This story is written for the Smartgroups' Yankee Swap challenge. This challenge was to submit a plot bunny into the pot, and take one at random and write a story from that random bunny. The plot bunny for this story is as follows:
"On a mission, Newkirk changes the Plan on the fly because he's convinced Carter will screw his part up - but when Carter does his part perfectly now Newkirk is in danger of messing everything up!"
As usual, I make no claims to the Hogan's Heroes situations or characters.
Enjoy!
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Chapter One - Newkirk
"And then without looking, he squeezed the bellow and the soot came streaming into my face," Newkirk finished explaining. "So you see what I'm trying to say?"
Colonel Hogan sighed as Newkirk finished relating the incident. He looked at the English Corporal, who was wringing his hat in his hands and was clearly uncomfortable about the situation.
"What you are telling me," Hogan said tiredly, "is that while Carter was blowing the soot from the stove pipe, you decided to stick your face in front of the opening."
Newkirk was a bit startled by Hogan's statement. "No," he said quickly. "That's not what I was saying!"
"It sounded like that to me," Hogan countered. He knew what Newkirk was trying to do, and he was hoping that he wouldn't have to come right out and confront the Englishman.
No," Newkirk said again. "It wasn't like that at all." Newkirk was shaking his head.
"Then I don't see the problem," Hogan countered.
Newkirk began wringing his hat again. "Maybe this will help you see what I am trying to say," he said. "You must remember when this happened." He began reminding Hogan of the time when Carter was supposed to lead the Germans to believe that there was a factory outside Leadingham.
When Newkirk finished, Hogan sighed again. He did remember that incident, and how important it was that the Germans were given the correct English town. "The Germans were given the correct information," he said softly.
"But only after you went to Klink's office and gave it to them yourself!" Newkirk exclaimed.
"But in the end the mission was successful," countered Hogan. "And ultimately, that is the most important thing." He stood up from the chair he was sitting in and walked towards his personal locker. He glanced at Newkirk, who was still nervously wringing his hat in his hands. "I still don't see what your problem with Carter is," he said.
Now it was Newkirk's turn to sigh. "I don't have a problem with him, sir," he replied. "He's my friend. It's just that this is such an important mission, and he always finds a way to mess things up."
"And you haven't?" Hogan asked, holding back a laugh.
"I didn't say that," Newkirk said, trying to defend himself to the Colonel. "You must remember the time when we found out about Carter's Indian ancestry. He couldn't even shoot the flaming arrow through the window to hit the passing trucks."
Hogan closed his locker and turned to face Newkirk. He knew this could go on for a long time. Carter did find a way to make missions a little more complicated than they needed to be. But he also knew that in all the time his team had been together, none of them had flubbed a mission so bad that it couldn't be accomplished. When it came down to it, the men had always come through some impossible situations successfully, and that included Carter.
"Newkirk" he said at last. "I know you're simply looking out for the mission. Do you think that I haven't given it enough thought to make the right decisions?"
Newkirk's eyes widened at the accusation. "Oh no, sir," he said quickly. "I just want to make sure that we pull it off."
Hogan walked over to his office door and opened it. He motioned Newkirk towards the door. "I'm glad to hear that," Hogan said. "We need to make sure that this mission is successful and we need everyone to work towards that goal."
Newkirk hesitated and then slowly walked through the open doorway. Hogan followed him out to the common area of the barracks.
"I appreciate your concern," Hogan reiterated. "But you're missing the bigger picture. Maybe you've forgotten about the time that we needed to pass the false information from London to the Germans and Carter volunteered to go to town and get himself captured in order to accomplish the task?"
"Wasn't that the time he met his girl Mady?" LeBeau asked from the washbasin, where he was cleaning the dishes. Hogan nodded.
Newkirk had taken a seat at the table in the room with his back to the door. "No, I hadn't forgotten about that," he replied. "But you remember how he told us of the difficulty he had to get the information to them." Newkirk glanced nervously around the room at the rest of the men. "He'd given up and was heading back to camp when he finally succeeded in passing the information."
"But he did succeed," Hogan insisted.
Kinch was sitting at the table across from Newkirk, studying the latest Allied codebook they had received. He put the book down and stared at Newkirk. "Peter, we've all had difficulties on a mission," he said. "And I think it was a brilliant idea to ask the Gestapo officer for a ride back to camp."
