Chapter 3: Tri(vi)al
Accessing Titan Tower Computer Files. Password?
CloudNine.
Password accepted. What would you like to do?
Update personal files.
Understood. Accessing files.
Titan Personal File No #12: Savior
Real Name: Noel Collins
Character Status: Original (created by author)
Story Origin: Black And White
Power: The Shimmer. Semi-sentient energy derived from a mutated nervous system. Energy can form crude shapes, tools, and is also capable of altering its own density. Can lift a maximum of 7.2 tons. Mutation origin of nervous system also allows the Shimmer to interact with other human nervous systems like a hacker jacking into a computer: Noel can read minds, take knowledge and experiences (for example speaking a language, though he can only mimic such a skill as long as he is connected with the wielder of the skill), erase memories, and activate pain impulses among other abilities. The Shimmer also regenerates nerve tissue, in both its host and others (though it is much easier to regenerate its host's). Energy is also fire, cold, and electricity proof. Weakness: blades. When the Shimmer is cut, it sends a jolt of intense agony through Noel, briefly and completely incapacitating him for a few seconds. Noel Collins also possesses a highly developed mind, which is focused mostly on strategies, tactics, and combat situations. The downside is his personal skills are rather sub-par.
History: Born to Maxwell Collins, an immensely powerful businessman with a mind of pure evil, Noel was saved from his father's plans for him by his kind mother, who taught Noel everything he knew. After she died, Noel fled his father, and ended up in New York, where an accident with twin trucks sprayed him first with paint and then with an experimental nerve toxin, the combination creating a beneficial instead of a fatal mutation, which Noel dubbed the Shimmer. The mutation also created a special "battle body" which Noel can switch to by willing it. Said body possesses his famous DBZ style hair. Noel, in regards to a supposed dream to meet Batman, whom he idolizes, went down to Florida to meet the Teen Titans, and ended up joining them.
It has not been an easy life since then. While the Titans have provided Noel with the family he always wanted, and after much effort he managed to break down the barriers between them and form a relationship with the Titan Raven, a relationship that has grown closer over time, the perils of the superhero life are many, and Noel has nearly lost his life and his sanity (indeed, there is some question if he really did lose the latter and never recovered from it). That, and the general stupidity/hypocrisy of the human race has caused Noel to grow hard and deeply cynical and bitter, tending to view the glass as not only half empty but cracked. However, after a mission where his hardline stance nearly brought him to blows with local talent, Noel is attempting to adapt a milder disposition. Whether he succeeds or not has yet to be determined. Noel is probably not the kind of person you'd want to hang out with, but he is definitely the person you'd want watching your back in a fight. While Robin sometimes think he will one day be Batman, Noel would consider his life complete if he could ever reach half the level of Batman. For better, or for worse.
Titan Personal File No #27: Gauntlet
Real Name: Robert Candide
Character Status: Original (created by Bobcat)
Story Origin: The Epic of Gauntlet (uncompleted)
Power: Namesake weapon the Gauntlet. The Gauntlet is a mystical artifact created by an ancient race known as the Old Ones. The artifact enhances Robert's natural abilities, although only to a certain degree before other powers must be deactivated to accommodate heavier users of power (for example, Gauntlet cannot lift more then four tons or jump more then 20 feet unless he deactivates other Gauntlet powers). Its main weapon is a yellow energy field similar to the Shimmer, able to form shapes, weapons, shields, or what is needed as long as it is not too complex. While it lacks the Shimmer's range, it also possesses no obvert weaknesses (the only way for the energy to be pierced is if Robert BELIEVES it can be pierced by whatever weapon is being used, otherwise it is indestructible). The Gauntlet artifact itself manifests as a ring shape when not in use and expands to cover Rob's entire right arm when in use. The actual Gauntlet armor is also virtually indestructible: only insanely powerful magic can pierce it.
History: Born in Ubertron, a city overflowing with people with powers (most of whom didn't much care for them due to the way it complicated things), Robert Candide was somewhat of an anomaly as he had no powers and dearly wanted them. His wish was granted when the ancient demi-god Pangloss the Mighty chose Robert to be the bearer of the Old One artifact the Gauntlet (actually, chose is a strong word: Pangloss picked Robert out of the phone book. The being Pangloss had power beyond comprehension, but one thing exceeded his power and that was his laziness). However, Robert, while not evil, had a somewhat ill-defined sense of morality in a classic sagacity: while he would gladly stop a bank from being robbed, he would think nothing of robbing the same bank for funds to pay for his war on crime (he considered it due payment for his civil services). His actions eventually caught up to him and he was arrested and sentenced to 2000 hours of community service, which he could either serve picking up garbage or joining a superhero team. A mail error caused the Titans to lose the chance to refuse him membership, and Robert was placed on the team to serve his sentence, a place he remained afterward because he rather liked the place.
Robert is a happy soul, the manifestation of Spider-Man's lighthearted wittiness without any of the drama and angst. He enjoys goofing off and taking nothing seriously, something that has kept him and Noel, who is his opposite to the extreme, from seeing eye to eye. When tragedy batters the team, Rob is the one ready to do something stupid to lighten the mood, and when the forth wall needs to be broken, Rob is there with the hammer. Despite this, Rob can be immensely useful in a fight and very dangerous if pushed to panic. Outside these situations, Rob is Comedy Relief in its purest state. But he's no joke.
And he has a habit of getting into trouble…
Usually in a way that caused Noel's blood pressure to shoot skyward, something he was mightily trying to resist as he finished unstrapping himself from the leanback chair he had been sitting in, his mind lost in a fake world before Rob had decided to interject some reality into it.
"What did you do?" Noel calmly asked, trying not to get mad at the blonde haired teen, whose hair was spiky in a similar style of Noel's, though he was dressed more casually with normal jeans and a white T-shirt with the letter G on it. That was Rob: only normal in places where being normal was strange. Still, Rob probably meant no harm, he NEVER meant any harm…unless meaning harm was part of the joke. Noel felt the vein throbbing in his forehead. Ugh. I'd rather go toe to toe with Flammadea again then deal with this, I swear…
"Hold it Noel! I had a good reason! I know you! You're always going on with how we should train hard, well I came in and saw your little session and thought, hey something was wrong! So I went over and sure enough, you had the difficulty set to 1! I thought, man, Noel must have made a mistake! Surely he wants a challenge! So I turned it up!"
Noel winced as he walked over to see just how far Rob had turned the dial up.
The result didn't make him happy.
"TEN?" Noel thundered. "YOU TURNED IT UP TO TEN?"
"Doesn't it work on a 1-100 scale?" Rob asked.
"NO!"
"…Eheheh. Oops." Rob said, and sweatdropped. Noel tried to hold off his desire to strangle Rob.
"I had it set to one on purpose." Noel said.
"Why?"
"Because I did!"
"Really? That's not like you Noel."
Noel glowered at the teen.
"Really! You're Mr. Challenge Yourself! You don't go for ease! And I can't see why you would unless…oh…yeah. Now I remember." Rob said, as he recalled what the Titans had done last night.
"'Let's build a machine that will let us peak into parallel realities.'" Noel said, mimicking Rob's voice, though the tone was somewhat distorted: not via any mockery of the voice but by Noel's anger of whatever had happened. "'It'll be FUN! Maybe we'll learn something!' Yeah, we learned a good way to traumatize Tara: show her a reality where Slade corrupted her. She already knows how close she came to that Rob, we don't need to present it to her in bold color. It's not a good idea to tread on the deep-seated doubts that some people have Rob. Especially after that nonsense I had to go through in Light City to hook her and Gar up."
"Oh but they're such a cute couple!"
"They're so sweet I'm getting diabetes!" Noel semi-snarked.
"Right, but I doubt the Tara thing is what's bothering you."
"What are you, my shrink?"
Noel realized too late he had given Rob an opening, and he suddenly found himself lying on a yellow energy couch formed from Gauntlet's power, Gauntlet sitting on a chair of the same material with a pen and paper pad he had produced from somewhere.
"Zo, how long haff you been haffng zese feelinks?" Gauntlet said in a horrible German accent.
Noel rolled his eyes.
"I don't want to sleep with my mother! Don't even joke about it!" Noel said, getting off the couch and going back on the computer where he had been pressing buttons.
"Ah, zehr GUT! Confuzion! Reprrression! Kronick Konstipation! Tell me, haff you dreamed of any cigars lately?"
"CAN IT!"
"Ok." Rob said, back to normal. "Seriously though Noel, you were ripping through those Sladebots like you were in a Dynasty Warriors game. Or if your last name was Stu."
A nearby wall cracked.
"Starting the jokes early, are we, my esteemed creator." Noel muttered, and continued punching buttons.
"I mean, yeah, that wasn't nice, but how do we know how real it is? It might not exist at all!" Rob said.
"Yeah. So I'm just going to ignore it and forget it. Just forget seeing Raven all alone with a Trigon-empowered Slade nearly raping her. It's too bad we already killed Trigon, I wish I could kill him again. Maybe I can…" Noel said, and then his eyebrow arched.
"Rob, did you do the proper setups to change the difficulty?"
No immediate answer. Noel looked around to see a sheepish, confused Rob. That pretty much spelled it out for him right there.
"Setups?" Rob asked.
"Rob, this is an unfinished prototype! You can't just turn the dial, you need…ah bloody hell!" Noel cursed as he began rapidly typing. Various screens flashed up on the main monitor, some not looking as good as they should have. "Shit! The bugs are getting out of hand!"
"Um…"
"Just stand there!"
"Gotcha." Rob said, as Noel frantically typed at the keyboard, strands of white energy coming out of the back of his hands and typing at other keys, allowing Noel to do the work for three people. Noel frantically typed for about twenty seconds before he slacked off.
"Ok, think I stopped it. Now I just have to clean up your mess." Noel said.
"Hey, I just wanted to help…"
"Argh! Rob, from now on, do not help me unless I ask for it!"
"Gotcha. Do not help you even if you ask for it."
"No! When it comes to tasks, do not attempt to help me unless requested!"
"Until you request it, I am not to attempt tasks."
"Would you like to experience some more of Python's Holy Grail smart-aleck? How about the Black Knight?" Noel snarked, as he thrust his hand out and the Shimmer energy formed into a sword.
"Hah! None shall pass!" Rob said, as he formed his own sword.
"Ahem."
Rob and Noel were prevented from beginning their duel to the death by the speaking new arrival, a truly bizarre looking figure. The figure's fashion sense (a red suit with a matching hat and purple cloak) was almost as strange as his appearance: he had grey skin, wild light blue hair, black eyes with dark blue pupils, and very long elvin ears. His hand was unlike a human hand: it only had two large fingers and a thumb, all of which were covered with metal that seemed (and in reality was) fused to the skin. His feet matched his hands. In said hand, slung over his shoulder, was a long staff with a large blade on one end. He was grinning a bit, showing very large double-toothed fangs, which hinted that he was somewhat amused but also somewhat annoyed.
