Chapter 2: Desperate Measures
During dinner, Sirius was engrossed with telling all about his make out session with Ana, but James was not in the mood. With one hand, he picked up his fork and nudged the peas together in an attempt to create a picture, and with his other hand he set his cheek down to rest. It was the cheek that Lily had slapped earlier that day.
"Prongs?" Sirius asked after noticing his best friend's absolute silence, "What's wrong, mate?"
James dropped his fork with a loud clatter and turned his head up to Sirius. There had to be a way to get Lily to like him, or at least look at him without sneering. James and Sirius were both masters of romance, but James was the one who needed the help this time.
"Evans," he said simply.
Sirius' face fell. James had been trying to get Lily to date him for six years. You would think a guy could take a hint and move on, but when James wanted something, he would do anything in his power he could to get it; and James had a lot of power. Sirius never understood why James liked Lily anyway. Besides being beyond beautiful with her dark red hair and emerald eyes, she was a nag. She was too smart, too friendly, too helpful and too much everything. Sirius shuddered at the thought of dating her. It would always be a competition of who was better. Actually, when he thought about it, James and Lily competed very often during class. Their hands would shoot up after every question to see who could answer first, they would both answer in a matter-of-fact voice and they would both be trying to out-do one another (no complaints though, since it got Gryffindor more House points). Of course, since James was a Marauder, no one thought he was a bookworm. Lily, on the other hand, spent most of her time in the library. Sirius shuddered again at the thought of staying in the library for as long as Lily did. Eventually, he would go to an insane asylum if he were cooped up in a room surrounded by books instead of girls.
"What am I gunna do. I can't even get her to smile at me," James sighed. It was so much easier with the other girls. They were perfectly infatuated with him.
"You know what I think?" Sirius asked with his black eyes widening with a plan.
"Do I want to know?" James groaned. Sirius' plans usually went awry, which is why James usually planned everything.
"I think you do," Sirius smirked slightly, "Look over at Evans, Prongs, and tell me what you see," Sirius commanded. James lifted his head to search down the table and found that Lily's eyes were glazed with delight and she had a stupid smile on her face.
"What's she lookin' at?" James asked unable to conjure one thought that would make Lily's eyes shine like that.
"What, or who?" Sirius smiled.
James lifted his head again, this time to observe Lily's line of vision. In front of her was Lucious Malfoy from Slytherin; the next table over with Ravenclaw and Bryn Broom was sitting talking to Ana Belle. Then at the Hufflepuff's he saw Amos Diggory.
"Diggory," James spat.
"Golden Boy," Sirius corrected.
"Pretty Boy!" Remus added, catching the drift of the conversation.
"Why do people like that kid anyway?" James asked as his head moved from Lily to Amos and back again.
"I have no idea. But check it out, he's got blond hair and blue eyes. Freakin' Nazi!" Sirius bit out.
"He's a nice kid, that's all. He's nice, and handsome," Remus stated flatly.
"Cut it out, Moony. You sound like a girl!" Sirius smacked the side of Remus' head.
"What's the plan, Padfoot?" James asked trying to get the gang back on track.
Sirius' eyes gleamed with delight. It took his approximately three seconds to think of this plan and he had a feeling James would actually go along with it.
"Polyjuice Potion," Sirius whispered. James groaned at the thought of having to drink some part of Diggory's body. Remus shook his head.
"There are too many complications. We've got to figure some stuff before James dives into this. You are going to do this, aren't you?" Remus asked.
"I have to. I'm desperate for just one conversation where she isn't glaring at me. Maybe through Diggory I can get her to like me a little. Or maybe a lot…" James thought. Remus shrugged and continued.
"First, where're we going to stow Diggory once James has taken the potion?" Remus asked Sirius since he had thought of the plan after all.
"We could keep him under the Invisibility Cloak?" Sirius suggested.
"Well, how long is James going to stay as Diggory?" Remus inquired. Sirius turned to James so he could answer it himself.
"I think a week should do well enough?" Again, James winced at the thought of having to drink a piece of Diggory for seven days straight since the potion only lasted for a day.
The boys spent the rest of dinner sorting out the details. Sirius came up with the plan to make it look like James was having family problems at home by sending him letter from his mum and dad. Dumbledore would let James go home for a week.
"POTTER!" Lily screamed down the table impatiently. James jumped up; he was concentrating so hard that every sound in the dining room was cut off until Lily screamed his name.
"POTTER!" Lily screamed again. This time James turn around and hurriedly brought his finger up to his lips in an attempt to tell her to be quieter, but already, the whole school was looking at the Gryffindor table.
"Are you deaf, you big oaf!" Lily snapped.
"What do you want!" James asked a little above a whisper.
"I've been asking you at least seven times to pass the damn pumpkin juice!" Lily screeched.
"You're fussing over pumpkin juice?" Sirius asked in a bored voice that made Lily's complaining sound childish.
"How's that shin doing, Black?" Lily reminded Sirius of what happened the last time he made a stupid comment about her. Sirius glared and turned back to James who had flown the pumpkin juice over to her without a word so they could keep planning.
