Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.

-William Shakespeare

Cherry Blossom Dream

Sunlight No Longer

"Kenshin..." A younger, more vibrant Kaoru whispered out into the night. His red flamed hair played with the wind as they sat next to each other on the porch balcony of her cherished dojo.

He turned to her with his innate fake smile as he always did. He was so damn polite. "Yes, Kaoru-dono, what is it?"

She felt a rush of heat her face with the virginal excitement of the man she loved looking at her. She had to tell him. She had to tell him tonight. Her sanity hung in the balance. She could no longer just wait idly by his side for what ifs to come around. She had to tell him she loved him more than her own life; she had to ask him if he felt anything for her in return.

Swallowing her pride, she gulped, turning her own face away from his concentrated one. They had been through so much together, with their friends; she had been more than once taken from his grasp in some act of revenge, the latest being Enshi not a couple of months ago. He was Battousai, the feared Man Slayer who plagued the memories of the Meji Revolution.

She looked up again when he touched her arm. "Kaoru-dono are you--"

She never let him finish.

"Kenshin, I love you. I love you with all my heart."

The silence that replaced the wind seemed like a lifetime to Kaoru, but as time passed she felt his hand come off her shoulder. She risked a glance at him; his head was low, his hair covering his eyes. He got up.

"Kaoru," The first time he ever used her name without the honorific would be remembered in tears, not joy.

"I cannot lie to you and say that I do not feel the same way..."

All fear at that time evaporated from Kaoru's stricken heart. Jumping, almost flying, off the porch she rushed to Kenshin. "Kenshin I can't--"

He held up a hand which stopped her immediately from touching him. His eyes held a rage, a darkness, to them that he brought onto himself unconsciously. "Kaoru, please stay away from me."

His words tore her heart. She backed away, tears coming to her eyes. Why? she wanted to scream at him. Why would he say that he loved her and push her away, but she already knew the answer? She had always known the answer. She found that her voice was no longer with her, only her tears were coming in stronger, and more so by the minute.

"It would never work, Kaoru. I don't want you to get hurt. If my enemies knew that you were my wife they...they would kill you, Kaoru. Don't you understand? Please understand." He pleaded angry only at himself.

Kaoru was the best thing that had happened to him, ever.

"Kenshin...I d-don't care. I just want to be with you." Kaoru slid to the ground no longer able to stand up. She felt so weak and disgusted with herself.

Kenshin came towards her and touched her shoulder; nothing more, nothing less. "But I do, Kaoru."

Kaoru looked up at him, her sapphire eyes flashing with the spring time moon. "If you really loved me, Kenshin, nothing would stop you."

Kenshin's eyes glowed and he looked away. "No, Kaoru, I love you so much that I can't have you. You deserve better than what I can give."

But Kaoru was no longer listening. Her tears were far too many, and her seared heart far to burned. She didn't pay attention to the fact that he did love her. Oh she had heard him, but his words were nothing but lies to her in the state she was in. What woman in love would believe that a man loved her if he was letting her go? To her it was an excuse for him not to hurt her feelings and to get out of a sticky predicament.

Within seconds she was on her feet glaring down at him. "You can just tell me the truth, Kenshin. Say to me you still love Tomoe. Say to me you don't love me. Say to me anything but you can't be with me."

Before he could even answer, she turned and left, leaving him to think about her words. He didn't follow her, he couldn't, and he would soon find that it would be his last mistake with her, because that night was the last night she ever saw a white cherry blossom.

The sun filtered into the room where she had slept for about two months now. The white sheets felt cool against her nude form as she tossed and turned, and finally woke up from her dream. Kaoru sat up immediately letting the sheet fall of her chest exposing her pale breast to the cool sea breeze. She shivered, grabbing her Chinese lavender wrap that clung to her body, and closing the sea window. If she had been aware of anything she would have noticed that it was a beautiful day out on the sea, but of course why should she care.