"I heard something about computer bugs before you started spouting Python at each other. I assume my session in the training room is canceled?" Nigel Hastings asked.
Titan Personal File No #66: Scalpel
Real Name: Nigel Hastings (English abbreviation from Nigicalnack Hastionfarlock)
Character Status: Original (created by Jedi-And)
Story Origin: Flashing Lights And Sounds (uncompleted)
Power: Alien species known as the Blacktrinians: species was raised on planet with heavy gravity and society bent towards war. Hence by biology Nigel has superstrength, though this strength comes from his species' immense density, the result being that Blacktrinians are very prone to drowning and hence fear water. Though a doctor by training, Nigel was given some combat teachings, teachings that have evolved far beyond what any teacher on his planet would have expected of him through his battles on Earth. Hands and feet have metal permanently welded on them (another Blacktrinian need, as the natural limbs have no skin to cover the muscle and bone), hence giving Nigel natural claws, which he had use in combat or surgery (despite such limbs, Nigel has an immense amount of grace and can easily handle delicate things, like babies). Blacktrinian biology gives Nigel a natural resistance to bladed weapons (in a way that you can slice him to ribbons and he will survive, not in a way that blades will bounce off him, much to Nigel's eternal annoyance) and a blood that acts similar to napalm, being somewhat corrosive and highly flammable. Weakness besides drowning are bullets, which Blacktrinians, having spent eons fighting in close, are vulnerable to, to a great degree.
History: Not much is known about Nigel's past, as he has refused to speak about it, even to this day…
(Which is what the Titans knew. You, dear readers, shall know this. Nigel Hastings has led a cursed life. Considered a weakling by birth, Nigel was nonetheless fed into the eternal war machine of his species, trained as a doctor and thrust onto the battlefield, a field Nigel quickly grew to loathe. Captured by the enemy, he was tortured for information he did not have, and when he escaped and returned to his people he was tortured to see if he had revealed anything to the enemy. That was the last straw for Nigel, who fled his empire and landed on Earth, in Jump City, where the Teen Titans took him in.)
But whatever hardships Nigel has withheld from his team, said hardships were far from over. His appearance made virtually everyone think he was a monster. His empire repeatedly sent soldiers, including the elite White Hole units, in attempts to bring their errant soldier back, soldiers who caused great pain and suffering to the Titans, especially Robin and Starfire, which led to Robin nearly losing his own mind. Not to mention the kind and gentle by nature Nigel found that the human race was just as bad, and even worse, in many aspects as his own people. Nonetheless, Nigel has stuck it out, doing his best to save the world, whether it by via his combat blade skills or his great skill in earth and alien medicine. He can be a great friend, or a terrible enemy. Unfortunately, too many are certain of the latter to even attempt to see if the former is true…
"You'd assume right Nigel." Noel said, turning back to the computer screen and resuming his typing.
"What happened?" the alien asked, pulling the bladed staff known as a glaive off his shoulders as he walked over to the computer.
"I was…utilizing the machine, and then a certain someone came in and second-guessed me and accidentally mucked up the computer by not changing the difficulty level properly. Typical of brainless here." Noel said.
"Heyyy!" Rob protested.
"Oh? Is this true Rob?" Nigel asked.
"Yes it is. This man has no brain." Noel said, and smirked over his shoulder at Rob.
"Ohhhhhh! One of these daze Alice, POW! To da moon!" Rob said.
"It's probably for the best anyway Nigel. This program has a long way to go. We've mostly laid the groundwork and just that. I had to make the machine jump through hoops to get it to do what I wanted to do, and from our planned finished product that should be simple, not complicated."
"Yeah, I have to admit, the Griffin enemy on this thing was kinda disappointing." Rob cut in. "I mean, I've fought all the big predators: Lions, hyenas, police officers, but that griffin was just PATHETIC!"
"And when did you go on the computer when I've decreed that everyone has to ask my and Cyborg's permission before you use the prototype program?" Noel asked calmly, not looking up from his work.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhh…"
"Never mind." Noel said. "Shit. The Lord's program has been bugged up again." Noel added to himself, and began rapidly typing again.
"You've put the Lord on there?" Nigel asked.
"Yes, but listen closely, and I MEAN YOU ROB, REALLY…" Noel said, making sure he had the easily preoccupied Titan's attention. "The only thing set on the Lord scenario is the virtual Lord himself and the Jump City background. There's a bunch of stuff that still needs to be tightened up and refined, and until it is do NOT go on that program. In order to capture just how dangerous the Lord was we've hit a problem with the neurological hookup. The current setup allows feedback for most of the other programs so you actually feel like you're being hit, but the Lord's program has a recurring glitch where it hooks too deeply into the body: the brain can actually be tricked into thinking the actual body is being injured and will react accordingly. Until we work that out, DO NOT USE THE LORD PROGRAM."
"Not even if we set it to 1?" Rob asked, his sarcasm about 95 percent jovial and 5 percent biting.
"No, because another glitch automatically sets the difficulty level to 10 whenever the Lord is selected, no matter what the previous difficulty was. Believe me Rob, the Lord program could quite potentially be fatal. DON'T USE IT."
"All right, all right. I'm absentminded, not brain damaged."
"I wonder…" Noel said.
"Hey!"
"Ok, ok, BREAK IT UP." Nigel said. "Well if I can't use the program I may as well go back to my endless paperwork. Said paperwork being endless because no one ever helps me with it, HINT HINT." Nigel said.
"It's not my fault you have a habit of writing in Blacktrinian. You're already suffering from the doctor's curse of messy handwriting, but the compounding of it is your fault alone." Noel said.
Nigel lightly punched Noel on the shoulder. However, the Blacktrinian definition of lightly was rather different from the earth definition, the result being Noel was knocked completely over.
"Oops. Don't know my own strength." Nigel said, and grinned.
"I'll go against my better judgment and believe that this time." Noel said as he got up. Nigel tipped his ever-present hat at the white-haired teen and left.
Noel continued to work at the monitor for several seconds before he realized Rob was still standing next to him.
"Yes?"
"Watcha doin' Mr. Man?" Rob said in his best Dot from Animaniacs impression. Noel groaned inwardly. He's bored.
"You know Rob, I think there's a Monty Python marathon on today." Noel said, cutting off the 'Why?' shtick before it started.
"There is? I don't recall seeing it in the TV Guide."
"Uh, they added some new channels. Check in the low 2000's." Noel said.
"Really? WOW!" Rob said, and ran full-tilt out of the room.
Noel went back to work…for a few seconds, before a cloud of metaphorical smoke poofed on his right shoulder.
"You know, you should really lay off lying to him like that." Noel's Superego said, dressed in the classic beatific garb of a shoulder angel. "One of these days, he's just going to start ignoring you, even if it's important."
"All right Shoulder Angel, we've heard from you. Shoulder Devil, your rebuttal?" Noel said to himself.
Poof.
"Get drunk and screw Raven." Noel's Id said. "No wait, screw as many chicks as you can get. And when you get drunk, make sure you take Viagra with it or you won't be able to get it up."
"Right. Survey says…I don't like either answer. Especially yours." Noel said, as he curled up his index and middle finger and flicked his Shoulder Devil off his shoulder, the creature flying away with a yell before vanishing. Shoulder Angel looked cross, and then vanished in turn.
Whether that actually happened in a real sense, I'll leave it up to you to decide.
Noel continued to work for several minutes before a beeping came to his attention. He checked it. Incoming feed. Someone was trying to contact him, and he was pretty sure he knew who. But just to be safe, he spent thirty seconds running the attempted feed through security and another forty encrypting it before he opened up his other end of the connection.
Robin's masked face filled the screen, though not so much that Starfire, Raven, and part of the room in the Titans East tower couldn't be seen behind him.
"Good day fearless leader." Noel said.
Titan Personal File No #1: Robin
Real Name: Timothy Drake
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: Batman #436 (as Tim Drake), Batman #457 (as Robin)
Power: As a human, Tim Drake possesses no abilities beyond the ones granted by constant, exceptional training. Said training comes from Batman, both in martial arts and detective skills. Also highly skilled in computers and other electronic devices. Robin's costume is made of the finest body armor available, with titanium weave and Kevlar and Nomex fabrics, making it bulletproof and fire resistant, and his utility belt contains Birdarangs, modified Batarangs that can function as projectile weapons or combine to form a sword, various explosive discs in both incendiary and freezing applications, grappling gun and D-Cel jumplines, and other tools including his metal bo staff and it's occasional Escrima fighting sticks and tonfar variations.
History: Robin comes from both a proud and tragic lineage…
(In DC Comics continuity, it was Dick Grayson who led the Titans, and had a great love with Starfire. In this strange world though, which combines elements not only from DC Comics but the "Diniverse" (the animated DC universe that began with Batman: The Animated Series and continues on today with Justice League Unlimited, named the "Diniverse" by fans after Paul Dini, who created and wrote for many of the more popular shows in this vein, which often featured altered or shortened character origins or histories), the Teen Titans cartoon (which has its own continuity, separate from both comics and Dini), and my own story events, which may have altered or outright eliminated certain stories from the show from after Season 1, a quirk of time has de-aged the rest of the Titans so that it is not Dick Grayson, in this world grown and become Nightwing, but Tim Drake, the current Robin. Although it is almost outright said the Robin in the Teen Titan show is Dick Grayson, when my stories and hence universe began to be created the show was still being very vague, and hence I decided the Robin on the show was Tim, mostly due to the fact that it was Tim Drake who changed the Robin costume from short shorts to actual pants and started using a bo. The main trick is the whole original relationship was Dick/Starfire, not Tim/Starfire. If you can accept Tim taking Dick's place, everything else is fine).
He became Robin after the death of the second Robin, Jason Todd, an event that nearly drove Batman mad. Tim, who through a series of lucky coincidences, had deduced Batman and Robin's secret identities, originally sought out Dick Grayson to ask him to resume the role of Robin, a role Tim found himself taking on in the end. After serving with Batman for some time, the events that brought the Titans together occurred, and Tim began dividing his time between Jump City and Gotham, more Jump City as he and Batman began to inevitably clash on certain issues. Robin has endured his own share of tragedy, losing his parents as well as friends and a child to the trials and perils of the hero life, but he stands tall and walks proud anyway. In a team populated by superhuman beings, Robin, a normal man, is the leader, and despite his failings and past collapse, we wouldn't have it any other way.
Titan Personal File No #2: Starfire
Real Name: Koriand'r (Earth approximation: Kory Anders)
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: DC Comics Presents #26
Powers: Natural ability of fly, heightened strength. Tamaranians can naturally absorb solar energy and project it as destruction force beams from their hands and occasionally their eyes: due to being experimented on by aliens Starfire can do this much faster and with greater power and range then an average Tamaranian. Trained to be a warrior. Highly emotional by nature, Starfire is naturally kind and sweet, but quick to anger and fierce in battle.