Hogan smiled as he poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the stove. He had forced Newkirk out here so that the other men could help convince Newkirk that things would be fine.
LeBeau piped up as he wiped one of the cooking pots dry. "Oui," he said. "We've all had our difficulties. But we all have also had very good missions – Carter included."
"Right," Kinch added. "Where would we be without Carter impersonating German officers?"
"But, but," Newkirk stammered.
"But what, Newkirk?" LeBeau asked. "Andrew is the best German impersonator among us, and that's what his role is this time. He's the best man for the job."
The barracks door opened silently and Carter entered.
Newkirk began wringing his hat again while sitting at the table. "I'm not saying that Carter is incompetent," he said without raising his head. "It's just that he always …"
"Always what, Newkirk?" Carter said.
Newkirk jumped when he heard Carter's voice. "Andrew, I didn't hear you come in," he said nervously.
"Boy, isn't that obvious," replied Carter sarcastically. "I always what?" he repeated.
"Andrew," Newkirk began. "I, I …"
Hogan saw how disappointed and hurt Carter looked, and how this situation could quickly get out of hand. "Newkirk and I have been talking about the upcoming mission," he said.
Carter shot a look at Newkirk. "And he thinks I'm going to mess it up?" Carter asked. "Well, thanks a lot, buddy!"
"Andrew!" Newkirk exclaimed.
"Fellas!" Hogan said, raising his voice. "This is an important mission, and I appreciate everyone's concern."
"But he doesn't want me to participate because he thinks I'm incompetent!" Carter exclaimed. "As if he never caused any problems! I bet he hasn't mentioned the time he led a female Gestapo agent back to our tunnels and almost ruined our operation, has he?"
Hogan watched the sting of the statement wash across Newkirk's face. The Englishman opened his mouth to reply, but Hogan cut him off. "Hold it down!" he said firmly.
The room grew quiet, and Hogan could feel the tension between the men. He sighed inwardly, knowing that if he didn't diffuse this situation, the mission was doomed to fail before it even started. He looked from man to man before he spoke.
"Carter, Newkirk – you're both going on this mission," he said firmly. "You both know your parts, and you both know the plans." He paused, waiting for their acknowledgment.
"Yes, sir," Newkirk mumbled.
Carter nodded slowly. "Yes, sir," he echoed.
"Good," Hogan said finally. "This is one of the most important missions that we've had, and we must succeed." He paused, looking at the two men. "Now I have confidence in you – both of you," he said, looking at Newkirk. "And as your commander, that should be good enough. Is that understood?"
Newkirk had resumed wringing his hat in his hands. "Yes, sir," he mumbled.
Hogan turned to look at Carter expectantly.
"Yes, sir," Carter said. "I'll do my part, even if I am incompetent." He turned and left the barracks, slamming the door behind him.
Newkirk flinched at the sound, but didn't turn around. He felt the eyes of every man in the barracks upon him, and he felt very small.
Hogan turned towards Newkirk. "Newkirk!" he said angrily.
"Yes, sir," Newkirk replied, rising from the table. "I'll go talk to him straight away."
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Newkirk sighed and rolled over on the hard bunk in the dark Gestapo cell. He had been haunted by the hurt look in his friend's eyes ever since he had been thrown into this cell. "I was only looking out for the mission," he explained to the stone wall. His words echoed in the quiet.
Newkirk let out a sardonic laugh. Right. I was so concerned about Andrew screwing up that I decided to deviate from the plans, he thought. And now who's sitting in the Gestapo jail cell.
Newkirk sat up, deciding that sleep would be impossible. Peter, old boy, when you mess things up, you really mess things up. Not only is the mission shot, but you probably will be too – and soon. This is another fine mess you've gotten yourself into. He leaned back against the cold stone wall. At least this isn't the Hammelburg Gestapo headquarters. Old Hochstetter would really love to be the one to shoot one of the boys from Stalag 13.
The thought of Stalag 13 brought a pang of hurt with it. Right now, Andrew is probably back at camp telling the Colonel I messed things up and got myself captured, he thought. Maybe the Colonel will come up with a plan to salvage the mission and get me out of here as well. He shook his head at the thought. "On second thought," he said softly. "I think I'd rather face the Gestapo than the Colonel."