Hello! I literally had this idea since Derek died on Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I know it was almost 6 years ago). And I finally managed to put it into words. I hope you enjoy reading and tell me your opinion. It's different from my previous fics because well, it's MerDer. But it's similar because I wrote it to change the horrible fate one of my favorite couples had on the show. It started as merely a fix-it, but I hope to make much more of it. It will focus a lot more on Derek's recovery than my fic Mine Again focused on Mark's and I hope you won't hate me for some things I want to include. Hopefully I'll explain everything about Derek's condition correctly. There will be lots of MerDer loving too! I thought about putting it in Mine Again's universe, but it wouldn't really fit. So Mark died in the plane crash in 2012 and Addison is married to Jake. Both will appear in this fic though. There will be Owen & Amelia as well because at this point in the story (season 11) I really liked them. The show later ruined them just like many other things, but I stuck to the original idea. Yeah, and English isn't my first language so I apologize for any mistakes you may find.

Chapter 1: April 23rd of 2015

„Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me." (Derek, Grey's Anatomy 4x17, 11x19)

„I'll be back before you know it."

Meredith's POV:

"We all remember bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella, the frog turns into a prince, Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time... and then they lived happily ever after."

You are standing in the middle of the dream house Derek wanted since long ago and you laid it out with candles. You want it too, you love Derek more than anyting and you are finally ready to share your whole life with him.

"Fairytales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is fairytales don't come true. It's the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It's the nightmares that always seem to become reality."

The wind blows and the candles go out, one by one. "Stay here," he said. "Don't move," he said. "Wait for me," he said. But it's colder and colder and you can feel the storm coming. Derek isn't anywhere close to being back and fear squeezes your insides as you look up at the sky.

...

"What happened?!" you run and barge through the doors in the pit at Seattle Grace. Cristina and Richard stop you. Cristina holds you steady squeezing your upper arms and explains: „The bus in front of him hit the telephone pole. He tried to swerve to miss it."

"How bad is it?" you shout.

"Meredith, you're gonna have to be strong." You shake the two pairs of arms away and run to the trauma room. Through the window you see Derek lying on a bed, connected to numerous wires, neck in the collar, mouth intubated, Mark's arms holding his head, blood splattered across his chest and Miranda Bailey performing chest compressions. EKG has a straight line on it and a steady horrible sound.

"No! No!" you cry. Miranda stops pushing Derek's chest. Mark stops squeezing the ambu-bag. You just look through the glass with a shocked face. Mark looks down sadly and you can see Miranda's mouth forming the definitive words every doctor dreads: "Time of death."

"No! Nooo! Noooo! Nooooo! Noooooo!" you cry hitting the glass in front of you.

Then you wake up from the nightmare.

(Grey's Anatomy 5x01 Dream a Little Dream of Me (p1))

Amelia's POV:

Today is April 23rd of 2015. Another busy day at Grey Sloan Memorial. The sun is shining, the weather surely isn't the cause of any accidents now but it seems people went crazy on the roads today. Ambulances just brought in a woman with her daughter, a girl with messed up guts and a boy with a head injury. You are now treating him, doing everything you can as fast as possible. Someone on the scene did a good job taking care of his wounds, but brain is a tricky thing. You don't know the extent of the damage right away. Sometimes it takes weeks, even months to determine.

But your pager goes off again. "Oh no, another one?! Okay Edwards, you've got this," you tell your resident who shows great potential in neuro and rush to the ambulance bay thinking when it rains, it pours.

At the ambulance bay you meet Owen which doesn't improve your mood one bit because his words "I won't survive another plane crash, Amelia. And that's all we are," still sting. And you are not sure of anything anymore. You know what you feel for him, you know that deep down you want it all with this man. There's a dream that you two could be amazing together, you just don't know how to do it. You are incredibly scared and you don't know how to tell him that. You don't know how to tell him a lot of things. So that's it – you two are a plane crash. You can't save yourselves but you have to work together to save other people. You give each other sideways glares every now and then and when the ambulance arrives you both jump into action.

"When it rains, it pours," says the paramedic whose name you don't remember. Seriously.

"What do we got?" Owen asks but then you hear him gasping and before you can look past him, he turns towards you and puts his hands on your shoulders: "Amelia..."

"John Doe broadsided by a semi-truck. Blunt-force trauma to the head, chest, and abdomen. Signs of vertebral fracture. Persistent hypotension after two liters of saline. Pulse is thready at 130."

