Chapter 9: Drawn Conclusions
"Amos…" Lily whispered as she dared to stretch out her hand. She laid it upon his chest, which seemed to rise and fall with a steady breath and she felt his heart beating. He was alive, and yet asleep. She tried to wake him by whispering, poking and shaking him, but his eyes would not meet hers. He seemed to be under a spell.
"What happened to you!" she whispered urgently, expecting an answer. She had just seen him minutes ago walking away from her door when he was sure she had locked it. There was no way he could have apparated into James' room. And why would he want to? Maybe Voldemort never wasted anytime getting revenge on his enemies.
"That can't be possible," Lily muttered while staring at Amos' face as if it would give her a hint. Lily had broken Voldemort's wand and he was not strong enough to work magic without it. Finally, she assumed it was one of the Marauder boys playing a trick on her. After all, James had not been home for a while and they could not last more than two weeks without playing a prank on someone for entertainment, even if their ringmaster was not there.
"Where the hell is he…"
Lily's thoughts shifted from Amos to James and she began to worry again. For two weeks, he had been missing and apparently, he never went after Voldemort, so where would he be hiding? Why would he be hiding? Taking one last look at Amos, Lily decided to take it to the Headmaster even though it was late. If James had not been received at home by now, obviously something was wrong and if Dumbledore did not realize it, then he the school gave him more credit than he deserved. Also, Lily was certain that Amos had not gone to Dumbledore's office to tell him about Voldemort because his top priority was keeping Lily in her room. Nevertheless, Lily swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to the Dumbledore's office. Passing the pictures along the side of the wall, most of who were sleeping, the ones who were awake smiled at her as though they knew something she did not. She turned the corner and walked straight into the caretaker, Hardin Filch, with a sound thud.
Scared out of her mind since she did not expect anyone to be roaming the halls, Lily wanted to scream, but it came out as a squeak.
"You!" Filch pointed his bony finger to her face, "Go back to your room, now!"
"My name is Lily and—"
"I wouldn't care if your name was Lassie! Turn around! Do you have any idea what time of day it is?" he waited for half a second before saying, "I'll tell you! It is two in the morning! Now scat!"
"I'm sorry, but—"
"GO!" then he started mumbling fiercely and Lily became more terrified of what would happen to her if she stayed than what would happen if she did not stay. Turning on her heel, she made her way back to the Heads' Quarters, but decided to pass by the Gryffindor common room to see if Remus and Sirius were still awake. If they were, God help them, she would raise a storm about the stupid prank they decided to play on her. When she placed her hand upon the doorknob, she heard loud voices and decided to listen in to make sure that it was an appropriate time to interrupt. Pressing her ear between the crack of the door and the doorframe, she heard Remus distinctly.
"This is your last night as Amos. I hope you remembered that James," Remus was saying in a scolding manner. Lily gasped. She heard mumbling and then Sirius roaring and James gagging. Was that James? Was it really?
" Shut up, Potter! You sound like a squawking turkey," Sirius growled. Lily's eyes flooded with tears and she couldn't prevent them from falling like a waterfall. Covering her face, she ran into the Heads' Quarters and slammed the door. Throwing herself on her bed for what seemed like the hundredth time in two weeks, she sobbed her heart out.
She just couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. She heard it, though. She heard it! Her ears couldn't have betrayed her. Could they? Sirius would never act like that to James; he had no reason to. She had to see him. So once again, she invaded James' room and looked for the cloak that had covered Amos' body. She shivered. It was his body, with no soul. Lying there, it seemed as if he was dead and if his chest hadn't slightly risen, she would be screaming of fear. Quickly, she snatched the cloak away and made she didn't touch any part of the body. If it was good enough to cover his body, it was good enough for her. She wrapped it around her shoulders and checked in the mirror amazed to she her head floating on air. Mesmerized, she opened and closed the cloak over her body and after the fifth time, she stopped realizing she was being stupid and she was wasting time.
"Potter, if you're in there, I'm going to kill you," she thought as she stepped out into the hall once more, this time throwing the cloak over her head to hide her whole body. She was tiny, she most of it trailed behind her. She heard footsteps and saw a dim light from the end of the hallway, held her breath and pressed herself up against the wall. But Filch passed by and Lily continued to breath when she her the steps fade down the staircase.
It took a while for her to get to the Gryffindor Dorms because she was so cautious about making a noise that she ended up taking baby steps on her tiptoes.
"Halata," she whispered to the Fat Lady portrait that was grunting in her sleep. She "mmmhmm"ed and the door swung open. Slowly, Lily entered holding her breath with dread. If it were him, her world would fall.
She thought that she would have to get into the Boys' Dormitory somehow, but there was already someone who was on the couch. A fire had been made and whoever it was had wrapped themselves in a cocoon of blankets. She heard the soft breathing as she came closer, but she couldn't catch the face since he (definitely a he) was turned with their back to the fire.
