Disclaimer: yeah, not mine
Blarg. Ok, tried to upload this earlier this weekend and failed miserably due to problems. Also, I'm really sorry about that crazy long delay. I've been insanely busy recently between finals, graduation (I have a college degree, whee!), moving, Air Force stuff, etc. that my computer has been either off or packed much of the time. Unfortunately the few times it was on I didn't have time to sit and write so nothing was able to be written until about Wed of this past week. And then other stuff came up. Isn't life grand? So I'm really sorry, hopefully it won't happen again. Though it definitely won't be updated until at least Tues or Wed 'cause I have to go out of town again.
Another note: I took down "Someone You Used to Know" after posted their little notice about closing people's accounts who had fics up with full lyrics in them. Since it was a songfic I really didn't want to risk it. If anyone wants to read it it's still posted on my own website in the writing section or you can email/IM me and I'll be glad to send it to you. Thanks so much for the reviews, you guys are awesome. Glad you liked the chapter and I'm thrilled you guys like the story. Thanks to LiseGirardi, zeilfanaat, froggy, snugglebug, starryeyes, mjag, cbw, carbygurl05, harmfan, Radiorox, AB, shirik, eridani, CabbyMcCab, Brittany, BeachChick, EY, macandharmlover, jagnut, and anyone else I missed, I really appreciate them! A few more specific notes are at the bottom. So read and enjoy!
JAG Headquarters
Wednesday
1500 ZULU
Lieutenant Gregory Vukovic was not a happy camper. In fact, he was quite pissed off. He'd been called into the General's office just after lunch on Friday and given some rather irritating news.
"Ah, Lieutenant, have a seat," General Cresswell waved a hand towards the remaining empty seat in front of his desk. Already seated were Lieutenant Commander Roberts, Commander Turner, and another Lieutenant Commander he didn't recognize. Trying to meet Roberts or Turner's gaze he was somewhat nonplussed by the stony way they gazed back at him. Frowning slightly Vukovic made his way to the empty chair which was on one end of the row, right next to the strange Commander. Sitting he eyed the General curiously, confused as to just what was going on.
Cresswell exchanged glances with Sturgis and Bud before directing his gaze to Vukovic. The Lieutenant slowly clued in to the fact that something was very wrong. General Cresswell watched as the typical overconfident mask slipped slightly and the Lieutenant's eyes grew wary. Finally he spoke, "Lieutenant, allow me to introduce you to Lieutenant Commander Elizabeth Matthews, your defense attorney."
Vukovic blinked, stuttering, "Excuse me, sir? My what? Why do I need defense counsel?"
Cresswell fixed him with a stare, waiting silently for the lieutenant to subside. After a moment he did, settling back into his chair though the general could read the irritation and confusion in his eyes. At least he'd stopped babbling. Calmly Cresswell explained, giving no indication of his personal feelings on the matter, "Lieutenant Vukovic you are being charged with disobeying a direct order, reckless endangerment, misbehavior before the enemy, and conduct unbecoming. A week from today there will be an Article 32 hearing on the charges."
Vukovic stared in shock, he couldn't believe it. His mind refused to process the information. How could this happen? Then it clicked and he burst out without thinking, "Colonel MacKenzie!"
General Cresswell arched an eyebrow while the three Commanders simply looked at Vukovic curiously. Cresswell asked calmly though there was a slight edge to his voice now, "What about the Colonel?"
"I uh…" Vukovic swallowed, trying to calm himself. Finally succeeding he asked tightly, "Who brought the charges?"
"The United States Navy," came the bland answer.
But Vukovic was positive he knew the actual origin of the allegations. Mentally he cursed himself and Mac. He'd been so positive she wouldn't do anything to him. It appeared he was wrong. His voice was still tense as he asked, "I see. And what are the specifics of these charges?"
"Commander Matthews will fill you in on the details. You are all dismissed." With that the General rose and turned his back on the small group, gazing pointedly out the window. The message was clear, he was not entertaining questions on the matter at this time.
