Insanity's Light

Chapter Four

I watched Duo carefully for any signs of lying. He blinked once, though he never took his eyes off me. But the second I had mentioned it, something had flashed in is eyes. I couldn't describe what it was... just that it was something. His face took on a careless look once more as he smiled at me and said:

"You're the doctor aren't you? You tell me."

I frowned at his tarty reply and looked away from him. I hated the way he simply stared into my eyes, as though seeing into my very soul. I had my secrets, everyone did, and few people wanted those secrets known.

"I'm going to look over the reports of your examinations," I told him as I sifted through my papers, "You realize if you dont have Bipolar, theres a chance you could leave here, right?"

I took the moment to chance a look at him. His eyes were glazed over, a far away look on his face. Quickly, he shook his head and looked at me once me, "I can never leave."

I frowned, "Of course you can leave..."

"I can't."

I sat back in my chair and examined Duo openly. He didn't move or squirm in his chair, only stared back, as though waiting for me to look away. I didn't.

"Duo, if you don't have Bipolar, then you have the chance to live a normal healthy life. Think about it, you can go out, get a job, get married, have children... you could have all the happiness in the world. Many of the patients here would jump at a chance for that."

He smiled coldly, "Then let them have it. I've had about all the happiness from this world that I can take. As for getting married... yes, I could do that, but why would I want a relationship like yours?"

"Duo..." I said warningly.

"You come to work everyday, with a smile you have to force, and talk to the patients like you actually care about them... you're not happy Minako, and whatever it is your looking for, forgiveness, redemption, you won't find it here."

I reeled back as if struck. Coldness settled into my limbs, as I rejected the urge to wrap my arms around myself. He didn't know... He couldn't. I shuddered visibly and made a noise in my throat.

"I think you should leave." Duo said quietly, this time, his eyes were averted.

"I'm not leaving." I told him immediatly, though I knew my voice wavered.

"Your a fool then. You talk to me about leaving this place, about the freedoms of choice, and yet here you stay, in the place you seem to condem so much."

"I don't condem it..."

"What are you hiding from Minako? What wrongs are you trying to right?" He murmered, and suddenly I realized he was kneeling in front of me, his hands on the armrests of my chair.

"Duo!" I gasped out, moving backwards into my chair, "What are yo--"

"Frightened?" He asked me, his eyes hooded as he leaned ever closer, "Do you fear me or the truths I reveal to you?"

"Duo, please go sit down." I whispered.

He ignored me, as his hand covered mine and slowly began intertwining our fingers. He seemed intent on his task as he gently touched me.

I knew it was wrong, and yet I couldn't force myself to pull away from him. There was something so amazing, so touching about what he was doing. He turned my hand over and slowly began tracing small circles in my palm. I shuddered with pleasure.

"Minako..." He whispered.

A gasped and renched my hand away from his, horrified with myself. How could I have let this happen? What was I doing with a patient.

"Duo. Sit down." I commanded as I cradled my hand.

This time he listened, though he stared into my eyes even as he moved.

"Duo, you can't do things like that to a doctor." I told him, though my eyes never met his.

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?" I asked him, my eyes flickering to his for a moment."

"Because you enjoyed it."

I shrugged in what I hoped was a careless way, "Everyone likes to have their hand held."

He chuckled at my obvious lie, "But you didn't enjoy it in a holding hands kind of way."

I sighed, annoyed at him, but moreso at myself.

"Tell me why you dont want to leave."

"I do want to leave." He retorted.

"Then why can't you?"

He looked away from me then, his gaze focused on the window, and for the first time, I saw longing on his face.

"Why can't you leave, Duo? I persisted.

He smiled at me, the kind of smile you would give a good friend, maybe even a lover, "I just can't."

I sighed and sat back in my chair, "Duo, many people fought and died for the freedom i'm offering you...it doesn't seem possible that you can't leave."

He gave me a tolerant look, one that someone would givea child, and replied quietly, "And what do you know of fighting?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, as a flood of memories of friends dying, of fighting, of killing came rushing back at me. I ruthlessly pushed them back, before I opened my eyes, "I believe I know more about fighting then you give me credit for." I murmured.

"So you fought in the war?"

He put it so bluntly, that for a second I forgot which war he was refering to. My war was the one I remembered, not the one he was thinking of. No, I had not fought in the machine war. I had been given the choice, of course... but I had been fighting for so long against enemies that wanted to destroy the world, that fighting again, for political reasons, did not move me enough to take up arms.

"More or less." I told him.

"Aaah, so you didn't fight. Nurse maybe? Helping the injured and helpless?" He smiled ever so slightly.

"No..."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said with a shrug, "It's a good profession for those who dont want to dirty their hands."

I smiled slowly, "How dissapointing... you dont know the truth this time? Perhaps your loosing your gift."

"Then tell me."

"Fortunatly, this meeting is about you... tell me more about your friends."

He seemed okay with not finishing our conversation at the moment, though I had a feeling the conversation was far from over.

"My friends... they're good people."

"They must care about you a lot."

He chuckled dryly, "Something like that."

"Have you known them long?"

"Yes."

"Childhood friends?"

"No, I was raised in a church, I had few friends."

I nodded, scribbling something down on my paper, "Is there anything else you can tell me about your childhood?"

He frowned, sitting back in his chair, "Not much...I ran around with a gang of boys sometimes. I was a little hellion, as i'm sure you've guessed, but mostly I was lonely."

I nodded again, "When did you leave the church?"

"Early teens I suppose."

"Do you remember the name of this church?"

His eyes closed for a second before he shook his head.

"Alright Duo, I believe thats enough for today. I believe its almost lunch time anyways."

"Ah yes, and we all know how exciting lunch time is." he said dryly.

I smiled at him as I stood, "Come on, we don't want to be late."

"God forbid."

At lunch, I walked around the tables, observing the patients as they ate and chatted. Some didn't speak at all, and some spoke too much. Most greeted me cheefully, telling me stories of pets and family.

I felt his eyes on me as I walked around the room.

Wow, it's been a long time lol. I'm so sorry this took so long to update, i've had the worst case of writers block. I have to admit though, i'm kind of dissapointed. I've noticed that a lot of great authors don't update anymore... hopefully they'll come back though!

I'll try and keep updating more regularily, but I can't make any promises.

I'd also like to point out something. I've been having insane computer issues these last few months, which is another reason I haven't updated. The computer i'm using right now is beyond useless... all it has is word pad xX I wanted to wait till I got another computer or at least a writing program... but then I started getting reviews, which surprised me soo much. I had assumed my stories were dead. So, I went back and began rereading my stories, and had this sudden urge to write more chapters. So... I braved writing a chapter on word pad. Yes, this chapter is going to be filled with typos and spelling mistakes, so, I apologize for that, but unfortunatly its the best I can do right now.

Thanks for your patience!