Title: The Return The Source.

Chapter 9: Something ho-ish this way goes.

"The police identified the bodies as Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace. Authorities are still uncertain on what the cause of the explosion was, but one thing is for sure, Paris Hilton will be completely disfigured. In other news-"

"There's still something I don't get."

"What? Is it how were the police able to identified already dead witches? Or the fact that they died even though they were already dead?"

"No, I mean, yes that too, but I meant about why would they target Paris Hilton? Do they even know who she is?"

"Obviously, that's why they tried to kill her, Piper."

"Whatever. How are we doing with the whole vanquishing Phoebe thing?"

"Well, I orbed all over the place to find this." Paige showed Piper a small bottle. "It's a vanquishing potion for Phoebe. Who knew they existed? I'll mix it with the one we used on the source and Cole and 'poof', no more Phoebe."

"That sounds so nice." Prue said walking in the room. "Say it again, very slowly."

"Fuck off, bitch."

"You two get along or I'll blow your asses up." Pipers threatened. "Now where's Melinda?"

"Last time I saw her she was headed up the stairs with Cole, Leo and a leather-clad Darryl." Prue answered sexually frustrated like.

Then, Hank the miner flamed in. "Charmed ones."

"And you are?" Paige questioned.

"Hank. Hank the miner. Incorporated." Prue screamed and ran into the wall. Dumbass.

"What do you want from us?" Piper took the lead.

"I come in the name of Zankou. He wants to make a pack with you. He'll distract Phoebe so you can vanquish her sorry ass."

"Why should we trust-" Paige started, but-

"We'll do it."

"Piper! We can't trust the evil miner."

"He can trust me anytime." Prue said, seductively. Piper took her shoe off and threw it at her face. The heel hit her eye. "Ow. Pain hurts."

"I swear to Holly if you don't shut up I'll make sure you go back to the fiery pits of hell." Piper had her serious face on. She then turned to Paige. "I rather risk falling into a trap by lame Zankou than keep stalling the killing of the Phoebe."

"Fine. Whatever." Paige orbed to the attic to make the potion.

"Now, Hank is it?" Hank nodded. "Go tell your boss we'll go to the underworld in a few." Hank flamed out. "Odd. If he's only a miner why can he flame?"

"Magic?" Piper kicked Prue and walked out.

Later…

The whole gang was gathered at the living room. You know who. Fine, if I must. Piper "God" Halliwell, Paige "Need of a tan" Mathews, Prue "Still not getting any" Halliwell, Leo "I like boys" Wyatt, Cole "Psycho stalker" Turner, Melinda "Back from the dead" Warren, Patty "8 times pregnant" Halliwell, Penny "Always a nag" Halliwell and Chris "Plot hole future guy" Perry. There.

"So let's go to the underworld already." Paige hurried.

"Ok, but how?" Piper inquired.

"Let's just all hold on and see what happens." Prue suggested. They did and orbed/shimmered/flamed out. Don't ask about the flaming.

At the underworld…

Zankou and Phoebe were having another round. "I'm not sure this is a good idea." Phoebe worried.

"Come on, you know you like it."

"I know, but my mouth it's starting to hurt."

"One more time." Zankou pleaded.

"Ok, ok. " They did another shot of vodka (What the hell did you thing they were doing! Sicko!). "Jeez, if I didn't know any better I think you were trying to get me drunk so I could be distracted in case my sisters came in to vanquish me." Just then, the family orbed/shimmered/flamed in.

"Wait!" Zankou halted. "Who flamed?"

"Don't ask." Piper ordered. Zankou whimpered. "Phoebe we're here to destroy you."

"Well hello sisters, or is it cousins now?"

"What?" Paige shook her head. "How the fuck are we cousins?"

"Well, I just thought since I'm evil again…"

"Oh god you're stupid!" Prue said jumping on Phoebe stabbing her with an atheme. Phoebe TK'ed her away.

"I'm the source, doofus!"

"That was actually kind of funny." Paige smirked.

"I love what you done with the place, Phoebe." Leo commented.

"You are so not my father." Chris shook his head.

"Who told you?" Now all eyes were on Piper. "What? Cole is Chris's real father. There, I said it."

"Then why is he haft whitelighter?" Patty questioned, hiding her new pregnant belly strategically behind a very well placed ugly pink chair.

"Oh there's a perfectly logical explanation for that. You see-"

"Hello!" Phoebe interrupted Piper. "Source of all pink evil standing right here."

"God, I raised these girls so wrong." Grams lamented. "Well, what can you expect from a crazy hippy witch?" She shrugged and flamed out. Told you not to ask. Patty faded out too.

Cole, who was humping Phoebe's stuffed bear, since it had been a whole 30 minutes since he had sex, decided to intervene. "Phoebe, I just want to say before you die a fairly horrible death, that even though you brought so much pain into my life, both physical and metal, and you were also the cause of my turning good, then evil, then good, then evil, then stalker, I still love you."

"And the dumbass award goes too…" Piper muttered.

"Me?" Prue didn't get the joke.

"Fuck this." Paige threw the potion at Phoebe.

Phoebe screamed in pain as the flames started to burn her flesh. Simultaneously she drowned as her lungs were filled with water. It was very disturbing. Her hair was also being pulled. By Prue. Sadly for the eldest sister, she got caught in the fire and got vanquish too. All that was left were 3 breast implants and a stash of pot that Paige quickly TK-orbed to her purse. No one noticed. Piper stepped in the mess.

"Unbelievable."

"What Piper?" Paige asked.

"Melinda didn't get to say anything this whole chapter."

"I didn't?"

"Nope. And too bad. Cause it's the end."

"Fuck."

End.

A/N:I'm backed up so one story had to go, so I'm dropping this one ok. sorry if Phoebe's death wasn't more graphic and/or painful.