A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. I lost any inspiration I may have
had on the first two chapters, plus there's that business of final exams.
I finally got around to finishing the chapter, but it's really not what I
was going for. I'm not that great with sad stuff.
Lorne's face broke out into a huge smile. "Please tell me you're not kidding, and keep in mind that if you are, I'll bludgeon you to death with this chair."
"Okay wow, even if I was kidding I wouldn't tell you, with a disclaimer like that. But I'm not. We'd better go tell Angel."
"Damn straight." Lorne turned around and strode quickly towards Wesley's office. Dawn started to go with him, but not realizing this he said "Be back in a gif." Dawn stopped, pretending she hadn't been following. Cordy was their thing, not hers. She sometimes forgot she wasn't as much part of the gang as she liked to think. But it was good Cordelia would be back. Definitely. Dawn stood in the empty lobby nodding to herself. Definitely.
A second later Wesley, Angel, and Lorne came rushing out of the office, Lorne on his cell phone, talking to Fred animatedly.
"Dawn, I'll be gone for awhile. Hold my calls," said Angel, as they passed. Turning to Wes, he said "So, Fred's meeting us down at the parking lot, and Gunn's going to meet us at the hospital."
They were almost at the elevator when Dawn called out after them. "Can I come?"
The trio looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before all saying sure. Dawn rushed after them, squeezing into the elevator just before the door closed. "So, pretty exciting, huh?"
"Yeah." Angel was smiling in a way Dawn had never seen before. It wasn't ironic, or tinged with sadness, or even evil. It was just happy. For the first time she started to wonder exactly what kind of relationship he and Cordelia had. She couldn't picture the Cordelia she knew and the Angel she knew together, but seeing him with that smile...
In the limo, they sat in silence for awhile until someone broke out into a story about Cordelia, and soon everyone was chiming in. Dawn sat in between Fred and Wesley, feeling absolutely invisible. She actually had stories about Cordy too, not that anyone would think to ask. But it seemed like her Cordy was a very different person from theirs. Their stories were all about creative ways that Cordy killed demons, or the times (Dawn couldn't believe there was more than one) she was impregnated with demon spawn.
Finally, when there was a lull in the conversation Dawn chimed in. "You know, Cordy used to babysit me." They all turned to look at her, almost as though they had just noticed her presence.
"Cordelia? Babysit?"
Suddenly Dawn felt self-conscious. "Yeah. I never told anyone, because she was way embarrassed, but she's probably over it by now, right? It was when her dad lost all the money. She was working retail, but it wasn't enough, and when my mom found out, she offered Cordelia the job of looking after me, when she and Buffy weren't around. She always left before Buffy got home, since she was embarrassed, but my mom never said anything."
"Was she a good babysitter?"
That struck Dawn as an odd question, but Fred had a tendency to ask those. "Yeah, actually. I thought she was just the bee's knees. I mean, she totally agreed with me that I was too old to have a babysitter, plus we had matching sets of complete contempt for my sister. She used to teach me stuff about proper hair care, and makeup, and stuff. And we'd talk about boys, which I thought was way cool of her, since Buffy didn't talk to me about anything. Plus, I loved how she didn't try to be all self-righteous like the rest of Buffy's friends. She made it quite clear that she was only fighting out of self-love, and the others just wouldn't admit that they were too. We agreed we'd leave the world-saving to Buffy, and the two of us would just look out for ourselves. If everyone had our attitudes, we figured Buffy wouldn't always need to be saving them all the time." Dawn smiled at the memories. She really was looking forward to seeing Cordy again.
No one spoke. Finally Wesley said "Well, I had forgotten how much Cordelia had changed since her Sunnydale days. Hey, remember that time the Pyleans made her their queen?"
"And then she—"
"And with the—"
Immediately they all started swapping war stories again. Dawn sighed, and silently thanked God that they were almost at the hospital.
When they arrived, Angel rushed forward, opening the swinging doors with his trademark double push. She wouldn't have been surprised to see him do his trademark kicking in of the doors either. He just looked that eager to see his friend. They all did of course, but especially him. He spoke to the nurse first, and then turned to the rest of them. "She's still kind freaked out, so they say only one of us should go in at a time." He hesitated. "Do you mind if—?"
"Go!" they all said, laughing.
Angel slowly opened the door to the room. All of a sudden, he was nervous. He didn't know how much she remembered of what she had done; he hoped, for her sake, none of it. And he really wasn't sure if the Connor mindwipe had affected her or not. His best strategy was probably just to stay quiet and let her do the talking. Who was he kidding? This was Cordelia; of course she'd do the talking. His nerves dissipated. He was finally going to be able to talk to her again, and have her talk back.
