Warnings: Slash, hurt/comfort, spoilers for Twilight, little bit of angst and maybe tissues required.
Disclaimer. I don't own the NCIS characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in good condition when I'm finished.
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Gibbs wandered around McGee's apartment, looking at all the various pieces of electronic equipment. "N.C.I.S. must be paying you too much if you can afford this sort of electronics."
"It's actually not that expensive to set up. The router was fairly expensive, but I got a top of the range controller card in a sale and Abby helped me add a few ...and you don't really need to know this, right Boss?"
"I don't even know what half of this stuff does," said Gibbs in bemusement.
"Well I don't know how to build a boat, so I guess that makes us even." To McGee's relief, Gibbs finally cracked a smile.
A few mugs of coffee later, McGee was doing his best to make that smile return. But Gibbs seemed determined to keep his bad mood going. "I feel like I'm a goddamned dinosaur," he was grumbling. "Even Tony knows more about computers and crap like that. Maybe if you had a younger boss, somebody who knew about this shit." Gibbs sighed heavily, letting his head fall back against the couch he and McGee were sitting on, it being the only piece of furniture not currently occupied by books and computers and all sort of electronic doodads that Gibbs was half afraid to touch in case he blew it up. "Maybe then Tony wouldn't be lying in the hospital." He knocked back his coffee, not as strong as he liked it, but a good effort from McGee, who obviously didn't drink it that much himself.
"Boss, I won't let you beat yourself up like that," said McGee, firmly. It was probably the caffeine buzz that was making him so confident, he thought. He hadn't wanted Gibbs to be drinking alone, and had been doing his best to match him, mug for mug. Unfortunately, he wasn't really used to Gibbs strength coffee, which probably accounted for some, but only some of his words and actions.
"The only reason Tony's in hospital and not dead right now is because of you. You knew even before he did that the sting was going sour. Nobody else could have gotten to Tony so quickly."
Gibbs waved a hand dismissively as McGee continued. He was aware that he wasn't really getting through to his Boss, but it was hardly surprising. Seeing somebody's blood on your hands could really freak out a person...and boy, had there been a lot of blood...Tony's chest had been covered with it...so much damage from only a couple of bullets. McGee's voice trailed off as the image stuck in his mind. He could feel his hands shake as he clenched them round the coffee mug, and he was dimly aware of Gibbs calling his name as the room seemed to fade away around him.
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"McGee, snap out of it. Come on Tim, do not do this to me...I will not deal with paramedics twice in one day."
McGee shook his head as the room came back into focus. His hands were now empty...at least of the mug...instead he could see Gibbs clutching one of them, squeezing it painfully. "Oh...what...what happened?"
"You passed out on me, that's what happened," snapped Gibbs. "Nearly wasted a mug of coffee as well." His words may have sounded harsh, but there was an underlying note of concern in his voice.
"I was talking about Tony...and I could see the blood..." Tim shuddered and closed his eyes, only to be shaken roughly.
"Hey, stay with me," said Gibbs. "You're probably just suffering from delayed shock. Maybe I'm not the only one the doc's should have taken a look at."
"I'm sorry, Boss," said McGee. "I should be used to it, I mean it's not as if I don't see blood and stuff every day. I should be stronger."
"You're plenty strong," said Gibbs, squeezing McGee's hand gently. "You managed to hold it together when it counted...when Tony needed you. It's always hard when it's one of our own, but you did what had to be done, when it had to be done. You did well out there today, Tim."
"I...thanks, Boss," said McGee.
"There's no shame in letting it all out when the crisis has passed."
"So why don't you?" asked McGee, looking Gibbs straight in the eye. He heard the sudden intake of breath, and quickly tightened his grip on Gibbs's hand, so that the older man couldn't pull it away. Not that he would have been able to stop Gibbs...that is, if Gibbs had really wanted to pull away. With his other hand, McGee reached out and squeezed Gibbs's shoulder. "I know you've been running yourself ragged since Kate died. Trying to find Ari, and then when you couldn't get him, you've been pushing yourself to the limit, putting as much effort into finding a petty burglar as you would a mass murderer. You can't go on like this, you'll burn yourself out...and it's not going to bring Kate back..."
Gibbs's voice was cold as he said, "So you think you know what way my mind is working?"
McGee shook his head, "No Boss...but Tony does. He's worried about you; he knows how obsessed you can get. We were going to talk to you about it, try to get you to slow down, but we sort of kept putting it off, figuring you'd ease up a bit given time. Boss, we're part of your team, you don't just look out for us, it's our job to look out for you as well." His hand reached up almost involuntarily and cupped Gibbs's cheek. "You don't have to carry this burden alone." Encouraged by the fact that Gibbs hadn't ripped his arm off and started beating him about the head with it, McGee gently stroked Gibbs' face. "You don't have to be alone."
