Disclaimer: I bet J. K. Rowling has air conditioner right now, and therefore I am not her.
A/N: Sorry all, but I haven't been at my house in the past week or so because we have not A/C and it's at least 100 degrees in the house usually. But right now it's cooling off, and I hurriedly wrote this. Thanks to all my 14 reviewers for the last chapter!
Back Into My Heart
Chapter Eight: Finding Something to Live For
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
- Dag Hammarskjold
Ginny couldn't move at all. Harry was kissing her. Harry was kissing her! But she stopped thinking, and all she remembered was Harry's hand on her face, his arm around her back, and his lips on hers.
They both opened their eyes, drawing back slowly. Harry's arm was still around her, and Ginny stared at him, wondering what they had just done.
"What-?" she whispered, searching his eyes for some explanation.
"Gin," Harry started. "I have to tell you somethig." Harry took a deep breath, but Ginny stepped back fom him, knowing he was going to confess his feelings for her. But he couldn't fancy her! He didn't…
Ginny was incredulous, standing with her mouth opened slightly. She had no idea what to do or say, but she didn't want to hear him say anything about them together. The back door to the Burrow opened, and Ginny glanced back at Harry and went inside, shutting the door in his face.
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Ginny ran upstairs as quietly as she could, and slipped into her room, where she performed a silencing and locking charm on the door. In her mind still was the image of Harry, standing out on the back porch in the cold weather, looking completely lost and confused.
But it wasn't supposed to be the way that Harry wanted it. He had already had his chance, and Ginny and Paul were almost together. Paul had kissed her, just the previous day!
Laying on her stomach on her bed, Ginny wondered what she would do when she next saw Harry. Ignore him? Or just pretend nothing had happened? Her arms began shaking, and she doubted she could do either or the two options.
Ginny could always just talk to him, but she didn't think she could do that either without crying in frustration or worse… kissing him again.
It was a very good thing that no one else had seen their kiss. Ginny would die of embarassment. Hermione would have that smug, I-told-you-so look, and Mrs. Weasley would ask a million questions about everything.
Being with Paul was probably –no, it was- the best thing to do. Paul didn't disorient her and pull her in a million different directions at once.
But Paul wasn't the one that had saved her in the Chamber of Secrets. Although he wasn't the one that had ignored her and only treated her as his best friend's little sister either… Ginny knew she wouldn't be leaving her room until she figured it out, and she knew she would be on her bed for a very long time.
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"Ginny hasn't come out of her room in a while," Hermione commented lightly to Harry, as he walked in the living room, where she and Fleur were talking.
"Yes, we saw her run upstairs about an hour ago. I zink Mrs. Weasley has gone to check on her, and said she is asleep. But she has already taken a nap, yes?" said Fleur, standing up.
"I don't know," Harry replied automatically, lying through his teeth. But Fleur did not seem to notice, as she smiled at Harry.
"Well, I am going to see ze boys at ze lake," she said, walking out of the room.
"You wouldn't really know why Ginny's up in her room, Harry?"
"I said I didn't," said Harry, sitting down on the couch next to her and leaning his head back.
"Did you tell her that you fancied her?" Hermione questioned in the very annoying way of hers, where she already knew the answer.
"No," Harry said stubbornly. "Yes…"
"And? Start from the beginning."
Harry told her what had happened, and Hermione groaned, hitting him on the shoulder.
"Just all of a sudden you kissed her? What happened to not dating right now?" she asked unbelievingly.
"You're the one that was trying to get me to 'admit my feelings,' or whatever! All I did was what you told me to do!" Harry argued.
"You were supposed to calmly tell her, not snog her first!"
"I couldn't help it." Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "And I can't help it now. So what do I do?"
"Honestly, Harry, sometimes you have to figure things out for yourself. Just wait and see what happens is all I can tell you. And don't kiss her out of the blue again!"
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"Ginny, dear?" Mrs. Weasley knocked on the door to Ginny's bedroom and heard nothing.