There she was, lying on the bed, looking frail, but gorgeous, as usual. He knew she would thank him for the manicures, pedicures, and facials he had had done. "Cordelia?" he asked softly.
She blinked, her eyes still adjusting to the bright lights. "Who's there?"
He was slightly hurt, but quickly chided himself for his immaturity. She had just woken up after being asleep for over a year. He could hardly fault her for not recognizing him immediately. "It's Angel."
"Angel?" She sounded confused. "What are you—I'm so lost. They say it's 2004."
"Yeah." Angel was worried. How much memory loss had she suffered? She really did look lost, and he wanted so badly to tell her that he had found her now, and that she would be fine. But he had never been much of a hugger and she was looking at him with such distance in her eyes...
"I can't remember, Angel. Everything's so muddled. It's like I know so much has happened since I came to LA, but I can't remember what."
Angel was shocked. "You don't remember anything since then?"
She looked like she was about to cry. "I feel like it's all so close, like if I heard about it I would remember. And I have fragments. More than I had an hour ago, so that's something, right?" She looked up at him hopefully.
"What kind of fragments?"
"Just random things, like when you're flipping channels and you realize you've already seen something on one of them before. I feel like I was watching my body do these things, but it wasn't completely me."
"Jasmine."
"What? Oh, the baby. There was a baby. I remember. And it was stolen...or it was evil...or—godammit! I just can't remember." She looked so frustrated.
"There were two babies. Yours and mine." As soon as he said it, he realized his mistake. He couldn't let her tell the others he had a kid. Well, he would leave that conversation for a little later. He needed to calm her down first.
Her eyes widened. "We had kids together?"
"No. We each had children, but not each other's."
"Well, where are they? I can't believe I have a kid! Do I love it? Because if it's only a baby I could still give it up for adoption, right?"
Angel didn't know what to tell her about Connor, so he skipped over to Jasmine. "She wasn't a baby baby. She...she was a demon. She took over your body. That's how you ended up in the coma."
"Oh," she said in a small voice.
"Look, Cordy, why don't we start from the beginning? What's the last clear memory you have?"
"You call me Cordy?"
"What? Yeah, of course."
"Oh," she said again. "Okay, never mind. Alright, last clear memory. I had come to LA, was looking for an agent. I was at a party! Networking, you know? And you were there."
"Is that the last thing you remember?"
"Yeah—wait no! Russell Winters called, and he wanted to see me. I went to his house and, um, he was a vampire! And you saved me. And I remember thinking that I was not going to hang around any vampires anymore ever. I was considering going back to Sunnydale, where at least the vampires could be distinguished by their outdated fashion sense, and general lifestyle. Then, um..."
"...You came to see me, and suggested we start working together. Remember?" Angel asked hopefully.
"Now that you say it, it's like I know it happened, but like it was someone else. I mean, it was sort of still me, but I would never have done that. I mean, I'm an actress, not a slayer, and definitely not a do-gooder vampire's secretary."
Angel's face fell. This was not how he had imagined their reunion.
Seeing his disappointment, Cordelia rushed to cover her tracks. "Not there's anything wrong with being receptionist to the undead. I'm sure your Cordelia loved it."
His Cordelia? Images started flashing through his head: Cordelia getting visions, kicking ass with a longsword, going after Billy with a crossbow and taser, falling asleep with him and Connor, sleeping on his shoulder at the ballet...how could that not be the real Cordelia? It was almost comforting to find out the Cordelia who slept with Connor and killed Lilah wasn't the real her, but to find out he never really knew her at all was unbearable. It was all false; his entire life since he came to LA was a lie. Because Cordy was the only constant and now...he shocked himself when he started crying. He hadn't cried in years; not even during the whole mess with Connor.
Cordelia's eyes widened. "Stop it! You're freaking me out. I thought you were Mr. Dark Avenger guy." She really was starting to panic. From what she could tell, some force had been controlling her for the past five or six years. The early memories were pretty clear; they felt like her. But as time went by, she could remember less and less. It was like the force gradually started making more and more decisions, until she wasn't herself at all anymore. And now Angel had arrived and was obviously expecting her to be something she wasn't, and she didn't want to disappoint him, but really, she was the one who had been violated, and she should be the one who needed comforting. Not that she would cry in front of him, though. Cordelia Chase didn't cry around just anyone. Not real tears at least.