History: Starfire, aka Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran, also suffered in her early years, as she was taken from her home planet in a peace pact and sold into humiliating slavery (the exact nature of said slavery has never been revealed, and perhaps Starfire prefers it that way), during which the alien Psions experimented on both her and (unknown to Starfire), her sister Blackfire. Starfire eventually escaped and fled to Earth, landing in Jump City where she was fortunate to meet the fledgling, not yet named Titans (at the time Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin). She has never left the group since, and has become the heart and soul of the team. There were obvious sparks from the beginning between her and Robin, sparks which did not take long to ignite in roaring flame, as Tamaranians are passionate in all emotional areas, including love. Such love has not been without tragedy though: Starfire became pregnant and then lost the baby due to the vicious tactics of Rebecca Styles, the Blacktrinian elite warrior known as the White Hole (and was later told that due to the incompatible genetic codes of humans and Tamaranians, her body would have eventually rejected and lost the baby anyway). Starfire, much like Robin, has pressed on despite such things, and greets each new day with a smile. Be warned though: test that smile and it will swiftly become fangs…
Titan Personal File No #4: Raven
Real Name: None (Occasionally uses Rachel Roth as an alias)
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: DC Comics Presents #26
Powers: Telekinetic and telepathic abilities, mostly the former which manifest in tandem with her 'soul self', a mystical avatar/energy. Empathic abilities allow Raven to heal injuries by absorbing the pain into her body or drain emotions from people or animals, calming them. Adept sorceress, her body and birthright are still not fully known to her and have occasionally manifested in other mystical talents, including precognitive visions and the ability to temporarily freeze time.
History: The daughter of a human woman and the high demon creature Trigon the Terrible, Raven was born with a cursed birthright and a seemingly inevitable and terrible destiny. Originally raised in the peaceful dimension Azarath by an extra-dimensional peace cult, Raven was forced to flee to Earth when Trigon originally attempted to claim her and destroyed the dimension, though a final strike from the people of Azarath locked Trigon in another dimension, the Netherverse. She emerged in Jump City, and events occurred that made her join the Titans. Withdrawn and aloof due to the fact that her demonic heritage manifested through emotion and she had been trained to repress such things, Raven did not relate well to the other Titans. Despite the fact, she found herself attracted to Noel when he joined, perhaps because his own history mirrored her own. However, Raven could not explore such a thing: her father was attempting to escape the Netherverse through her, and eventually succeeded, fully corrupting Raven into a demon and attempting to conquer the universe. Noel had foreseen this however, and he and the Titans met Trigon head on in a battle where Noel managed to use an ancient mystical weapon known as the Fang to strike Trigon down and force him back into the Netherverse, where the gravely wounded demon was killed (or so it seemed) for his power, freeing Raven from his curse. Free to feel for the first time in her life, Raven and Noel have forged a strong bond, a bond that has helped each part through terrible times. Raven serves as the Titans' main weapon against supernatural evil, and her innate powers are enough to give any evil pause. Who knows, she may yet discover more power…thought it may come at a cost…
After all, sometimes things are not what they seem…
"Morning Noel. How's my favorite strategist?" Robin asked. Noel smirked.
"Yeah right. I'm your ONLY strategist."
"Hey, watch that ego there buddy." Robin replied, still in a good-natured tone.
"It's not becoming." Raven added.
"Hey, no ego involved. It's technically true." Noel said.
"Oh REALLLY." Robin replied. "Gee, this must be mutiny then, because I recall that I am your leader and that we got along just fine with tactics before you arrived and during your absenses."
"Maybe so, but at our current grouping, think about it. You're mostly occupied with leading eight other members, Kory's training tends to be in individualistic combat, Raven tends to be occupied with the connecting and distributing of any and all tactical decisions, Vic thinks way too quickly for his plans to be properly transferred to us, Nigel needs to do both the medical and the hand to hand aspect of combat, Gar's not trained in such thinking, Tara's still learning, and Rob is…Rob. So all in all, when it comes to tactics, it's pretty much me."
"Or is that just applying medical workings to the innards of a drying machine, Friend Noel?" Starfire asked.
Everyone raised their eyebrow, having no idea what Star just said.
"…Kory…do you mean…spin doctoring?" Raven asked.
"Oh yes! That is the term!"
Everyone besides Starfire facevaulted.
"Ok…all joking aside…" Noel said, all business. "How are things going in Steel City?"
"Redundancy aside, our info was right: the Rogues ARE trying to get a foothold in here, for some reason, we haven't figured it out yet. They might want something this city has or just might want to use as a backup base if things get too hot in Keystone and Central." Robin said. The Rogues he was speaking of were the official name for the villains the Flash, Wally West, fought in his hometown(s).
"You know, I wish I could find the person who gave out the impression the Rogues were jokes, because virtually everyone in this city believed that, included our East branch, which meant they didn't much care for our presence at first." Raven picked up. "If it hadn't been for us, the East branch may have found out the hard way how dangerous they are."
"And that is just from the few skirmishes we have had. We have yet to engage them in a serious fight. It does worry me, a bit, but I believe that we can beat them." Starfire added.
"And if push comes to absolute shove, Wally's just a hail away. Still, I feel this is a good trial by fire for the Titans East. Blood didn't come back here after he broke out of jail, and the competition has been…somewhat lacking. At the same time, it's a good thing we're here…" Robin said, trailing off in the way of someone who dearly wants to speak their mind but won't until someone gives them the go-ahead.
"Oh? Having difficulties?" Noel asked.
And as if on cue, Speedy and Bumblebee wandered by in the background, yelling loudly at each other, though Noel couldn't make out any details. The special film that reduced Robin's eyes to blank white slits behind his mask couldn't hide his exasperation.
"I don't know how these guys function. No one can understand the twins, Aqualad keeps bursting the pipes in his sleep, Bumblebee's being visited by her Aunt Flo, Speedy's pissed off because of the lawsuit Green Arrow's trying to file against him…"
"Oh, you mean the Speedy behind you, right? Not Roy Harper the first Speedy, who's grown up and with the Outsiders, but rather the teenager behind you, who is not Roy Harper, but rather a new guy who took up the Speedy mantle to tick Green Arrow off, and hence is not connected to Green Arrow unlike the first Speedy, much like your Aqualad isn't the original Aqualad, who is now a sorcerer named Tempest, but rather a new Atlantean teen who took the name of Aqualad because Tempest, the original Aqualad helped him out and hence he took the name Aqualad to honor him?" Noel said in the mother of all run-on sentences.
The three Titans stared at him. Starfire apparently deciphered his sentence first.
"Oh Friend Noel, that was a marvelous exposition on what has been done to try and explain away the gaps and plot holes that has come from combining three different canons with someone's own ideas!" Starfire said.
A loud crash sounded in the distance.
"Pare atacando forth wall!" Came a pair of perfectly synched Spanish accented and high voices from somewhere off to the side.
"The author is starting her jokes early, I must say…" Starfire said as she sweatdropped.
"Anyway, Speedy's ticked off about that lawsuit, because Green Arrow's ticked off about the lawsuit Batman's filed against HIM, and Wildebeast and that fire guy keep calling and asking why THEY don't get to be on Titans East!"
"Hotspot." Raven said.
"Right, Hotspot."
"Sounds fun. Are they at least pulling their weight in combat? The Rogues are no laughing matter."
"Yeah, mostly. Though nobody can decide if Speedy or Bumblebee's in charge…"
"WHAT'S TO DECIDE!" Bumblebee yelled as her face suddenly filled the entire screen, causing Noel to fall over in surprise.
"Don't do that." Noel said as he got up.
"Listen ho…"
"CALM DOWN OR I'LL GO OVER THERE AND TAKE OVER AS LEADER, AND BELIEVE ME IF I DO THAT YOU'LL BE LONGING FOR CYBORG!" Noel roared, not in the mood for argument.
"I already long for Cyborg…" Bumblebee said, quietly…but not quietly enough. "Oops, did I say that out loud?"
Robin managed to shuffle Bumblebee away from her position, and the embarrassed teen took the opportunity to make a quick escape.
"Getting back on topic, how are you, Star, Raven." Noel said. Starfire waved while Raven nodded. "Hey Robin, I heard Mas and Menos have a thing for your girlfriend. Is that developing in any bad ways?"
"Uhhh…" Robin said, clearly not wanting to reveal anything about what he knew.
"I woke up last night and they were smelling my hair." Starfire said, in her typical 'this situation requires tact but I don't know that" way. Noel arched an eyebrow. "Is this a normal part of Earth mating rituals? Because if it is, Robin is abnormal. In a good way."
"No Star, this isn't normal. I thought those twins were a bit odd already, but they might be outright freaky if…"
Mas Y Menos appeared out of nowhere even quicker then Bumblebee did, their faces pressed up against the screen as they yelled loudly in Spanish, causing Noel to fall over again. He got up, looking irritated, as the twins continued their incomprehensible ranting. Robin and Raven's heads occasionally peaked into blank spaces on the screen, but it was clear that they weren't sure what to do to stop the twins' angry yelling. Growling to himself, Noel fired off a Shimmer line and retrieved a "Spanish for Dummies" book that just happened to be nearby, trying to tune out the twins' continued yelling as he searched for an appropriate counter. However, even when he tried, he couldn't get a word in edgewise, and he sighed and looked upon the STILL yelling twins with angry vexation.
"Hey, he is not the father of a motherless goat!" Rob said, as he was suddenly standing next to Noel, who jumped. "Hey Noel, still can't find the channel. This has to do with Starfire right? Let me handle this." Rob said, and then yelled in rapid fire Spanish at the twins.
And just like that, they cut off their rant, and then backed away from the screen and dejectedly shuffled off to the corner.
"What did you tell them?" Noel asked.
"That Starfire has alien venereal diseases and the only reason that Robin can stand it is because he's a eunuch." Rob said.
Noel blinked.
"…This book was such a waste of money…" Noel said, tossing it aside.
"Well, not if you want to talk to a preschooler who's slow in the head."
"Are you insinuating something?"
"Que?" Rob replied.
"Ok, guys, guys." Robin said, as he finished chuckling at what Rob had told Mas Y Menos: thinking outside the box like that was at times the only thing that worked, and Robin was relieved, impressed, and amused. "Enough on this end. What's going on with that end?"
"Nothing much. City's been pretty…" Noel said, and then suddenly found the Gauntlet energy over his mouth.
"Be quiet! We already have five demi-god enemies, if you say the city's been quiet you'll bamf another one into existence!"
A loud crumbling noise sounded off to the side.
"Beating the joke right into the ground, eh, dear author?" Said a sign that Noel was now holding up.
Lightning struck the sign.
It disintegrated as Noel stood there, covered in soot.
"Right." Noel said, the Gauntlet gag having been removed, and shook off the soot and turned back to the computer. "It's been PRETTY QUIET…"
Nothing happened.
