Collide

By animechick262003

Chapter Eight

Aftermaths Sorrow

Kouga bolted up right, his chest rose and fell in rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat beaded over his forehead, trickled down his face dripping to the bedcovers beneath him. Kouga swallowed hard as the room came into focus. It was only a dream…only a dream, he silently chanted, gathering his senses. Kouga felt a slight tug, as his arm was lifted, and the sound of breathing other than his own reached his ears. He glared to the right of him, to find a set of shimmering dark brown eyes glaring back and for the first time realized he wasn't alone. Normally he would question how long she'd been there by his side, but when the string of tears fell from her eye and landed on his hand he received his answer. There was no point in asking, or wondering what all Kagome had heard, or seen.

The look she gave him was one he'd not seen in a long time, but one he'd come to despise. Kouga released Kagome's hand and watched her fall back against the covers of the king sized bed. Kagome sucked in a large amount of air, then looked away from him. Kouga narrowed his eyes watching as she quietly sobbed over his plight. She couldn't even look at him…the poor thing that he was. She couldn't speak, only pity. She pitied him…felt sorry for him? The fact that she'd witnessed something so personal and then would offer him such a detested reaction infuriated him to his core. He couldn't stand it

"Get out!" He snapped suddenly his voice cracking as he clamped down on his own emotion. Kagome looked at him. Her eyes hid nothing of what she thought of him…nothing of what she felt. It's your fault. They needed you. Why didn't you protect them? "I tried!" Kouga answered her inquiring eyes, then bolted to his feet. Slowly he backed away from her until he stood with his shoulders pressed into the glass door.

"Kouga," Kagome called his name and slid over the bed, finding her way to her feet. She was going to try to console him…tell him that all would be okay after she'd so openly accused him of failing them. Didn't she know he knew this? That he'd felled them on so many levels. Kouga looked away from her feeling more defeated than he ever had in his life. This was his sorrow not to be shared with another soul. And especially not a soul that had no right being there in the first place. He heard her footfalls soft over the carpet and quickly turned towards her. "I told you to get out." He snapped with more authority.

Kagome stopped sharply only a little ways in front of him. It was obvious she was hesitating…that she wanted to placate him, but he needed to be alone. " I won't ask again." Kouga hissed with enough venom to chill the soul. After a short delay, Kagome abruptly turned and bolted from the room. Kouga slid to the floor, his long legs outstretched before him. He stared towards the large bed stirring the ghost of his mind, forcing them to give him the image of Kagome as she'd sat by his side her large doe like eyes wide, and glistening beneath the pale moonlight.

Their questions like thunder quaking through his soul, and settling in his gut. Their question the very question he'd asked himself. To the point of nauseam, and the brinks of his own sanity, he had asked.

"Why didn't you save them?"

"I tried…I tried." Was his silent reply to Kagome's sorrowful eyes.

"They needed you."

"I know."

"Didn't you love her?"

"With all my heart," He choked aloud as a fresh succession of tears slid over his cheeks. He felt the contents of his stomach begin to slowly rise, and swallowed hard refusing to succumb to the demands of the jitters in his gut. Kouga brought his legs up and rested his elbow on top of his knees. Kagome had seen him vulnerable and desperate. Seen him clinging to the memories of a life lost to him, and hanging by a thread to what was left. She'd pitied him and shed tears, all the while faulting him for not being sufficient. But he couldn't blame her for feeling that way. Although a dire reality, it was truth …a truth that haunted him and made living almost unbearable.

Kouga took in another huge amount of air. He wasn't sure how or why Kagome had been there when he'd awakened, but it was over now. He could not take back what she'd seen. He couldn't reclaim his sorrow. She'd seen it ,and shared in it whether he liked it or not. A moment of weakness had been the culprit to render him to such painful memories, but he'd been down this road before. He'd dealt with this pain before, and like he had so many times before, he would get through it all somehow.

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Kagome stood outside the room, her back pressed up against the door. Her heart raced in her chest, and a despite her best efforts, she couldn't stop the succession of tears that fell from her eyes. What had she just witnessed? Simple exploration of the massive home had led her back to the second floor, down the hall past five bedrooms, and finally back to the master bed room where she' along with the help of Sango and the cabby had deposited Kouga and hour earlier.

