A/N: Okay so thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter. To Sarah01 and any others; Giles was not the doctor in chapter 8 but he will be here. He will however appear maybe in this chapter. Don't freight, I love him and will make sure that he is here.

Chapter 9- Give Me Hope

Buffy was in a bad mood. Her first day without the pills and she had to listen to her history teacher lecture her about the bad focus she had in the class. She was ranging mad by the time she got to lunch. Hoping that no one said anything to her, she sat down at the table and waited for Willow or Spike to come calm her nerves. Instead, she got Cordelia. She sat down at the table, her designer clothes and her designer bag and smiled her fake smile that made Buffy want to gag. "Hi." She said in her cheerily voice. Today to Buffy, it was worse then nails on a chalkboard.

"What do you want?" Buffy said in a harsh tone.

"Wow Buffy. Forget to take a chill pill this morning."

"Cordelia I'm having a bad day. I don't like what you've been doing, kissing Xander when you know good and well how much Willow likes him. I don't care to talk to you or listen to you. I don't care if you say you love him, it still doesn't make it right. So I'll be leaving." Xander walked over to them as Buffy got up to leave. She shot him a look and walked out to the courtyard. She sat there, staring at the sky. Suddenly she started to cry.

"Buffy?" Buffy looked up to see Xander standing there. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry I was so mean to your girlfriend."

"It's okay." Xander sat down on the ground next to her. "I deserve everything you can throw at me. I shouldn't have kept this a secret, I just didn't..."

"Want to hurt Willow. I understand. I guess the most important things are the hardest to say."

"It's not like I did this because I knew that she wouldn't understand, it's cause I don't understand it either. It started out as just a kiss."

"That's how it always starts out." Buffy smiled. Coming towards them was Willow and Spike.

"Maybe I should leave."

"I don't know. I think so. Maybe?" He got up and hugged Buffy. Then he walked away.

"He didn't have to leave." Willow said, sitting next to Buffy. Spike sat on the other side of her.

"He did." Buffy said silently. "Here Willow." Buffy grabbed her book bag and took a folder out. She handed the papers to Willow.

"What is this?"

"Back in Hemery someone had emailed it to me. I think it would be better if you had a copy." Buffy told her in reply. Willow smiled at Buffy. Buffy got up and walked away. Spike went with her. Willow sat on the ground and began to read the paper.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest to say.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart... if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.

You can't tell your heart what to do.

It does it on it's own... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

So many of us stayed walled up because we are too afraid to care too much... for fear that the other person doesn't care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings fro someone because you fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid about what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risk and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend dies tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you'd don't care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more then ever and you couldn't have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?

People live, but people die,

And I want to tell you that

you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid) you would be

in my heart. Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year,

pretty good friends the next year,

don't talk that often the next,

and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just want to say,

even if I never talk to you again in my life,

you are special to me and you have made a

difference in my life,

I look up to you,

respect you, and

truly cherish you.

No matter how often you talk,

or how close you are,

Let old friends know you,

haven't forget them,

and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend,

someday you might feel like you have

NO FRIENDS at all,

just remember this poem

and take comfort in knowing

somebody out there cares about you

and... always will...

I LOVE YOU!

Willow let a tiny tear fall down her cheek. She looked up to find Cordelia there, looking unlike she had ever seen Cordelia before. She looked truly sorry. Xander was sitting on a stone bench in the opposite corner from them. Willow wonder if a fight between the two really broke out, who he would side with. But Willow, after reading the email that Buffy had given her, didn't want to fight with Cordelia. But she had nothing to say here just the same. So she sat there, watching as Cordelia tried to figure out what exactly to say to her. Xander was getting nervous in the corner. "I'm sorry." She heard the words come out of Cordelia's mouth, she saw her lips move. Yet it was hard for Willow to believe that Queen C, the most popular girl in school, was standing there apologizing for kissing Xander. Willow had nothing to say to here, there was nothing she could think of to say. So Cordelia kept going. "We didn't mean for things to end up this way. I don't think we even meant for this to be anything. It was just kissing. At least that was what it started out to be. We didn't stop to think that we'd hurt someone."

"Well you did." Willow's tone was harsh and bitter. Cordelia was shocked at it. This was a meek little girl who spent her whole life in the shadow of others. She never did anything that would make her stand out, it just wasn't who she was. But here she was, standing in front of Cordelia, standing up to her. "And nothing you or Xander can say will change that." Her tone became more sad then mad and for a brief moment Cordelia could see what Xander meant to her. Her only real hope in ever finding someone was with the girl who could have anyone. She didn't believe enough about herself to think that she could go out there and find someone. Xander was her safe guy who she more or less could love as either a friend or a boyfriend.

"I am not here to say something that will change this whole thing. For some odd reason, I really care about Xander. It doesn't make sense or anything. And he is really worked up about you being mad at him. I just came over here to see if there was anything that I could do to make you..."