"Just small time stuff. Mostly I've been working on the computer training simulator."
"Be careful with that Noel. It's still full of bugs."
"Oh yeah, didn't stop him from arranging a one on one match with Slade." Rob said. Noel gave Rob a dirty look, while Robin looked a tad bit alarmed.
"Slade? You tried to fight the Slade program? Alone?"
"I set it on its lowest difficulty." Noel said, with more lameness then he would have liked.
"What good is that? Slade's not a foe you can just beat on Noel!"
"That's why I turned the difficulty up!" Rob said.
"And hence bugging up the program even more!" Noel said, as he found himself in a game of "pass the blame".
"And if Rob actually made the program more like Slade, you have no business fighting him alone Noel. You couldn't beat Slade alone."
"I…maybe!" Noel said lamely.
"Noel, take it from me. You could not beat Slade alone. Even if he had both arms died behind his back." Robin said.
"And was standing on one foot." Starfire added.
"And blindfolded." Raven tacked on.
"And drunk." Rob finished.
"SHUT UP! YOU! GET GET OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!" Noel said, as he shoved Rob off the edge of the viewscreen and returned to the center. "GETTING BACK ON TRACK, there is one thing Robin. You know the Flash Museum is on tour?"
"Vaguely."
"Well, it's coming to Jump City next, and Wally dropped by with the centerpiece of it: the Cosmic Treadmill. He asked us to look after it until the rest of the museum gets here. So we, or rather I, have hidden it in a storeroom and disguised it with a few special holopins."
"And hence I can't get to it, so it's probably safe." Rob said, sticking his head back into the frame. A second later a Shimmer strand once again shoved him away.
"The Cosmic Treadmill? That's the device that let's Speed Force users travel back through time, correct?" Starfire asked.
"Yes."
"Well Friend Noel, why hide it? Cannot only Speed Force users, like the Flash and Kid Flash, use such a machine? Non-Speed Force users should be fine."
"Right, the Cosmic Treadmill mixed with normal humans cannot produce any negative results. Tell that to Hunter Zolomon." Raven commented.
"Enough. I had enough of Speed Force users and their damn run around the world before they punch you tricks with Light City."
"Not to mention phasing through walls and making them explode, and letting you strike stuff at super speed without reducing your limbs to destroyed pulp, and all the other stuff that makes the Speed Force the biggest Deus Ex Machina next to the Mother Box." Rob said, having once again returned. Noel looked irritatingly at him.
"Shoo!"
"And other stuff that doesn't make any sense. I mean, the Speed Force is supposedly the interdimensional place that our speedsters tap into for their power. It's essentially the power of going fast, isn't it?" Rob asked, even as Noel tried to shove him off the screen again. "But Flash has his costume made out of Speed Force energy! I mean, what the hell! Wally has pants made out of GOES FAST…!" Rob said as Noel finally managed to shove him off the screen again.
"Don't question the Speed Force, you'll go nuts. And technically Hunter, or rather Zoom didn't use the Speed Force: the Treadmill caused him to shift slightly out of the flow of time and he found he could manipulate time to give the illusion of super speed, if you want to be procedural."
"True. And good idea Noel. Who knows what room it's in?"
"Only Victor and myself, and none of the other Titans have
any reason to look for it. But that reminds me Robin. You made Victor and I
co-leaders while you were away. But Victor's been spending most of his time
locked up in his room."
"Oh? Is something wrong?"
"I don't think so, at least not in any serious way. But he's really been acting weird…and it's keeping him from fully pulling his weight, if you know what I mean."
"I think it started last week when Gar broke the Gamestation while playing with your Birdarangs." Rob said, walking in again, as Noel's eyes gazed skyward in exasperation at his inability to get rid of the teen.
"No, I think it started before that. Though that may have made it worse." Noel said.
"Camel, straw, fill in the blanks." Rob said.
"Where ARE Gar and Tara anyway?" Robin asked.
"Haven't seen them today. Rob?"
"They're just goofing around. You know how new couples are."
"Oh yes how well we do…" Robin said. Raven and Starfire looked at him, not comprehending.
"You guys were off at Amity Park, you didn't get the joy of seeing Gar and Tara in the first blooms of their relationship. Take the worst romantic comedy you can imagine, and imagine something a hundred times worse." Rob groaned.
"That bad huh." Noel commented.
"No, it was even worse."
"Jealous Rob?"
"Oh be quiet! The only reason I don't have a girlfriend is because the damn author…"
Thunder rumbled ominously.
"Surely knows what she's doing!" Rob quickly said.
"So they're just fooling around. You're lucky Noel, they've probably cooled off for the moment. Back when they started I walked in on them with ice cream and chocolate fudge, and in the end I realized I was glad they were wearing clothes." Robin said.
"That's what happens when a long time to bridge connection finally forms." Raven said. The Titans on her side looked at her, and as Noel put a hand behind his head and tried to look uninterested, she narrowed her eyes. "I'm not speaking from experience."
"Right. So Green Wonder and the Stick are off fooling around. All in all that sounds all right."
"Let's hope you're not wrong." Robin replied.
Noel was wrong.
"It's electrifying!" Gar Logan sang, as he danced down a hallway, Tara alongside him, a radio floating on a rock behind them. For lack of nothing better to do, they were, as mentioned, goofing off, and that goofing off was currently singing along to the radio, which was playing one of the songs from Grease. Neither of the two could really sing, but combined with the fact they were singing along with the radio and were just having a little fun together rather then trying out for American Idol, it didn't really matter.
"You're the one that I want! You are the one going, hoo hoo hoo!" The two sang. And since I already feel like I'm getting cavities…
Titan Personal File No #5: Beast Boy
Real Name: Garfield "Gar" Logan
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: Doom Patrol (1st Series) #99
Powers: Can take on the form and abilities of any animal he chooses, including extinct and mystical animals. The form of the animal must be accurate though (for example, Beast Boy cannot become a mouse sized bear or a giant fly), and Beast Boy does not inherit any special abilities of the mystical animals (he cannot breathe fire if he becomes a dragon, for example). While Beast Boy can push his form to break these conditions, such actions result in murderous strain that pretty much renders Beast Boy useless. Also, swapping forms that have a great variety in size (an ant to a dinosaur) can also cause him to suffer, though intense training has pretty much rendered that occurrence rare.
History: Of all the Titans, Gar Logan has perhaps the least skeletons in his closet. His parents were scientists attempting to isolate the genetic bond between animals and humans, and they brought their young son along with them to Africa, where he was attacked and bitten by an extremely rare species of green-furred monkey and infected with the Sakutia virus, a virus that was irrevocably fatal. However, Gar's parents were able to synthesize a cure, which had the side effect of turning Gar green and granting him his shapeshifting powers. Soon afterward, Gar's parents died in a boating accident, and after his inheritance was squandered by a seemingly close family friend, Gar first headed to Hollywood, where he had his fifteen minutes as a 'child star' before flaming out and losing most of his money again, and then to Jump City where he attempted to be a solo hero with mild success…until he met Cyborg. The rest is history.
Gar, as mentioned, has suffered little of the trouble that has plagued other Titans: normally he is the one attempting to support people through their troubles. He has had a few failed relationships (his mild attraction to Raven fell through after she began seeing Noel, and a relationship with the outspoken vigilante Charm also crashed and burned) before destiny finally occurred and he found a partner in the geokinetic Terra. The new couple is still full of the energy that fresh, good relationships have…not that that's a good thing…
Titan Personal File No #29: Terra
Real Name: Tara Markov
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: New Teen Titans (1st Series) #26
Powers: A master geokinetic, a specialized form of telekinesis that gives Terra complete mastery of the earth: she can create flying island to ride or moving creatures of stone and soil, generating earthquakes, or calling forth molten lava or mudslides.
History: Terra was a girl on the run, coming from a past that apparently even she barely remembers, a past we have not pressed her on. Her powers, wild and uncontrolled, would inevitably cause any place she settled to turn against her, causing the poor girl to constantly be on the run until she arrived at Jump City. Her attempt to flee the Titans due to her then perceived shame of her lack of control was stopped by Gauntlet…
(And hence prevented Terra from entering Slade's embrace, becoming his apprentice, and being turned to stone…)
…and Terra stayed on. Her road has been rocky, no pun intended, as she has struggled with attempts to fully control her abilities, her fears of rejection and the 'life', and her feelings for Gar Logan, which constantly seemed to fall apart on the cusp of realization more then a few times. However, in the end Terra has come through, and finally connected with Beast Boy as well.
Now we just have to deal with their cute couple nonsense…
"Oh I am free! Oh yes indeed!" The two sang, as they rounded a corner…
Unfortunately, Tara was too busy dancing with Gar to really pay attention to what her radio carrying rock was doing, and hence it didn't quite make the corner, instead slamming into the wall. The music cut off abruptly as the radio fell off the rock and shattered against the floor.
"Awwww man!" Gar complained, as he turned and headed back to look at the radio, now a shattered wreck. "Look what you did!"
"Look what I did? You're the one who kept distracting me by stepping on my foot, clumsy!" Tara said, giving Gar a shove on the chest. It was playful though: it was a just a generic radio after all. Still, Tara was somewhat larger then Gar and hence managed to push him back.
Then his size tripled as he turned into a gorilla, looking down on Tara with mock intimidation. Tara pretended to be scared…and then she reached and began tickling him.
"Ah! Stop! No fair! Stop!" Beast Boy said, as he immediately started to laugh and then reverted to his normal form, Tara driving him to the ground as she continued to tickle him.
"I don't think Grodd has anything to worry about." She said, as she stopped tickling.
Beast Boy turned into a lobster and pinched Terra's toe, as she and Beast Boy were in civilian clothes and she was wearing sandals.
"Ow!" Tara said, hopping on one foot as Gar returned to human again. "Ok Mr. Pinchy, now you can go find a new radio!"
"Uh…I don't know where one is." Gar said.
"You don't? Oh well, guess we'll have to look for one!" Tara said, and ran off. Gar shrugged and chased after her.
Ah, young love.
Barf, barf.
"And Cyborg's in his room. You sure there isn't a problem?"
"None we can solve by talking it out." Noel says.
"What about everyone else?"
"Nigel's doing paperwork, Sophie's still sleeping, and Rob is going his best to prepare me a case of justifiable homicide." Noel said, giving the blonde teen a slight glare: Rob pretended to cower away.
"So that's everything?"
"On the metahuman front…" Noel said, letting his words trail off, as he and Robin locked eyes. Robin knew a signal when he saw it.
"Star, Raven, could you keep the Titans East away from the monitor for a bit?" Robin asked, gesturing. The two females knew that tone, as they left immediately. Robin looked at Rob, and even the irreverent teenager knew this was something that he shouldn't be listening in on, and quickly left the room. This would be between Noel and Tim, who in their own ways were both disciples of the Bat. And that caused them to come into contact with certain things that they did not involve the Titans in if they could avoid it. The truly ugly part of humanity.