She stood a moment, outside of the two large double doors, hesitant to go in, but too curious to remain out. She'd trailed her fingers along the engraved roses that trailed down to the doorknob. Once her hand rested upon the handle, impulse took over, causing her to turn the knob and enter the room. It was here that it all began. With reluctance, Kagome closed her eyes, viewing the image posted to the backs of her mind, and felt her heart clench in her chest.

Kagome bumped through the still, admiring what she could under the circumstance. Moonlight wasn't the best lighting for gathering a good appreciation of the home, and she dared not turn on any lights for fear of waking Kouga, so she'd settled for seeing what she could of the room. She'd been by the large Italian marble garden tub, gazing down when she'd first heard it, the faint whisper of that woman's name…Ayame. She'd tried to ignore it at first, but his voice began to rise, and his calls became more frantic, pulling her to his bedside.

He laid center the double king sized bed. His body was in the same position as they'd rested him. He was still fully dressed with the exception of the shirt he'd been wearing. Sango had wanted to remove all of his clothe citing it would be a shame to dirty up such expensive bed covers, but the mischievous grin she wore told Kagome Sango had other motives. After a bit of wrangling with the perverted diva, they finally agreed to remove one item, his shirt.

As she'd stood watching him, he began to thrash over the bed. None violently, but as if he was seeing something in his mind that truly disturbed him. She'd only intended to wake him when she climbed onto that bed and crawled towards him, but instead found herself caught in his vice like grip and watching a dramatic scene play out before her very eyes. Even beneath the moonlight she could see it glistening over his hard torso, sweat. He was coated in it. From the tops of his head all the way down to the tips of his feet.

With her one free hand she'd reached over and touched his forehead, his once silken bangs were soaked through and clung to her fingers as she tried to gauge his temperature. Seeing him in such a state frightened her. Especially under the circumstances. He'd consumed unhealthy amount of alcohol. So much it fumed off his skin, and caused her stomach to roll. She was relieved when she found he had no temperature. It meant that she need not concern herself over possible alcohol poisoning.

But her relief was fleeting. His grip on her arm intensified, as he began to whisper that name. Ayame. His brow furrowed, and he tossed his head from sided to side, gently. Every muscle on his lean body tensed, and his breathing suddenly became erratic. What was once whisper became frantic calls. And those frantic calls became wails of unfiltered agony that sliced through her core. Tears slid from the corner of his eyes and streaked down his cheeks. It was confusing and disturbing, and Kagome found herself frantically trying to break free of his hold, but he wouldn't release her. And as the scene progressed, Kagome found herself being swept up into the currents of his emotional ride.

Everything he did and everything he felt, Kagome found herself mirroring. Kouga's breath picked up and her breath picked up. Kouga cried, and she cried more. Just like that she'd been sucked into his unconscious world, and was moving at his pace. But then, as suddenly as his painful cries for the woman Ayame had begun, they ceased. And he bolted upright, his chest heaving up and down, as he stared blankly into the dark room. It had ended for him, the journey of his minds eyes, but now without first searing his anguish into the mental canals of Kagome's mind.

Kagome took a deep breath, and swallowed. He'd been so desperate, and his calls so painful, as he clawed at the expensive satin bed sheets.

"Ayame! Don't leave me!"

The memories of Kouga's pained cry moved through her mind and sent another flurry of tears rushing down her cheeks. Who was she…this Ayame? What had happened between she and Kouga? Where had she gone? It was too confusing.

"Kagome?" Kagome looked up and saw Sango standing near the end of the corridor. She's been so wrapped up in her thoughts she'd never noticed her ascend the stairs. But there she was and by the looks of her completely worried. Sango bounded towards her.

"What's going on, Kagome?"

"Going on? What?" Kagome moved away from the door and faced Sango.

"Don't give me that shit. What did he do to you?" Sango reached up and wiped Kagome's tear stained cheek. "What's this?" Sango held her dampened fingers up in front of Kagome. "Did that son of a bitch do something to you, because I swear to you, hot or not, I will go in there and kick him strait in the balls." Sango launched for the door, but quick reflexes placed Kagome in her path before Sango made any ground and could do any damage.