Thinking back to her dream, she felt nothing, but the usual numbness of her emotions. That was a little over six years ago, a lifetime. The thick cream carpet brushed against her feet as she walked over to the vanity. The room she had stayed in the first time she crossed the Pacific was nothing compared to this luxury sweet. While she had wet planks and tattered sheets, this had ivory carpets, goose feather beds, and a washing room with a sea window. Master always told her to consider herself lucky, as did Sally. She shrugged; she really could have cared less. She experienced worst, such as the one time she had tried to run away from it all. She shuddered a little; memories such as those should never be brought up again.

Kaoru dressed, checked herself in the mirror, and walked onto the morning breakfast room. It was decorated in light playful colors, and white weaved arm chairs festooned with fabric flowered cushions was where she took her morning seat; the same one which she and William shared a majority of the mornings, but this morning he was no where to be found, and for all she cared he could have fallen into the ocean. She didn't need him; she had her own money which Master gave her every month after taking his sixty-five percent. With the money she had earned she could live comfortably for about a year or two, lavishly. If it was one thing, she and the other girls were well off for one simple reason: Master didn't hold off their money from them unlike other brothels. His girls weren't stupid enough to runaway after the first time if any-- Kaoru had done it twice.

"Mrs. Harold?" A waiter came up to her, and she ignored what he called her. If they thought she was William's wife let them think it and spare themselves from the horrible truth all virtuous ladies never dare utter.

"Will it be your regular today?"

Kaoru nodded at the waiter not bothering to smile. He served just as she served in that they were alike.

"Dearest." A voice floated behind her followed by William's hand on her shoulder. He gave it a tight squeeze before sitting down on the other side of the table.

"Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up this morning, I had business to discuss with other delegates." He smiled at her just as the waiter came back giving Kaoru her regular black coffee and asking William if he wanted anything to which he replied in the negative.

"Don't worry about it, good William," Kaoru replied smiling at him. "Even though I dearly did miss your companionship."

She reached out her hand to brush his having her leg do the same underneath the table. It was her job; a job that she regretfully did well. He smiled again reaching into his leather case.

"I have something for you." She looked at him curiously, full of fake fascination. "I remember you telling me a month ago that you loved to read books, and I was very impressed that a woman, and above all a foreigner, could read English so I got you this." He push a crimson covered book across the table.

Kaoru smiled. Good William was asking for more favors. Pretending as if it were the most precious diamond in the world, Kaoru picked up the book and read the gold writing on the cover, The Scarlet Letter. It sounded mildly appeasing.

"Oh, good William, I thank thee indeed!" Kaoru laughed mostly at her exuberant exclamation that was far more than she felt.

"I'm glad. Maybe you could read it to me when we get to Tokyo." Kaoru smirked.

"You jest, good William." A chuckle rose as he leaned back in his seat folding his arms together.

"I certainly do not, dear." She only nodded. He rose from his place and held out his hand.

"My dear, lets go walk around the deck, I heard you can see Japan from there. The captain told me we should be arriving in an hour and already I have sent some maids to pack."

Kaoru nodded. They were already here. She was so near Japan she could taste it, but what did it matter, it was not as though she desperately wanted to see anyone. She clutched her heart as a cold chill swallowed it. Wouldn't it ever leave her? That damn shadow over her. Clutching her hand a little harder on arm, William took a little promenade across the deck pointing to where her homeland laid, and what he said was true. She could make out the shadow of massive island far away.

"Oh how good it will be to see my home again!" Kaoru rushed to the rail with William tagging behind laughing.

"My dear, you lighten my spirit. Such a free winged maiden such as yourself."

