Chapter 4: Floods of Emotion

The next morning, James woke up and found himself looking up at Sirius and Remus. They were examining his face closely, muttering, and shaking their heads in disbelief.

"That you, Prongs?" Sirius poked him several times. He couldn't believe that the Polyjuice Potions he had stolen from the Potions room had actually worked.

"Stop poking me!" cranky in the morning, James swatted Sirius' hand and sat up.

"He's alive!" Sirius cried out jokingly.

James sat up, stretched and looked around the room to see if anyone else was still around. He was absolutely exhausted from all that happened yesterday and still tasted the ripeness of the Polyjuice Potion in his mouth; though he brushed his teeth five separate times.

"So? You want to see the new you?" Remus offered with a mirror in his hands. He remember James coming to him in the night and saying something about the letter he had written, but it was all part of his dream and Remus didn't want to bring it up since the boys might think he was mental.

"Give it here," James took the mirror and held it up to his face.

Diggory's face, actually. He had the blond hair and the blue eyes and when he spoke, he realized it wasn't his voice. He wrapped his hands around his throat  and felt the Adam's apple. Remus and Sirius got off the bed and waiting outside the door until James finished changing. James scooped up the books off Diggory's nightstand and flipped through them. He smiled. This was going to be easy! He had never noticed before but Diggory had the same classes as him and Lily! He was even taking the same extra courses as him and Lily! James sifted through the notebooks and found a black leather journal labeled "Midnight Thoughts, from the brilliant mind of Amos Diggory". James laughed aloud and flipped through the pages. He found one the mentioned Lily's name and his and paused to read it.

She's so easy to find in the crowd with her red hair. I mean sure she's pretty, but the way she keeps looking at me scares me a little. I see all these girls looking at Potter the same way she looks at me and wonder why she isn't looking at Potter, too. I use to like her, until she started being extra shy around me and intimidating around other people. The other day I heard she kicked Potter's family jewels. What a deranged girl. That's what turns me off about girls, when they're nosy, nagging and nauseating.

Diggory nailed all the "n" words that could possibly describe the worst girl. But James' stomach clenched to know that Diggory thought that Lily was all these things and he would have to remember that when he talked to her. He was also able to pick up some tips of how to approach Lily as Diggory. So, with a million thoughts racing through his mind, he scooped up his Hufflepuff cloak and dashed out of the dormitory to meet with Remus and Sirius.

"You know you can't keep hanging around with us," Remus said in a low voice.

"Why not?" James asked, almost hurt that they were pushing him away.

"Prongs, you're Diggory. We don't usually talk to Diggory. It would be really weird if all of a sudden 'James' goes home and then 'Amos' starts hanging around us until James comes back," Sirius commented like it was the most obvious thing, but then he got quiet and his mood changed and he leaned in and whispered into James' ear, "So, when you were changing, did you see how long his snake was?"

"SIRIUS! For the love of Merlin!" James pulled back, affronted.

"What!" Sirius shrugged.

"Are you gay?" James stared wide-eyed.

"NO! Not like there's anything wrong with being gay, but I'm not! I'm just wondering what the competition is," Sirius said simply.

"I can't believe you're asking questions like that! You're making me uncomfortable!" James quivered in disgust.

"What—" Sirius began, but James interrupted more loudly.

"Let's just say—that I'm not going to screwing around at all these next two weeks.

"Oh-HOO!!" Sirius hooted down the hall and a few girls glanced their way.

James turned around and spotted Lily coming down the hall. Diggory was right; you could spot that flaming red hair anywhere! Checking Diggory's pocket watch, it was about time for Transfiguration. James waited behind a column for Lily to pass and when she did, he came up behind her and followed her for a good three seconds before he said,

"Goooooood Morning!"

She screamed and dropped her books.

"Oh Merlin," she sighed warily as she bent down to pick up the books. She had been thinking of Amos this morning and was completely out of sorts.

Usually James would be laughing mirthlessly at her for being so clumsy, but he remembered that Diggory would have probably helped, so he leant down and handed her a book.

She muttered a thanks as she grabbed the book, but he held it firm as she tried to take it from him, forcing her to look at him. She tipped her head up.

And nearly fainted.

Amos Diggory.

"Th—tha—tha—thanks," she stuttered stupidly wishing that she could just disappear.