Ginny froze in the position she was laying in, and quickly acted as though she were asleep. She heard her door creak open, and she knew she would have to put on a good act for her mother to believe she was asleep.
Ginny's old bed groaned under the weight of Mrs. Weasley when she sat down next to where Ginny was sprawled out. Mrs. Weasley leaned over and brushed some hair out of Ginny's face, and she squirmed a little, supposedly in her sleep.
"Shopping must have worn her out. She really shouldn't fatigue herself like that," Mrs. Weasley mumbled, standing up.
Ginny let her breath return to normal while Mrs. Weasley walked back downstairs, and she shifted onto her back.
She closed her eyes again and put her hand to her lips, reminiscing Harry's kiss. It had felt so much better than Paul's, if she had to admit the full truth. Ginny knew in the back of her mind that she would much rather be with Harry, but she had chosen Paul. She couldn't just lead him along like that.
And Harry should've treated her better before, instead of just suddenly fancying her. Maybe they would be together then…
Hermione had been absolutely correct, as usual. Harry did like her. And she liked him. But she liked Paul, maybe not more, but Paul was the sensibile choice to Ginny. Fleur would know what to do. And she wouldn't say 'I told you so' like Hermione would hint at.
Ginny would have to talk to Fleur. But not now; now she wanted to lie in her bedroom and sulk.
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Hey, Gin. Oh, that's great about the hot guy from the village! What's his name, anyway? Is there any news about Harry now? There has to be something… Don't you worry, you're not an idiot. You're used to people talking about magic and owls all of the time, so of course you thought it was normal. This place is so boring! What I would give to be back at the Burrow with you lot. I've been having to watch soap operas too! Something about being good social lessons as I'm so shy. Pfuit. I've actually been escaping by 'taking long walks to improve my physical fitness and mental alertness.' I do think that's the biggest lie I've ever told. I feel so guilty… haha, not. Mostly I've been sleeping, cooking, cleaning, and studying for N.E.W.T.s. How utterly exciting… I'm sure you're having a much more eventful time than me. Write back! With a loooooong letter! –Cathy.
Cathy, you'll never believe everything that's happened in the past… two days since I last wrote you. Yes, it has been eventful, but I'd rather exchange it for a boring break like yours. You could always teach her ancient pet lizard some new tricks, haha. Anyway, since you've left there's been a lot going on. I've been spending a good bit of time with Paul (from the village), walking around the village and such. And the day after you left, he kissed me! Everyone in my family now knows of Paul, plus Hermione, Harry, and Fleur. Harry's been acting odd whenver Paul is mentioned, and now I know why. Tell you that in a minute. And then, yesterday, Fleur, Hermione, Ron, Harry, and I went to Diagon Alley for Christmas presents. I sent you yours and you should've gotten it by the time you get this. So, yesterday Harry and I were talking, and it was cold and his arm was around my back (shut up, I know you're laughing by now), and suddenly he kissed me! Just like that. And then he was about to confess his undying love or something, and I ran upstairs to my room, and haven't come out since. And it's nearing lunchtime. I wish I could ask you what to do, but you probably won't get this letter until it's too late. I'll talk to you soon with more 'news' of my sad love life. -Gin.
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Stretching out on her bed again, Ginny heard someone coming down the hallway. She held her breath and hoped that they were not coming in to her room to bother her, but the door opened anyway.
"Gin?" Hermione called, walking into the bedroom. "Oh, give it up. I know you're awake and I know what happened. But did you forget that Paul was coming today?" she said in an exasperated voice.
Ginny smacked herself mentally, and rolled over to face Hermione.
"I forgot about Paul! Is he here now? …And Harry told you?" Ginny sat up, looking accusingly at Hermione.
"Hey, it's not my fault you ran upstairs, nearly in tears, without an explanation. And I didn't force Harry to tell me anything," Hermione lied. "And Paul's downstairs, waiting for me to come back with you. He got a little worried when we said you hadn't been out of your room in a while."
"What am I going to tell him? Obviously I'm not sick, and I don't look one bit tired, do I?" Ginny sat up and slowly got up, walking past Hermione.
