A/N: Okay, change of plans. When this is done, I'll update my new one-shot, then I'll start on that Roy-based fic little miss FullMetalEdward's been bugging me about. XD

Link: Ooh! Will her lackeys join me for that?

Yep! 8)

Link: Yay! 8D

And so will FME herself!

Link: T-T Great.

Here's the next chappie! That's right, EVEN MORE Jerry Springer crap:)

A Nintendian Dream: Ch 6: Act 3 Scene 2

Banjo, King of Fairies, sits upon a stump, bored as he awaits news from Crash.

"Hmm..." he muses. "I wonder if Krystal's woken up yet, and creature she'll fall in love with...?" He chuckles as many thoughts enter his mind... then Crash approaches.

"Ah, how now, Puck?"

"...It's Crash."

"What is?"

"My name is Crash, my lord."

"Yeah, whatever. What news do you bring?"

Crash sighs, but continues. "Alright, get this- These Athenian workers came into the forest to rehearse this play, right? Well, this real stuck-up butthead named Roy left the scene, so I stuck on a donkey-head!" he giggles. "Get it? 'Butt'head? 'Ass'-head?"

"Yeah, yeah, keep going..."

"Yeah, so when the others saw him, they freaked and ran away like little girls, leaving him there alone. And guess who Krystal saw when she woke up?"

Banjo grins widely. "Are you serious?"

"I kid you not, my lord! Now she's all swooned over the guy!"

"Aw, man, that's rich!" he laughs, giving him a high-five. "Way to go, Puck!"

Crash stops laughing slowly. "...It's...Crash."

Banjo ignores him and continues. "Speaking of Athenians, did you find that Athenian man and put the love juice in his eyes like I told you?"

"Yep! And the girl lays right beside so that she'd be the first thing to see!"

"Excellent... Huh?" He turns as Falcon and Zelda storm in. "Oh, stay close! That's the same Athenian!"

Crash looks on in confusion. "Wait... That's the same woman, but not the same man..."

Banjo gives him a questioning look, but looks back and watches from the bushes as the two begin to speak.

"Dammit, Zelda, why do we have to keep up this foolish chase?" Falcon demands.

"Oh, you wanna know why?" Zelda snaps, sounding ticked off. "Because you killed Link, I know you did!"

"Now, why the spoon would I do that?"

"Why else would he not be at my side when I woke up, you tell me that!"

Falcon chuckles. "I dunno, maybe he got carried away by forest fairies!"

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" She starts hitting him upside the head with a very large stick. "TELL...ME...WHERE...HE...IS...YOU...CUR!"

"OUCH... I... OW...don't know!"

"Then I'll find him myself, whether he be dead or not!" She turns to leave, but turns back and hits him one more time. "And you can SO forget about our marriage! I'd rather be dead than marry a butt-ugly, callous man like you!" THEN she storms away.

"Ooh... me head spins..." Falcon falls to the floor, unconscious.

Banjo looks back down at Crash with a look that says, "You are SO in trouble!" Crash grins nervously in return.

"H-hey, come now, m-my lord, we all make mistakes..."

"Silence!" Banjo slaps him upside the head. "We're gonna fix this up, understood? Go find Samus and bring her here while I splash the love nectar in his eyes. GO!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" He hops on the bike and swiftly rides away.

Banjo moves quickly towards the passed-out Falcon and applies the nectar to his eyes. "There! That should fix things up!"

Crash quickly rides up again. "My lord! Here comes Samus!"

"Then hide, you doofus!"

They hide in the bushes again. In comes Samus, but she's being followed by you know who!

"Samus, please!" Link begs desperately. "How can you think that my woos, my vows, my tears of love are only scorn to you?"

"You can't fool me, Link!" Samus exclaims, very agitated and frustrated. "These vows belong to Zelda!"

"But I was young and naïve when I loved her!" Link reasons. "But now I realize that you are the much worthier woman! Please, Samus, you have to believe me!"

"Just leave me alone, you sly dog!" She turns on her heel, but trips over an unconscious Falcon. "OW!"

Falcon wakes up and looks at Samus, all starry-eyed. Holy light surrounds her, birds tweet... Yep, Falcon has fallen madly in love... This happens a lot, doesn't it?

"Oh, Samus...Beautiful Samus..." he drawls, standing up to look at her. "Words cannot describe your divine beauty, fair Samus."

"Oh, great! Now YOU'RE gonna mock me, aren't you, Falcon?" She tears away from him, glaring at both men. "I see you both are only seeking merriment from my tears! And I thought you both loved Zelda!"

The men exchanged glances. "See, she did the exact same thing to me earlier..." says Link.

"At least I'm not crying like a woman about it."

"Shut your face! And by the way, you can go ahead and marry Zelda, I don't care." He approaches Samus' side. "Because Samus is the only one who I will love 'til my death." That's when Samus promptly kicks him in the shin. "AIEEE!"

"No way! YOU can have Zelda! She's all yours!" He approaches Samus' side himself. "But not Samus... With eyes green hues of emerald fire, and warm lips, like kissing cherries, lovely and tempting..."

Samus looks up at him, then says, "Well, at least your better with words."

Falcon sticks his tongue out towards Link.

"Still..." She kicks him in the shin as well.

"AIEEEEEE!"

"You two make me sick!" she spat. "Never did mockers waste more breath than you two!"