"No problem," James said casually while sticking out his hand to help her up.

This is as much physical contact as you'll get with me, Potter! Her voice replayed in his head the day she ripped up his note, but he smiled knowing that he was going to prove her wrong everyday for the next two weeks.

"I—we—better get in. Side," she shook her head, no that wasn't the word, "Inside. Thanks…again…," Lily almost wanted to skitter off into a corner and hide until she stopped blushing so her cheeks weren't as red as her hair. Why couldn't she talk around him!

James pulled her up and swept his hand through his hair to mess it up, like he usually did while trying to impress a girl, and walked with her the rest of the way to the classroom. She never once looked back up at him when they were walking. James sighed. Again, Diggory was right; she was so shy around the people that she liked.

"Ms. Evans!" Professor McGonagall cried out worriedly when she saw Lily enter with Amos.

"Professor?" Lily cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"Please. Follow me. Quickly now," McGonagall took her arm and lead her out of the classroom leaving James to find Diggory's seat. He had no idea where it was.

"Oh, Diggory!" Sirius called out from the desk behind Lily's. James smiled and wondered if Sirius still had the bruise from Lily's kick the other day.

"Hey, Black," James said in the velvety voice Diggory provided for him.

"I believe Lorraine wants to speak with you," Sirius whispered. James took the hint seated himself behind Lorraine. She turned, smiled, said hello and turned back again.

James was offended.

Never once had a girl refuse to glow with pleasure and melt when she looked at him. Never once had a girl refused to stare shamelessly at him with glassy eyes. Well, without counting Lily of course.

In the hallway, Lily was carefully listening to the worried Professor McGonagall as she talked speedily with her hands in motion, which was quite unlike her. Lily was choking back the fear the James hadn't used the Floo system correctly since it appeared that Adelaide had not seen him arrive at the time he said he would.

"Do you know where Mr. Potter is, Ms. Evans?" McGonagall asked nervously, twisting her fingers together.

"There's something you aren't telling me, Professor," Lily pointed out. Professor McGonagall was never this nervous over a student getting lost by the Floo System; it happened quite often.

"Ms. Evans," McGonagall's voice dropped severely into a whisper that Lily had to read her lips as she spoke, "The headmaster has received two post owls this morning. One came from an owl whose wing was badly injured saying that Marian, James' mother, was sick and needed him home. Then immediately following, Adelaide's letter came saying she has not seen James. She looked at the train station, in the chimney, in the Alley and she has not found him! Ms. Evans, the impact of the accident is so complicated, magic alone is not enough to heal it."

Lily stared at the ground, unable to tell which emotions she felt strongest. Primarily, she was afraid that James would never make it to his parents. She wondered where he could be if he had left so early in the morning. She started to relive her pain from three months ago, when she hadn't been there when her parents died in the hospital beds, one after the other. She felt the fear that when James came back, he would never smile again, would never laugh, and would never care for anything anymore. And finally, she wondered why she cared so much about James anyway. All he had done for her was humiliate her until she would go out with him.

"He left a note for me this morning," Lily finally said, knowing her response was neutral and wouldn't show the lest bit of emotion to McGonagall.

"Really? Does it give a hint as to where he may be? Ms. Evans, Marian is ill as well as suffering from injuries that could…" McGonagall choked on her last sentence and her hand flew over her trembling mouth as her eyes started to fill with tears.

"Oh, Professor!" Lily came to her side and rubbed her back gently as she did James' last night.

"I was Head Girl when she came into our school, and oh-Lily! You should have seen the look on her face when she stepped in! She was absolutely awestruck! We had been close and I watched Marian and Colin fall in love. And then she sent James here, trusting he would be safe despite the fact that both of them are Aurors. We've kept in touch all these years, and to know she's suffering and I can't do a thing to heal it, tears me apart! Simply tears me apart!" McGonagall drew both hands over her face and sobbed shamelessly, letting the walls of authority crumble.

For the first time in her life, Lily understood the impact the Potters had on the Magical World. Unexpected people loved and adored them and blessed them for their protection against Voldemort. She glanced in the classroom and saw James' empty seat surrounded by 29 other fidgeting students who were either anxious to get class started, were listening carefully to the conversation, or who were sleeping.

Of course Sirius was sleeping; he was in the front of the classroom and couldn't hear a damned thing. But James was sitting back in his chair with his eyes closed listening very carefully to the words that Lily and Professor McGonagall had exchanged.

