TKS: Requiem for the Show Not Broadcasted

By: Kalabora 001

Episode 1: Twisted Ties

The camera scans around the set of The Kalabora Show. Revealing an empty audience area. As the spotlight moves around various mutant rodents scurry around and the viewers catch a brief glance of the announce booth and see a tail and a large bottle that read "Kile's Sauce. Suddenly the screen fills with white.

From a poor mothers basement in the middle of the south here is your host, Kalabora!

The camera slowly zooms out to reveal an upset Kalabora.

Kalabora: Kile! What the hell was that!

Kalabora points to the screen that shows the main video.

What?

Kalabora: You know what... I thought we were going to keep the show civilized and professional this ti---

Shhh!

Kalabora: cough So, how 'bout this weather...

Kalabora slowly looses his tie and dusts his shoulder off. His eyes widen. The camera moves to the left where we see a pair of glowing eyes glaring at Kalabora peaking through the curtains.

Kalabora: ...cough

Kalabora's eyes dart around.

Kalabora: Tonite we would like to introduce our producer, Retsu. He's a real nice guy who has faith in the show.

Vicious performs a drum roll.

And here because he has to be here is the one the only, Retsu.

Sephiroth's Theme plays as Retsu walks from behind the curtains and walks over to Kalabora. He then pulls at the collar of his black trench coat, and walks to Kalabora's desk.

Retsu: Hmmm... Helper monkey!

One moment, Sir!

The microphone emits a piercing noise along with clopping footsteps and glass shattering noises. Kile runs onto the stage and bows to Retsu.

Kile: Sire...What is your wish.

An slight smile comes over Retsu's face.

Retsu: My blade.

Kile: Yes, sir!

Kile stands up and reaches into his pants, and begins grunting. Shortly after this display he recovers a black katana, then goes back down to his knees holding it out in his hands while bowing.

Retsu: What a foul storage area. But, what can I expect from such a primitive creature. Return to your position.

Kile bends over in front of Retsu.

Kalabora howls with laughter.

Retsu kicks Kile off the stage and points to the announcers booth. Kile scurries up the stairs and returns to the booth, then the familiar sound of a "soda" can opening comes through the microphone.

Retsu: Disgusting creature isn't he. Aye, I suppose that's what you get with vocal animals...

Kalabora stops laughing and looks confused for a moment and returns to his laughter.

Retsu unsheathes his katana and points it at Kalabora. Kalabora runs behind his desk.

Kalabora: Animemaster! Get out here and protect me!

A door creeks open to the right as smoke billows out of it. Shortly animemaster stumbles out of it wearing a tank top and knee high yellow boots. He runs over to Kalabora who is cowering behind his desk.

Animemaster: What is it?

Kalabora points to Retsu.

Kalabora: Protect me!

Animemaster jumps onto Kalabora's desk, and pulls a mop out of his left boot. He motions to Retsu.

Animemaster: Yayy!

Retsu: Idiot...

Retsu moves his sword quickly then puts it back in the sheath.

Animemaster: Come o--!

The desk splits into several sections then falls to the floor along with animemaster.

Retsu: Now... you clean this mess up and get the new desk out here. This one is so two years ago.

Retsu slicks his grey hair back and sits in the guest chair to the left of Kalabora.

Retsu: Let's get on with this interview shall we.

Kalabora: Yes, sir!

Kalabora sits down in his chair. Behind the fallen animemaster.

Kalabora: So...Why do you have so much invested in the show?

Retsu: Insurance.

Kalabora: Heh...And you have alot of faith in it and us right?

Retsu: No...mostly because of the insurance. Enough with these idiotic questions I'm out.

Retsu stands up and walks off the stage. The screen fades to black as we go to commercial. During the two minutes and fifty seconds animemaster stumbles around in his boots cleaning up the wreckage. Afterwards he goes behind the curtain and pushes out a new desk. The new desk is made out of metal and has the words "The Kalabora Show" written on the front in black marker. Kalabora wheels his old chair around to the back of his new desk and sits down.

5...4...3...2...1...and we're live.

Kalabora: Welcome back to the show. Tonites first guest is a ninja. To be more specific a ninja spectre please welcome Scorpion of Mortal Kombat!

Vicious plays a lame carnival music intro. A poof of smoke covers the guest chair. As the smoke clears we see scorpion in the chair with his arms crossed.

Kalabora: Hello, Scorpion.

Scorpion: Greetings mortal. Why have you brought me to this accursed realm?

Kalabora: To ask you questions and I paid you to assassinate Kile Terro leader of the bidi didn't I.

Scorpion: You shall have his burnt tail when I am done with him.

Kalabora: Finally, a new belt...

Scorpion: On with the questions.

Kalabora thumbs through his note cards.

Kalabora: Okay, why do you hate Quan Chi.