"Mick Dobbins is back in town." Noel said. Robin's eyes narrowed, this time pinching his visage with anger.
"I was certain the message we sent to his father last time would keep him out of our city for good."
"The fucking prick's incorrigible. His appetites control him, and the way he was raised, he can't just go out and rape babies, he has to thumb his nose at the people who would stop him." Noel said. The Mick Dobbins the two were speaking of was the son of Raynor Dobbins, an upcoming businessman in Florida who was almost on the highest echelon of power. He was relatively clean, but misplaced loyalty and love was causing him to do something far worse then scummy business practices: protect his son, who was a spoiled brat who thought everyone in the world existed to serve him. That, and a pedophile. Well, ALLEGED pedophile: no hard evidence had ever been brought against the shit because his father kept using his connections to make the trouble go away. And the arrogant child immediately went out and indulged himself again. Noel and Robin, in their spare hours, had been tracking him for the past four months, as soon as he turned up in Jump City and a seven-year-old girl disappeared. In the end, Robin and Noel hadn't been able to firmly connect Dobbins to the girl, or any of the other girls (eight in all) whose names had come up in terms of cases of molestation or disappearance in Florida that Robin and Noel had found tentative links connecting back to Dobbins. They'd settled for kicking his ass and throwing him out of Jump City. Elder Dobbins fired back with several lawsuits, which Mick had thought would distract the Titans enough for him to sneak back into Jump City and prey on some more children, both satisfying his sickness and taunting the supposed impotence of the Titans. Another severe ass-kicking, this time of the goons Mick surrounded himself with, stone cold men who would do anything for money, including protect scum like him, had sent Dobbins scurrying back to the safety of his daddy…but not for long. He was being seen around town again, ostensibly as a frontrunner to his father bringing business and jobs to Jump City. He'd also hit the Titans with a restraining order that forbid them from coming within a hundred meters of him. He lacked true intelligence, but had plenty of cunning, knowing just how to play the system and use it against the Titans.
Noel knew that Dobbins was guilty. He had smelled it on the man. And he wasn't going let another little girl suffer and possibly die because of the hoops the law had to jump through. He desperately wanted to find something that would stick. But with Robin gone, he didn't have a good feeling. Tim was the true detective of the two: Noel wasn't bad but a far cry from the Teen Wonder. Still, he knew Dobbins was in town, and Robin could certainly do some long-range brainstorming with him when they both caught a minute. Noel really hoped that luck would bless them soon: when the system failed as badly as it did with men like Dobbins, Noel tended to see red and started to teeter on a dangerous abyss, one he never wanted to cross.
"I gave him a good scare last time. Knowing his mindset, he might screw up…hopefully before anything happens." Robin said.
"Right."
"Keep both eyes on him."
"Peeled." Noel said. The bile in his throat made him wonder if a system that forced them to use such chosen tactics, such complicated and possibly utterly ineffectual tactics, to prevent children from being hurt, was worth protecting, or using at all.
And as always, he came to the answer: maybe not, but it was better then the alternative.
"I'll call Oracle. Maybe Dick can swing by and lend a hand."
"It would be appreciated. Hell, even Ralph would be good…then again, this might not be his kind of case…not after Sue…"
"Noel, you're obsessing."
"He's pure scum Robin. He should be in jail."
"And if wishes were horses, all beggars would ride." Raven said as she appeared next to Robin. "I picked up that the information exchange between you two was starting to devolve into the brooding, so I think I'll cut it off."
"Besides, you have company again." Robin said, and Noel, not really surprised, found Rob next to him again.
"Have you gone deaf? Do I have to use another language? Go away! Allez-vous-en! Salga! Gehen Sie Weg! Descedo! CLICK CLICK BLOODY CLICK AWAY!"
Rob stood there, an incomprehensive look on his face. Noel gave up and turned back to Robin: Starfire had joined him in front of the monitor while Raven had moved away a bit, looking a bit bothered.
"In conclusion, that's everything. Everything ok on that end?" Noel said, noticing Raven as she went off screen and came back looking even more uncomfortable.
"Pretty much."
"You think you'll need any help with the Rogues?" Noel asked, trying more to figure out what was going on with Raven.
"I think we'll be ok overall…" Robin said, and then was jostled by Raven as she bumped into him. A small hand peeped into the frame, offering a rose.
"Oh look. With Starfire off limits, they've decided to make a play for your girl." Rob said, eagerly anticipating Noel's reaction.
"Ugh. I gave them some mental warning: why are they still after me?" Raven growled as Ma Y Menos peeked into the frame again, looking at Raven in a lovesick way.
"Uh guys…" Robin said, trying to defuse the situation.
"ARGH!" Noel yelled. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR EYES AND JAM THEM UP YOUR RECTUMS SO YOU CAN WATCH ME KICK YOUR ASSES!"
"Lift off, we have lift off." Rob said, as Mas Y Menos looked at the screen, their attention gotten by the noise.
"Que?" Mas said.
"My dear friends, if you value your testicles, you will avoid the Goth. Though I have seen pictures that indicate Aqualad might be interested." Rob said in Spanish. The two twins jerked and then made tracks away from Raven.
"Heh." Speedy said, as he poked his head into the shot. "He's pretty good at managing those two. Trade you Bumblebee for him."
"I HEARD THAT!"
"This may cause a few aneurysms, but no." Noel replied.
"Huh, my left arm is tingling, my surprise sense must be going off…that or the fact my finger's in that socket." Rob said.
A Shimmer strand yanked Rob's hand away from said socket with a snap of "Get away from that!"
"Hmmpph! I know when I'm not appreciated!" Rob said, and made a big show of leaving.
"No you don't, because if you did, you've had done that twenty-five minutes ago!" Noel called after him.
"A day in the life." Raven commented.
"Eh, there are worse problems to deal with." Noel said. "Well Tim, that it?"
"Pretty much. I'll contact you if I hear anything from any front."
"Understood. Signing off." Noel said, and saluted his leader. Tim returned it, and Raven gave him a slight smile, which Noel acknowledged with a nod.
And then, Aqualad stuck his head into the shot.
"Hey, wait a minute! Why does EVERYONE question my sexu…"
The screen blinked off, once again revealing the programs Noel had been working on earlier. Noel shook his head.
"Sorry Tim, that's one thing I can't help you with." Noel said, and returned to his work.
"Why do we have so much junk?"
"I think there's a quota." Gar said as he keyed open the code to the latest room he and Tara were exploring in an attempt to find another radio. Considering how much high tech gear the Titans had lying around (literally in some cases), a normal radio had proven elusive. The only one that they had managed to find was in one of the showers, and the volume only really worked in the bathroom itself, which was too small to dance in. They couldn't rip the radio out of the wall either, and Gar's suggestion to Tara that they use the shower for another purpose had just earned him a slap. So now he and Tara were poking around some of the storage rooms, hoping that maybe someone had dumped a radio of some kind in one. So far, no good, as he and Tara entered the room and flipped on the light. Another room of odds and ends, some neatly organized and some not so much. The couple began poking around anyway.
"Ew. What's this?" Tara asked, as she pulled out a messy broken sword, a tiny bit of metal and the hilt that was remained of the former weapon.
"Think that belonged to a former member. Short lived. Guy called Kid Samurai, got into a fight with Robin over Starfire, and went our separate ways. In the days after the Final Night we were pretty tense and thought that inducing a few new members might make us safer. None of them worked out…HELLO!" Gar said as he moved a cardboard box aside and found an old boom box. "Hmmmmm, CD Player's busted. Vic must have put it aside with plans to repair it and forgotten about it. But the radio should still work…" Gar said, as he flipped the machine over and put the batteries of the broken radio in the empty slots. "Ok here we go…"
Gar began fiddling with the levers, and snatches of music began coming from the old boom box.
"All right!" Tara said, as Gar fiddled with the machine some more and came unto a hip-hop tune of some kind, and he put the boom box down and started dancing with Tara. The less said about said dance the better: let's just say that Beast Boy was so white he was on the verge of regaining his former Caucasian skin tint, if you know what I mean.
The tune eventually ended and another, throbbing hip-hop tune came on, as Gar and Tara continued to dance around the storage room. Gar stomped his feet to the music, and Tara responded by stomping louder, so Gar stomped LOUDER, and Tara, smirking, did an exaggerated pantomime of lifting her foot and then bringing it down as she triggered a very minor earth tremor at the same time. Back at the computer room, Noel glanced up from his work at the slight shake, then shrugged and resumed his work.
"Ohhhhhhh…" Gar said, in the way of someone who in theory can't believe what a person just did in his or her issue of a challenge but in reality understands it perfectly and knows just how to top it, as Gar rubbed his hands together. Tara, perhaps getting an inkling of what was coming, backed up a bit.
Gar transformed into a rhino, and began rearing up on his hind legs for the mother of all stomps…
And that was when it finally happened, as Gar had misjudged how high the ceiling was and banged his horn against it, causing him to lose his balance, and not wanting to risk falling on Tara, he pinwheeled away and started falling towards a stacked pile of junk. Well the debris wouldn't hurt his tough rhino hide…
Except his legs went through the debris.
And crunched on something that shouldn't have been in a pile of boxes of old clothes and discarded pictures. Like metal.
"Ahhhhhhh!" Gar screamed, as he felt his feet crushing into a metal structure as sparks began to fly from them, something that just made Gar panic more and attempt to repeatedly get his feet out of whatever he had stepped on, except he still hadn't fully regained his balance and as a result he kept stepping on whatever was hidden behind the false junk with one foot as soon as he freed the other, essentially stomping on it for several seconds before he finally put his head together enough to return to human size, recoiling away from more sprays of sparks as Tara ran up to his side, ready to defend him if this was some incredibly convoluted plan of attack…
And then the pile of junk shimmered and vanished, revealing what it had been hiding: a fancy, futuristic treadmill…which had been reduced to a mangled wreck due to Gar's little panicky dance on it. As Gar and Tara stared at the ruined treadmill, Gar recognized it.
"Oh man…we are in so much trouble…" He groaned.
Back at the computer, a beeping alarm caught Noel's attention, and he closed the file he was working on and called up the reason for the alert. A few button tapes isolated the problem and called up the video feed of the storage room…and a frantic Gar and Tara, whose brilliant plan in the immediate aftermath of the accident had pretty much been to run around impotently before they stopped and stared at the wreckage of the Cosmic Treadmill again, no longer hidden by the holopins after Gar had accidentally done his little dance.
"Oh for the love of…" Noel said in exasperation, and then turned on the intercom, as Gar and Tara looked like they were on the verge of sneaking away. "HOLD IT!"
The two jumped and then stared at the ceiling, not quite able to make out where the voice was coming from.
"Stay there you two!" Noel said. "I'm coming down there."
"But…" Gar protested.
"Just stay there!" Noel said, and cut off the intercom.
"Oh no. Is he gonna kill us?" Tara asked.