She crept closer, and closer still…until…
"No", she whispered, not in a painful, breaking voice, but in an angry denial, "No!" she repeated loud enough to stir the air in front of her mouth.
He groaned and rolled over so that in the firelight, dim as it was, she made out every feature on his face, instantly recognizing it and hating it at the same time. Though she wanted to take him by the throat, she settled for storming out of the Dorm room and collapsing against her own door.
It was him! That bastard! That terrible, horrible, stupid little git! Lily started to run out of curses and resorted to throwing a tantrum in her room, slamming the door, throwing the pillow, breaking glass she would have to repair later but didn't care. She had been ultimately humiliated! Remembering every moment she shared with Amos, in reality she had shared it with James! James who was supposed to be with his dying parents, but would rather stay at Hogwarts to make a complete fool out of her! That bastard!
In horror, she realized everything she had ever said to Amos, was James. Moreover, she remembered not only what she had said last week, but what she had said not even six hours ago. She announced that she liked him! And he kissed her! Everything fit! That's why he kissed her...it wasn't Amos…it was James. That's why she always compared Amos to James; because she knew him essentially…the way his ran his hands through his hair in frustration and when he was trying to show off, the money, the broom flying…hot tears jerked at the corners of her eyes and she let them fall freely. They were tears of humiliation and no one could ever hold them back. God, she must have looked so stupid to him. He knew he was manipulating her and he never said anything. And his parents were in the hospital! That was something she would never let go! They needed him and he was here all this time! Making a puppet out of her!
How could she have liked him? She should have known that he was only after her because she hadn't answered his disposal. She should've known better. He was nothing but an insolent, spoiled, cold-hearted, cold-blooded…DAMN HIM! JUST DAMN HIM! There was no one-way to express the rage she was feeling. Her head felt hot, her hands trembled with anger, and if James had the nerve to show up at that particular moment, she would have wrapped those trembling hands around his neck and choked him, no—throttled him!
There was no use yelling at him. It seems that Sirius and Remus had that all under control. But Lily's blood was coursing with anger and she was going to explode if she didn't get him back just as well. Killing him would do, but she laughed bitterly seeing that would only get a kick out of his face when she raised her knife, or wand…but whatever the case, she wouldn't kill him, no…oh no. First, that was a little too overdramatic and second, this revenge was going to be a lifelong torture. He was going to feel the same humiliation she felt, three times as hard every day for the rest of his life once he figured it out!
"Fuck him," she announced to the blackened sky. Through the whole night, she plotted what was to be the best prank in history.
"Will they make it?" Adelaide shook from fear and exhaustion. For a whole two weeks, she had been on the tip of her nerves for Marian and Colin. Colin had not recovered from his coma, and Marian couldn't move her lower body.
"At this point, all we can tell you is that Colin is in a coma—" Dr. Church started off and in Adelaide wanted to smack him for tell her information she had known for two weeks, "and that Marian is paralyzed from the waist down." Again, Adelaide was going to smack him. Duh! As if Adelaide hadn't known Marian couldn't move her legs, she had only told her that every day for the past fourteen days!
"Stupid Muggles," she muttered.
"I beg your pardon?" Dr. Church asked.
"Sommmmmme…water? Do you have some water?" Adelaide cleared her throat. What she really needed was James and some sleep. He only added to her frustration. Within two weeks, he hadn't been spotted anywhere and she couldn't find him anywhere. Dumbledore couldn't find him anywhere, and if Dumbledore couldn't do it, then there was no chance of Adelaide ever finding him. She hoped that James hadn't taken the Floo Powder and landed in some foreign country, or worse—the desert.
"Mom," Marian moaned weakly from her bed.
"Shh, lay still. You'll be okay," Adelaide took her daughters hand. The bruising from the accident had significantly vanished and there were only pigments of purple spots on her body.
"I know. I know I'll be okay, but it's not me…What about Colin. What's wrong with Colin, why won't he wake up?" Marian started tearing. She loved her husband more than anything. They were Hogwarts sweethearts and she had never passed a day without him since. She longed to hear his voice and she needed to see James. She wanted proof that he was alive and well unlike Colin.
"He's still in the coma," Adelaide said, "Comma…coma? I don't know, the stupid Muggle doctor has said it everyday and it's about time he got some new information."
"It's coma. And just as long as it's positive information, then I'll be fine with hearing it," Marian sighed deeply, "What about James?"
Adelaide feared this question everyday. Marian would soon lose her patience if James wasn't here and she was sure that it was impossible to find him.
