Chapter 2
Sirius blinked blearily against the morning sun, which streamed across the couch. He sat up and gazed around, figuring he must have fallen asleep the night before as they made their plans for the next full moon, which was that night.
He looked around at the others, scrawled in strange positions around the room. James was propped half on the floor and half on the couch, his neck and head twisted at a strange angle so that he would stay balanced, his face stressed and twisted. Peter was curled in an armchair near by, a desperate look on his face as he struggled in the clutches of a dream. And Remus was curled at the end of the couch, his body mimicking that of a sleeping wolf.
Remus looked frail in his sleep, Sirius thought. His normal optimistic face had vanished, replaces with a determined frown that seemed desperate for simple survival. Frail in that he was exposed; strong in that same way. He was comfortable being himself. Strong, but frail; a contradiction like Remus himself.
It was then that Sirius noticed the scratches. There were three of them; they were fresh and parallel to each other. He leaned closer. They were thin and shallow, but abnormally placed bloody.
Remus jerked awake suddenly and Sirius fell back, his heart pounding.
"What're you doing?" Remus snapped, pulling his sleeves down.
"Nothing! Honest. Just trying to wake you up," Sirius said.
"Well it worked," Remus said, his anger all ready gone, though there was a weariness in his eyes and he protected his arm with the other. Sirius frowned and watched him, as he made excuses for himself and left to change.
Remus avoided his eyes all day. James seemed to feel the tension and made forced conversation all day, his hazel eyes jumping from Remus to Sirius and back again. At lunch he forced the two to sit by each other and stared when Remus sat, reluctantly, but picked at his food.
"C'mon, Moony, it's roast beef. Your favorite. And look- yummy yams!" James waved the serving food in front of his nose. "Oh come on! Whatever you two are fighting about couldn't be all that bad."
"We're not fighting!" they both hastily answered. The sincerity in their answers confused James, and he looked back and forth.
"Then why are you avoiding each other? And not talking? Huh?"
"We're not!" Sirius said huffily. "We're not." And that was the end of it. But they still hadn't met the other's eyes.
By that night, Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He cornered Remus as he was coming out of the shower, his eyes staring forcefully into his face, trying not to drift to his arm.
"What's on your arm Remus?" he asked, accusation laced through his tone.
"Nothing," Remus said shortly, trying to push past him.
"Hippogriff feces! There's three lines, all parallel and equally placed and stuff! What are they?"
Remus said nothing.
"Did you do that to yourself, Remus? Did you?"
"Yes," Remus said, eyes lowered. "Can I go now?"
"But…why?"
"Because…I wanted to."
Sirius knew this wasn't the real reason, but ignored that, instead sweeping Remus into a hug. His wet hair pressed into Sirius face and his clothes, slightly damp, stuck to him. He let go quickly in typical guy fashion.
"I'm always here for you. And don't do it again!"
Remus smiled, and then bit his lip.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. But don't do it again, okay? Ever."
"I know."
Sirius looked at him, his heart twisting painfully. He could only hope Remus would stick to his word…he only wished he could show him a good time…
"Hey, I know. Let's go to Hogsmeade. Have some fun. Forget about school. It's Friday!"
Remus grinned slightly.
"Getting drunk is not going to help me. It'll make me more messed up."
"What're you saying about me?" Sirius asked, mock suspicious. Remus laughed.
"C'mon. You gotta have someone there to make sure you don't drink too much. I can't believe I'm letting you do this…" Remus mumbled. Sirius grinned and pulled him along.
"We're messed up Remus. We have to counter that with more insane things, or else the first insane things will take us over. At least this way, we'll control our messed up-ness."
Remus frowned.
"That's the most insane logic-"
"Oh well."
"I've ever heard and-"
"Who cares?"
"Really doesn't make any sense-"
"Cloak, gotta find the cloak…"
"Are you listening to me? Sirius. Sirius?" Sirius turned to him.
"Huh?" Remus sighed, a big fake sigh.
"We'll go out drinking, but just this once. No more. We have to fix ourselves. No one's going to do it for us."
Sirius grinned. "Okay. But let's wait 'til we're good and drunk before we start making deals with ourselves." Remus shook his head and ducked under the cloak. Sirius scribbled a hasty note and then ducked under as well. And they were off.
