Chapter 8: Concealed Desire

It was almost four in the morning when she got the phone call from Gunn.

"Miss Summers?" He asked on the other line.

"Yes? What is it?" Awake immediately from the sound of his voice. A mixture of aggravation and fear.

"Its Spike..."

Oh god. She didn't want to hear it. She couldn't bare Spike hurt or killed. A life without Spike is like a life without living. She needed him as much as she needed oxygen. She's always had, it becoming more evident with each passing day.

"...He's down at the site and I tried pulling him home but the guy went ballistic, punching and kicking and cursing."

She had to suppress a giggle when she heard how Gunn described Spike, like a 10 year old getting dragged out of a candy store without buying anything.

"Take me there. I'll bring him home."

"Miss summers-"

"Don't argue Gunn, you work for me. You are my bodyguard. You do as I say."

"Right then. I'm already outside. I'll be waiting Miss Summers."

She dressed in a hurry and headed out the door for Gunn's truck.

Buffy noticed Spike as soon as they pulled up to the pond. He was standing at the edge, hands in his pockets as he stared out toward the other side. She told Gunn to wait in the car before getting out and heading toward Spike's direction.

"It's late. Wasn't expecting you to come here." He told her as he took a deep breath, never looking at her.

"Well I wasn't expecting to come here either. You shouldn't be here Spike. It isn't safe."

"I'll be fine, luv. I'm a big boy." Finishing with a chuckle he sat down, patting to ground for her to do the same. "Did you come here by yourself?"

"No. Gunn is in the car. Waiting." She sat down, looking out to where Spike was.

"He does a good job. Both him and Harris. Angel did at least one thing right while he was here."

"Angel is a good man."

"No comment." Spike said with a smirk, tilting his head to finally look at her. She felt his eyes on her but didn't move. She couldn't look him in the eyes, just not now.

Silence crept over them as they both stared down at the pond now, watching the moon reflect off the water, every now and then a duck would swim by.

"We got information about the three girls." She whispered, shocking even herself as the silence broke. "They were all around 17 or 18. Same blonde hair. Practically the same height, around 5'4. From what we read in past newspapers, they all were pretty rich but it said that the girls suffered tragedy throughout their life."

Spike nodded, understanding a little more about the person stalking Buffy. "So, he takes the vulnerable ones. Messes with the ones who seem perfect but aren't."

"First of all I'm not vulnerable or seemingly perfect. But second, he must of really done his homework on these girls, They had everything going for them until this madman comes along and strips everything away."

"Then that is why we have to life live to the fullest and not shut people out."

She knew they were no longer talking about the girls anymore. He always did have a way with twisting words and changing topics of conversations.

"I called you for Dawn. Not for me. This has nothing to do with me and I don't want it to be. So yes, in a way I did shut you out."

"But why can't it be both. I can be here for you and for dawn. I can take care of both of you, luv. Why don't you see that?"

"I do see that. I just don't want it."

"Bollocks! I can see it every time you bloody look at me. I can feel it Buffy. And you can feel it too. You're in my gut. In my throat. I'm drowning in you Summers, I'm drowning in you." He leaned over, pushing her hair away from her neck as he leaned down and gave her a peck on her throat, making a shiver run down her spine.

"I'm perfectly fine with the way things are. Why do you want to change my life? Why do want to be apart of this? This train wreck."

He raised his head, staring at her as she continued to look away.

"Because, I'm too bloody selfish. This isn't a train wreck. You're everything I want. What I could ever want. I loved being your friend but I want more."

"No. It won't...I just...spike it will never...I can't-"

"Sex?" He interrupted her babbling that made her freeze and her eyes go wide.

"Spike...I don't want it." Was all she could get out as her mouth went dry and her breathing became heavier. She had never spoken about sex with Spike before, always avoiding the topics when they spoke. But this time he made it clear that this is what he wanted to know. He wanted to move forward with her, but she just couldn't let it interfere, and it would.

"I think you do want it. I always know what you're feeling Buffy, and I can feel exactly what you are feeling right now."

"And that would be what?" Her voice weaker than she wanted it to be.

"Desire. You have such hunger for me, its radiating off of you. I can feel how much you want me otherwise I wouldn't be saying everything I am right now."

"You're wrong. You don't know-"

"I damn well do! I'd do anything for you. I've gotten so close to you, you became me. My center. You filled me till all that's left is you in a dead shell. You say you hate it but you won't leave. If you look beyond your fear and loneliness, I'd bet you'll see I'm your center too."

"Spike, you have been there for me all the times I needed you but you are like a brother to me." She lied about the last part, trying to get her way out of this conversation.

"I don't want to be a brother to you. I want to be with you. To have you. All of you. I can be so much more than a friend. I can please your body, luv." He started kissing her neck again, tracing his tongue along her cheekbone. She told herself to stop him but couldn't move. Her body wanted him to do that. To do more.

"How can I convince you that I can be more than a brother? More than a friend. Should I tell you how good I am in bed? Or how big I am?"

She couldn't suppress her laugh as he finished his cocky sentence. It was a nervous laugh. They both knew it but the mood was lightening up drastically, although Spike was still serious.

"Or would you like me to show you, pet?"

"Spike..." a faint whisper escaped her lips as she pushed him away.

"Its alright. I can wait. I've waited forever, little more won't hurt. But just know that every time I look at you...hear you, im not thinking of you as a friend or a sister, I'm seeing you in bed with me or beneath me or..." Now it was his turn to laugh as her face turned 10 shades of red and her eyes bulged out of there sockets.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it." He giggled as he rose to he feet, offering her a hand to stand up as well. As she rose he pressed her flush against him and whispered in her ear persuasively.

"I'm not rushing this. I'm just telling you what's right in front of you. When you let yourself have what you want, you'll know where to find me."

His heat felt scorching on her body but she pressed in for more. She wanted him, always have but it wasn't fair to him. He kissed her cheek and pulled her with him as he headed toward the car.

"Come on, luv. Lets get some sleep. Maybe you'll get lucky and dream of me." Turning behind him to look at her, he winked and entered the back of the truck.

Every time she gained control of her body, he took every once of it away. She knew the next couple of days are going to be difficult. As they were talking, her perspective on him changed completely. She saw the sexual side of Spike, noticing the intense curves of his cheekbones that were sexy as hell, his plump lips teasing her. God, she wanted to kiss those lips...