Anders pulled back his shoulder length hair, Neria kept teasing him about putting it in a tail so he copied her and put it half back an half down. Of course her long silver hair was much past her shoulders down her waist in long soft waves unlike his straight blonde.
" You really 'ought to learn how to heal Neria, I can always teach you." Anders offered his commander once again. She was his lifelong friend, from a lifetime ago in the Circle where they had spent time growing up together. Well he was years older than her, but he had watched her grow up. She sat in her mage warden uniform, it was pulled down around her waist, as he healed the wound just under her breasts covered in black smalls. Her red lips turned up at him. Her lavender eyes sparked in amusement at his words.
" You mean I need to learn how to dodge." Anders snorted at her.
" I'm serious Neria, I don't know how you made it this far, without healing of some sort." Anders offered. His hand against her sun-kissed skin with a blue glow.
" I have friends who heal, besides healing never comes naturally." Neria said and pushed a stray hair behind a pointed ear. Her voice was pitched low and soft. Sultry. She never yelled, she didn't have to. Everyone just sort of shut up and listened when she spoke. It was an addicting voice. But it held command, as well as seduction. Anders finished her wounds and brushed his fingers over the newly healed flesh then nodded.
" You're a protector Neria, you have every skill to be able to heal, you just refuse to be able to do it. You enjoy swinging your sword around too much to be able to stop and throw a healing spell at someone." Anders said and shook his head at the Arcane Warrior. Ever since she learned that skill she never bothered with real magic anymore. She just put her magic through Spellweaver and used it as a warrior would.
" You're just cross a woman can beat you in a spar." Neria said hopping off the table and pulling the ripped armor back on, it was stained with her blood and had a tear across the under part of her chest/stomach where she had been wounded, but she didn't seem to care, she'd probably change into a spare set once she got to her chambers. Anders huffed at her in amusement and disbelief.
" Neria, you beat Warriors in spars." He pointed out with one hand on his cocked hip the other held out in a 'really' sort of way. She smiled at that.
" If I could heal Anders, I'd never take you anywhere and you'd be stuck in the keep, and I know how much you hate that." Neria said and leaned against the exam table she had been sitting on previously. Anders rolled his amber eyes.
" Like you even bring me anywhere anymore anyway? If Nate isn't stuck up your ass, it's Ohgren and the new recruits. " Anders said and rubbed a hand over his scruffy jaw. Amber eyes warm.
" Are you hopping to leave the keep Anders?" Neria asked seriously, tilting her head so her silver hair cascaded over one shoulder.
" I know you hate the outdoors. " She added.
" No, I hate camping outdoors, I hate bathing outdoors, I hate dirt and mud. I like Adventure. The only adventure I seem to get here in the Keep is who ate the last piece of pie an why the Alcohol is always gone when Oghren isn't here." Neria smiled slightly at that.
" Adventure Anders hell, everyday is an adventure. Not as fun as Archdemons and Darkspawn adventures, or escaping the circle, but adventures." She said with a shrug. Anders sighed.
" I don't know Neria, I mean I can't say Templars, and Darkspawn aren't much different from each other. I can use all the magic I want. I can eat pie. No one to knit me sweaters though. Oghnren has someone like that. Kind of a downer. He's the only one of us who has someone like that. Oghren." Anders pointed out. Neria frowned at the familiar conversation.
" I know. " Anders looked over. He knew she knew. She had someone like that once until he told her she had to be his mistress because she was an Elf. Stupid King.
" Look though, where has all your charm gone Anderfels? Did it just vanish? Just sway some lovely lass to your side. You can't have too much trouble." She said with a laugh. It was nice she wasn't dwelling on the past right now after he brought up romance. Especially after what happened between her and Alistair. Anders chuckled.
" Yes, yes, Wardens get all the Attention. Here's this Apostate Warden kinda Handsome, but lives among hundreds of other Wardens, no privacy, no real home, will die in twenty odd years, but hey that Warden stamina." Anders winked. Neria laughed.