"I'm sorry, Cordelia. I...I don't know what came over me." Angel wiped away the tears, and then just sat there, staring at her with that cancer of the puppy (note to self: stop channeling Xander) look in his eyes that she used to find hot, but now just found annoying.
A knock came at the door. "Angel, it's me," came a vaguely familiar voice. The girl opened the door and Cordelia had to blink a few times before realizing it was Dawn.
"Sorry Angel, everyone's really antsy to come see Queen C here, but they're all worried about not giving you enough time. Since I seem to be the only insensitive one who doesn't care about your feelings, I was nominated to come tell you to hurry up." Dawn flashed a smile, knowing that looking cute was her best strategy at not getting snapped at. "Hey Cordy," she said shyly, finally looking at her former babysitter. "Welcome back. We missed you in Sunnydale. Buffy's ego got wildly out of control without you to trample on it."
Somehow Dawn's presence was infinitely more comforting than Angel's. Cordelia supposed it must be the familiarity in this totally foreign place. With Dawn, she had never been anything but herself, and it showed in the way Dawn was looking at her, not as the second coming or some warrior goddess, but just as Cordelia Chase, the girl everyone in Sunnydale wanted to be. Suddenly it hit Cordy just how far from home she really was and she felt an unbearable urge to cry. Angel looked pained, but she honestly didn't care about his feelings. She barely knew the guy. She just wanted to be curled up in her bed in Sunnydale, with her teddy bear. Consuela would bring her some hot chocolate and she would paint her nails, while arguing with herself about whether to call Xander. But instead she was here in this ugly room that obviously hadn't seen an interior decorator in its lifetime, with this dopey over-gelled vampire staring at her as though she should clutch him to her chest and tell him she loved him. As if.
Finally, she couldn't help herself. She started crying. Angel got that look that people get when they're thinking about hugging someone, and she instinctively pulled back, holding her arms out to Dawn, who, while not quite familiar in that she had become quite a hottie, was still the closest thing Cordelia had to a friend in this city. Dawn glanced at Angel for a moment, before stepping forward and hugging the crying woman. "I'm sorry, Dawnie. You know I'm not usually like this. It's just, everything's so different, and I've been gone so long, and..."
"I know. It's okay. It'll be okay," Dawn responded, while not really knowing how to make things better.
"I'll go and tell everyone she's okay," Angel said awkwardly, backing out of the room, as the two girls held each other.
Lorne's face broke out into a huge smile. "Please tell me you're not kidding, and keep in mind that if you are, I'll bludgeon you to death with this chair."
"Okay wow, even if I was kidding I wouldn't tell you, with a disclaimer like that. But I'm not. We'd better go tell Angel."
"Damn straight." Lorne turned around and strode quickly towards Wesley's office. Dawn started to go with him, but not realizing this he said "Be back in a gif." Dawn stopped, pretending she hadn't been following. Cordy was their thing, not hers. She sometimes forgot she wasn't as much part of the gang as she liked to think. But it was good Cordelia would be back. Definitely. Dawn stood in the empty lobby nodding to herself. Definitely.
A second later Wesley, Angel, and Lorne came rushing out of the office, Lorne on his cell phone, talking to Fred animatedly.
"Dawn, I'll be gone for awhile. Hold my calls," said Angel, as they passed. Turning to Wes, he said "So, Fred's meeting us down at the parking lot, and Gunn's going to meet us at the hospital."
They were almost at the elevator when Dawn called out after them. "Can I come?"
The trio looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before all saying sure. Dawn rushed after them, squeezing into the elevator just before the door closed. "So, pretty exciting, huh?"
"Yeah." Angel was smiling in a way Dawn had never seen before. It wasn't ironic, or tinged with sadness, or even evil. It was just happy. For the first time she started to wonder exactly what kind of relationship he and Cordelia had. She couldn't picture the Cordelia she knew and the Angel she knew together, but seeing him with that smile...
In the limo, they sat in silence for awhile until someone broke out into a story about Cordelia, and soon everyone was chiming in. Dawn sat in between Fred and Wesley, feeling absolutely invisible. She actually had stories about Cordy too, not that anyone would think to ask. But it seemed like her Cordy was a very different person from theirs. Their stories were all about creative ways that Cordy killed demons, or the times (Dawn couldn't believe there was more than one) she was impregnated with demon spawn.
Finally, when there was a lull in the conversation Dawn chimed in. "You know, Cordy used to babysit me." They all turned to look at her, almost as though they had just noticed her presence.
"Cordelia? Babysit?"