Scorpion: Quan Chi killed my family an--

A large flat screen T.V. lowers from the ceiling down to the stage floor. Animemaster moves the T.V. to the left of Kalabora, so it is in clear view of Scorpion. Animemaster then returns to behind the curtains.

Kalabora: What if I said I had video of you and this Quan Chi dancing?

Scorpion: You lie mortal! Shao Kahn is my on-- cough

Kalabora: Roll the tape.

The screen comes on. We see a smiling Scorpion (He is wearing his mask, but we can tell he is smiling due to his eyes.) dancing with a equally happy Quan Chi. The two are dancing in the middle of an empty room. A table in the middle appears to have formerly been the location of a romantic meal for two. The two stop dancing and stare in to each others eyes, then Scorpion walks to the table and motions to Quan Chi to do the same. Scorpion pushes everything off the table and lays down on it.

BOOM

The T.V. glass shatters, and it slowly falls forward to reveal an angry Peter Griffith holding smoking shotgun. Scorpions eyes widen as the camera zooms in on his priceless reaction.

Peter: How dare you!

Scorpion: I-I-I'm sorry, Peter! I couldn't help myself...please forgive me!

Peter: No! I let you into my home, and you repay me by doing this!

Scorpion: But, I though you said you didn't have a problem with me dating?

Peter: I don't...I do have a problem with you going out and eating without me!

Kalabora begins hitting his head on the desk.

Wooooooo!

Scorpion: Forgive me, Peter.

Peter: I'll forgive, but I won't forget!

Scorpion walks over to peter and hugs him. Peter pumps his shotgun in preparation of another shot. He then points it upwards and BANG shoots out a studio light.

Peter: Come on. Let's go home you big lug.

They walk of the stage together. BANG A hole appears in the curtain behind Kalabora. We hear Peters signature laugh.

Kalabora: Wow. That could have been a whole lot worse...anyway who's the next guest Kile?

Please welcome Squall from Final Fantasy VIII.

Vicious plays more dumb carnival music as animemaster walks over to Kalabora.

Animemaster: We have a problem...

Kalabora: What is it?

Animemaster: I lost him.

Kalabora: WHAT! How the hell! Your in charge of transporting the guest! How did you loose him!

Animemaster: We were on the way here in the car, and he asked me to put on pants. So, I did so. Then he asked me what I was smoking, and asked for a hit. A little later I heard the door open at a red light and I turned around and he was gone.

Kalabora: Well, is the next guest here!

Animemaster: Who that drunk robot guy?

Kalabora: Yes.

Animemaster: Yeah, he go here himself.

Kalabora: We'll bring him out.

Animemaster rushes off stage.

Kalabora: Well, folks due to unfortunate circumstances we have lost Squall. But, like all our guest we equipped a tracking device to him and will hopefully find that signal soon. Anyway, Kile please bring out our next guest.

Straight from Robot Hell it's Bender from Futurama!

Vicious plays and really slow carnival music remix. Blender stumbles out with a cigar in his mouth and a bottle of beer in his hand. He walks over to Kalabora's desk and falls onto it.

Kalabora: Animemaster! Get the f$ out here!

Animemaster runs out and quickly moves Bender off the desk and sits him in the guest chair.

Kalabora: What is wrong with him! Did you give him a hit too!

Animemaster: N-No, must be the alcohol.

Kalabora: Alcohol has the opposite affect on him you idiot. Didn't you watch the episode where he tries to quit drinking in the first season!

Animemaster: U-uhh, bye.

Animemaster runs away.

Kalabora: Everyone on this show is fu(ng nuts or f8548d up on something! Dammit, lets get this over with. Bender! What is it like working on the Planet Express ship?

Bender: Well, Kalabora it's great to touch her large circuits a--

Kalabora: That's not what I meant. Let me rephrase that. What is it like working with Fry and the rest of the crew?

Bender: There okay, but they just slow me down. GZZHH

Benders antenna sparks with electricity as we notice an electrical wire wrapped around it.

Kalabora: Oh, Jesus Christ on a st -! Are you jacking-on (see notes at end) again Bender?

Wooooooo!

Bender: Yeah, man it's totally natural...awww...

Sparks start flying around the set and loud popping noises begin. Suddenly the electricity goes off. The emergency lights come on providing little light.

Looks like that's the en-- what the hell! Is that Stewie!

We see a small figure rush over to Bender. It jumps on to bender and begins slapping him in the face from side to side.

: Damn you! You- you tin man from beyond! Victory is mine!

The figure runs into the darkness.

Kalabora: Hey, Kile. How does your microphone work?

Anyway that's all for now. See you next time!

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Next Episode:

We will have Vegeta of Dragon Ball Z, Lois from Family Guy, and possibly and update on Squall!

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Notes:

Jacking-on A robot using electricity to "get high" appears in an episode of season one in Futurama.

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