" Hard sell. I get it. " She said with a snicker.
" Still, you still have time going for you. There will be someone who is out there wanting to be there for you Anders you just haven't found them yet. Someone who will love you, knit sweaters for you, bake pie for you. The whole thing you've wanted and haven't found. What we've always wanted since the circle took it from us. You'll find it I promise you. " She swore. He frowned at her.
" Don't make promises you can't keep Neria." He warned. She shook her head.
" You know I'd never do that. Even if I have to be the one to Knit you sweaters and bake you pie myself. '' She said with a gentle smile. He blinked at her once, he opened his mouth to respond to that flabbergasted, but there was a firm knock on the clinic doors and in walked Nate. Both turned to him at his coming in.
" Commander." Nathaniel Howe offered Neira Surana. She dipped her head, despite his formal words she hated.
" Yes, Nathaniel?" She asked. Red lips turned down.
" Do you recall the Champion of Kirkwall?" Nathaniel asked.
" The time a mage saved you, how can anyone forget?" Anders snickered. Nathaniel sent him a glare.
" You told me about her, yes, she saved you in the deep roads you were sent to investigate." Neria said in nodding.
" What about the Champion Nate?" Neria asked when he remained silent a moment too long.
" She's here in the courtyard asking to see you, hoping to get you to have the king visit to give her and her party sanctuary in Ferelden with the Wardens, she also mentioned having news of a dead Warden." Nathaniel revealed finally. Neria put a hand to her forehead and sighed. Anders put a hand on her shoulder and she glanced over at him.
" Do you want me to come with you?" Anders asked.
" Not yet. You still need to make more health potions to make up for the ones we took out with us last time. In case we need to go on a trip to bring Alistair here ourselves, please, but do come after." Neria said then looked at Nathaniel.
" Let's see what they have to say then." Neria said.
" You should at least change into your other uniform." Anders pointed out to her ripped uniform she was currently wearing. She looked down at the blood and tear in her uniform. She could change real fast,
" Keep them company while I change. I'll be down momentarily." Neria said then left. Nathaniel glanced at Anders then left without a word otherwise. Anders shook his head.
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Hawke
It had been a long journey from Kirkwall to Ferelden land. Months instead of weeks. They had to weave and dodge every little trail the Templars and Mages alike set out for them. She had sided with the Templars, but as a mage they had simply let go out of thanks for saving the city state. That didn't mean they still weren't after her anymore. She was still a free mage. Champion of Kirkwall or not. And after what Anders did...
Hawke winced in pain. Well she didn't want to think of Anders. It was hard enough. She had to come to Ferelden and ask the Warden Commander to help her while also telling her about killing Anders, it was going to be skirting the line well enough. Merrill was here with her, she insisted on coming even though she would have probably been okay in Kirkwall as she had been alright there since her move in the beginning of her time in Kirkwall. Fenris was also with her despite the fact Merrill was with her, and Isabela wasn't. Isabela had been so nice as to lend them use of The Sirens Call Two and they got to Amaranthine well enough in comfort rather than a foot of water to sleep in for two weeks.
Regardless, Fenris rather come with her then stay with his on again off again lover Isabela, who knew with them. Hawke tried not to get involved even though she and Fenris were pretty close friends. Maybe both Merrill and Fenris were just pitying her after what she had done to Anders. She and Anders had been together after all, and having to kill him had been the hardest thing she had ever had to do.
She regretted it to this day and probably would until she died, but even he was struggling within himself. What was she supposed to do with that information? Let him suffer? He was having blackouts. Justice taking over his mind more and more. What was going to happen further if this was just the beginning? No it had to happen but that didn't mean it didn't break something inside her to do it. She had lost everyone she loved. Her family, Anders.
Now she was on the run asking strangers for help. Strangers whom she just killed one of their own. Didn't that just sweeten the pot? How did her life get so complicated? Why couldn't she ever get a break? Why was it always so bad? Why couldn't she just have a good day? One where no one died and she got good news for once?
