Lying in bed, Abby looked up at the ceiling. Being off work sucked. People wanted her to get better, wanted her to get help, but it was almost scary being off work for so long. Too much time to think about things...wasn't that the problem that got her into this mess in the first place?

She stretched up and looked out her window. It was a beautiful morning, cold and crisp yet sunny. Seeing the weather cheered her up a little. Surely it was better to be able to relax on such a nice day rather than be stuck in the ER? Walking into her kitchen she poured herself a glass of milk from the fridge and was surprised at how relaxed she actually felt. Sitting in her quiet kitchen she let the thoughts she had been talking about run through her head. The question everyone had asked – or, she thought, everyone had been to polite to ask – was why did she do it? What made her do something so final? Her reasoning so far was that it had been the drink. She'd been having a depressive evening, had got drunk which was a stupid thing for her to do and had thought things were worse then they really were. Waking up the next morning she'd felt stupid, and still believed the things in her head from the previous night. So she went through with it.

That was good reasoning, she thought. That was a good excuse. But was it the truth? Abby's calm began to waver as she asked herself this question. Who knows. Who knows why she did it?

"I know." Abby was aware that she knew, but did she want to admit it? Looking outside she figured the brisk weather would make a good background for her thoughts.

Walking down the street outside her apartment, Abby thought. She had been talking about Carter a lot in her therapy. Carter. One of her best friends. An ex-lover. Someone who probably knew her better than anybody else. So what was it about him that made her so upset? Well, he was with someone else now. He was going to have a family with another woman. Although, that had changed now. But it was a tragedy, something that ripped his life apart. She couldn't be pleased about that. She had seen him soon after his son had died. There was no way that could make her happy. She thought back to that night. She hadn't been the one who was going to comfort him. That would be Kem's job. That, she realized, was the most difficult thing.

She had no idea how long she had been walking for. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even noticed where she was heading. Hadn't noticed, that is, until she suddenly came back to the world and found herself standing in front of Carter's front door.

Abby panicked slightly. What was she doing here? Had she been seen? Should she leave? Should she knock on the door? Had she knocked on the door already but just not realized it? She was so busy panicking silently to herself she didn't notice the door open, and didn't see Carter standing looking at her.

'Carter.'

'Abby.'

'Um...I know it sounds strange but..I didn't even know I was here.'

'Huh. Well you didn't really look...awake. Are you coming in?'

'Sure...' Abby spoke uneasily. She was slightly blindsided by finding herself outside Carter's apartment, and didn't really know what to do. She followed him inside.

'So...how are you? You look a little better.'

'Well last time you saw me I wasn't exactly looking my best.' She didn't know how to handle the situation without making a joke about it, it was the only way she knew how to react.

'Would you like to sit down? Can i get you anything? Juice? Water? Coffee?'

Abby realized Carter clearly didn't know how to handle the situation either. She had been into many of his apartments more times than she could count, but he'd never treated her like such a guest. 'Juice will be fine, thankyou.'

Sitting down on the sofa, Abby tried to think of something to say. She was here, so surely she had to find some sort of reason? As Carter returned and handed her a glass, she smiled shyly at him. She had to approach the subject of they would just sit there in awkward silence.

'I miss being at work.'

'Sure you do. Miss the patients, miss Kerry breathing down your neck all the time..'

'Yea. It's only when you're not there you realize how much you miss it.'

'I guess you're right.' Carter sighed. 'It's been kinda weird without you there too.'

'Thanks for visiting me while I was...getting better in there.'

'Of course...I was worried about you. Everyone was. You gave us a real scare Abby. We just want you to get better. Although I know that isn't easy.'

'Yea. Therapy feels like you're just spending hours talking about yourself. The ultimate in narcissism.'

'But is it working?'

'Yea, I guess. I mean, I spend so long talking through everything it means I can think a little clearer. But there's a lot to think about.' Abby glanced up at Carter, and he caught the end of her glance.

'Susan told me off for thinking that...that I had anything to...' His shame made him stop. He felt uncomfortable asking the question he'd been desperate to ask.

'It wasn't just one thing, Carter. It wasn't just you, it wasn't just Luka, it wasn't just mom and Eric and everything else that makes my life just a little more screwy than everyone else's. But I suppose you're what's top in my mind at the moment. I've...been talking about you a lot.'

'To your therapist?'

Abby nodded. The two sat in uncomfortable silence. Neither knew what to say next. Both had questions to ask but neither wanted to seem intrusive. Eventually, Carter started.

'You know I'm still very fond of you Abby.'

'I know, John. I could see that from the way you looked after me back then.'

'Ever since Kem, things have been difficult. I'm grieving, Abby. I lost my son. That's something that Kem and I will always have. And although things have been difficult between us - Kem and I, I mean – we've gone through a lot.'

Abby just nodded and looked at the floor. She felt so stupid, so selfish for thinking Carter could still feel anything for her. He'd had a child for goodness sake. A whole new life with another woman. Why would he still have feelings for her? She stood up. 'Maybe I should go...'

'No, Abby, please stay.' Carter stood up and moved towards her. 'Please, Abby. You're one of my best friends, you know that, you always will be. Do you really want a relationship with me? Really?'

Sitting back down, Abby tried to clear her head a little. Did she want a relationship with him? Honestly? It would be a bounce-back relationship. He would be trying to get over Kem, and she would be trying to prove something to herself – that her life wasn't a complete mess. Although by being with him, she knew she wouldn't be totally happy. She just wanted to be with him for the idea of being with him. She sighed.

'No, Carter, I guess I don't.' She sheepishly looked up at him. 'You're right.'

'Abby, you're a sensible and intelligent woman. You can move on, you can rebuild yourself. I love you Abby, and I'll support you every step of the way. As will Susan, as will Luka, hell, even Kerry might be a bit nicer to you if you're lucky.' They both smiled.

She sat in bed, the covers over her knees. The night air was clear coming through her bedroom window, and the moonlight shone a little into the room. She felt lighter somehow, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew that there was a long way to go yet, but she felt as though she could tackle it. She knew she had support, she felt confident she could work through things. Shifting down under the covers, she fell into a deep, restful sleep.