spike.

"Ms. Summers." Spike said.

"Maybe you should come in Buffy."

"Sorry." She said. Her mother looked at the boy and then back at Buffy.

"Said your goodbyes and then come to bed." She smiled at them and them went back into the house, closing the door.

"God that is so not what I love about her being all great mom now." Spike smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him.

"It's all right love. There are other nights."

"I guess it just took me so long to understand my feelings for you, although I am still all whooy in my head right now."

"Me too." He smiled at her then kissed her again. She broke away and walked towards her door. She turned back to him.

"Good night Spike."

"Sweet dreams love." He said. Then he watched her walk inside and he went all the way home thinking about her.

A/N-

So are you guys finally glad that I got to the Spuffy stuff? Well I am really sorry about the whole thing at the beginning of this. I mean I don't want to make you feel like you should do what I say. Anyways this is my baby and this may be one of my favorite chapters. Can't wait till the next one? Drop me a review and I shall write faster. Love Always -Samantha