"No sign of him, then?" Marian read it all over her mother's face. Where is he? She thought to herself. Surely, he wouldn't stay away if both she and his father were in the hospital. Maybe the Post Owls got mixed up? Again, she sighed. There was no way that could happen. Maybe James just didn't want to see them in this condition. Maybe James didn't want to see them at all. She remembered her last conversation with James at the house before he had left for Hogwarts.
James sat at the breakfast table pouring a healthy portion of syrup onto his pancakes and sausages, stabbing it with his fork and knife waiting while Sirius was in the shower, when Colin came in and almost growled.
"Dad?" James looked up, sensing that he was pissed.
Colin didn't say one word, he just lifted up his right hand, from which a red-laced bra hung from his fingers. James tried not to choke on the sausage that was on the way down to his stomach.
"This yours?" Colin asked with intensity, " 'Cuz it sure as hell isn't your mom's!"
" Dad…" James tried to start, but Marian came in all dressed for work.
"Good morn…" she stopped immediately seeing that her husband was holding a red-laced bra that certainly did not come from her drawers. She immediately set accusing eyes on James, "I though we talked about this."
"It's not mine!" James exclaimed in defense.
"Don't lie to me, James!" Marian planted her fists on her hips with the most menacing look.
"He's not lying," Colin firmly said.
"Thank you!" James breathed a sigh of relief.
"Whose was it then, because it isn't mine and I haven't any daughters AND if I did, they would not be wearing that!" she went over to the sink.
" I found it on Sirius' floor when I went to take the garbage from the rooms," Colin sat down in a chair and ran his fingers through his hair.
"That's it. He's out," Marian announced.
"Yeah, I know," Colin said getting up from the table.
Suddenly, James stood up so fast that his chair fell to the floor with a loud bang.
"You can't do that!" he shouted furiously, "You have no right to do that!"
"We do, hun, he violated the rules. I will not allow him to…you know, in my house! On the bed mattress that I paid for!" Marian crossed her arms.
"Your mom's right. This is our house and we told him the rules from day one. It was his choice whether or not to…"
"NO! I won't let you put him out! Dad! He's got nowhere to go!" James appealed to his father, who was more easily swayed than Marian.
"I'm sorry son but the rules…"
"Don't you get it?! He's got nowhere to go! He's got nobody!" James was on the verge of tears. How could they even think of dumping Sirius on the streets. He was like a brother to James! And Sirius would never be able to make a living on his own, it was just impossible!
"Oh, sweetie…" Marian walked over to James.
"Stop it! I'm not a child, Mom!" James threw her hands off of his shoulders, "It isn't fair! He messed up once! If I talk to him, he's never going to do it again! I promise!"
"James, we know that you care about Sirius a lot, but he can't stay. Sooner or later he's got to sort things out with his folks…" Colin said.
"Dad! He can't ever go back! What's the matter with you! Don't you understand? He turned his back on his family because no one would believe him when he was telling the truth! Do you want him to lie his whole life!?" James' temper rose significantly, "All my life you've been telling me that lying is a terrible thing, but you're going to leave Sirius without a home when all he did was tell the truth and his family shut him out?"
"It's not like that, James. It's just that we have rules," Marian said.
"So what, if I broke one of the stupid rules once you'd set me on the streets, too!?" James challenged.
"Hey, hold your temper!" Colin warned, "You're different. You're our son, flesh and blood."
"He's like your son, too! He's like my brother! I will not let you take him out of this house and if you do I swear to God I'm leaving right along with him!" James threatened.
"So go, then," Marian said calmly.
"What!" Colin shot her a look of ultimate surprise.
"If he wants to go, he can go. Sirius is out no matter what. He had rules. No sex. Sirius made a choice to break it. If James wants to go, then he chooses to go. I'm not going to stand here and try to convince him of what's right. He's old enough to do that," Marian turned her back to James after her speech so that he wouldn't see the tears running down her cheeks.
"What your mother's trying to say is that we understand that you're just trying to protect your friend, James, we really do. But Sirius can't stay with us forever and we have to let him go at some point. Maybe he can use this to learn from his mistakes," Colin tried to make James understand since unlike Marian, he wasn't willing to let James wander on his own in the world at his age with Voldemort on the rise.
"No, Dad, I hope you learn from your mistake," James shook his head, disappointed at both his parents. If his mom wanted him out, he was going out. So within five minutes he was packed for Hogwarts and he never told Sirius the story on their way to Platform ¾ and he never told Sirius the story on the train ride and still, the secret has been kept.
Marian lay back on her pillows with tears rolling endlessly down her cheeks. She didn't want it to end like that. She wanted to apologize to James because now she understood how brave he was to try and fend for Sirius and how important Sirius' friendship was. With Colin in the coma, not knowing if he was going to make it, she wanted to James to at least be there to see Colin. It was hard for her to fall back asleep after that and so she sat up all night writing letters to Colin and to James and praying for his return.