Suddenly Dawn felt self-conscious. "Yeah. I never told anyone, because she was way embarrassed, but she's probably over it by now, right? It was when her dad lost all the money. She was working retail, but it wasn't enough, and when my mom found out, she offered Cordelia the job of looking after me, when she and Buffy weren't around. She always left before Buffy got home, since she was embarrassed, but my mom never said anything."
"Was she a good babysitter?"
That struck Dawn as an odd question, but Fred had a tendency to ask those. "Yeah, actually. I thought she was just the bee's knees. I mean, she totally agreed with me that I was too old to have a babysitter, plus we had matching sets of complete contempt for my sister. She used to teach me stuff about proper hair care, and makeup, and stuff. And we'd talk about boys, which I thought was way cool of her, since Buffy didn't talk to me about anything. Plus, I loved how she didn't try to be all self-righteous like the rest of Buffy's friends. She made it quite clear that she was only fighting out of self-love, and the others just wouldn't admit that they were too. We agreed we'd leave the world-saving to Buffy, and the two of us would just look out for ourselves. If everyone had our attitudes, we figured Buffy wouldn't always need to be saving them all the time." Dawn smiled at the memories. She really was looking forward to seeing Cordy again.
No one spoke. Finally Wesley said "Well, I had forgotten how much Cordelia had changed since her Sunnydale days. Hey, remember that time the Pyleans made her their queen?"
"And then she—"
"And with the—"
Immediately they all started swapping war stories again. Dawn sighed, and silently thanked God that they were almost at the hospital.
When they arrived, Angel rushed forward, opening the swinging doors with his trademark double push. She wouldn't have been surprised to see him do his trademark kicking in of the doors either. He just looked that eager to see his friend. They all did of course, but especially him. He spoke to the nurse first, and then turned to the rest of them. "She's still kind freaked out, so they say only one of us should go in at a time." He hesitated. "Do you mind if—?"
"Go!" they all said, laughing.
Angel slowly opened the door to the room. All of a sudden, he was nervous. He didn't know how much she remembered of what she had done; he hoped, for her sake, none of it. And he really wasn't sure if the Connor mindwipe had affected her or not. His best strategy was probably just to stay quiet and let her do the talking. Who was he kidding? This was Cordelia; of course she'd do the talking. His nerves dissipated. He was finally going to be able to talk to her again, and have her talk back.
There she was, lying on the bed, looking frail, but gorgeous, as usual. He knew she would thank him for the manicures, pedicures, and facials he had had done. "Cordelia?" he asked softly.
She blinked, her eyes still adjusting to the bright lights. "Who's there?"
He was slightly hurt, but quickly chided himself for his immaturity. She had just woken up after being asleep for over a year. He could hardly fault her for not recognizing him immediately. "It's Angel."
"Angel?" She sounded confused. "What are you—I'm so lost. They say it's 2004."
"Yeah." Angel was worried. How much memory loss had she suffered? She really did look lost, and he wanted so badly to tell her that he had found her now, and that she would be fine. But he had never been much of a hugger and she was looking at him with such distance in her eyes...
"I can't remember, Angel. Everything's so muddled. It's like I know so much has happened since I came to LA, but I can't remember what."
Angel was shocked. "You don't remember anything since then?"
She looked like she was about to cry. "I feel like it's all so close, like if I heard about it I would remember. And I have fragments. More than I had an hour ago, so that's something, right?" She looked up at him hopefully.
"What kind of fragments?"
"Just random things, like when you're flipping channels and you realize you've already seen something on one of them before. I feel like I was watching my body do these things, but it wasn't completely me."
"Jasmine."
"What? Oh, the baby. There was a baby. I remember. And it was stolen...or it was evil...or—godammit! I just can't remember." She looked so frustrated.
"There were two babies. Yours and mine." As soon as he said it, he realized his mistake. He couldn't let her tell the others he had a kid. Well, he would leave that conversation for a little later. He needed to calm her down first.
Her eyes widened. "We had kids together?"
"No. We each had children, but not each other's."
"Well, where are they? I can't believe I have a kid! Do I love it? Because if it's only a baby I could still give it up for adoption, right?"
Angel didn't know what to tell her about Connor, so he skipped over to Jasmine. "She wasn't a baby baby. She...she was a demon. She took over your body. That's how you ended up in the coma."
"Oh," she said in a small voice.
"Look, Cordy, why don't we start from the beginning? What's the last clear memory you have?"
"You call me Cordy?"
"What? Yeah, of course."