Gibbs's voice was heavy with emotion as he said, "There's a reason for rule twelve."
"It doesn't hurt any less to lose somebody even when you're not in a relationship with them," said McGee, softly. "But I'm not talking about anything long term...I just don't think I want to be alone tonight." He continued to stroke Gibbs's cheek with his hand, only to feel Gibbs remove it. McGee started to pull away, but stopped when Gibbs raised his hand and brushed his lips against it.
"I don't think I want to be alone tonight either," he admitted.
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It wasn't sex, McGee told himself, as he lay awake in the bed several hours later. Okay, that was a lie. It had been sex, but it had been more than just sex. He wasn't sure it counted as 'making love' if you weren't really in love with your partner. But then that wasn't right either, because while he didn't want to do the whole 'hearts and flowers' and picking out rings and till death do us part routine with Gibbs, he cared for him as much as he did anybody in his life...he'd take a bullet for him and do anything he asked, and if that wasn't love, well it was as near as made no difference.
He shifted slightly on the mattress. Beside him, Gibbs muttered restlessly in his sleep. McGee maneuvered himself until he was lying beside Gibbs, with one arm wrapped protectively around the older man. "Shhh," he whispered softly. "You're only dreaming. It's okay."
It wasn't fucking either, thought McGee, as he pulled Gibbs in close against his chest. Fucking was such a crude word and one totally unsuited for what he and Gibbs had been doing. While McGee wouldn't have considered himself a total novice when it came to intercourse with another man, he hadn't been entirely surprised to find that Gibbs - as usual - was more experienced than him.
What had been surprising to McGee was that Gibbs had allowed him to take the lead. Maybe it had been because this was his bedroom after all, but McGee felt that there was something more to it...that it was Gibbs's way of showing that maybe just this once, somebody else could be the one in charge. Fortunately for all concerned, McGee had been able to rise to the occasion, and while their coupling hadn't exactly reached the orgasmic heights of passion that he'd achieved with other partners, it was still what one of his girlfriends used to call 'a nice comforting fuck'. And really, that was probably the best way to think of it.
Satisfied that he had classified this unresolved issue correctly, McGee slept.
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He woke to an empty bed, and the smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen.
Pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, McGee stumbled out of the bedroom to find a sight he'd never thought he'd see. Special Agent Jethro Gibbs, standing in his kitchen, and making breakfast.
It was clear from his body language and his tone of voice, that Gibbs was, if not completely back to his normal self, then at least well on the way there. The fact that he was meeting McGee's eyes was also a good sign, as the younger agent had had more than one sexual encounter, which had rendered him unable to make eye contact with his partner the next morning.
"Morning McGee," said Gibbs in his usual brisk manner. "How do you like your eggs?"
"Um, er, fried I guess." McGee sat down at the breakfast counter, "Uh, do you want me to make breakfast, I mean you are my guest..."
Gibbs shook his head as he expertly cracked the eggs into the pan. "Been making my own breakfast since my last divorce. Come to think of it, I was making it through much of the last marriage as well." He put a mug of coffee on the counter in front of McGee and added, "Phoned the hospital. DiNozzo is awake, complaining about the lack of cable on his TV, and has already gotten the phone number of one of his nurses."
Well that certainly explained at least part of Gibbs's upbeat mood, thought McGee, even as he said automatically, "Wow, only one phone number...guess Tony must be doing worse than I thought. I'd have figured he'd have at least three by now."
Gibbs nearly choked on his coffee, and for a second McGee was sure he was annoyed, but then he started laughing. "Yeah, you're probably right there...but they did say he'd only been awake an hour or two. By the time we get there he'll probably have gotten dates with half of them."
They managed to keep the conversation going throughout the meal without once referring to the events of the previous night. It wasn't until they were both showered and dressed and ready to leave for the hospital that McGee finally broached the subject.
"Boss," he said, a little hesitantly. "About last night..."
"Rule twelve still applies," said Gibbs, firmly, although McGee was sure he saw a trace of regret on his face.
"I know Boss, and I'm not asking you to break it. I just wanted to say...thank you."
"I'm the one who should be thanking you, McGee," said Gibbs. He reached out and squeezed McGee's shoulder. "What happened last night...I needed it. I'm not ashamed to admit that even if it was just for one night, it was good to let somebody else take charge. But last night was last night, and from here on it's business as usual, okay?"
"Sure thing, Boss," said McGee, not a trace of regret in his voice, and only a little in his heart as he added, "Besides, it'd have never worked out." He waited until he got the 'Gibbs wants answers and now' look from his boss before continuing, "I couldn't afford to keep you in coffee!"
They were both still smiling as they left the apartment.
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The End