Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki

Warning: Im sure you read the warning by now, but Suicidal things are involved.

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Hakkai was sitting in bed, he remembered throwing up and then it blacked out. He looks around his room, and then he remembered he cut himself, he looks at his wrists to see no one had touched them. Meaning the kappa, monk or even the monkey didn't find out.

"So your awake..." it was the kappa, he walks to the bed and sits down. "You want to tell me how you got sick like that or why there was blood on the counter." He looks at the upset youkai, "Or tell me how you get those bloodstains on your floor? Because blood doesn't drip from the ceiling or anything."

Hakkai looks at the kappa, "Its nothing...I accidentally cut my self on the hand. And it must have gotten on the floor."

"Lies Hakkai. I've noticed you've change." The kappa looked serious.

"What changes? I haven't changed..." The youkai frowns knowing Gojyo was going to find out soon enough.

"Wearing winter clothes in summer, hardly smile anymore, space out a lot, and your quiet." As the kappa lists everything off the youkai's wrist begin to sting.

"Its nothing, I haven't felt good lately, that probably why I threw up." Hakkai tried to hide the truth but knew it wouldn't work.

"Yea right I saw your sweater, stained blood and torn. Now how that happen? Its along the wrists Hakkai." The kappa wanted to break Hakkai and make him tell him.

"Its...nothing..." Hakkai was getting annoyed now.

"Oh really? Hakkai you're lying, what has been going on?" The kappa wanted answers now and was going to get them.

"Leave me alone!" The youkai's voice sounded upset.

Gojyo grabs one of the youkai's wrist and watches as his friend flinches in pain, "S-stop Gojyo! It.it hurts!"

The kappa had an idea of what had been going on, he pulls up both of Hakkai's sleeves and reveals his bandaged wrists. He rips of bandages off and saw cuts along his wrist they started to bleed again. "Hakkai why?" The kappa's voice was also upset.

"I can't take it anymore! I want to be with Kanan!" Hakkai sighs knowing he would be yelled at now.

"Why Hakkai! Do you really think Kanan would want you to do this?" The kappa seemed very depressed now.

"No! But I'm tired of it all... no one respects me! I'm like the mother around here! Why can't someone else cook for once!"? The youkai looks at his bleeding wrists.

"Hakkai I respect you..." Gojyo gets one the bed completely and crawls up to Hakkai, he grabs one of the youkai's wrists. The youkai flinches in pain, as the kappa licks his arm and wrist. "S-stop Gojyo! Don't do that!" Hakkai tries to push him away but it hurt too much.

Gojyo stops and looks his friend, "Hakkai...will you stop cutting yourself?"

"Leave me alone...I want to end it." The youkai felt uneasy.

"I wont let you die...I'm sure your sister wouldn't want you to die like this." Gojyo crawls face to face with him.

"Gojyo...I c-" but Hakkai was interrupted by the kappa's lips against his. The youkai tries to break the kiss but the kappa wouldn't let him, and the youkai was still in pain so couldn't do much. The kappa slides his hand under Hakkai's sweater; the youkai flinches because the scar on his stomach was burning. The kappa breaks the kiss sits in front of his friend, "Sorry Hakkai couldn't control myself."

"Gojyo...I can't end it." Hakkai looks at the kappa with a concerned look.

"What? Why? You just said you wanted to e-"

"That kiss...it showed me something new. Maybe I need to stay alive for Kanan." The youkai had hope now.

Gojyo smirks, "Oh? You like the kiss?"

Hakkai smiles, "Yes I did to be honest."

The kappa smiles back at him, "There's that smile I missed."

Hakkai got new bandages and wraps his wrists; Gojyo watches and when his friend was finished pulled him to his lap.

"Never cut yourself again," the kappa says as he takes off Hakkai's shirt and rubs his arm.

"I wont...I promise." The youkai looks at his friend and smiles.

Their lips met again, Gojyo let his hands explore Hakkai's soft body.

And turned out to be a night Hakkai couldn't forget, he stopped cutting after that, and all he wanted was to live for Kanan. And belong to Gojyo.

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Yea only three chapters! Sorry...If you no like its ok! And...Please excuse any mistakes! Thanks for reading!

DarthRhi