A New Beginning Chapter 10: Without You, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

A/N: Sorry that it's been so long.

Chapter 10- Without You

Two Months Later-

She was strong, she was smart, she was nice, and she was cute. But most of all she was his. They were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. He couldn't concentrate about anything with Buffy in his arms. He couldn't imagine that this beautiful girl had been through so much in her life. Spike was always considered the bad ass with his bleach blonde hair and his Billy Idol looks... he even had the same sneer. But this girl was more of a bad ass then he'd ever be. He just wanted to be with her, to make all the pain she'd ever felt go away. It was like she fit into his arms, as if she was meant to be there. It was surreal to him. "What are you thinking about?" She asked him. He smiled at her.

"You love. You seem to be all that I can think about." She turned and looked up at him.

"Be specific." She said with a devilish look.

"What? You want me to pick somethin'?"

"No." She said. "It makes me feel better that you have to many to pick." She turned back away and melted back into his arms. He wondered if she thought about Drucilla like he thought about Angel. How he resented that they were together, that he felt like he was being compared to him all the time. "Spike?"

"Yes love?"

"Do you ever think about the past?"

"What do you mean love?"

"I mean do you ever think about the past? Things that happened to you, little moments when you were shown true compassion, things you said?"

"I don't know love. Maybe." He was confused by her question.

"Okay." And like that she dropped the question. He didn't think about it anymore.

Willow's House-

When they first moved to the house, her parents told her not to let boys in her room even if she did have her own door. Somewhere into middle school she realized that she could disobey her parents and have Xander over after they went to sleep. He even had a key to the door. She never thought that he would use it like this. But when she opened her door, coming back from saying goodbye to Oz, Xander was there sitting on her bed. "I am not allowed to have boys in here." She closed her doors.

"It never stopped you before." He told her. She smiled at him, she knew he was right. Willow walked over to him.

"What do you want Xander?" He didn't say anything. He got up and faced her. He stared into her eyes, inching closer to her face. She was freaked. "You are freaking me..."

"Shh." He said putting his finger to her mouth. Then he kissed her, a deep passionate kiss. Willow was hesitant, and she shouldn't have kissed him back. But she did. He pushed her down on the bed, kissing at her neck and then kissing her again. After several minutes of making out with her, he broke away and got up. Willow rose to her feet as well.

"What?" She looked confused and scared.

"I had to see, before I did anything else with Cordelia, whether or not I felt for you."

"Well that's nice. Next time why not ask me before you show up at my house..." He walked back over to her and captured her lips with his. This time she broke away. "Xander. I wanted you to kiss me for so long. But I don't understand. What about Cordelia?"

"I don't know. I don't know much of anything anymore." He said, sitting down next to her. Both of them stared out the window.

School-

"So anyway I have been spending a lot of time at Spike's. Spent the night twice. And he was a great, perfect gentlemen. I just feel so..." Buffy stopped talking. She had been sitting there for the past few minutes talking to Willow, telling her about her mother and Giles, the guy she was dating. She had just started talking about Spike when she realized that Willow wasn't paying any attention to her. "What do you miss Oz already? He's only been gone for two days Willow." She smiled. He had left to visit a family member two days ago.

"It's not that." Willow said quietly. Buffy looked confused. "I can't tell you here."

"Skip with me then?" Willow nodded. The two of them walked of the campus right as the bell for school to start rang. Buffy walked the whole way to the coffee house wondering what in the world was so bad that Willow would skip school to tell her. They found a quiet table outside, ordered and then Buffy looked at her. "What's up Will? You'd never skip school."

"Xander kissed me."

"WHAT!" Buffy yelled.

"Shh."

"Okay okay." Buffy calmed herself down and then looked at Willow. "Please continue with the much hopeful explanation."