"I don't think he can do that without Robin's permission." Gar tried to joke. It fell flat.
"Hey, you were on the team before him! Can't you pull rank or something?" Tara asked.
"You want me to argue with Noel? I think they've got whole Internet sites on why it's a bad thing to argue with No…"
The door slid open as Noel walked in, and Gar suddenly found himself standing at attention next to Tara. It took him another second to realize that Noel technically didn't have that kind of authority over him, but by that time Noel was inspected the thoroughly smashed Cosmic Treadmill, as it issued occasional bursts of sparks.
"These look suspiciously like rhinoceros footprints."
"Uh…those could have been planted!" Gar said. Tara rolled her eyes: she had by now accepted that she was caught and it would be best if she went with it, but of course Gar had other ideas…
"Planted." Noel said, his voice so thick with skepticism he probably could have bottled and sold it. "The one meta on this team with the ability to turn into animals happens to be in the same room with a device that appears like it was repeatedly stepped on by a rhinoceros, and it could be planted."
"There are ways! Like, uh, Gauntlet could have made the rhino footprint with his force field!"
"Gauntlet is in the TV Room Gar."
"Uh…"
"And even if he wasn't, I'm going to have to call Occam's Razor on this. Which is simpler Gar: You smashed the device and left rhino prints, or you were in the room dancing and someone else who could make rhino prints smashed it without showing up on the security cameras and without anyone else seeing them?" Noel said, as he glanced back at the smashed device.
"But…uh…but I…aw man!" Gar said, giving up. "Dude, I protest! We were just looking for a radio! That thing was hidden by a hologram, I didn't know it was there…!" Gar said.
"Yes it was." Noel said, as he turned back to the two. He didn't look angry, which Gar took as a good sign, but he didn't look happy either, so Gar figured he wasn't entirely off the hook. "It was hidden, and you had no idea it was here…but you also couldn't wait to make it back to the rec room or your rooms to dance, you just HAD to go dancing around here…Gar, really, that does show a small lack of thinking."
"But that's what Gar's known for!" Tara said, trying to defuse the situation with humor.
"Maybe so Tara, but this isn't a chair or something. This is the Cosmic Treadmill! You can't just go into a store and buy another one! Now Cyborg is going to have to put aside the time to fix it, and Wally could be angry…"
"Can Wally GET angry?" Gar asked.
"Also moot. The end result is you two acted irresponsibly, so I'm afraid you have to be punished."
"What? You can't do that!" Tara protested.
"You're right. I can't. That's why I'm going to get the team together and they'll vote on the punishment. Hell, maybe they'll vote not to punish you, though I'm pretty sure even all of THEM will agree you shouldn't just walk away from this."
"Dude, I protest! You're not the sole leader!" Gar complained, though without a lot of vehemence.
"Right, hence why I am getting Victor."
"But…we…man Noel, you're no fun!" Tara added.
"You're right. That's part of being a leader. I don't have fun so you can. And before you begin questioning my qualifications as a leader, yes on more then a few issues I suck. Hence why I'm the co-leader instead of THE leader. Now head to the main chamber."
"Awwwwwwww…" Tara complained. "Hey wait a sec, one question! Why was it hidden with a hologram in the first place?"
"So Rob wouldn't break a dish and get the magnificent idea of coming in here and trying to go back in time to prevent the broken dish. We don't need another Zoom. Do you have any idea what Rob could do with super speed?"
"Be the world's greatest thief and/or peeping Tom mostly." Rob said as he casually strolled into the room. Noel arched an eyebrow.
"Rob, what are you doing, following me…oh forget it. Escort these two to the main room, we're having a meeting."
"…For the record, I didn't know those WERE Raven's cookies." Rob said.
"No! This is about these two breaking the Cosmic Treadmill! They need to be punished, and we're going to vote on it."
"Wait, someone ELSE is being punished?"
Noel sighed inwardly.
"Yes Rob." He said, knowing that the storm of smartass remarks that could be unleashed by those two words were legion.
"Well…to use an old robot saying, this does not compute." Rob said. "Ah well. At least nobody knows about me accidentally stepping on the Halo 2 disc."
"Dude, WHAT?" Beast Boy exploded.
"…Nuts." Rob replied, sweatdropping.
"Enough! Rob, escort these two! You can work out video game issues among yourselves! Ugh!" Noel said, throwing up his hands. Rob left the room, followed by Gar, who looked more like he was chasing the teen instead of being led by him as he yelled repeatedly about the breakage of his video game. Tara followed, looking as exasperated as Noel, as Noel looked over the wrecked treadmill once more to make sure it wasn't going to explode and suck all the Titans into another dimension or something in that vein (he didn't need any more nonsense at the moment, interdimensional or otherwise), and then left the room, locking it as he pulled out his communicator. He called Nigel and told him about the meeting, and then tried to contact Cyborg. He got no answer. Another and a third attempt failed.
"Crap. He must have turned his communicator off to do work. Guess I have to go see him personally." Noel said, heading down the hallway. He had turned the corner and was making for the stairs when a door slid open and a sleepy eyed, somewhat chubby woman with brown hair and wearing striped pajamas stumbled out, rubbing at her eyes.
"…Uh Noel, is that you?" Sophie Mathews asked.
Titan Personal File No #88: Sophie Mathews
Real Name: Sophie Mathews
Character Status: Original (created by Jedi-And)
First Appearance: Flashing Lights and Sounds
Powers: After accidentally ingesting the mutated blood of a mutant who had ingested some of Kirk Langstrom, the Man-Bat's mutating serum, Sophie gained a freak variation on the Man-Bat's powers: instead of morphing into a giant bat, Sophie could transform part of or her entire body, as well as anyone she was touching, into a flock of bats. The bats have no special powers outside of the natural abilities of bats, and they will reform into whatever position Sophie was in when they come back together. The power also drains Sophie, so she cannot utilize it too many times without risking passing out or worse. The bats also have a nasty habit of reforming in the wrong place.
History: Sophie Mathews was born to the Mathews family, a dynasty whose company, the Mathews Foundation, rivaled the big business of the world such as WayneTech and CollinsCorp. However, that in and of itself was not too bad until Sophie's birth mother died and her father married an actress who helped boost the family's coffers even more. Despite this influx of wealth, a young Sophie noticed that all her stepmother and father were doing was helping themselves, leaving her to be pretty much raised, in a moral sense, by her grandfather, who was a mortician and funeral director by trade. When he died, Sophie took over his funeral business, partly out of family obligation and partly to spite her brother Tony, who had learned from his parents the fine art of greed and hence just wanted the land and none of the history. A backlog of work caused Sophie to misplace her coffee, which inadvertently had mutated blood drip into it and cause her own change when she drank it. After recovering from the shock, she attempted to move on with her life until she met Nigel Hastings, who was at the time in 'exile' from the team. She took the alien in, and then due to bad timing her brother made another attempt to take the funeral home, this time actually succeeding due to a legal loophole and leaving the undertaker and the alien in the cold until Nigel was welcomed back to the Titans. Since then, Sophie has acted mostly as an aide to the Titans, helping out wherever she can, as she does not aspire to be a superhero despite her mutation and does not go out with the Titans on missions. When not doing that she attempts to earn some disposable income working at the local coroner as Jump City's Medical Examiner. She eventually began dating Nigel, despite disapproval from just about everyone outside of the Titans, most of whom consider the alien to be a monster. Good natured, Sophie is forever nice to everyone…except Terra, who seems to get great joy out of needling the larger woman. I swear, their feud makes Robin/Slade's and Noel/Jack's look tame at times…
"Yes Sophie. Good to know you could join us in the land of living. I think it's actually before noon." Noel said.
"Ha…ha. You try doing a child who's been hit by a car's autopsy, looking at something that was cut down in the prime of life…it wrings you out Noel." Sophie muttered, rubbing at her eyes. "What's doing on? I heard a faint racket."
"Oh nothing much, dancing rhinoceroses, accused ghost footprint makers, loose lips sinking ships, the usual." Noel said. Sophie looked at Noel with wry confusion. "It's Titan business Sophie. It doesn't really concern you."
"Hmmmm." Sophie said. "Where's Nigel?"
"Probably in the main room, if not that his office, and I have to run before Gar dupes Rob into a race around the world in order to escape his needed discipline. See you later Sophie." Noel said, and headed down the hall. Sophie yawned and turned back into her room, still trying to decide if she should fall back into bed or accept that it was time to get up and get dressed, as Noel headed off to Cyborg's room.
Titan Personal File No #3: Cyborg
Real Name: Victor Stone
Character Status: Canon (created by DC)
First Comic Appearance: DC Comics Presents #26
Powers: Cyborg body as per namesake. Body is composed of molybdemun steel, which grants enhanced strength and endurance. Enhanced vision from cybernetic eye, can also interface with any computer system. Body contains an arsenal of weapons and tools, most famous one being the right-handed sonic/concussive canon. Expert engineer and mechanic.
History: Victor Stone was a child of scientist parents whose own curiosity led to his change. His mother, during an experiment, accidentally unleashed a creature from another dimension, who killed her and gravely wounded Victor Stone, who would have died as well had his father not rescued him and transformed him into a cyborg. Bitter at first, Cyborg's meeting with Gar Logan, and the events that occurred a month afterward, helped to convince Victor that his new abilities could allow him to do great good, if he was willing to use them.
Like most of the Titans, it hasn't been easy. Cyborg…I have had to endure with struggles that the loss of my flesh meant the loss of my humanity, and that my robotic form may forever limit me to an enhanced but never changing level. I have had to weather and forgive my disagreements with my fellow Titans. Recently, I have had to deal with a sense of great violation, first being promised back my seemingly lost humanity and then having what makes me special now stolen and used against me, my friends, and my city. And in that issue, along with another one, I now face a new challenge…
Cyborg stopped speaking into the microphone he had been using to record his personal log, having finished going through and updating the entire main Titan files. He stared at the glowing computer screen for a moment, as if it could provide the answers to the questions that now bothered him, and then he continued.
"Some time ago, I met a woman, Latrisha Dryce, and she saw past my supposed differences to the real me. We dated…I felt that something deep could develop…but…I never got that chance. She was taken from me, murdered by a racist organization that attempted to set up a base within Jump City. I took it apart and avenged her death, but what happened that night left deep marks on me. I thought I could never love again, that seeing such a horror would harden my heart against that kind of feeling for the rest of my life…but recently, I've found the beginnings of it again. And it confuses me. Not just because I'm feeling this way…but because after last time, I wonder if I can allow myself to feel in such a way again…especially considering…who she is…"
Victor paused, and then looked at the picture he was holding in one hand. In the darkness of the room, it was barely visible, but Victor's enhanced eye saw it clearly anyway: Llarenes Morath, the Troika and HIVE member known as Jinx. This was a security photo taken during a bank robbery, caught in mid-air, as Jinx leapt, her face wild with wicked joy. Cyborg had a few other photos, but this one was the best to reminisce over, because Jinx, at least in a mischievous teen crush sense, had seemingly returned some of Cyborg's feelings, including sending him a few more risqué pictures of her. Whether her feelings went any deeper then that, Cyborg didn't know. That was another thing that confused him.
