A/N: Okay so thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 8- How do you feel?

Buffy woke up for the first night without having a bad dream. But she felt like shit. Buffy sluggishly got up and walked over to her bathroom. She grabbed a bottle of pills, took two and then got into the shower.

Buffy got dressed and bounced downstairs. Her mother was sitting at the table reading the paper. Another fruit salad was sitting there for her. "Hi honey. How did you sleep?"

"Surprisingly well. No dreams that resulted in screaming till I woke the dead. Woke up feeling bad though."

"You seem fine now."

"I took my pills."

"You know we are going to the doctor today right? He says that he wants you to talk about what's going on in your life."

"Sure that's fine."

Doctor's Office-

A way ugly and overstuffed chair was where the doctor pointed for Buffy to sit. She didn't mind, her mood being happy. She sat there hoping that this would be over soon so she could tell Willow about her night. "So how are you doing today Buffy?" The doctor that sat behind the desk was the exact person the Buffy imagined him to be. He was wearing a tweed suit, glasses that he took off to clean and asked questions that where rather broad. She was hoping this would be over soon.

"I'm fine." She moved slightly in her sit.

"Are you taking the pills everyday?"

"Of course." She answered slightly more harshly then she meant to.

"And are you still having the dreams?"

Thoughts ran through Buffy's head as to whether or not she should tell the doctor that her dreams last night had been pleasant. She wondered it he would take the pills away. Best to be honest she supposed. "No. Last night was the first night since their death that I didn't have a dream that woke me up with my own screams."

"Did you still take the medication?"

"Yes. I said my dreams where good, not what happened when I woke up."

"I see." The doctor wrote something down on his notepad and then hit the button on his intercom. "Tell Ms. Summer's she is free to come in now. Joyce walked in and sat in another, overstuffed and ugly chair. "Buffy I am going to take you off the medication now."

"What? Why?" Buffy was scared, could she really go on without it?

"You have shown all the signs that indicate you are becoming dependent. Let me explain something Buffy..." He turned and faced her. "You were once a coke junkie. That means that you are still somewhat addicted to that drug. If you were to ever do it again, granted that it didn't kill you, you could easily form the addiction again. Well anti-depressants are addictive as well. If it hadn't been for your extreme case I would have never recommended them."

"Will she be okay without them?" Her mother asked. Her face showed a slight sadness when the doctor mentioned Buffy's past.

"Better off. She will come to be happy without them. Don't worry about it, you'll be just fine. And if in a few weeks you can't handle it, I may reconsider."

Buffy smiled at the doctor, just wanting to get out of there. She felt trapped and hopeless. She and her mother thanked the doctor and walked out of the office.

School Cafeteria-

Willow sat eyes wide as Buffy told her story. She was fascinated by the fact that these two Spike and Buffy could be so confusing. On minute they hate each other, the next minute they are friends, and the next they are making out on her front porch. "Wow Buffy. Seems like you had a wonderful night."

"Yeah I did. It's just..." Buffy looked down at her plate.

"What?"

"I just don't what it all means? You know. We kissed and this wasn't like the last time. This wasn't some petty attempt to make my boyfriend mad. This was a knee-weaken, heart-fluttering kiss. It was something that I felt through my whole body."

"Well why don't you ask him Buffy? You've been through enough as it is I don't think you need all the cryptic guy language. Just make him tell you what it means to him."

"And what if it doesn't mean anything to him? What if it was nothing but a kiss to him?"

"By the way you say the conversation was, I doubt it. Come on Buffy you got to take a chance with this."

"I just don't know Willow." She looked at her watch. "Crap I am late. I got to go make up a test I missed this morning."

"What class?"

"Ugg history." And Buffy sulked off away from Willow. Xander bounced over and sat down next to her.

"What's up Will?"

"Nothing." Buffy's story about Spike had just put into perspective that which she didn't have. Xander Harris. She had always had a crush on him, ever since they were little.

"Yeah right Willow. You just sit there looking of into space for no reason?"

"Just thinking about Buffy."

"Are you still worried about her?" Xander asked scooting closer to Willow.

"Aren't you?" Willow stared at him.

"Oh I don't know." Xander propped his legs on the table and grabbed a carrot stick from Willow's plate. "She's doing fine now."

"You'd be surprised."

"What?" Xander looked at her. "Oh Willow knows something I don't. Tell me Willow or I will tickle it out of you."

"Xander Harris don't you dare."

"Then tell me."

Willow rolled her eyes in defeat. She was going to tell him, until Spike walked over. "Hi Spike." She said in her best voice, trying hard to act like she didn't know what was going on.

"Hi Red. You seen Buffy?"

"Umm yeah. She had to make up a history test from this morning."

"Right. Tell her I was looking for her."

"Sure thing." Willow watched Spike walk away, trying hard not to force him to tell her how he felt.

"So whatever this thing is..." Xander said, smiling a little. "It involves Buffy and Spike."

"I never said that."

"Then you have developed a crush on him, cause you keep looking at him."

"Fine." Xander smirked and Willow rolled her eyes at him. After a few moments of looking around, noticing that neither one was there, she turned to him. "They made out last night."

"Oh my god those fiends! Xander said with sarcasm.

Willow rolled her eyes. "Buffy's all confused. She doesn't know what he thinks and it's driving her insane."

"That is because you women take everything too seriously. Sometimes a kiss can just be a kiss."

"Really. And Xander how would you know this?" Willow looked at him questioningly. He fidgeted, he was nervous and he was hiding something from her. "Xander Harris what are you hiding from me?"

"Will, you don't want to know."

"Tell me anyways."

"Fine. I've kissed Cordelia a few times."

Willow felt tears start to build up in her eyes. She knew that if she stayed any longer she'd cry. "That's great Xander." She choked out.