"I was coming home from saying goodbye to Oz. I opened the door that lead to my room and Xander was sitting there. I told him that I wasn't allowed to have guys in my room. He told me that it never stopped me before. So I closed the door and walked over to him, I didn't know why he was there but he was acting strange. I asked him what he wanted and he didn't say anything. He just walked towards me like..." She stopped to think. "Like those animals that you see on the Discovery Channel, the ones stalking something. I thought he had lost it and was going to kill me. So I told him that he was scaring me and he told me to be quiet. Then he kissed me. We made out for a few minutes until he got up. He had this look on his face, like he was realizing something. So then I asked him what. He told me something about finding something out before he did more with Cordy. I told him that was great but that next time he should tell me cause you know I was going to tell him that I loved Oz and all. But he kissed me before I could finished the sentence. I pulled away and asked what about Cordy. He said that he didn't know, that he didn't know anything anymore." She stopped talking and Buffy suddenly realized how wrapped up she had become in the story. She sat up. "I spent all night awake, thinking about it. I couldn't remember in the morning if it was a dream or real."

"Will." Buffy said. It was the only thing that she could say. She didn't understand any of it.

"It's okay. I was shocked when it happened. I just don't understand it."

"I know." She pulled her chair over to Willow who was crying now. She pulled her into a hug. Willow cried on her shoulder. "It'll be okay. I promise." She looked up. Behind them was Xander. She let go of Willow and she saw him. Buffy smiled at him and then left.

"Hey." He said. He kept his head low and avoided eye contact with her.

"Hi." She motioned for him to sit. He sat in front of her. There was an awkward silence for several minutes before Willow said something. "Why?" He looked up, made eye contact, and then couldn't bare to see her tears.

"I don't know."

"That's not an answer." She said in a harsh tone that made him look him. "Or at least not one that I will accept." He looked her in the eye.

"I love you."

Willow's House-

Buffy and Willow were sitting on her bed. "So he just told you that he loved you?" Willow nodded. "Wow." Buffy laid back. "Wow." She repeated. She propped herself up on one arm and looked at Willow. She was laying there looking at the ceiling as if would hold the answers to her problems. "So what did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything to him. I just kind of sat there, staring off into space. I've known him for so long and I have liked him forever. It seems unreal to think that he would feel the same way back."

"Then why didn't you tell him you loved him back?" Willow kind of looked sad. "Oz right?" Willow nodded and then turned to face Buffy.

"I just don't know what to do."

"I understand." Buffy said. "Sometimes I wish that I could have some hook up."

"Why don't you have Spike?"

"Well yeah." Buffy smiled. "But me and Spike decided that we would take it slow. So all this sexual frustration I've got is driving me nuts." She turned over and stared at the ceiling. Willow giggled.

"It's funny how different we are. I don't let it bother me and you are going nuts because of it."

"Well hey I can't help it." She turned to look at her. "Have you ever had sex?" She asked. Willow looked at her.

"No."

"Then you have no idea..." She turned to look at the ceiling again. "How long it has been since I've had sex. Since Angel and Faith came. How long it has been since... ugg!" She screamed. Willow laughed.

"I could imagine." She stated. "I've wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone. Each time the only person that I think of is..."

"Xander." Willow nodded. "Come on Willow. There are more people out there then just him. I would never want my first time to be with someone that I love. I would be to afraid of disappointing them. Of course if and when I sleep with Spike there will be now problem with that." A knock came from the door. Willow went to her curtains, look out and then turned rapidly to Buffy. She mouth Xander. In a whisper Buffy said, "Want to have some fun." Willow eyes twinkled at the prospect of messing with Xander.

He knocked once more and heard a faint come in. He opened the door and was literally shocked to the point of not breathing. In Willow's bed was Willow and Buffy. "Hey." Buffy said, waving at him. Although not naked, the girl was wearing a slightly see-through nightgown. He remembered the night that Buffy had offered Willow a night with her and Spike, and he remembered the many nights that he thought about Buffy and Willow being together. But at the point in time, it only infuriated him that she was with Buffy. After learning that he could no longer hold inside his love for Willow, and after telling her and receiving no response, he was vulnerable.

Seeing the look on poor Xander's face, Willow finally spoke up. "Relax Xander." She said with a smile. "We were just messing with you."

Xander let out a deep breath and sat on the chair. "Oh thank go. I didn't know whether to be really happy or really pissed." Both girls smiled. "So what really is going on here.

"I've been lying to my mom for the past few weeks saying that I was staying at Willow's cause she was having emotional problems. I figure that since she kind of is, I might as well come over once." Willow laughed. "But hey I can see that you two need talking time..." Buffy said, getting up out of bed and not caring that her nightgown was see through. "And Spike doesn't live far away. May I borrow?" She asked Willow showing her the bathrobe. Willow nodded. Buffy left her stuff there, promising to pick it up in the morning.