So Remus had sent two letters then? He smiled. Remus was having a lot of fun with this. Even McGonagall was crying over the letters, which weren't even true! He respected McGonagall all the more for caring about his mother that much.

It took a few more moments, but eventually McGonagall had recovered and started the lesson with puffed, red eyes. Throughout the day, James did his best to make sure Lily knew he was always looking at her. And she did. The proof lied in her blush-stained cheeks. In every lesson, it was now Diggory participating as much as Lily, answering in that matter-of-fact voice that James so loved to taunt her with, and giving her sweet smiles every time she turned around to look at him.

Lily didn't know what to make of it. Amos had never spoken so much in class before; he wouldn't have the chance with her and James answering all the questions. McGonagall was even trained to say "Ms. Evans" or "Mr. Potter" after her questions without turning around! But what really stopped her in her tracks was when he actually came up to her after classes and offered to walk her to their next one. She was speechless, so she merely nodded. Every time.

It was nearing the end of the day and James finally decided that he should take her aside and talk to her face to face. The sooner he initiated a conversation, the sooner they could get comfortable talking to one another, then the sooner he could talk about himself and change her view about the real James.

He was bloody nervous.

So with wobbling legs and a rapidly beating heart, he "casually" strolled up to her and stood there.

Just stood.

She looked up at him totally confused why he was just standing there and looking at her.

"Do you need something?" she asked.

James resisted saying "you" and capturing her in a solid embrace while trailing kisses down her neck.

"Hello?" she spoke again. He snapped out of his fantasy.

"Yeah, I do need something," he said simply, buying time to actually think of something he needed.

"Uh-huh. And? What do you need?" Lily was already late for her study session at the library-- by herself. No matter how much she liked Amos, nothing could stand between her and her books.

"I need lessons," James mentally applauded himself for conjuring a great idea. This way, he could see her more often than usual.

"Like a tutor?" Lily's eyes widened. She would tutor Amos Diggory! She would be spending a lot of time with him in that case, and she held back from jumping up and down with excitement.

"Yeah, like a tutor. Divinations. It kills. I don't understand a damned thing," James said truthfully. He figured if he couldn't understand it, neither would Diggory.

Lily didn't know anything about Divinations either! Actually, she thought it was the most absurd class available at Hogwarts. All that teacup reading was a bunch of bullocks and the teacher was morbidly insane. But for Diggory, she'd just have to pretend she would know what she was doing. He was starting to talk to her and she didn't want to ruin her chances of ever speaking to him again.

"Where do you want to take your lessons?"

"Well, you spend a lot of time in the library, so what's convenient for you is convenient for me, I guess."

"What time?"

"Whenever. Just come up to me—I'll be available," James smiled at the double meaning.

"Oh, sure," Lily said almost sarcastically. "Just come up to me," sounded so easy but he would never know that she wanted to faint every time she even looked at him! She composed herself, smiled, and half-ran to her sanctuary: the library.

Later in the evening, she sat on her bed contemplating the possible reasons Diggory was finally talking to her. The most obvious one being that he wanted lessons. Lily smiled. He would get so much more than that after a few lessons! Her thoughts raced on and on and then stopped on James Potter. Where was he? Dumbledore and McGonagall had been at the peak of their nerves on the issue that James hadn't been received at home when his parents were hurt badly. Truthfully, though she begrudged him, she couldn't help worrying about him either. After all, she had tried to comfort him the night before he left, so she couldn't possibly hate him all that much. He was about to embrace the emotional pain that she had been dealing with by herself for the past three months and she understood how hard it was being alone to face it. She fell asleep that night wondering where he was.

James looked at the bubbling Polyjuice Potion in his mug and grimaced. Dropping Amos' hair into it, he closed his eyes, pinched his nose and drowned it faster than Firewhiskey. Immediately, he grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and tried with all his might to get that disgusting taste out of his mouth while feeling his face bubble as he transformed once more into Diggory. While scrubbing, he thought of Lily and looked himself in the eye through the mirror.

"I hope she's worth all this trouble, or I'm going to die from potion poisoning," he muttered.

As he lay in bed, his thoughts raced, landed on Lily, and fell asleep smiling gently with the covers tucked under his chin in sheer confidence that his plan would work.