They were told to wait in the courtyard for the Warden Commander by a Woosey. So they waited. Hawke wondered if Anders had missed this place very much in his last days, he used to talk about it more and more. As if it were on his mind, but when she commented on it he would stop as if she caught him, and he'd stop and refuse to talk about it more. It made her sad that he'd close up on her. What had he been like back then? Back in this lifetime?
Nathaniel Howe exited out of the Keep to greet them. It was somewhat a relief to see a face she knew at least.
" Hawke. A surprise to see you." He said and held out a hand for her to shake which she took a shook automatically. She was doing a lot of things like that now after Anders death. She couldn't handle things if she did it any other way.
" Howe, Same, though I shouldn't be. It's a Warden Keep where else would you be?" She joked slightly. He nodded.
" The Commander will be out shortly, we just returned from a battle and she had to see a healer." He informed.
" You have a healer?" Merrill piped up, surprised. Hawke looked over to her. Merrill's shoulders flattened.
" It's just, we haven't had one since... and Hawke is only so good at healing spells you know and I'm blabbing again, I'll stop." Merrill stopped, but the damage was done. Howe looked to Hawke who had stiffened, Fenris scowled at Merrill and muttered a curse at her under his breath directed at her.
" Yes we have a healer, he's the Commander's childhood friend from the circle. He has a clinic set up in a room at the back of the keep. He was taught healing when we worked together during our first times out as Wardens with the Commander. He's been a healer since." Howe said simply.
They were saved by a more awkward conversation by the Commander herself coming out, well Hawke assumed it was her, who else could it be? The Elf was a mage, she could feel it despite the sword at her back. She had a mage warden uniform on, and silver long hair half tied back in an all too familiar way she tried not to think too much about.
As she drew closer, Hawke realized she had lavender colored eyes, and red painted lips. She was very attractive. Hawke wasn't expecting the Hero of Ferelden and Commander of the Wardens to be Attractive like Varric had said, but oh well, sometimes Varric doesn't always bullshit.
" Champion? Or do you Prefer Hawke?" The Commander asked, holding out a hand. Hawke took her hand.
" Hawke. And you?" She returned.
" Neria Surana. " They shook. Hawke released her hand and rubbed a hand through her hair.
" Surana, We came at a bad time, I understand. " Hawke began.
" Don't worry about it, I understand what you're going through, when I was just starting out as a warden I was being chased down too, but you understand as Warden we stand Neutral. It's up to the King what he does. It's not up to me what he decides. I can get him here, but that's all. " The Commander interrupted Hawke. Hawke nodded.
" I understand that. We aren't asking for more. I mean I would like to tell you about the death of one of yours. " Hawke said nervously. Neria frowned at her then looked around at them then the courtyard.
" Not here. Come to my office, we can talk there. " Neria offered. They followed her and Nathaniel Howe. The keep was huge and lovely to look at. It was well used and a true warden keep. Wardens of all types were scattered throughout the keep as they followed Neria Surana down rows and rows of floors. Mage, Rogue, Warrior, Elf, Dwarf, Human. All types living in harmony.
They finally found a door that when opened led them into a large room with a desk and a fireplace with several chairs and a large fluffy armchair, by the fireplace Merrill immediately took for herself. Everyone else took a seat or Hawke stood in front of Neria who leaned against her desk facing them all. Nathaniel stood by the door as if blocking them all in, which made Fenris on edge.
" Drinks?" Neria offered. Politely. Hawke shook her head hurriedly swallowing.
" I Apologize Warden, but I'd rather just get this over with." Hawke breathed out a harsh breath, turning lyrium colored eyes to lavender. Neria seemed to brace herself for the news.
" Neria, I...I did everything I could...but." Hawke took in a breath again. Streaded herself and her nerves.
" Anders is dead, I killed him." Hawke said feeling heat and nausea rolled up in her stomach. Neria had stilled. Howe and she shared a look together.
" You said Anders." Neria said way too calmly for having been told that Hawke just killed one of her people.