Irritably tapping his pen on the conference room table Vukovic continued to muse on the recent events. He'd tried to find Colonel MacKenzie in the office, having heard someone mention earlier in the day that they'd seen her around. But the search proved fruitless. He'd also tried her apartment but received no answer, though he did hear barking from that damnable dog of hers. Vukovic heaved an angry sigh. He knew she was behind this but he couldn't get in touch with her to try and talk about it.
He'd tried all weekend only to be told on Monday that she was in Italy with the newly rescued Commander Rabb. He supposed he should be grateful that his lawyer had managed to keep him out of confinement prior to the hearing. Vukovic couldn't even tell if she believed in his innocence. He slammed the end of the pen against the table and watched in annoyance as it flipped out of his hand and skittered across the tabletop. And to top it off, no one would speak to him. Sturgis and Bud only said as much as was absolutely necessary while Jennifer seemed to go out of her way to avoid him now unless she was working.
He was on suspension; the couple of cases he had been assigned Friday morning were promptly reassigned by Friday afternoon. That didn't stop him from visiting the office in hopes of finding out more information, both about his trial and Colonel MacKenzie. Last he'd been told the Commander was still unconscious and the Colonel was assigned to supervise him. He couldn't fathom how she'd managed to pull that off; Vukovic would've sworn that the General would never grant such a personal request. Yet somehow she had and was therefore completely out of reach. A fact which annoys Turner and Roberts also, he thought smugly. Her being in Italy deprived them of one of their key witnesses.
Unfortunately for him, he had a bad feeling that whether she was present or not, the case would be recommended to court martial. And he was willing to bet money that the Colonel would be back in the States in time for that. At least then he might get to speak to her and try to convince her to get the charges dropped. He was a good lawyer damnit, and supposed to be her colleague if not partner. She was a marine; didn't that mean she shouldn't turn on her fellow JAGs or some such nonsense?
His sulky musings were interrupted by the conference room door opening. Turning his head he watched Commander Matthews precede Turner and Roberts into the room. The latter two looked rather grim, but then they'd looked grim ever since Friday. Vukovic didn't anticipate them lightening up any time soon. He wished he knew what Colonel MacKenzie had said to them about the situation so that he could try to counteract the damage. But they wouldn't elaborate on the subject. Every time he asked they simply replied that the charges were based on the events of Iraq. Matthews settled into the chair next to Vukovic while the other two officers took up position across the table. Vukovic straightened, trying his best to convey a good image. Plastering a smile on his lips he waited for the interview to begin, determined to use all of his own skills to try to turn this in his favor.
JAG Headquarters
1630 ZULU
Sturgis dropped into his chair and waited for Bud to close the office door before letting out the groan that had been hovering on his lips for the last hour. Bud half smiled in sympathy and lowered himself into another chair. Sturgis frowned slightly, looking down at the case file in his hand. Slapping the folder down on the desk he looked back up at Bud, "I cannot wait to get into the court room."
Commander Roberts nodded emphatically in agreement, glancing briefly at his own copy of the case file. He scanned his notes, mentally reviewing the interview in his mind. Vukovic had definitely been using his own lawyer skills when answering the questions and Bud had to admit, the lieutenant was good at evading what he didn't want to say. But he was still positive they had a solid case against Vukovic, and though it wasn't terribly professional of him, Bud really wanted the lieutenant to face court martial and be convicted. Looking back up at Sturgis, Bud commented, "We have a pretty solid case. The interview went ok for us."
Sturgis nodded in agreement, "Yeah it did. Could have been better but it also could have been much worse." He paused, "I just hope Mac and Harm are doing alright."
Bud didn't miss the flicker of guilt in the Commander's eyes. He opted against asking about it though, figuring if the other man wanted to speak about it he would. Instead he stated with as much confidence as he could muster, "I'm sure they're doing great, sir. They've gotten through tough situations before, they'll be fine."
Sturgis smiled sadly and asked, "Will they?" Shaking of the sudden melancholy he straightened, "You're right, Bud, they'll be fine." Holding up a finger to forestall Bud's reply Sturgis picked up the phone as it rang. He flipped the case file open absently, glancing at it as he spoke into the receiver, "Commander Turner."