Kaoru wanted to laugh at him. Did he indeed think she was free? Did he think she was really like this; hanging onto his every word, a bright sun beam, a free spirit? She laughed out loud having him think that he was amusing to her, and he really was but just in a different sense. She was cold, indifferent, and as Master had always put it, a bitch. She was a toy, nothing more, so how could a toy be free? How could a toy survive without a master to play with it? She wondered what William would think if he knew it was all a perfectly produced act by her and Master and her teacher Sally. Her eyes glowed with something unlike merriment; it was a dark fire that had been placed into her so many times. A fire that she never wanted but had to have. No longer did sunlight dance around her. Where she walked it became rotten, what she breathed on became rusty, and what she kissed became sinful.

Whatever sun she ever did have faded away from her like her dream of long past.

The dojo was as quite as it had been for six years.

If anyone would have passed they would have seen the same sight as six years ago; a man with long scarlet hair bending over a bucket full of soap duds and water washing laundry. The man leaned back sitting on the dirt ground, wiping his forehead thinking for the billionth time of his one and only love who he drove away.

"Kaoru..." The named taunted his mind. Where was she? Was she alright? Did she find another? Oh he prayed for all those and more, but mostly he prayed for her return. So what if he was being selfish; he wanted her back in his arms where he knew she would be alright, where he knew that he could comfort her. That day she left he never heard or sensed her leave, it was as though she just disappeared. He thought that his whole experience with her was a dream, and that in one instant, when he opened her bedroom door and found nothing, he for a moment thought it actually was a dream. For a moment in time, he thought he was going to wake back up and find himself huddled against a cold wall in the Inshi Sinshi Headquarters during the Revolution.

The years hadn't gone by and not changed the ex-samurai, though he looked almost exactly the same, time had not been kind to him in other aspects. He had lost her. Fury gripped at his heart once again as it did so many times before. He had stayed at the dojo in hopes she would return, he stayed for Yahiko, and all of his friends who he always saw glancing at him to see if he was alright. He was sick and tired of waiting, but he couldn't go. He wouldn't go, because then he would be saying goodbye to Kaoru forever. He wanted something to hold onto her memory with, and the dojo his home was the only link.

The day she was found gone everyone was hectic. Megumi and Sano had returned that month from wherever they had been and were almost as broken as he. To Azami and Susume, the little girls, Dr. Genzai had told them Kaoru went on a long trip. Kenshin and Sano had gone to Saitou for help reluctantly, and the arrogant police officer just smirked, blew out his smoke, and laughed, but he had done as they had asked and found nothing. Yahiko, he did nothing. He blew it off as if it were nothing, but late at night for about a month Kenshin had heard harsh sobs followed by thuds against the wall, but he never went to comfort. Yahiko would have been embarrassed. Everyone who had known Kaoru was shocked to hear her gone--she had left without a trace, but eventually they all have to moved on some way.

Megumi and Sano had questioned him many times on what had made her runaway, and to answer them he just shook his head. Nothing would change the fact that she was gone like a little fairy that fled once day came. Six years had gone by and Kenshin was still as he had always been; kind, and honorable. But to his friends he had changed. In some indescribable way he changed. There was less light in his eyes, and he worked harder than he ever did keeping the dojo up and becoming an officer in the Japanese Government where he now had a high ranking position. He was one of the two Head Detectives of over the regions of Japan, Saitou being the infamous other who was transferred from his Tokyo police office.

Shaking his head he was brought to the present. It was time to get ready for work. He put on his required black European suit and walked along the streets until he reached the main government building, and strode inside. Kenshin had almost reached his European style office when Saitou greeted him by his old name.

"Battousai, I hope you remember that the delegates from America should be arriving today." His tone was arrogant as ever.

Kenshin grabbed the door knob, no matter how long he had used these weird doors he would always prefer the traditional sliding panels.

"You don't have to remind me, Saitou, I' am well aware of it, but it doesn't concern me for now that's your department." And with that he disappeared inside the door.

A/N: Hey, minna-san, sorry for another short chapter. Don't worry Sano and all the others will come in soon, and what do you guys think about Kenshin in a government position? Thank you to those you have read, or reviewed either way I'm happy!

CrypticMaidenRK