" Yes." Hawke squeezed out.
" Tell me the story Hawke." Neria said and sat fully against the desk. So despite the fact Hawke could barely stand to speak, she told the story, told Neria Surana things she knew even Fenris and Merrill didn't know about the story of her life and Anders relationship. She told the tale of her life, her love. Of Anders and the things keeping him together, holding him apart, and all the in between. When she finished retelling her tale she took a shaky breath.
" I knew I had to tell you, he spoke very highly of you after all and after the way it ended, I had no choice but to come to you personally." Hawke gave. Neria sighed. She looked over at Nathaniel who nodded and left out the door without a word edgewise.
" So you and Anders were Lovers." Neria observed. Hawke nodded slightly unsure where this was going.
" What aren't you telling us Warden?" Fenris asked suspiciously. Neria's lavenders eyes went to him.
" You're Fenris then? And Merrill?" She looked over at the Dalish elf." Merrill dipped her head.
" How do you know their names?" Hawke asked warily. She never brought it up.
" Zevran mentioned them, he was with you at the end, he never mentioned Anders though." Neria said warily.
" Anders never went with us to meet Zevran and he was... he was dead when the final battle happened with Zevran there." Hawke said still hurt over the fact she had to kill her own lover, who wouldn't be?
" I see, and Isabela didn't accompany you?" Hawke shook her head.
" She did, she's gone off back to Denerium no doubt." Hawke said off hand.
" Not to be rude, but tell me what you're hiding, like Fenris brought out, you know something you're not telling us. You don't seem to care that Anders is dead." Hawke said a bite to her words. Fenris and Merrill stiffened at Hawke words ready for anything obviously. Neria sighed.
" You're right Hawke. I don't seem to care, because he's not dead." Hawke went deathly still. Fenris and Merril exchanged looks.
" I killed him myself, warden I know he's dead!" Hawke said with a hiss in anger. Neria shook her head calmly.
" I know Hawke, but it wasn't Anders." Neria said gently, trying to keep the situation under control, but making it much worse. Hawke marched forward and slammed her hands on either side of the warden at the desk so Neria was boxed in and they were nose to nose, Hawke looking down at her.
" I spent seven years with him! I know Anders!" Hawke growled. Neria didn't even blink at the anger or the fact Hawke was in her face at all.
" You're talking about Justice, not Anders. There's a difference." Hawke snarled at the calm reply.
" He was possessed, we know. It was still Anders' body." Neria was already shaking her head at Hawke's words.
" I'm not trying to anger you, Hawke. Not at all. I'm telling the truth. It wasn't Anders , it was Justice. Just Justice. I know Justice. I don't know how or why, but it was just him." Hawke pulled back from Neria confused, the anger was still there, but there was doubt now.
" And how are you so sure it wasn't Anders?" Hawke demanded. Neria gave her a sad face at all the pain in her eyes.
" Because Hawke, Anders never left my side." Neria said clearly. Hawke stopped breathing. Fenris blinked at her and Merrrill gasped.
" Come again?" Hawke asked in a voice barely above a whisper, it seemed all she was able to get out in disbelief.
" Anders never left my side, Hawke. He went with me to kill the Mother. Justice stayed here at the Keep. When Kristoff, the body Justice was inhabiting, was killed, we assumed he went back to the fade, until now." Hawke was giving her a look of utter disbelief, but under it was hope, so much hope. Neria sighed.
The door suddenly opened and as if to prove her point Anders walked right in as if he'd been waiting on a queue.
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End Chapter:
End notes:
Hello, I'm back and it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I think Five years. This story was wrote down already in the past and I'm changing it around since I heard a song called The Other Side by Awake at Last. It's a good song and it made me thing of what if Hawke and Anders got a second chance at things. So this is for them. It also involves Neria Surana and Fenris later down the road as a couple. I don't have my normal computer anymore I'm on a chromebook so I only have what I have to do, so if there are mistakes they're only mine, I'm sorry about that. I tried to fix what I could. Enjoy reading.