Bud watched curiously as Sturgis suddenly looked up from the file, a look somewhere between glee and worry crossing his face. Sturgis listened intently to the person on the other end of the line, nodding every once in a while in a silent agreement that the caller couldn't see. After a few moments he spoke again, "That's great news, we'll be there." He paused again, "Ok, thanks, see you two there then." Dropping the phone back into the cradle he gazed at it for a moment before looking up at the puzzled Lieutenant Commander sitting across from him. Slowly he smiled, an honestly happy smile for the first time in days as he explained, "That was Mac. Harm and her and coming back to Stateside tomorrow."
Bud grinned, "That's great news!" The grin slipped slightly at the look on Sturgis' face. Carefully he asked, "Is there something wrong, sir?"
Sturgis took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Slowly he replied, "Mac implied that there might be some complications."
"Complications? Like what?"
"With Harm, I got the distinct impression everything is not as well as it should be."
"Did she say what was wrong?"
"No. Actually, she didn't say there was anything wrong though she did say we should be ready for anything."
Bud nodded thoughtfully, pondering this information. They'd all been so happy when the news had come in that Harm had been found. Now it looked as though that news was not all it was cracked up to be. He sighed and looked back at the file, "Well, I suppose we should get moving on this. So we at least have some hopefully good news for the Colonel and Commander when they get here?"
"Good idea, Bud." Sturgis looked back down at the file, snagging a pen as the two lawyers got to work on their case.
Thursday
0100 ZULU
Naples, US Naval Hospital
Harm cracked open one eye cautiously, though the bruises were healing it still hurt to move most of his face. His current position had him staring at the ceiling. Slowly he opened his other eye, wincing slightly as the bruise on his cheek sent of twinge of pain through him. They'd told him the cheek bone wasn't broken but he wasn't entirely positive he believed them. After nearly a full minute he registered that Mac hadn't spoken to him. He began to panic before the more logical portion of his mind told him that she could be sleeping.
Calming down, Harm softly called, trying to peer out of the corner of his eye at her, "Mac?" The position of his head, unfortunately, didn't lend itself well to being able to see the chair she was usually in. Resigning himself, he slowly twisted his head sideways so he could look at her, calling again, "Mac?"
When Harm's gaze fell on the empty chair positioned next to the bed his breath caught in his throat. Almost immediately his mind moved into full-scale panic despite the rational voice I his head trying desperately to reason the situation out. Raising his voice as best he could he called again, a distinct edge of panic to his voice, "Mac!" What if it was all a lie? Just a delusion brought on by the torture? He could feel his heart rate increase in response to the increasingly terrified thoughts. But despite knowing he was overreacting and needed to calm down he couldn't seem to do so.
He didn't know what he'd do if it hadn't been real. He noticed the doctor and a nurse rush through the door in response to the machines and immediately flinched backwards. Harm pressed himself back into the pillows as best he could, straining to get as far from the newcomers as possible. To his paranoid gaze the two people were taking on the form of a new form of torture. He tried to move his arm to defend himself and felt his control slip even more as he realized he was virtually immobile.
Doctor Williams sighed mentally as he noticed the fear in the Commander's eyes. He hated this part of his job. Though he knew that he wasn't the cause of his patient's suffering, seeing that reaction always made him feel like the bad guy. Glancing around the room he noted the absence of Colonel MacKenzie. Frowning slightly he glanced over at the nurse, "Have you seen Colonel MacKenzie?"
"Yes, sir. She said something about needing to make a few phone calls."
Williams nodded slightly, resting one hand lightly on Harm's shoulder in a vain attempt to calm the Commander. Looking back at the nurse he ordered swiftly, "Go find her, and send someone in with some sedatives. We need him to be calm." Nodding sharply the nurse hurried out of the room. Williams redirected his gaze to the other man, dropping his voice, trying to sound as soothing as possible, "Commander, I need you to calm down. Colonel MacKenzie will be back in a moment, you just need to breathe. Relax."
Harm's eyes finally met his but Williams could see that he wasn't getting through to the younger man. Keeping steady pressure on Harm's shoulder the doctor kept up a low murmur of words, trying to break through the man's fear. It wasn't working very well and Williams found he was oddly grateful that the Commander was in such bad shape. He had a distinct feeling that if Commander Rabb was in any better condition he wouldn't have been able to hold the other man down.