Sango took a step back and glared at Kagome. "Don't protect him! If he made you cry-"

"He didn't," Kagome sniffed." not intentionally."

"What do you mean not intentionally?" Sango huffed, her dark eyes gleaming defensive daggers." How can you not intentionally make someone cry?"

Kagome stared at her friend. How could she explain to Sango what had occurred in the darkness of Kouga's bedroom when she didn't understand it herself? She didn't know what she'd seen. And she couldn't explain the grief she felt sitting there watching him, and not being capable of doing a damn thing to stop whatever was going on. She had no explanation for the events. And she likely wouldn't get one until Kouga surfaced. It was best to forget the entire ordeal until then.

"Let's get some blankets and settle in for the night." Kagome walked past Sango and headed for the stairs.

"Kagome!"

"Drop it!" Kagome glanced back at her companion. She knew she was worried, but it was over…. at least fro the time being. "We should get some rest, Sango."

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Kouga leaned up against the bathroom sink, and caught his reflection in the mirror. He felt like hell and looked just as bad. Dark rings circled his blue eyes, and his hair a matted brown mess, with bits…of trash tangled in it? "What in the-"Kouga reached up and pried the wrapper that stuck to the side of his head free and looked it over. "An ice cream wrapper? What in the hell did I do last night? Get in a fight with a trash can?" He grunted and tossed the wrapper to the trash can beside the sink.

Kouga reached for his toothbrush, applied an ample amount of toothpaste to the bristles and set to work replacing the evident of his previous night's folly. How in the hell had he let himself get that wasted? He liked his liquor, but not to this extent. His week had been hectic and he had been feeling under pressure, but that was no justification for the way he'd behaved. But he'd reaped what he'd sowed that was for certain.

Kouga rinsed his mouth out then walked over to the shower turning it on. As soon as the warm water spurted from the shower head, he stepped into the stall and closed the door. Kouga leaned forward, resting his head against the warm tiles. The water felt good as it fell down over him and rinsed away the stench that clung to his skin. Maybe the waters could relax his mind the way it was relaxing his body? Or maybe not. Kouga closed his eyes and let his mind take him back to the vision of Kagome seated on the bed beside him.

No one had ever seen him in such a state, no one except Rin. But now that had changed and Kagome had seen him at his worse. He could only imagine what she'd heard? How much of his personal torment had he revealed to her? It was not meant for others, only for him, but Kagome had shared in it…cried for him…pitied him, and blamed him. He could see in her dark eyes how she blamed him same as they all had, and it seared through his core without mercy.

But it was over and done. She'd seen what she had and there was little he could do about it now. He could not change how she felt about, not that he had any reason to care. She just some little girl that wanted to work for him. They shared no bonds beyond that. However what happened in the wee hours of the morning was intolerable. A lapse like the one he'd suffered could never happen again if he planned to move forward with what life he had left.

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Kagome watched as the sun slowly rose from behind the mountains and let out a sigh. It was dawn already and she hadn't a moments rest. Not that she could. Kagome glanced over her shoulder to Sango who lay sunken beneath a large feathered down blanket near the huge cobble stone fireplace. She'd only drifted off to sleep an hour earlier, thank goodness.

Sango had hounded her from the moment they'd met on the second floor hallway till they'd settled in over what had gone on in Kouga's bedroom. The temptation to try to explain what had happened to Sango had arisen countless times, but whenever she replayed the events in her head, she found herself confused by it all. What good was there in trying to explain what she didn't understand?

Kagome tossed the blankets back and walked over to the door peering out. The slithers of morning sun cut through the gray mist that covered the lake parting it, and revealing the dark waters that were hidden beneath. Kagome let out a hard breath and rested her head against the cool glass. What was that last night? And why couldn't she simply let it go? It wasn't as if it were really any of her concern.

But somehow she'd been sucked in. The look on his face had been so unbearable. His cries for her…for Ayame, sent chills through her. Where was she going with this? She was losing her mind letting his problems become hers. She'd only known him all of four days and yet she found herself wanting to know more, and especially where this Ayame person was concerned. But the look on his face when he'd demanded she leave told Kagome getting information, if any out of Kouga wouldn't be easy. But the fact was, she wouldn't be able to rest if she didn't have the answers to the questions seeing him that condition had stirred. She had to know. And it looked as if the opportunity to pitch her inquiries to Kouga would come sooner than she'd anticipated.