"It's not a Jane Doe! It's Meredith Grey!"

(Derek, 3x16 Drowning on Dry Land)

When you look past Owen and see the person lying on a gurney you feel like you are the one who just got hit by a truck – truck of emotions, shock, horror, determination, dread, pain. You see your big brother, bloody, battered and swollen. "Derek!" you cry out.

"Amelia, you have to step back. Page Nelson!" Owen shouts.

"No! No Nelson, I will do it!" You fight Owen's firm grip. He is holding you because he can't let you work on Derek – because of not working on family members policy, but mainly to protect your own sanity. Owen knows he can't put so much pressure on you. "I can't leave him to Nelson, I...I can't!" But you can't wrest out of Owen's strong arms. "Page...page Peters! Take him to the CT! And...page Bailey and Webber," because Derek's head surrounded by a pool of blood is the most important, but he also needs to have the best general surgeons look at all his internal organs.

"Owen, let me go!" you feel like slapping him. If only he didn't hold you so tightly.

"I need to take a look on im at least! Owen, you can't pull your rank on me now!" but he can. He's the chief after all. If only the situation wasn't much more complicated.

"Take him to trauma room one. Use the portable CT and page April Kepner," Owen orders because he knows he cannot work on Derek himself. He cannot leave you now. Because whatever plane crash you two are, now it doesn't matter.

When they wheel Derek by you have the first real chance to look at him.

"He's awake! Owen, he's awake!" barely, but your brother's eyes are still open, they look from side to side and you believe he has a pretty good picture of what's happening.

"Derek, just hang in there!" Owen loosens his grip just enough for you to touch Derek's arm and let him know your here.

"I'm calling Tom Koracick," the guy may be an arrogant ass, but apart from you and Derek he is the best neurosurgeon you can think of. Derek must have the best for whatever treatment he may need. And well, you still think that not even Tom is more arrogant than Derek himself.

Derek's POV:

Amy? Is it Amelia's voice? Yes Amy, look at my head! And my spine...

You hate putting your sister through this but one thing you can be thankful for in this horrible situation is the fact that you were close enough to be transported to Grey Sloan Memorial which was the nearest trauma center – lucky to be treated by good doctors, some of which you helped train yourself. And then you hear and see Amy sobbing in Owen's arms. You feel like your eyes are the only thing you can move right now. You are sure you don't feel your legs. Chest, arms and the rest of your body just turned into one big pain. Though you're sure the pain still hasn't hit you in its full force because of the adrenaline. You believe that's also what is still keeping you conscious. Otherwise you would be knocked down long ago. But it's only matter of time anyway. You feel Amy's comforting hand on your arm. You hear something about Tom Koracick. You no longer have the capacity to contemplate it. And you fall unconscious with one name on your mind.

Meredith...

Meredith's POV:

"Hold on, OK? Hold on. I love you. Please don't die," you cry, putting pressure on the wound on Derek's chest. "Do not die! Do you understand? I can't live without you!" In this moment Derek could bleed out. Or have his heart or lungs permanently damaged by a bullet. But even if you could live without Derek, you absolutely don't want to and you have no intention of ever trying to do so.

(Grey's Anatomy 6x24 Death and All His Friends)

You barge through the doors in the pit at Grey Sloan Memorial. "What happened?!" you panic. Richard and Jo Wilson, who's his resident at the moment, jump in front of you. Richard explains: "His car was hit by a semi on the outskirts of Seattle. From what we know, before that he stopped to help four people in a car crash. They were brought in sooner, now moved upstairs."

They both have their hands on your arms. "He saved all those people," says Wilson in a gentle voice. With tears in your eyes you push them both away and run to the window of the trauma room.

The first person you see is Miranda Bailey. Horror shoots through you because it reminds you of the scene you've once seen in your dream. But she isn't doing chest compressions. There is a tube sucking blood from Derek's chest though and the other one in his throat. A bunch of surgons surround him. Richard went back to the room, there's Edwards and one other resident, April Kepner, Ray Peters and...Tom Koracick. Why are there two neurosurgeons? Who do they need someone like Koracick?

You run inside the trauma room: "Can I see the CT scans?" Owen barges in right behind you: "Meredith, you shouldn't be in here."

"Too late," you sob, "Show me the damn scans!"