Williams' head jerked up at the sound of the door opening. He felt relief flood him when he saw the marine Colonel limp into the room, followed closely by the nurse he had sent to find her. The nurse was carrying a syringe and hurried quickly to the other side of Harm's bed. She was preparing to add the sedative to the IV when Doctor Williams stopped her, "Wait." She frowned at the doctor in confusion but he wasn't paying attention to her. Instead his gaze was riveted on Mac as she approached the bed. Glancing at Harm, Williams noticed that the Commander too was focused on the marine. Sighing in relief he lifted his hand from Harm's shoulder, sensing that the Commander wasn't going to try to escape any more.
"Mac?" Harm's voice was hesitant, filled with fear. Mac moved to the bed as quickly as she could, taking Doctor Williams' place at Harm's side. Carefully she settled her hand on his chest. Harm felt the tension and fear leave him in a rush. But he couldn't shake the paranoid feeling that this was all a dream and soon he would wake up back in his cell of eternal darkness. Quietly he asked again, his voice still shaking slightly, "Sarah?"
"Hey, sailor, what's going on? You gave that poor nurse quite a scare," she smiled slightly at him, letting her hand slide off his chest so she could use both to pull her chair closer. Settling into her chair, Mac cocked her head at Harm, waiting for his answer.
He studied her for a moment before glancing away, answering quietly, "Sorry, I overreacted to you being gone." She couldn't help but notice he sounded very much like a little boy caught doing something wrong. She also caught the slight hesitation in his voice, accurately reading it as fear that she would hate him for it. Tucking her hair behind her ear Mac reached out and gently grasped his hand, waiting for him to meet her gaze once more.
Mac half-smiled, "Don't apologize; it's a sign of weakness."
Harm blinked, staring at her for a moment before smiling slightly in return. He murmured, "You've said that to me before."
She nodded slightly, "Yeah." Gently she reached up and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead, absently noting that his hair was quite a bit longer than he usually kept it despite the haircut. After a moment she stated calmly, "Harm, don't worry about it. You have nothing to be sorry for." He sighed softly and finally nodded though she could tell he didn't believe her. Frowning she held his gaze with her own, "It's not your fault, Harm."
His lips quirked in a small smile, "Now you're repeating me, you going to start finishing my sentences again?"
Mac grinned at him, remembering the conversation he was referring to and thrilled that he also seemed to remember it. She nodded and replied in amusement, "Only if you begin starting mine again."
His smiled broadened for a moment then dimmed. Quietly he asked the question that had been bugging him since he'd first realized she was gone, "Where'd you go?"
She cocked her head slightly, "Just to make a few phone calls. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you would wake up or I would've waited to make them."
"No, it's fine." He evaded the subject deftly. He wasn't entirely sure himself why he had reacted the way he did. All he knew was that his lack of memories was playing havoc with his self control and Mac was the only lifeline he had. At least, she was the only lifeline he could remember. Cursing his memory loss for what seemed to be the billionth time since he'd first woken up he asked instead, "Who'd you call?"
"General Cresswell," Mac grimaced. Though he hadn't said anything since that first conversation she still felt uneasy talking to the General. Part of her was just waiting for him to spring some surprise on her in retaliation for her disobedience. Shrugging slightly she continued, "Also Colonel Peterson, CO of one of the marine base camps."
"Oh. Why Colonel Peterson?" He couldn't actually remember General Cresswell but Mac had explained at least a little bit of their office environment to Harm during the short periods he was awake. She'd also briefly mentioned the Colonel when trying to explain to him what had happened. But Harm couldn't figure out why she'd be calling the Colonel now since they were done with everything overseas and supposed to be heading home.
"To double check a few last minute details about the plane we're hitching a ride on."
"Right." He glanced away, gazing at the far wall. After a short moment he asked casually, "When do we leave?"
Mac studied his profile thoughtfully. He was doing a fairly good job of hiding it but she could catch the faintest hints of nervousness in his eyes and the motions of his face. Slowly she answered, watching his reaction, "In a couple hours."