"It's true that she's our enemy." Cyborg went on. "But in a way…what truly defines an enemy? She's never tried to kill us, and her aims and goals pale to nothing compare to what the like of the Lord and the Sorceress have attempted and done. Still, she is wanted, and she has engaged us in combat more then a few times. Even if I feel this way, there is my team to consider. And I must also consider that Romeo and Juliet had far from a happy ending…"
A loud knocking sounded on the door. Victor jumped in his seat.
"Victor?" Came Noel's muffled voice through the door. "You in there?"
"Uh, yeah!" Victor said, suddenly feeling guilty, as he opened a drawer and slipped the photo in and then saved and closed the file he had been working on before he got up and answered the door. "What's up Noel?"
"Small team issue." Noel said, and described what Gar and Tara had done.
"Aw man, they broke the Treadmill? That could take me weeks to fix!"
"I know, hence I feel they need some discipline. But they're bellyaching about it per usual, so I was wondering if you could go over there and back me up so we can quickly decide on a punishment."
"You're not gonna make them crack rocks or something are you?" Cyborg asked.
"No! But some kind of punishment is…"
"Yeah yeah, just messin' with ya Noel. Can I quickly finish the file I was working on?"
"Yeah, sure." Noel said, as he followed Victor into his room. Victor felt a sudden nervousness, perhaps at the possibility that Noel wanted more then his presence, that he knew how Victor felt and he felt a confrontation was necessary…but Noel immediately wandered over to Victor's workbench and began examining the various half built and disassembled devices and trinkets Victory had there. Victor quietly sighed in relief and sat down, calling the file back up. Realizing he had treated the end of his personal file more like a diary then a record, Victor erased the last several lines and finished instead by a simple "Despite these things, I remain dedicated to the cause, for my life has taught me that it, more then anything, never changes." Then he decided that was too corny and was about to erase it when Noel made a noise of surprise.
"Well well, what have we here?" Noel said, as he picked up a metal tube that had a shape even he recognized. Cyborg couldn't help but smirk.
"I'd been wanting to built one of those since I was four, but the tech only recently caught up." Victor said, as Noel pressed the button on the handle and a silvery beam of light sprang from it. It did not have the traditional sound effect, but there was no mistaking what it was.
"Heh. A ligh…"
"Quiet! You want to get sued?" Victor asked, as he jokingly looked around in fear.
"Heh, fine, a LASER SWORD." Noel said, as he swung it around a bit and found that it didn't make the classic sound effect, to his disappointment. "Finished yet?"
"Not yet. At the moment all I've got is the hard light construct factor. Like the Green Lantern's Power Rings. It's essentially a fancy bludgeon at the moment. I'm contemplating not adding a heat or cutting factor actually. Might make it easier to wield. Or I might make it optional."
"That would probably be best. I don't want Rob getting his hands on this and Anakining himself…though I wonder…"
"Put it down." Victor said. Noel chuckled and turned the laser sword prototype off, placing it back down.
"Ok, I'm done…but it will still take me a bit to fully close down the computer Noel…"
"Here, I'll do it. You go back up my decree." Noel said, as he walked over to Cyborg's computer.
"You know what you're doing?"
"Even if I didn't, all the sensitive data is protected by passwords and other security systems, I'll assume." Noel said.
"You assume right. Ok, see you there Noel."
"Gotcha." Noel said, as he began closing down the program for Cyborg. It looked like Victor had been updating the personal files and realized it was probably due to do the same with some of their villains. Noel called them up and spent a few minutes adding a sentence here and a bit of new info there.
It probably wasn't a surprise that he stumbled across the file on Mick Dobbins, and even though Noel knew it wouldn't do him any good, he found himself calling it up. Mick Dobbins' face stared out at him, rock star looks marred by weak eyes that constantly showed whatever extreme emotion Mick was running through his head. It was terrible: with looks and money like the kind Mick possessed women would have been throwing himself at him, but whatever cruel quirk of genetics or fate had made him had made it so the only thing that did it for him was women under the age of ten. Against their will. Some pedophiles could be more pitied then hated, a slave of their sickness, but Mick got off on more then that: he loved the violation aspect as well. That, combined with his utter self-righteousness…Noel sometimes wondered if handing Mick over the cops with solid evidence might be a death sentence. And part of him wondered if it was wrong that he didn't really care…
Noel realized he had zoned out, for how long he didn't know. He closed Mick's file and began shutting down Cyborg's computer, which took several more minutes. They'd have probably been waiting for him for a bit now. Noel hoped that group boredom (not the hardest thing to produce) hadn't set in and caused them to let go of Gar and Tara. He didn't want to go chasing them down.
No, he hoped his delay hadn't made them wander off.
They hadn't wandered off.
Instead they'd done something worse.
At least by Noel's standards.
"Ah, the wounded party has finally arrived. All rise for the honorable Victor Stone!" Rob said.
Noel stared as he realized the main room had been reorganized so that two tables had been placed in front of an heightened desk and chair, at which sat Cyborg…dressed in the black robes of a judge, complete with the puffy white wig that old styles judges war. Noel blinked.
"What's going…"
"Ah, I shall speak for my client, your honor." Nigel said as he suddenly appeared next to Noel, lightly grabbing his arm and dragging the teen along, grinning like he was having a grand time.
"What do you mean your client?" Noel said.
"I'm representing you!"
"For what?"
"Your honor…" Rob said, as he stood up at the other table, at which Gar and Tara were sitting. "I will hereby prove, without a doubt, that this woman, Tara Markov, BETRAYED THE TITANS ON EARTH PRIME…"
"ROB! YOU'RE THE DEFENSE!" Tara yelled.
"What? I am?"
"YES!"
"…Nuts." Rob said, as he turned to a large purple bird that was perched on a…perch. "Avenger, looks like we have some work to do."
"What is going on? What is this nonsense?" Noel asked.
"Mr. Hastings, please keep your client in line." Victor said, having fully adapted into the role, and Noel finally realized they had decided to turn his punishment into a farce. Part of him wasn't surprised, and the other part wasn't happy.
"What in the hell! This is not an issue where guilt can be decided!"
"Quiet you, or I'll hold you in contempt of court!" Victor said.
"You don't have a court! You're not a judge!"
"Well the clothes make the man." Victor said. "I even have a hammer."
"That…"
"Order!" Victor said, more to actually do it then cut Noel off. "Order! Order!"
Noel's face turned a strange color of red.
"UH oh." Gar said.
When Noel's rant finally ended nearly a minute later, more for Noel's desperate need for oxygen then any desire to stop, all the Titans came down from their recoiled position.
"Court reporter, read that back." Victor said, glancing at Sophie, who was indeed sitting and typing at a typewriter.
"Um…'Why in the bad word can't we have a bad word bad word simple task without bad word providing more bad word with the bad word bad word bad word bad word bad word bad word bad word…I kind of lost track at this point, I think he then threatened to pull a scale model of the Eiffel Tower out of his kneecap…"
"I give up…" Noel groaned, having sat down by now. He put his feet up on the desk and leaned back, wondering if his naturally white hair was hiding the gray hairs such incidents like these were surely giving him.
"Your honor, my client has been grievously injured by these two, and we demand a large cash settlement…" Nigel began.
"This is not a tort case!" Noel said.
"Oh really? Then what's this?" Nigel said, as he produced a box that he opened to reveal it was full of pastries.
"You idiot! That's a TART case, not a tort!"
"Order! Counselor, control your client!" Victor said.
"Gar, why don't you turn into a certain Australian mammal and hop around just to really drive the point home what kind of court this is…" Noel muttered.
"Order! Both counsels, approach the bench!" Victor said, and Nigel and Rob went up to speak to him.
"Uh…just so you know Noel, this wasn't my idea." Tara said.
"Just do YOU know, I tend to be lacking in mercy when I'm seriously irritated." Noel replied, and buried his face in his hands.
"Both counsels have agreed to put a leash on their clients." Victor said, as Nigel and Rob headed back to their tables. Noel was still muttering into his hands when he felt Nigel's sharp claws graze his neck, and he removed them to look at Nigel leaning over him.
"AH!" Noel yelled, as he jerked back and actually fell over the chair in surprise.
"Objection!" Rob yelled.
"Sustained!…Wait, objection to what?" Victor asked.
"Dunno, just practicing."
"What are you doing Nigel?" Noel asked as he got up.
"I am doing as the judge ordered and putting a leash on you." Nigel said as he held up a dog collar.
"HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT LITERALLY!"
"He didn't? My, your law system is very strange, by now on Blactrininia the execution would already be underway…"
"YOUR HONOR…" Rob said as he stood up. "I am here to prove that the law that seeks to punish my clients is unjust and unconstitutional! It should not be illegal for my clients to dance, because there is no hard proof linking rock and roll to drugs and deviant sexuality…"
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE DANCING! THIS IS ABOUT HOW THEY BROKE THE COSMIC TREADMILL WITH SAID DANCING!"
"Order!"
"I'll have a pepperoni pizza, JUDGE." Noel snarked.
"That is it. Bailiff, please put Mr. Hastings' client in custody." Victor said.
Nothing happened.
"Bailiff!"
"Yes your honor!" Sophie said as she stumbled out from behind a screen, hastily dressed in a bailiff uniform. She walked up to Noel.
He gave her his best Batman glare.
Sophie hurriedly scurried away from Noel.
"Not removing the wounded party on the basis that the wounded party is really really mean, your honor." Sophie said.
"Your honor, I wish to resign as counsel due to the fact that my client was really mean to my girlfriend!" Nigel yelled.
"You don't get to resign, you're fired." Noel muttered.
"Ok then! Pay me!"
"What?"
"You owe me for 5 minutes of service! That's $50!"
"That contract was created out of thin air by you and not honored by me, therefore I owe you two things: Jack, and shit."
"Your honor, I wish to sue my client for my wages!"
"Overruled. This is not a tort courtroom."
"D'OH!"
"Your honor, this shows that it is a LACK of fun that leads to deviant behavior, not a…" Rob began.
"This isn't about the dancing!" Noel yelled.
"Really?" Rob replied. "It's ok to dance?"
"Yes! This is about how they broke the Cosmic Treadmill!"
"…AVENGER! You have failed me again!" Rob said, as he turned to the perch, only to find it empty as the bird headed out the nearest window. "THAT'S RIGHT! You GO back to your precious Harvey Birdman! See how far that takes you!"
"Your honor, I wish to announce my intent to defect to the defense team." Nigel said as he headed over to Gar and Tara's table.
"Granted." Victor said.
"Objection your honor." Noel said.
"Overruled."
"On what grounds?"