"Dr. Grey," Koracick takes you by the arm and walks out from the room with you, "I need to operate. He has a severe brainbleed, I need to put in a shunt and possibly do a craniotomy to relieve pressure from the swelling. He presents with the loss of motor function in his legs, loss of verbal skills possibly due to the bleeding. Do you give us a permission to shave off his hair?"

"Yes, do it, of course."

"Fine. The scans also show...lesions on his spinal cord likely caused by the vertebral fracture. Of course we have yet to see about the extent of the damage caused by SCI. Amelia will show you the scans." he looks around him. He doesn't see Amelia anywhere but realizes she may not be able to compose herself enough to do it. "Or Peters will. I will work simultaneously with Dr. Webber, he needs to operate on the internal organs."

It all sets in. You let out a small sob and then you run out. You hold onto the first tree branch you find, panting. And then you throw up.

A nurse took Zola and Bailey, Maggie said that when she finishes her day shift, she will take care of them. That was hours ago. Now it is almost 10 p.m. and Derek's in OR one. Has also been there for hours. You've seen his scans and you felt like throwing up again. And with each update from the OR it only seems worse – you always hear about new problems they found and what needs to be taken care of. Bradycardia, so they also had to call cardiothorastics and much more. At half past 11 they come out from the OR and you learn: "Derek had massive bleeds into his spleen and stomach, hemothorax and also pneumotorax, bradycardia and a colon avulsion so we had to do a temporary colostomy. We secured all this, but the biggest question is his brain. We won't know anything until we know. We also immobilized him to stabilize his spine after a spinal cord injury. Right now Derek's in the medically induced sleep. We would like to keep him on the pentobarbital for about four days, because his injuries are...extensive. Then we will lower the dosage or withdraw the meds completely and see what happens."

You watch them one by one. Tired determined eyes in front of you. Miranda Bailey and Richard Webber from general. Ray Peters and Tom Koracick from neuro. Anna Talinsky from cardio. April Kepner from trauma. You are also exhausted, sad and angry, but thankful to every one of these people.

"Thank you all...thank you for everything you've done." Beside you Amelia is standing, leaning on Owen who's holding her steady. There's no one here to hold you steady. Before going home and trying to sleep at least for a bit you need to see Derek but you feel like you may fall down if you make one more step. Your head spins and then suddenly there's Alex, your person, clutching your arm and offering his for you to lean on. He comes to the rescue once again.

"Mer, are you okay?"

You know he is just concerned. But you still feel that is a really stupid question. "No Alex, I'm really not. Do you...do you know something about the kids? How are they?"

Alex is glad he can tell you at least one assuring thing. "They are fine. Maggie's taking care of them, I believe she put them down already."

"Oh, okay. I need to see Derek now."

"I will go with you." Because Alex knows better than to leave you alone now. You are leaning on his arm and you two go to the ICU together.

In front of Derek's bed Alex lets go of your arm. "I'll give you some privacy. I'll be just over there if you need me." Alex steps away, but carefully watches you. You are really thankful for a friend like him. Alex is your person in every possible meaning of the word, for better or worse.

But now you're faced with your husband's unmoving figure in the bed. He's alive. He's alive. He's alive, you are telling yourself because with injuries like these it's nothing short of a miracle. But you cannot be sure about anything else yet and you two have survived so many bad things that you dreadfully wonder when God or fate will stop being in your favor.

"What did you do?" you cry out. Of course, there's no answer, but you can almost hear him telling you: "Oh, I did what I always do, except I almost killed myself doing it."

"Derek..." he is intubated, his head, chest and belly all covered in bandages. You touch his upper arm, one of the few places where you can reach his skin and not the gauze.

"I was scared. Damnit Derek, you have to stop doing this. I'm so scared."

"Don't be scared. I'm not going anywhere," in your head he says in soothing voice and when you look at his face you imagine a smirk on it. Except it is really hard. Derek's face is swollen, a little disfigured, with dried blood at more places than not. But the thing that may be the strangest on him right now is the lack of hair. There are no black locks between the bandages.

"You're not dead. I can feel your pulse," you clutch Derek's hand. "You are alive and you have so much to live for. You will die when you are 110 in my arms, remember? If I get Alzheimers and forget you, you will be there reminding me who you are, remember? Derek, I love you so much. Please come back to us."

...