---
Several hours later, Sirius was more drunk than ever before and even Remus was wobbling a bit. It took a lot for a werewolf to get even slightly drunk, but the high and mighty effect was quite worth it, he thought…and then he scolded himself for sounding like Sirius.
Speaking of which, Sirius was waddling over, doing an impression of a penguin. Random, thought Remus. Very random.
"Hiya Remy. Do you know that penguins have a special dance they do to steal sanity. Yep, it goes like this!" Sirius waddled a bit more, and did some hopping things. "Yep, that fine looking lady over there told me. Yep!" He pointed to a dark space. Remus squinted.
"Sirius…that's a door frame! You learned a dance from a door frame!"
"Yep, yep…yep," Sirius giggled.
"Okay, man, I think it's time we went home…"
"No! NO NO NO! I don't wanna go home. I don't wanna!" Sirius yelled, pushing Remus away so that he tottered dangerously.
"Wee!" Remus gasped as he fell down. Sirius caught him under the arms.
"Whoops."
"C'mon, Sirius, we have to go home!"
"But we haven't talked about our feelings yet. Let's go talk about our feelings. What's you're favorite color?" Sirius pulled Remus towards a booth.
"Umm…blue…?"
"Red and gold, Remus! IT'S RED AND GOLD!"
"Shhhhh, they're going to know we're from Hogwarts…"
"Oh, oh yeah. I like red best, over gold. But you know what I hate? I hate my family. They're all a bunch of muggle hating horrors. You know, once my dad hit me so hard I couldn't get out of bed for a week. And when I could, I still had to do all the chores I'd missed. But that's nothing compared to what mamma did to me that one time…why, I still have the burn scars!"
Remus listened closely- or as closely as his intoxicated mind would allow him. Sirius didn't talk much about his family, and even drunk he tried to make a joke out of it, tried to keep that protective mask.
"But you know, I get tired of them hating me. Sometimes, I wish my family would just love me, life regular families do. Sometimes, I want to be bad, just so they'll like me." Remus tried not to let the shock show on his face.
"That's okay," he slurred, trying to be comforting. "That's okay. My da left when he found out about me. And my mom sent the twins away and goes to visit them more than she sees me! Lives at my grans except on the week of the full moon."
"Whoa…"Sirius looked shocked. "That's awful. Aw. Full. Awful, awful, awful…" The alcohol was taking over his mind. He leaned forward and gave Remus a clumsy hug. "I'm glad we talked about our feelings. Now we know more about each other!"
Remus laughed. "Now can we go home?"
"Uh-uh! Not 'til you dance with me."
Remus knew it was wrong. Knew Sirius hadn't admitted to not being strait, not even to himself, and probably didn't know what he was doing. But for some reason, he found himself agreeing, walking out onto the dance floor. The song was fast and the beat rocked deep inside of him, and in the crowd it was hard to tell that they were dancing together. Until, of course, Sirius kissed him.
It was hard and beautiful, needy and leading, all at the same time. Remus leaned into it, forgetting logic for a moment. Alcohol, he mentally blamed, even though he knew he hadn't drank that much. It's the alcohol part.
A sudden fist slammed into his ear.
"Ow!" he cried out, hearing Sirius's own yelp of pain.
"Get outta here, we don't want you're kind around! Get you…" Sirius and Remus stumbled out of the bar.
"Pansy! Faerie! Homo!" The words were screamed out after them. Sirius fell to the ground, giggling, and for some reason, Remus had to laugh too.
"You…you know what's funny? It's…it's…it's the truth! What they yell! Hahaha…" Sirius was laughing so hard water was streaming from his eyes. Remus giggled.
"You're strait," he reminded him, almost forgetting the kiss in the pounding of his head and the pain from the rising bruise.
"I'm bi-sex-ual." Sirius giggled. "I'ma gonna tell everyone. Bu-sex-ual."
"If we ever get home," Remus giggled, ignoring the pleasure filling his stomach at Sirius's words, trying to remember that it was probably just the alcohol.
Sirius leaned over and kissed him again.
"We will eventually."
They were still laying in the middle of the road.