An arm dropped over her shoulder, and the sliding doors lock clicked then slid open. Kagome spun on her heals staring up into piercing blue eyes. Kouga had come up behind her and she'd never sensed his movement. Kouga brought the bottle of Pepto Bismol up to his lips and took a hearty drink of the pink liquid that sloshed around the inside. The crisp scent of hot water and soap fumed off him, and he'd changed out of his gray slack, and powder blue shirt of the previous day, and replaced them with a pair of jeans that rode low on his lean waist and a sleeveless blue T. His hair had been pulled into a messy ponytail that left more strands free flowing than it actually held. It seemed he gotten up and cleaned himself up after she'd departed from his bedroom with the exception of the five o'clock shadow that dusted over the fine ridged of his jaw.

Kouga broke eye contact and walked out onto the rear deck. This was the chance she'd waited for. The opportunity to ask him just what was going on? Kagome stepped out into the chill of the early morning air and was tempted to flee back into the warmth of the home, but she couldn't back down now. Kagome folded her arms and took up alongside Kouga. He hadn't uttered one word to her and he probably wouldn't consider what had gone on. That was fine. He could be silent if he wished, but she had much to say. Kagome opened her mouth to speak, and found herself being subjected to his line of questioning. Not what she'd intended at all.

"I thought I told you to leave?" Kouga took another gulp of the thick pink liquid then looked at Kagome.

"You told me to leave your room. I hadn't realized you wanted me to leave your home." That was a lie if ever she'd told one. She'd understood exactly what he'd meant, but did he rationally believe that she would simply leave after seeing him in that state?

"You didn't realize?" Kouga snorted, and looked away from her. "Why are you here anyway? There are laws against stalking, you know."

"Stalking?" Kagome stared up at him, appraising his expression. He didn't remember coming to her house last night. He didn't remember her having to bring him home, which meant he didn't remember the kiss he'd planted on her either. "I'm not stalking you," She answered back feeling slightly disappointed that he wouldn't remember something as intense as what passed between them.

"Not stalking?" He looked back towards the lake." Then what do you call me waking to find you in my bed?"

Kagome didn't answer him. She simply watched him try to pass off this relaxed demeanor. Try to pretend that the night before hadn't happened. Kouga looked at her once more and with an easy grin said "I've never seen such a driven woman in my life, Miss Higurashi. I never thought you'd go to such extreme as to well …offer up those sorts of benefits" he let his eyes scan over her seductively and her face flushed.

Did he really believe that they'd been together? She may have wanted that job but there were things she simply wasn't willing to do. "I hate to burst your bubble, Kouga, but nothing happened."

Kouga grinned and leaned close to her. "Oh, I know nothing happened, believe me I know, because if it had, neither of us would be standing here right now."

Kagome impulsively licked her lips as her breathing picked up. "Where would we be?" She wasn't sure where that question had come from but it had been tossed on the table and there was no taking it back now.

Kouga smiled and took another sip of the pink goop. "I'm a man of high stamina, Miss Higurashi, and dawn is hardly a deterrent."

Kagome saw the devilish glint of his blue eyes and her face flushed. "You're obscene," She panted tearing her gaze away from his.

"I'm obscene," Kouga chuckled." Then what would that make you since you were enjoying our little conversation just as much as I was? I bet you're wet even now."

Kagome's face tinted ten shades of red. Partly because she'd never met someone so brazen, and mostly because he was right. The minute he'd carried his blue eyes over her, she'd gotten damp. Kagome clamped her legs, and lowered her eyes. "I didn't come out here to be made fun of."

"Then what did you come out here seeking?" Kouga returned his gaze to the lake.

"Answers."

" Answers about what, Miss Higurashi?"

"Will you stop with the Miss Higurashi already? I think we've been through a little too much together to continue speaking with formalities." She would not allow him to simply push aside what had gone on the night before. She needed answers to all the questions witnessing him in that condition had drudged up in her. Kouga narrowed his blue eyes, studied her a second then looked away.