"Forgive or understand?" Cordelia nodded. "Tell him to give me time." Then she walked away from Cordelia.

Buffy's house-

"Mom!" Buffy yelled as she walked into the front door. She walked into the living room to see a man sitting on the couch. Her mother walked in from the kitchen carrying a bowl of popcorn.

"Buffy. I am glad that you are home." The man stood up and smiled. "Buffy I'd like you to meet Rupert Giles."

"Hi." He extended his hand to her. She hesitated but took his hand.

"Hello Buffy." He said. He was dressed from head to toe in tweed and had glasses. She reminder her a lot of the doctor. Some stuffy old guy.

"Can I go to the Bronze tonight?" Buffy asked her mom.

"Yes you may."

"What time do you want me to come home?" Buffy asked when she got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Whenever you want honey, it's Friday night."

"I might just spend the night at Willow's. She's been upset lately."

"I understand. Have fun honey."

The Bronze-

Buffy sat at the table wearing a red miniskirt and a black fishnet top. Willow sat next to her feeling slightly uncomfortable in the black leather mini skirt and the red top that showed her stomach. "Willow you have to relax. Act like you wear that all the time."

"But I don't. Only hookers..." Willow stopped herself. She had borrowed the outfit from Buffy. "Oh Buffy I didn't mean that. I just feel weird that's all."

"It's alright." Buffy looked towards the door. In walked Xander and Cordelia. Cordy wore a small black dress that paled in comparison to the other two girls.

"Hey guys. You look great." Xander said.

"Thanks." They said. Xander looked unsure of whether he could sit down with Cordy.

"Sit. I heard a new band was playing tonight." Willow said to the both of them.

"Yeah. It's The Dingoes Ate My Baby. I use to date their lead singer." Cordelia said.

"Who haven't you dated?" Xander asked. It was apparent that their new found relationship didn't mean they were nice to each other. Buffy smiled at them. The lights began to dim and the band began to play, and yet Spike was not there. Buffy whispered to Willow during one of the songs.

"I am going to go to the bar, get a drink and look for Spike. Sorry to leave you alone with these two."

"No problem." Buffy smiled at Willow who was staring at one of the guys on stage. Buffy walked over to the bar and smiled.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked.

"Cappuccino."

"Comin' up." He made her drink and then handed it to her. She smiled. "You're Spike's girl right?"

"Nothing's been official."

"Right. You looking for him?"

"Yeah you seen him?"

"On stage." Buffy looked a little surprised. She had been looking around that club for him so much that she rarely even paid attention to the stage. But she looked up and there was Spike, playing guitar for the band. She smiled and turned back to the bartender.

"Wouldn't believe that I was blonde would you?" He laughed at her comment and she walked away. Willow hadn't noticed him either, cause she was still looking at the guy on stage, who was now in eye lock with her. Buffy smiled and looked at Spike, who was obviously noting Willow's gaze. His face suddenly developed a wicked grin and Buffy laughed to herself.

The band finished playing and Spike and the guy Willow had been flirting with, was coming over to their table. Willow turned to look at Buffy who grabbed Willow's hand and squeezed it. "Hey baby." Spike said, kissing Buffy on the cheek. "Want you guys to meet someone. This is Oz. Oz this is Buffy, Willow or Red, Xander and Cordelia."

"Hi." He said looking only at Willow. Buffy smiled at Spike.

She leaned up and whispered in his ear. "Evil Genius." She said with a smirk. He laughed.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered in her ear. She nodded and the two of them said their goodbyes.

The night air was calming to Buffy as she walked down the street with Spike. They came to the park and Buffy sat on a swing. Spike leaned against the pole. He smiled at her. "I have to be back cause I have to ask Will if it is okay to sleep at her house tonight."

"All right love." He said. Silence came after that. "You could stay at my place. My dad's out of town." He looked at her.

"I don't know. I mean you know I like you a lot but..."

"Hey. Nothin' has to happen. I'm just offerin'." He smiled at her.

"Okay. I will stay. I'll call Willow from your house and tell her to cover for me." Spike was so happy that she said yes, it was amazing to him. He smile and they walked towards his house.

Outside The Bronze-

Willow was standing there talking to Oz. He was a smart, nice, funny guy that Willow was attracted to. "You need a ride home?" He asked her. She nodded. The walked to his car and talked about music and stuff until they got to her house. He put the car in park. "So do you always dress like this? Cause I would have seen you if you did."

"No. I borrowed this from Buffy." She smiled. "I had fun tonight."

"Oh good. Cause if you want, we could you know go out again. Maybe have fun somewhere else."

"Sure." She said. She took a pen and wrote her number down on his hand. "Don't lose it." She said and then got out. Walking to her door she wondered if she'd be okay.

A/N: So there you are. Much Love. Review.