"Oh," she said again. "Okay, never mind. Alright, last clear memory. I had come to LA, was looking for an agent. I was at a party! Networking, you know? And you were there."
"Is that the last thing you remember?"
"Yeah—wait no! Russell Winters called, and he wanted to see me. I went to his house and, um, he was a vampire! And you saved me. And I remember thinking that I was not going to hang around any vampires anymore ever. I was considering going back to Sunnydale, where at least the vampires could be distinguished by their outdated fashion sense, and general lifestyle. Then, um..."
"...You came to see me, and suggested we start working together. Remember?" Angel asked hopefully.
"Now that you say it, it's like I know it happened, but like it was someone else. I mean, it was sort of still me, but I would never have done that. I mean, I'm an actress, not a slayer, and definitely not a do-gooder vampire's secretary."
Angel's face fell. This was not how he had imagined their reunion.
Seeing his disappointment, Cordelia rushed to cover her tracks. "Not there's anything wrong with being receptionist to the undead. I'm sure your Cordelia loved it."
His Cordelia? Images started flashing through his head: Cordelia getting visions, kicking ass with a longsword, going after Billy with a crossbow and taser, falling asleep with him and Connor, sleeping on his shoulder at the ballet...how could that not be the real Cordelia? It was almost comforting to find out the Cordelia who slept with Connor and killed Lilah wasn't the real her, but to find out he never really knew her at all was unbearable. It was all false; his entire life since he came to LA was a lie. Because Cordy was the only constant and now...he shocked himself when he started crying. He hadn't cried in years; not even during the whole mess with Connor.
Cordelia's eyes widened. "Stop it! You're freaking me out. I thought you were Mr. Dark Avenger guy." She really was starting to panic. From what she could tell, some force had been controlling her for the past five or six years. The early memories were pretty clear; they felt like her. But as time went by, she could remember less and less. It was like the force gradually started making more and more decisions, until she wasn't herself at all anymore. And now Angel had arrived and was obviously expecting her to be something she wasn't, and she didn't want to disappoint him, but really, she was the one who had been violated, and she should be the one who needed comforting. Not that she would cry in front of him, though. Cordelia Chase didn't cry around just anyone. Not real tears at least.
"I'm sorry, Cordelia. I...I don't know what came over me." Angel wiped away the tears, and then just sat there, staring at her with that cancer of the puppy (note to self: stop channeling Xander) look in his eyes that she used to find hot, but now just found annoying.
A knock came at the door. "Angel, it's me," came a vaguely familiar voice. The girl opened the door and Cordelia had to blink a few times before realizing it was Dawn.
"Sorry Angel, everyone's really antsy to come see Queen C here, but they're all worried about not giving you enough time. Since I seem to be the only insensitive one who doesn't care about your feelings, I was nominated to come tell you to hurry up." Dawn flashed a smile, knowing that looking cute was her best strategy at not getting snapped at. "Hey Cordy," she said shyly, finally looking at her former babysitter. "Welcome back. We missed you in Sunnydale. Buffy's ego got wildly out of control without you to trample on it."
Somehow Dawn's presence was infinitely more comforting than Angel's. Cordelia supposed it must be the familiarity in this totally foreign place. With Dawn, she had never been anything but herself, and it showed in the way Dawn was looking at her, not as the second coming or some warrior goddess, but just as Cordelia Chase, the girl everyone in Sunnydale wanted to be. Suddenly it hit Cordy just how far from home she really was and she felt an unbearable urge to cry. Angel looked pained, but she honestly didn't care about his feelings. She barely knew the guy. She just wanted to be curled up in her bed in Sunnydale, with her teddy bear. Consuela would bring her some hot chocolate and she would paint her nails, while arguing with herself about whether to call Xander. But instead she was here in this ugly room that obviously hadn't seen an interior decorator in its lifetime, with this dopey over-gelled vampire staring at her as though she should clutch him to her chest and tell him she loved him. As if.
Finally, she couldn't help herself. She started crying. Angel got that look that people get when they're thinking about hugging someone, and she instinctively pulled back, holding her arms out to Dawn, who, while not quite familiar in that she had become quite a hottie, was still the closest thing Cordelia had to a friend in this city. Dawn glanced at Angel for a moment, before stepping forward and hugging the crying woman. "I'm sorry, Dawnie. You know I'm not usually like this. It's just, everything's so different, and I've been gone so long, and..."
"I know. It's okay. It'll be okay," Dawn responded, while not really knowing how to make things better.
"I'll go and tell everyone she's okay," Angel said awkwardly, backing out of the room, as the two girls held each other.