Spike's House-

Buffy practically ran to his house, hoping that no perverted rapist where walking the street that night. She frantically banged on his door. He opened and she rushed inside. Without saying anything she kissed him. "Hey there to ya too love." He said smiling. "Thought you were staying at Red's."

"I was until Xander showed up. Decided to run over here."

"Glad to have ya." He said. For weeks she had been staying at his house, the temptations of shagging her in his head. It was hard to see her remove the robe she was wearing and walk over in a see through gown.

"I wouldn't have wore this, except we were playing with Xander when he walked in and I had to look like I was wearing something to seduce Willow." Spike was non-verbal at the sight of her, making her feel like a queen. Finally he spoke.

"Don't mind."

She walked over to him, straddling his lap and kissing him. "I didn't think that you would." She kissed him hungrily, hoping that he would tell that she wanted him. Weeks of temptation was wearing on her and she hoped that it was wearing on him as well. She removed his shirt. Her hand moved around on his chest, feeling the muscles. He kissed her again, bringing her gown over her head and flipping her over on the bed.

"Sure ya want to this love?" Spike said concerned.

"I'm sure." She stated, kissing him.

Willow's House-

After several moments of silence, Willow finally spoke. "I don't understand you Xander. You had all the time before Cordy and Oz that you could have liked me. What happened?"

"When I think about you with Oz I get upset. I think about all the bad things that could happen and how much I wish that I could be there to make sure that they don't happen."

"But Oz is a nice guy Xander."

"But he doesn't know you like I do." Xander said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Like he doesn't know that you are afraid of frogs."

"I can always tell him that Xander."

"Yeah but he doesn't know how it's been for you. You know growing up with your parents and all. I know cause I've been there for you, just like you were for me. I need you Will. How am I going to pass trig, you know." He chuckles. "And who am I going to call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always been. I love you."

"Oz?" She said. Xander might have let a lot of things go, but that wasn't one of them. He could feel his anger and pain rising to the surface. Then he realized that Willow was staring at the door. Xander spun around and was staring in the face of Oz. Shit. I didn't want him here when she decided what she was going to do. Oz passed Xander and walked over to Willow.

"Hey baby." He said, not phased by what Xander had said. Xander caught Willow's eyes. He didn't hear. Xander breathed out.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." Willow said in response to Oz. "We were just talking about something that happened today at school."

"Oh. Well I came to tell you that I was back. I couldn't wait until tomorrow."

"Oh. Well welcome back!" Xander said. "I'll just leave you two alone." Xander said, walking out the door. He heard Willow say she missed him and then left. What was I thinking? It's to late for her to change her mind.

Without you, there's no change
My nights and days are gray
If I reached out and touched the rain
It just wouldn't feel the same

Without you, I'd be lost
I'd slip down from the top
I'd slide down so low
Girl you'd never, never know

Xander walked down the street as it started to rain. He passed Buffy's house. Sitting in the living room was Joyce, sleeping in Giles's arms.

Without you, without you
A sailor lost at sea
Without you, woman
The world comes down on me
Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you...
Without you, my hope is small
Let me be me all along
You let the fires rage inside
Knowing someday I'd grow strong

Buffy slept in Spike's bed, his arms around her. He wasn't asleep, he was just watching here sleep.

When Xander returned home to his basement, Cordelia was there. She didn't say anything to him. She kissed him, but he pulled away. He looked her in the eyes and then kissed her. He couldn't be with Willow.

I could face a mountain
But I could never climb alone
I could start another day
But how many, just don't know
You're the reason the sun shines down
And the nights, they don't grow cold
Only you that I'll hold when I'm young
Only you...as we grow old

Without you in my life
I'd slowly wilt and die
But with you by my side
You're the reason I'm alive
But with you in my life
You're the reason I'm alive
But without you, without you...

Willow sat on here bed. She was crying.

Xander was sitting on his bed after having Cordelia leave. He picked up his phone to call Willow.

Willow picked up her phone. She placed it back down.

Xander placed his phone down. He laid back and stared at his ceiling.

Buffy woke up when she felt Spike staring at her. She turned over and kissed him, nuzzling closer to him. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

A/N:

Song- Without You by Motley Crue.