Spike twisted, frantically struggling against the ropes that bound him securely to the chair. Giving up, he reflected on the bitter fate that had led to him, William The Bloody, terror of the innocent, tied up in his grandsire's home.
The day had started so promisingly. After losing the Ring of Amarra, Spike had planned to return to Sunnyhell, but, at the last minute decided to make one last attempt to recover his property. This had been a mistake. Sure, he'd managed to track down his poncey progenitor easily enough, but, instead of the nice, violent, battle he'd been looking forward to, Angel, (the big nance) had swept him into a bear hug and said: "William! I'm so glad to find you!"
It was the shock, Spike thought grimly. That's why he had been captured so easily. Captured, trussed up like a chicken for sale in a Mexican market, then brought to this surprisingly comfortable apartment to await a fate worse than anything Spike had faced in his decades of unlife.
Torture, abuse, punishment, pain, all this Spike could withstand, but what Angel wanted was far worse; it was absolutely unendurable; Angel wanted to talk about their feelings.
Spike had naturally assumed it was a trick, a further refinement of Angelus's legendary cruelty, but no, it was real. His grandsire, the erstwhile Scourge of Europe had somehow morphed into this, there was no other description: New Age Sensitive Guy. Oh, the inhumanity of it all!
Spike replayed the gruesome scene in his mind and flinched. After being deposited into an armchair, he had dropped into game face, snarled, and had said, "Untie me, you great poof. We'll fight for the ring."
Angel had shaken his head sadly. "Will, I'm so disappointed in you. Don't you realize that violence never solves anything."
"Violence doesn't solve anything? Since when!" Spike had shouted. "I'm going to rip your head off!"
Much to his surprise, Angel merely smiled beatifically and said: "Will, I'm sensing some hostility from you".
"You're bloody well right I'm hostile!" Spike had yelled. "You stole my ring! You slept with Drusilla! You turned into a sickening do-gooder, you great big poofter!"
Angel gave Spike another beatific smile, put his arm around Spike's shoulders and said, "Will, I know we had our differences in the past, but think of this as an opportunity for growth. Now give me a hug!"
Stunned speechless, Spike could only glower helplessly as his grandsire pulled him into another bonecrushing embrace. That had been bad enough, but it had only been the beginning.
On and on it went, a never ending stream of platitudes, new age mysticism and touchy-feely hogwash. After an hour or so, Spike began to long for the good old days when Angelus would merely flay the skin off his back or splash holy water on him (that gag never got old). It was enough to make a soulless monster weep.
What was the poof blabbering about now, Spike thought, coming back to the present.
Angel gave Spike yet another goopy smile. "Will, we need to bond," he said.
Spike shuddered. Much to his relief, the front door opened and Cordelia Chase walked into the room.
Angel bounded over, grabbed her, and said, Who needs a hug?"
"Ew, ew ew!" Cordelia said, making a disgusted face as she pushed Angel away. "Angel, what's got into you? I thought you'd be back to normal by now." Spotting Spike she screeched: "What is that nasty thing doing here?"
"Cordelia! I'm shocked," Angel said. "Spike may be an evil, inhuman, soulless, bloodsucking monster, but he still has feelings."
Cordelia slumped against the wall. "Oh god, I don't believe this," she said. "I thought the effects of the stick were supposed to wear off after a day or so."
Ignoring her outburst, Angel said, "Cordelia, apologize to Will for your insensitive comments and judgmental attitude."
"What!" Cordelia said angrily.
"Cordelia," Angel said firmly. "Okay," Cordelia said. Turning to Spike, she muttered "I'm really sorry for calling you a nasty, creepy, violent, bloodsucking fiend who should have been staked by Little Miss Perfect months ago."
Angel frowned. That apology didn't sound too sincere. Oh well, it was a start. He went back to Will and began to massage his helpless captive's neck, ignoring Spike's attempts to bite him.
Meanwhile, Cordelia surreptitiously pulled a cell phone out of her purse and punched autodial. Speaking in a low voice, she said, "It's me. You've got to come over here right away. Don't ask me why, just do it. All right, Angel's still acting all Mr. Sensitive Nice Guy. No, it hasn't worn off yet. Hurry."
Spike's vampire hearing picked up the other end of the phone call.
"You're on your own, Princess," Doyle said. "I'm not going anywhere near him while he's all touchy-feely."
"What!" Cordelia snapped. "You have to come right over here and de-sensitize him."
"Sorry, no can do. I've got an urgent matter that needs my immediate attention," Doyle said. Spike could hear the sound of a beer can being opened.
"Please, Doyle," Cordelia pleaded. "Don't leave me here with him."
"Oops, I'm sorry, you're breaking up," Doyle said, over what sounded suspiciously like rustling cellophane. "I can't hear you. Call me back later." The line went dead.
A disgruntled Cordelia thrust the phone back into her purse. "Well, I'll just be going then," she said with false brightness. "See you whenever."
"Not so fast. No one is leaving here until we all settle our differences," Angel said sternly. "I don't care how long it takes. Don't forget, I'm immortal."
Spike blanched. Cordelia began to moan softly.
Sensing her distress, Angel's expression softened. "How about a nice cup of tea?" he asked.
Cordy made a strangled sound. Taking that for assent, Angel headed towards the kitchen.
Taking advantage of Angel's absence, Spike caught Cordelia's eye. "Get me out of here," he mouthed at her.
"Take me with you," Cordelia mouthed back.
Spike nodded. Cordelia stealthily untied the ropes; Spike swept Cordelia into his arms and leapt out the window.
Hearing the commotion, Angel ran back into the room. Seeing the open window, he sighed. It was a shame, but some people simply didn't want to be helped.
If they weren't interested in personal growth, there were plenty of others who were, Angel mused. I'll bet those nice lawyers from Wolfram and Hart could use a hug, he thought, smiling brightly.
The End.