"Why, Prongs? Why her? She can be such a witch, and not in the magical way!" Sirius felt the bruise on his shin to verify his accusation. No girl had ever physically abused Sirius. Ever.
James shrugged. There was something about Lily that was unexplainable. She was such a mystery to him and he wanted to figure out why. All the other girls were to open to him and some even told him things that he did not even want to know, but not Lily. She basically chained herself to a chair in the library and sat there for hours and he wondered why she preferred reading books to dating him. He was the most wanted boy in the whole school and it seemed that Lily did not even notice. She was in her own world and he wanted to be a part of it. James saw how amiable she was when she was talking to her friends and the far away look she had when she was thinking about Diggory and he wanted that all for himself.
"I'm being so selfish," James whispered to himself after realizing why he was going to do this.
Remus overheard, but he didn't say anything. James had a good sense in whatever he was doing and Remus was glad that James realized his motives were selfish. Hopefully with this in mind, James would be careful of what he said and how he acted as Amos Diggory.
"HEY DIGGORY!" Sirius shouted. James whirled on him and covered his mouth with his whole hand.
"What the hell are you thinking!" James asked in a rushed whisper. Sirius licked at James' hand and James, disgusted, immediately pulled it off and wiped the spit off with his napkin.
"Getting a piece of Diggory for the potion, smart one!" Sirius rolled his eyes at James' lack of trust at the moment. Sometimes Potter could be so dumb.
"Hey Black," Amos said in a suave voice as he approached the Gryffindor table.
Lily's eyes followed him all the way and she never snapped out of her reverie until Molly squealed when the pumpkin juice Lily was pouring spilled over the edge of her goblet. Amos looked up to see what the commotion was about and Lily turned away, grabbed her napkin and hid her face with it.
"Stupid, stupid!" Lily muttered into the napkin while her cheeks burned with embarrassment.
Amos looked back at the Marauders who were examining his actions quite closely. It freaked him out for a little while since they didn't usually talk to him. He suddenly felt awkward standing in front of them and so he cleared his throat.
"You called me over?" he asked in his velvety voice.
"Yeah. Well you see, mate to mate, you're getting kind of scrubby," Sirius commented nonchalantly.
"I beg your pardon?" Amos asked. No one had ever called him scrubby in his life.
"Here's the deal Amos," Remus piped up, "We noticed that you aren't having that much luck with the ladies for the past couple of months. Maybe it's because of James and Sirius, and maybe it's because of your scrubbiness. So since you're such a nice guy and you treat the ladies well and we want to keep the ladies happy, we're going to give you a little Marauder Magic."
"I beg your pardon?" Amos asked again. This was the strangest conversation he had had in a while.
James, on the other hand, was so irritated with Amos' "I beg your pardon's" that he wanted to shove a sock in his mouth. Then he'd see who pardon he'd be begging! Remus felt James' tension and slapped his back.
"Marauder Magic, Diggory. It's a…it's uh…," Sirius thought of what the hell Remus could possibly mean.
"A haircut. And Sirius is going to give it to you," Remus said very seriously. James almost choked when he heard that. Putting any kind of sharp object near Sirius was an accident waiting to happen. Even Amos was skeptical.
"Don't worry, Sirius cuts James' hair and he gets all the girls," Remus insisted.
"Uh-huh?" Diggory raised his eyebrow in suspicion.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" Sirius got up and pushed Diggory out the door. Lily stood up in a confused daze wanting to follow Amos to say hello, but once she saw James walking towards her, she sat down and turned away.
"Lils," James approached her and the Gryffindor girls started whispering.
"Potter, I swear…" Lily warned.
"Look, I just wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding yesterday. I didn't want to snog you in the broom closet, Lils," James said seriously so only she could hear him.
"Yeah, you would say anything to get out of being embarrassed from getting your ass kicked yesterday!" Lily bit out and stood up so quickly she startled the girls around her.
"Okay-," James breathed deeply trying to maintain control of his temper, "First of all, you did not kick my ass, you kneed my balls! And secondly, I'm telling you the truth and you're too damned stubborn to accept that I didn't want to kiss you senseless!" James knew that was a horrible way to put it because it made Lily sound like a panting whore.
"Bastard! You're an awful git!" Lily screamed as she raised her knee, but James backed up smoothly avoiding excruciating pain.
Lily glared and plunked herself down in her seat to face the girls who stared at her in disbelief. Lily was never known to attack anyone, but to even try to hurt the James Potter was unheard of! So instantly, though they knew he was completely fine, the girls fluttered to his side cooing comforting words. Frustrated from Lily's outburst he brushed them all off and stalked out the hall.
From a distance, Dumbledore watched the whole seen with a keen eye. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to make Lily and James Head Girl and Boy, but it had to be done. They were the best students in their class and they both had great leadership skills, James especially. The problem wasn't that James and Lily would keep the school in order, but the fact that they would have to live together for the next nine months was unconceivable. Yet, Dumbledore had faith. Somehow, he knew they would get along perfectly well.