Harm nodded slightly, still looking at the wall and avoiding her gaze. He wasn't sure what to think. Part of him was glad to be leaving, he wasn't thrilled with being in a hospital and even less thrilled to be this close to the place that had caused his problems. Though he realized they weren't really all that close to Iraq it was still far closer than he wanted to be at the moment. But another part of him was terrified. He could still only vaguely remember his home. Most of his memories were still of Mac. And though pieces were beginning to come back much of his life was still a blur.
Though he felt vaguely childish for thinking it, he was also afraid that once back in the States Mac would leave him. Sure she'd said she loved him, and he knew beyond a doubt that he loved her. Yet he couldn't help the fear that once they were in a place where more friends were around she wouldn't remain at his side. He knew the fears stemmed from his lack of memory, but despite the small voice in his head that told him she would never leave him he couldn't quite shake the fear. That voice seemed to know more about him than he did, but being unable to conjure up memories to go with the information that kept popping into his head made him doubt the validity of the knowledge.
"Harm?" He realized with a start that she'd called his name at least three times. Finally dragging his gaze from the wall he reluctantly looked at her, meeting her concerned gaze with his own half-terrified one. She frowned slightly and reached out to touch his shoulder lightly, "Are you ok?" Despite the confessions that had been made she wasn't entirely certain how to act, especially not with most of Harm's body in either casts or bandages.
He sighed softly and shook his head, seeing no point in lying, "Not really." He wished he could move his arms and hands enough to reach out and touch her. Unable to do so, he settled for a slight smile, putting as much confidence as he could muster into the expression. "I will be, though."
She smiled back though he could read the lingering concern in her eyes, "Of course you will, I'll make sure of it."
"I just wish," he hesitated, frowning slightly as he glanced away for a moment. "I just wish I could remember more."
"You will. The doctor said to give it time, you suffered great trauma and your memory is coming back." Mac tried to reassure him, though she wasn't entirely certain parroting the doctor's words would do any good. After all, they didn't sound terribly comforting to her ears and she couldn't see why they would sound any better to him.
Harm shot her a disgusted look and she knew that she had been right, the words didn't sound very reassuring to him either. He took a deep breath and after a moment he spoke again, "I know that. But I also know…" he trailed off and paused, rephrasing, "It's like I haven't really forgotten anything. Everything is right there I just can't access any of it, like it's all shut away from me but I don't know why or how to get at it." As he spoke his voice got progressively louder with annoyance. His hand attempted to curl reflexively into a fist and he flinched as pain shot up his broken arm.
Mac saw the flinch and grabbed his hand, frowning reprovingly at him, "Don't hurt yourself, it won't solve anything."
He squeezed her hand lightly with his fingers and let out his breath slowly, trying to calm himself. "I know; I'm sorry. I just…" his voice trailed off and Mac felt her heart break a little more at how lost he sounded.
"Hey… it'll be ok, I promise." She smiled and squeezed his hand gently in return. "I have to go talk to the doctor about signing you out, ok?" Harm nodded, holding her hand as tightly as he could for a long moment before slowly releasing it. Mac smiled at him again and lightly brushed his cheek with her hand before standing and leaving the room in search of Doctor Williams. Harm watched her go then closed his eyes, deciding he might as well get yet more sleep before they left.
1200 ZULU
Bethesda
Mac curled up in the chair next to Harm's hospital bed and studied her partner in concern. He'd been oddly quiet during the flight and subsequent trip to the hospital. Though, she had noticed he'd gradually relaxed the closer to the States they had gotten. At the moment he was surveying the room with mild interest, apparently oblivious to her study of him. Suddenly he spoke and Mac started slightly, having expected him to continue his silence, "I crashed, didn't I?"
She blinked at him in surprise and for a long moment couldn't find the words to reply. Harm turned his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow, curious. Finally she managed to choke out, trying to tamp down on the influx of painful memories, "A couple times, yeah."