"Willow, we were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much. I hate her."

"No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me." Willow got up and ran away from Xander, leaving him to think about what he had done.

Buffy's house-

Willow was sitting on Buffy's bed, crying a little. Buffy was sitting next to her. "We had a club you know? The 'We Hate Cordelia' club. He was treasurer. I just can't believe that he's been kissing her. It's unnatural."

"Well sometimes that's how things go. Don't worry Will, there is someone out there for you. And you'll find him."

"But a person like Xander? I've known Xander my entire life. I've always told him everything. He's been there for me when I needed him the most. How can I just pretend like this didn't happen? How can I face him when just thinking about him makes me cry?"

The doorbell rang but Buffy didn't care to get it. "It's going to be okay Willow. I promise. I'm here for you."

"Hey love. Hey Red, I heard somethin' was up, came to see if you were okay." Spike said, leaning in the open door way. Buffy saw her mother walk back down the stairs.

"Did you talk to Xander?" Buffy asked him.

"Yeah. The bloke asked me what he did wrong. I had some not-so nice words to say. Bloody wanker. Better off without the bloke I say."

"He's still my friend Spike." Willow said, hurt but still sticking up for him.

"Right. Just meant that you don't need him. You'll find a right good guy for ya. He'll make you happy, not screw up like that."

"See." Buffy said in agreement with Spike. "I told you. You're a great girl any guy would be lucky to have."

"Yeah Red. If I didn't have this thing for Buffy, I'd be with ya."

"Really?" Willow looked up with a sparkle in her eye. To hear that Spike, the most popular guy in the school who had women on him left and right, would want to be with her was a major ego booster.

"Why not love? You're smart, funny, and cute."

"You think I am cute?"

"Sure I do." Spike smiled at her. Buffy watched in fascination that he was even here.

"Willow." Joyce came to the doorway. "Your mom wants you to come home. Said there is someone there asking to talk to you." Willow shot Buffy a look.

"Go talk to him." Buffy told her. All three of them walked out of her room and out the door. Spike sat on the swing and Buffy walked Willow to the end of the driveway. "Just tell him how you feel."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. It can't hurt to try right?" She looked back towards Spike.

"Right." Willow walked away. Buffy began to walk up to the porch, thinking about what she could say to Spike. He had told Willow that he had a thing for her, but what did that mean?

"She gonna be okay?" He asked her, really concerned.

"Yeah I think." She sat on the swing next to him. The sun was going down and it was a beautiful sight. "I think some how we all will be."

"Yeah." He moved closer to her and put his arm around her. She leaned up against his chest, taking all his actions in. He looked down her. "What's up?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Somethin' botherin' ya."

"What's this mean to you?" She asked.

"You mean the kiss and bein' here with ya?" She nodded. "I don't know really." He looked out at the sunset. She looked up at him. "I don't know how to explain it. I was just usin' ya when I first met ya. You seemed..."

"Easy?"

"I guess." He looked like he felt bad about what he said.

"Don't worry. I use to be. So what changed?"

"I got to know ya?" He sounded a little unsure. "Like I said, I don't know. I can't really explain how I feel. I use to think that I loved Dru. She was bloody everything to me. I use to fight guys for callin' her crazy or easy. I wouldn't cheat no matter how many people she'd go off with. Then you came along." He looked down at her. She sat up and stared into his eyes. "You make everything different. It's seems unreal that you'd be with me. I can't think of anything but how bloody lucky I am that you kissed me back last night." She smiled at him. "I don't think I understand how I feel yet. I don't think I am suppose to." He looked away from her. "Sound like a bloody poof don't I?"

"No." She said to him. She turned his head towards her. "I use to sleep with everyone. Sure I loved Angel, but I didn't care. I slept for drugs and for company. It didn't matter to me who got hurt by what I did, I didn't care. My dad had left us when I was 13 and my mom stopped caring. I didn't want to live in this world anymore so I put myself on this crash course to self-destruction. You know why I moved here?" Spike shook his head. "I got busted buying drugs with Faith. My mom offered to move and keep me away from anyone in L.A. in return for dropping the charges. Then I sold out four dealers to get them to let Faith go. That's why I moved here, cause I screwed up. Somewhere between here and L.A. I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I realized that I was living life the wrong way. It wasn't all about being popular in school and it wasn't about sex or drugs. I didn't need those things to be okay. I guess it was being in the car with my mom, her telling me about everything that she did when she was a kid, it was comforting. But she got here and did the same things. I gave up being popular, but when Faith and Angel got here, I slept with them. I didn't care what I was doing; I just didn't want to feel pain anymore." She was crying a little bit. "I wished of death and they were the ones that died. It wasn't fair to me and I felt like dying. I told you, I use to dream like I was falling. The doctor said that was a sign that I wanted to die that I had probably jumped myself to kill the pain. And do you know that last night I had the first good dream I've had in months." She looked away. "I don't think that I can explain what I feel about you either. But you saved me from myself. When my mother couldn't deal with how I felt, you looked at me and knew that I needed someone. You make me feel I don't know what you make me feel, but you make me feel. And that..." She looked at him. "Means everything to me." Spike smiled at her. "I want to be with you. I want you to be the one that I could come to love. But I want to take things slow."

"I want you to Buffy. And I'll go as slow as ya need." She smiled at him and then leaned up to kiss him, melting into him. She wondered if he would be the one that made her happy.

A/N-

Okay I hope you like. It's a little bit of a fluff thing here, but that's okay right? Lol. I do hope that you enjoy this chapter. Every day I seem to get more and more involved in the story line... I actually had a conversation for about an hour over this story. Anyways read and review. Much love to those of you who have reviewed and to those who are reading and don't like to review. Lol.