"YOU!" another voice screams. Everyone turns to see Zelda storm up to Link. "There you are! Where on earth have you been? I thought you were dead!"

"Well..." Link starts. "Hate to break it to you like this, Zelda... But I don't think it's gonna work out with us anymore..."

"W-what? Are you abandoning me? For who?"

Link looks over at Samus, who threatens to kick him if he comes any closer.

"B-but... But I don't understand..." Zelda looks distraught.

"And now YOU are in the conspiracy as well!" Samus accuses. "I know you are! We used to be such good friends! What ever happened?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"That faked shocked look can't fool me!" She turns away, completely flustered. "I've had enough of all of you! I'm leaving!"

"No, wait, don't go, fair Samus!" Both men cry out, stopping her.

"I love you more than life itself, Samus!" Link pleads. "Much more than he does!"

"No, I do!"

"I do!"

"I DO!"

"I DO, DAMMIT!"

"B-but, Link!" Zelda grasps him by the arm. "What happened to our love?"

"GET OFF!" He pushes her off. "I told you, my heart is now set on Samus! Deal with it!"

Zelda stares at him, shocked. She then lets him go and scowls at Samus. "You! You cankerblossum! You fartknocker! You stole my boyfriend! I can't believe you!"

"I did no such thing!"

"RARGH!" She starts chasing Samus, who screams and runs away, and they both exit. The two men stand there dumbfounded for a moment.

"...Aw, now look what you did, Link!"

"If you just would've backed off...!"

"Oh, that is SO it!" Falcon snarls. "You want Samus? Well, you'll have to fight me for her!"

"Fine, then!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!" Link storms off to prepare for the duel.

Falcon stands there for a minute, then... "Touché!" he storms off in the opposite direction.

Banjo watches them go, then looks back down at Crash again, his look worse than before.

"Um... Hehe..." Crash chuckles nervously, shrugging his shoulders. "...Oops?"

"You blithering idiot! Look at the big mess you made!" He pinches Crash's ear and pulls hard. "BAD PUCK!"

"OWWW! IT'S CRASH!" he cries in pain.

"You better not have done this on purpose, or I'll...!"

"Believe me, my lord!" Crash pleads. "I mistook Link for Falcon, honest!"

"...You swear it was an accident?"

"I'd swear, but censors won't let me..." he mutters aside.

"What was that?"

"I said I swear, my lord, I wouldn't purposely do such a thing!"

"Alright, then, here's what we'll do: Lead the two men around until they get exhausted enough to sleep. Then apply some of this flower's nectar into Link's eyes." He hands Crash another type of flower. "That'll break the spell on him, and when he wakes up, all of these events will be thought of only as a dream. I'll meanwhile do the same to Krystal after I get the boy from her, then all will be well."

Crash nods as the plan sinks in. "What about Falcon?"

"He's fine. Remember?"

"Ah..." Crash nods in understanding. "Got it, my lord! It shall be done!"

"Good! Hurry!" And with that, Banjo rushes away to carry out the rest of his plan.

Crash watches him go, pockets the flower, then skips for a bit, singing giddily. "Up and down, up and down, I will lead them up and down! I am feared in field in town. Goblin, lead them up and down... Ooh, here comes one!"

Link enters, sword drawn, looking for a fight. Crash is invisible to his eye, of course.

"Alright, I'm ready for you, Falcon!" he calls out. "Speak!"

"Hehe, I am here, proud Link!" Crash mocks in Falcon's voice. "Come and get me!"

"Show yourself!" Link growls, beginning to run all over the place, searching for Falcon.

"Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"NO YOU CAN'T!"

"Yes I can, YES I CAN!"

"ARGH! SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD!"

And what of Falcon...?

"You can't run forever, elf boy!"

"Anything you can be, I can be greater," Crash sing-songs in Link's voice. "I can be anything greater than you!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"NO YOU CAN'T!"

"Yes I can, YES I CAN!"

Yep, Crash was leading the both of them around in circles. And oh, what fun it was for the bandicoot/hobgoblin! It became apparent that both had grown tired, as Link approaches a clearing, panting and wheezing.

"He's... too...fast..." he pants. "Must...rest..." He then collapses to the ground, fast asleep.

Then in comes Crash, being chased by Falcon. "Ho, ho, ho! Is the poor wittle Falcon too swow?"

"Shut up... pant... elf!" Falcon shouts, equally tired.

"Come and make me, weakling!" He leaps into the trees.

"Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?" he yells into the air. "Just watch! I'm gonna sleep right here to get my strength back and defeat you! HA! TAKE THAT! I SO RULE!" He then groans and collapses, fast asleep.

"Hehe, sleeping like babies!" Crash chuckles. "That was too easy... Huh? Who's that?"

In enters Samus and Zelda, panting and wheezing from all the chasing. Without so much as a word, both as well collapse to the ground, fast asleep.

Crash blinks. "Wow, that was convenient," he comments, leaping out of the trees and onto the ground. "Now let's see here... You go here..." He drags Samus over by Falcon. "...And you go here..." He drags Zelda to Link's side. "...And you get the nectar treatment!"

He kneels by Link and drops the spell-breaking nectar into Link's eyes. "There. All is mended! Finally!" He rushes off.

A/N: So, how was that? Yes, I obviously toned the argument down a bit; those people talked WAY too much!

Link: Meh... Can't wait to actually have company...

Silence, you silly little elf! Review, people!