"I guess we have." He took another swig of the pink fluid, and swallowed. "You stalking me and insisting I give you the job as my apprentice. Then you falling and my having to take you to the hospital. And if all that wasn't enough, I wake to find you in my bed this morning with your cloth on." Kouga grinned leaned against the deck railing and crossed his arms. "Yeah, we've been through a lot, woman."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it," Kagome huffed. Damn him. Didn't he understand what seeing him like that had done to her…the confusion…the questions? Her mind was still there…in the darkness of that room, on that bed with him. What had happened to him…to that Ayame girl? What had transpired to cause such deep torment? She had to know, but he wasn't ready to revel the answer to her she quickly learned as she opened her mouth to ask of him the lingering questions, and found a single tanned finger pressed over her lips.

"Don't," He said in a low voice. He looked at her and all the sadness from the previous night was painfully visible. Kagome's chest tightened and her eyes stung in response. Don't ask him? Don't ask him what could make a man like him wail mournfully, and render her to tears from simply watching him do so? How could he make such a request?

"Kouga-"

"The job is yours, woman," Kouga cut her off. He studied her face a second then continued. "That's all you need to know. Understand?"

No she didn't understand! She didn't understand anything and that was the problem. But he wasn't going to tell her anything either. Kouga lowered his hand then reached in his pants pocket and extracted his wallet. "Here's some money. Why don't you call a cab and get you and your friend home." Kouga counted off a couple hundred bucks, took her hand flipped it over and rested the money in her palm. "Go home and get some rest, Kagome. You look like hell." Kouga walked past her through the living room and disappeared up to the loft over the family room.

Kagome felt her eyes sting and knew what would come next but wouldn't permit it. She pinched her eyes closed, damming the flood of water that gathered behind her lids. Damn him1 he didn't he understand how seeing him had affected her. How she would continue to be affected until she knew the truth of just what happened. She needed answered and all he would offer was silence and cab fare. Well, if he thought he'd brushed her off by being tight lipped he needed to think again. She wouldn't rest until she knew the truth…until she knew what happened to Ayame.

That Night

Kagome stared absently at the chopping board as she sliced through the head of lettuce. An entire afternoon had come and gone since she'd left from Kouga's place and here she was still thinking about him, and the night before. She'd tried to forget about the incident all evening but found her efforts in vain, she learned nothing from that stubborn man, and if he had his way she likely never would. But she couldn't simply allow him to have his way, not after what she'd witnessed. And she'd use every chance she got to find out the truth.

"Hey!" A voice shouted from behind her just as her hand was pulled away from the cutting board. It was only then did pain of not paying attention while using a knife register. She'd cut her thumb, and not noticed at all, but she was noticing now. "What in the hell are you doing?" InuYasha barked as he grabbed a towel from the counter and wrapped it around her hand.

"I just zoned out. I-"

"Keh, you sure as hell picked a fine time to do so." He snapped." Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

"But what about the food?"

"Worry about the food later. I need to get a good look at that cut to see if you're in need of any stitches." He replied escorting her from the kitchen, through the bedroom and into the bathroom.

Kagome propped up against the sink while InuYasha rummaged beneath for the first aid kit. "I've heard of finger sandwiches, but finger salad?" He smiled resting the kit on the counter top and opening it.

"Your humor sucks as usual." Kagome gave a half hearted smile.

InuYasha smiled back, and unwound the towel from her hand. "It looks pretty deep. We'll know for sure after I pour this antiseptic over the wound. Now don't hate because this is going to hurt."

"As if I could," Kagome replied as the clear liquid was poured over the opening on her thumb. Kagome sucked in her lower lip and bit down, resisting the urge to cry out as the liquid foamed over her injury.

"So what's on your mind?" InuYasha inquire dabbing the cut with some cotton balls.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you've not been here all evening, and if you've not been here, then where?" Their eyes locked.

"I'm just tired," Kagome answered.

"So tired you can't feel a knife slice through your finger?" InuYasha's brow furrowed. "Bullshit."

"It's not bullshit. I've had a long week, all right." Kagome walked from the bathroom and headed back to the kitchen, InuYasha on her trail.

"Look I'm concerned about you-"

"If your so goddamned concerned about me, why don't you start showing it by returning my calls more than once a week, and stopping by once every goddamned blue moon." Kagome huffed.