The next day Derek's sisters Nancy and Lizzie come to visit. The day after that it's Kathleen and his mother. And the day after that it's Addison. You don't mind. Derek shared his life with Addison for more than eleven years. You know they still care about each other. You don't feel like talking to Addison or her husband Jake though. You leave it to Amelia to deal with them, they are friends after all. And the fourth day is the big day. You feel sick. But honestly, you've been sick the whole week from all the tears. In the morning you dress in your scrubs and go to the ICU as if the thing that's about to happen wasn't determining your whole future. You have too much medical knowledge to get your hopes up. But you cannot help it, you wish for a miracle. You wish Derek would be completely okay. Hell, you wish to turn back time and make the previous week when you stood on the porch in the morning, drank coffee and watched Derek feeding Zola. When you watched him reading a book to Bailey. It was a book about racing cars. Wait, racing...cars...why this coincedence? Did that thing about cars really have to come back now when you were thinking happy thoughts about Derek and your kids?

And you are standing at Derek's room in the ICU wishing your stomach would stop squeezing. You grab Amelia's hand.

"We are stopping the load of barbiturate drugs now," Peters says, "It may take him a few hours to wake up. Or...with brain we can never be sure. The only thing we know is that the bleeding stopped and Tom managed to evacuate all of it. The CT also showed that the swelling went down. But the bleeding was, you know...bad. The amount of damage may take months to determine."

He gives you a small, probably reassuring nod. You are working today - that's why the scrubs. People looked at you like you were insane when you said you wanted to work, but you need this – you need something to feel at least a little bit normal. You only do things like routine check-ups or discharging patients, you are too distracted to do something more complicated or God forbid cut somebody open.

The kids know daddy was in a really bad accident. Bailey is too small to comprehend it, but Zola can imagine what happened. They know he's lying in the hospital at the unit, where they cannot visit him, because it is full of very sick people. You didn't tell them the doctors are waking daddy today though, because...you have seen the scans. His brain is badly damaged. Medical miracles happen everyday, but...

You don't have much hope. Amelia standing next to you doesn't look too hopeful either. It's around lunch time and Derek still hasn't opened his eyes. Amelia checks his chart. Then she whimpers and with the hand on her mouth she runs out of the room.

An hour later you hear a frantic: "Derek opened his eyes!" from someone. But when you get to the room, the blue eyes you see look nothing like Derek's eyes so full of life. There's just blank stare in them.

"Derek..." no change. You cross to the other side of the room. "Derek." His eyes don't follow you.

This time you don't wake up from the nightmare.

Amelia's POV:

You spend the whole evening studying your brothers scans, performing various tests and check-ups. You test mainly Derek's reaction to stimuli and you get a horrible feeling you believe won't go away anytime soon. The head injury proves to be the biggest problem, but you there's also the thing about spinal cord. You checked his legs and even though it's complicated to determine anything when Derek's not conscious, you realize the SCI often causes partial or complete paralysis.

After convincing youself for a while, you pull out a tube from Derek's mouth and hold your own breath releasig in after ten seconds. Derek's chest goes up and down. That's it. He's breathing on his own! Of course, basic vitals are inact. The same with primitive reflexes. He reacts to pain, has a gripping reflex, he can swallow. He doesn't react to words though and his gaze is unfocused. He's awake, but not really awake. You've been dreading this. You know this, you've seen and treated this many times but it's different when it's your brother. He's gonna need 24/7 care. Mainly nursing care, but also various stimulation, proper forms of communication. There's no telling how long he will be in this state, you've seen patients that came back after 2 weeks, but also ones that were like this for years and never fully recovered all the functions. Meredith strokes Derek's cheek. You are tearing up. "Meredith...you know...this condition is..."

Meredith looks at you, her own eyes flooded with tears: "I know. Is called either...PVS, apallic syndrome, UWS or," she chokes, „coma vigile."

"Yeah... there's no telling how long it will take, but Meredith...with early ambulation and stimulation he has a chance of full recovery," you don't know if you're trying to convince Meredith or yourself.

She gives you a teary nod and then focuses her attention on your brother again: "Derek...," she holds his hand and Derek's blue eyes wander around the room. Then she lets go of his hand and runs to the bathroom again.

You sit down by Derek's bedside, stroking his bald head. "Please Derek, don't do this. You have to survive, you have to come back to us. I love you, big brother. Please, wake up."

Don't let go

I need you to hang around

I'm so broke

and foolishly in love

(Museum of Flight – Damien Jurado)

Here it is. I'd really like to read what you think and whether you are even interested in reading this. I have some things already written, but I'm open to your suggestions! If I like them, I'll really try to include them.