He studied her intently; she could read in his gaze the need to know and the unspoken apology for upsetting her. Softly he asked, "The second time… into the ocean?" Mac nodded slightly, unwilling to risk speaking. His gaze grew somber, eyes begging for forgiveness even as he pressed, "Tell me? Please?"
She took a shuddering breath, staying silent for a long moment to give her time to steady herself. She hadn't expected the flight to bring back those particular memories though she realized in retrospect that she should have. Her voice was quiet when she began speaking, "You were flying back from doing your quals. There was a storm and your plane was struck by lightning. You and your RIO, Skates, went down in the Atlantic. We almost didn't find you."
He watched her silently, processing what she was saying even as the memories trickled back. He remembered the flight, the crash, the complete darkness and cold of the ocean. And he remembered the reason he was flying back to begin with. Harm looked away, feeling guilty for making her relive that night. He stared out the window, finishing the story quietly, "It was the night before your wedding. I missed the rehearsal dinner to do my quals and ran the risk of missing the wedding also." He paused and took a breath, vaguely surprised at the pain the memories caused. Looking back on it with the benefit of time he realized how stupid he'd been though there was no way of fixing it now.
When Mac didn't say anything he continued, speaking slowly as he vocalized the memories that had been triggered by the flight, "The first time was a ramp strike. Let me… injured? I'm not sure but I didn't fly for a long time after that." He looked back at her and saw her nod.
"Yeah, the doctors diagnosed you with night blindness, you weren't allowed to fly." She gave him a tiny smile, "But you found out they were wrong and got your eyes fixed. Then you got to fly again."
Slowly he nodded, his gaze searching hers. He vaguely remembered her dislike of him flying but he couldn't remember her actively discouraging it. Though he was willing to concede that could just be due to his lack of memory. Still, something inside him was telling him that she'd never tried to hold him back despite her own feelings. Harm frowned slightly, other vague memories tickling at his mind. Tentatively he stated, "There were other crashes."
Mac sighed and nodded. She supposed she should be happy that he was remembering things but the topic left something to be desired. Why couldn't he remember happy plane memories? She glanced away for a moment, not wanting him to detect her feelings about the memories. Though she personally didn't care to discuss Harm's various crashes she also didn't want to discourage him from remembering anything. She didn't look away quickly enough, however. Realizing she was trying not to dissuade him, though, he was grateful for her willingness to discuss the topics she didn't care for.
He tried to remember more but couldn't bring any more images forward. Sighing in frustration he looked back out the window, wishing the memories would stop lurking just out of reach. Deciding to change the subject he asked, unable to keep the edge of frustration he felt towards the new topic also out of his voice, "When do I get to leave the hospital?"
Mac couldn't help but smile; she couldn't blame him for not wanting to be in the hospital any longer than necessary. And she could tell his memories were irritating him despite his best efforts to hide it. She shrugged slightly, "Honestly I don't know. They're still concerned about your injuries."
He turned his head to look at her, clearly annoyed, "They set all the bones and tied them up, why do I have to stay here? The injuries heal at home just as well as in this stupid bed."
She laughed softly and nodded, "Try telling them that." He grumbled irritably, glaring at her in mock anger for laughing. Mac merely smiled and after a moment Harm returned it.
Huffing in annoyance he looked up at the ceiling stating, "It's still annoying." But the anger had gone out of his voice and she recognized that he was saying it more out of a need to be independent than any real conviction that they should let him out of the hospital. After a moment he asked, "What time is it?"
"0715," she replied absently. She was rather glad that only the General knew when they'd gotten in. It meant no one should be showing up until at least 0900 or so, since they would have to actually go into the JAG office to find out that both her and Harm were back. She felt vaguely guilty for not wanting anyone to visit just yet but she couldn't help it. She looked back at Harm, smiling slightly when she realized he'd drifted back to sleep. Mac settled more comfortably into the chair, content to watch him sleep and wait for the inevitable flood of visitors. She only hoped it wouldn't bother Harm.
macandharmlover some of that is answered in this chapter, a lot more will be in the next chapter
EY thanks for the note, I'll try to work on that!
Brittany yeah it'll continue, at least for a little bit :-)
harmfan well I'm certainly going to try to find time to keep writing:-) Hopefully I'll be able to.