InuYasha leaned against the cabinet and folded his arms over his chest. "Where in the hell did that just come from?"

"Drop it."

"No I don't think so. If you have something you'd like to say then let's get it out in the open."

I'm tired, and dealing with our situation on top what I had to deal with last night is causing a fucking emotional overload. Now back off! Kagome silently yelled. She looked up at InuYasha. He was analyzing her in his quiet attorney like manner that she'd come to hate. He only did it when he was suspicious but it annoyed the hell out of her no less. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Study me like I'm one of your goddamned clients."

"You know, I didn't come here to argue with you."

"Then why are we arguing?" Kagome felt tears well up in her eyes and quickly looked away.

InuYasha pushed away from the counter and walked over to her pulling her into his arms. "Why don't you tell me?" He whispered into her hair. Kagome tensed then settled into his arms. Calm washed over her as the smell of his aftershave filtered down and bathed all around her. Damn this was what she'd needed all evening just to relax a little after being on edge most the day. "You want to talk about it?"

More than anything, but how could she tell InuYasha that she'd been thinking about another guy and no less one who was soon to be her boss? InuYasha could be insanely jealous at times, and if she gave him any details he was liable to go over to Kouga's place and make a big fuss over matters. It was best she didn't say anything or at least not go into detail. Perhaps if she were ambiguous about it all, and with held details like name, she could purge herself and receive the relief she needed.

"Sango and I went out last night and we ran into a friend from school."

"And was this friend male or female?"

Kagome felt InuYasha tense and quickly replied the only way she could under the circumstance. "Female." He relaxed.

"Go on."

"Well, she got really wasted and we had to take her home. Her place is wonderful and with my being a designer of course I waned to explore every nook and cranny of the place." Kagome swallowed as her mind towed her back to the night before. " When we were getting her into bed, I noticed something in the bedroom that caught my and I wanted to investigate, and get a good appreciation of it. But when I got into the room, I found our friend on her bed, having this horrific nightmare. I tried to wake her but she wouldn't budge, and before long I was swept up. She was crying and she looked so pain and then I started to cry." Kagome heard a chuckle come from behind her and turned quickly to see InuYasha standing with a look of amusement on his face. "I know how it sounds, but it's not funny."

"Keh. You can be so fucking sensitive at times, Kagome. I mean crying over someone else's nightmare?"

"You're such and insensitive jerk!" Kagome shoved him away.

"Don't be that way." InuYasha purred pulling her back into his arms. "Look I don't know this person, but by the sounds of things you're getting a little too intimate with them. I mean how close could you be with if your not even willing to mention their name? So are they really worth you getting all worked up over?"

Kagome studied InuYasha's face a minute then conceded. "You're right. I am getting too close."

"Exactly."

"I'll forget all about my friend and her nightmare."

"Good girl." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "You had me worried for a moment." InuYasha sighed and walked over to the pot that sat boiling on the stove.

"Worried?"

"Nothing." He glanced over his shoulder. "It was nothing. Why don't you go and start the shower. I'll be in to join you in a minute."

"But what about dinner?"

InuYasha gave a sly grin and said. " I Know you've worked on this all evening, but if its okay with you, I'd like to start with desert."

Kagome watched as he turned away from her. Go and get the shower started huh? She'd been looking forward to an evening of dining, and maybe dancing. It wasn't as if they had a normal relationship where they could venture out for nights on the town. But this was just like him as of lately. Kagome turned and ambled towards the bedroom. She'd not wanted to put much emphasis on it but, their relationship was becoming more and more distant. She hardly saw InuYasha anymore and when she did, it seemed his focal point was the bedroom. In truth she'd been as if his love for her was fading and she was being relegated to nothing more than a good time.

Kagome gave herself a firm mental shaking. She was thinking a little too hard. There was no way InuYasha would ever stop loving her. The way she was feeling was just a case of emotional aftershock. The little incident with Kouga had stirred her emotions more than she'd first realized. But it was over now. InuYasha was right. She'd gotten too close. It was time she forgot about the entire thing, and moved on. After all it would be difficult enough working under a man like Kouga without the hassle of being emotionally attached to him as well. It was settled. The issue of Ayame was dropped.

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