"That I'm the judge! See, I have a hammer!" Victor said. Nigel, meanwhile, had realized that the defense table didn't have an extra chair and was looking for one.
"Your honor, to begin the case, I must say that opposing counsel has absolutely NO evidence against my clients…" Rob said.
"Computer, call up security camera B-14, footage from…11:12 to 11:14, play back on computer with maximum sound!" Noel said.
The computer screen, which was right next to the mock trial room, activated and pulled up the security footage, which showed Gar and Tara finding the radio, starting to dance, and what happened, in full color.
"Your honor, the prosecution rests. I rule for an immediate verdict and decided upon punishment." Noel said.
"Hold it!" Rob said: Nigel was still looking for a chair. "There is no proof that that footage is real! It could be…faked!"
"I put together faked footage within two seconds to frame Gar and Tara." Noel said.
"Objection!" Rob said.
"To what?"
"To attempting to expose my cock and bull story for what it is!"
"Your honor, I move for a mistrial on the basis that my counsel is incompetent." Gar said.
"I move that he stay your counsel to teach you the folly of making a joke out of a simple mattering and greatly aggravating me in the process."
"I move that Noel moves out of his chair and gives it to me!" Nigel said.
"I move that Nigel can go fly a kite."
"That's it, I move for anarchy. All in favor, say aye. All opposed can kiss my ass!" Rob said.
"Ok, ENOUGH. Can we PLEASE decide on a punishment?" Noel asked.
"I move that this is punishment enough." Nigel said.
"Overruled!" Noel yelled.
"Hey, do you have the hammer here? Do you?" Cyborg said.
"Your honor, Tara had struck a plea bargain. In exchange for dirt on Gar, she requests a reduced sentence." Rob said.
"I move that charges be laid against defense counsel for terrible puns." Noel replied.
"Pun?" Nigel asked.
"For DIRT on Gar…" Noel replied.
"…I don't get it." Nigel said.
"Neither do I." Rob echoed. Noel facevaulted.
"Your honor, I move for original opposing council to be expelled from even PRETENDING to be a lawyer for not being able to understand such a wordplay!"
"Wait, are you talking about the literal and non-literal meanings of dirt, as in soil, and incriminating info? Not much of a pun Noel. I move that he be disbarred for bringing up such a lousy pun."
"You don't get that TERRA, the GEOKINETIC, is providing DIRT…" Noel said with exaggerated slowness.
"Yeesh, you're such a pervert!" Rob said.
"Argh, your honor, I move that we add charges of slander to original defending counsel!"
"I move that we stop moving. Always to the future, this trial looks. Never thinking about where it was, what it was doing…"
"ARGH! THAT'S IT! I have had enough! I am hereby invoking my veto ability to veto Cyborg's co-leader position for this decision so I can decide the punishment myself!"
"Ah, but then he can use HIS veto ability to disapprove of YOUR veto." Rob pointed out.
A vein was now throbbing dangerously in Noel's forehead.
"Very WELL, then I am relieving him of his command and using my veto ability to veto anyone who attempts to do the same to me!"
"This isn't fun any more. I'ma go play video games." Rob said, as he got up and started to leave.
"Get back here Rob. We still have to decide on a punishment."
"No, because you just invoked your ability to decide the punishment. No one else needs to be here. And before you command me as my supposed leader, I will point out that since we are not in combat your leadership position is largely ceremonial, so…I'ma go playing video games."
"Shall I put you down as abstaining then?"
"Put me down as whatever you want, because you just seized the crown of Rome, Caesar." Rob said.
Noel sighed deeply. Without even being aware of it, he'd slipped right back into the old role: the hardass, the buzzkiller, the one who had to take everything seriously because that was the only way he could live with himself. And he'd promised himself that he'd at least TRY to avoid that, but it was just so tricky…
"Oh god. You'd think I'd asked them to vote on an execution." Noel said.
"Um…if it's a minor punishment, what was the point of this trial?" Tara asked.
Wrong choice of words, as the fact that Noel's simple vote had been jettisoned for silliness and then had been forgotten as silliness wound him up again.
"ARGH! THERE WAS NO POINT! YOU PEOPLE STARTED IT ALL WHEN ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS TAKE A SIMPLE VOTE!" Noel yelled. "Ok, that's it, if I am alone in making this decision, then I rule that for breaking the treadmill, and all this needless running around, Gar and Tara have to run around the island five times with no powers! I have spoken! Now bang the gavel and make it official!" Noel yelled.
"Hail, Caesar!" Victor said, as he raised his gavel.
And then the alarm went off, blaring through the room.
"………………..NO! I AM NOT HAVING GONE THROUGH ALL THAT FOR….FOR…ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Noel screamed, sounding a great deal like Charlie Brown. But Noel was a professional, as he quickly began boxing his emotions up as he switched to business.
"Cyborg, we have trouble! All this nonsense, forget it! Orders?"
"You issue 'em!" Cyborg said as he struggled to get out of the judge robes.
"Understood! Cyborg, warm up the T-Car! Beast Boy, Terra, punishment is nullified for now, go get dressed for combat! Gauntlet, Scalpel, go get extra medical supplies and gear in case it's someone new so we can get a good look at them! Sophie…go do some of Nigel's paperwork! I'm going to verify the location and try to come down from my close case of having a stroke!" Noel said, as he whirled and ran over to the computer, rapidly typing at it as various Titans ran around behind him and eventually cleared out leaving Noel alone in the room. It took Noel fifteen seconds to pin down the alarm.
"Jump City 1st National Bank?" Noel said incredulously. "…Who the hell robs the main bank of a city protected by superheroes any more? Don't they realize that'll bring us down on their heads like…argh! Are these criminals getting dumber, more arrogant, or just too lazy to use a phone book?" Noel muttered as he checked to make sure he wasn't being sent a false feed. Deciding that it was genuine, Noel muttered once more about criminal stupidity and turned to head out of the room.
A beeping caught his attention. Incoming message. Email type, which only took a few seconds to scan as Noel called it up, just in case it had to do with the situation.
" 'Dear Bitty. Got a call from Boy Wonder. Will help you with Dobbins case as best I can. Also, Cassandra may be dropping in on your city. Sincerely, Oracle.'" Noel read out loud. "Grrrrr. 'Dear BABS, STOP CALLING ME BITTY. It's not becoming. Also thank you. But stop calling me Bitty. Sincerely, Savior.'" Noel thought out loud as he typed the same as a response. "Computer, go into standby and defensive mode, usual triggers for re-awakening, arm all defenses upon 30 seconds of Titans leaving the Tower! Time to do what we do best." Noel said he headed out into the room.
His name was Eddie Davis. He had a job he hated and too many bills to stop doing it, plus he was late to it. Hence he wasn't very happy as he ran down the street, trying to keep from spilling his coffee or dropping his lunch, thinking small, angry thoughts.
People never realize just how good they have life until true danger comes a-calling, and by then it's too late.
As a hand emerged from an alleyway and seized Davis, grabbing and yanking him into the alleyway with a cut off yelp which no one, all of them wrapped up in their busy lives, noticed, the only sign of his presence his fallen sandwich and spilled coffee.
And that was the least of Davis' concerns, as he found himself being pinned to the wall and looking into the blazing eyes of a literal demon. Well, maybe it was human, but the eyes sure weren't. He screamed like a baby. His bladder went a second later.
"WHERE AM I?" The Jackal roared.
"AIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"SHUT UP!"
Eddie did just that, whimpering.
"What is this place?" The Jackal growled.
"Uh…"
"WHERE AM I?"
"AHHHH! JUMP CITY!" Eddie screamed.
"Jump City? Where the hell is Jump City?"
"Florida! Please, take whatever you want, just don't kill me!"
"You have nothing I need except information! What country is this?"
"The States!"
"What year is it?"
Eddie told him. The Jackal growled.
"Name some other cities!"
"Uh, New York! Miami! Detroit! San Francisco…!" Eddie blubbered.
"What about Metroville?"
"What?"
"METROVILLE!"
"I don't know any Metroville! Do you mean Metropolis?"
"No!" Jackal yelled, and rattled off several other cities. Only two came back as matches: the others the man had no idea what he was talking about. And the Jackal knew he was far too scared to lie.
"Hmmmmmpphhh…what about Supers? Are there Supers?"
"Supers? You mean Superheroes?"
"Superheroes?"
"Uh, guys with special powers…"
"Yes! Name some!"
"Uh, Superman!"
"He named himself after the type? How arrogant."
"Batman!"
"What?"
"The Teen Titans!"
"What kind of a stupid name is that?"
"Justice League!"
"Do they have no subtlety?"
"Captain Marvel!"
"Not very creative are they…" Jackal said as the reality of just what had befallen him began to sink in, and he didn't much like it. "What about the Incredibles?"
"Who?"
"A team or family called the Incredibles!"
"I never heard of them!"
"What about a villain called Syndrome?"
"No!"
"Name some villains!"
"Uh, the Joker! The Lord of the Night! Darkseid! Gorilla Grodd! Uh, Whim! The Sorceress!"
The Jackal tossed the man aside.
"How strange…" The Jackal says. "Just when I think I have the game won…they change all the rules…"
"Ahhhhh…don't kill me…" Eddie wept.
"Why kill you? You helped me. I suppose that deserves something." The Jackal said, as he lifted one foot and slipped his boot off. The color mottled and turned a dull yellow, and the Jackal tossed the boot at the man's feet.
"There. Solid gold. How you carry it away and turn it into money is a problem for you to solve. Good day." The Jackal said, as he turned and walked away, his now bare foot sticking to the ground a few times as he walked, and if Eddie had been paying attention to him, he might have noticed that each step left an impression in the ground, as if the Jackal was walking on mud. Except he was walking on solid stone, and there was no indication where the material that had once been in the gap had gone. Except we know, as the Jackal finished making his new boot and altered his feet and density as he stepped up against the wall and began walking up it like another famous superhero, albeit one that wasn't in this universe.
"My device does not place me where I want it to; instead I find myself here, a world where no one has heard of many familiar things, yet still possesses places and objects I find familiar…including people with special powers…but…how did I get here? And just…where is here?"
The Jackal came to the actual roof and walked across it, staring at the city around him. It looked fairly nice, not that that mattered to him. Only two things mattered to him, and after years of planning to get one, it had slipped out of his grasp and disappeared entirely.
The Jackal looked at Jump City, and wondered if he had to start all over again. And if that mattered. Even if this strange new place caused him to take ten times longer then it had the first time, what did that matter? He had all the time in the world…
A familiar noise caught his ear. Sirens. Were the police coming for him? Many had tried. They had all learned that such a task was a very bad thing to do…
But they weren't coming for him. They were driving past on the street below him, heading off to some other destination, some other crisis.
His eyes followed them.
Not where he wanted to be…
Best started getting there again…
"Hmmmmmmmmmm." The Jackal said.
And then he started to follow them.
To Be Continued