"You'll have to figure out something. Not only for Paul, because you don't want to tell everyone about you and Harry, do you?"
Ginny circled around and glared at Hermione. She was acting like Ginny had done something bad, and now she was paying the consequences. It was all Harry's fault! Though she hadn't exactly pulled away…
"Hey, Paul," said Ginny, a little shyly, remembering their last kiss and the fact that just last night she had kissed Harry.
"Hey, Ginny." Paul smiled warmly at her and walked over to her. "Are you sick?" he asked concernedly.
"Oh, just a little tired."
"Are you sure?" questioned Paul, not really believing her.
Ginny could tell, and quickly tried to think of a more plausible answer. "Er, it was PMS," she blurted out, and bit her lip instantly.
"Oh," Paul replied, laughing a little. "So that was Hermione?" he changed the subject.
"Yeah. A really good friend of mine, and my brother's girlfriend. Did you… see anyone else?" she asked offhandedly, thinking of Harry.
"Well, I got a glance of your mum in the kitchen. I mean, I guess it was your mom."
"Yeah, if she was in the kitchen and looked like an older, larger version of me," Ginny smiled and said.
"That'd be her, then." Ginny sat down on the couch next to where Paul was, and he put his arm around her.
She smiled a little awkwardly and hoped to Merlin that no one, especially Harry, walked in right then. Glancing around just to make sure, she leaned back in the couch.
"So, how- how've you been? I mean, what have you been doing since, um, I last saw you?"
"Just working at the bookstore. Buying Christmas gifts for everyone. That sort of thing," Paul answered. "What about you? How was Diagon Alley?"
"Really good. I bought everyone their presents already." Ginny remembered the problem of whether or not to buy Paul a gift, and wondered if he bought her anything.
"Yeah, I was wondering if I could come by again tomorrow and give you a gift," said Paul with a smile.
"Oh, sure! Yeah, I was wondering if I should get you something or not." Ginny laughed a little, a bit more relaxed with Paul. "So I decided to get you something, and if you had me something give it to you, and if you didn't I wouldn't. Sounds silly, I know, but…"
Paul grinned. "It's not silly. Very sensible. I wish I'd have thought of that when I went shopping."
"Yeah. So, um, do you want to meet Fleur and those?"
"Sure," said Paul easily, standing up and helping Ginny from the couch. "Where are they?"
"Actually, I dunno. I'll give you a house tour when we look for them." Ginny and Paul checked the downstairs, which only occupied Mrs. Weasley, who they said hello to again, and then climbed the staircase.
In a while, they had covered the house, finding Bill and Charlie, and learned that the other Burrow inhabitants were outside at the lake again. Paul saw the Weasley's yard again, and the walk to the lake, before meeting everyone else.
Ginny was a little nervous at the likely prospect of Harry and Paul meeting, not about Paul but wondering what Harry would say. But she was sure that they would both be completely nice to each other…
"Hey, Gin!" Hermione called, from the blanket where most were sitting. Apparently, no one had decided to go for a swim in the lake, warmth charms or not.
"Hey." Ginny glanced at Paul who smiled, and the both of them walked over to the group.
"Er, everyone, this is Paul. Paul, meet Hermione again, and Fleur, Ron, Fred, George, and Harry." Ginny pointed to everyone as she said their name, grinning in spite of her nervousness as she reminded herself of Mrs. Weasley.
Oh, Merlin, no, thought Ginny, motioning for Paul to sit down beside her.
"Hullo, Paul," everyone chorused together. Ginny determindely avoided looking at Harry, and instead noted that everyone (except possibly Harry) were okay with Paul so far.
"So you're Ginny's new boyfriend?" Trust Fred to say the worst most embarassing thing he could say. Ginny glared at Fred, making sure Paul –who was laughing and a little sheepish himself- didn't see, and still made sure not to glance at Harry.
"Shut up, Fred," Ginny muttered, also avoiding Paul's gaze now.
"So…" Hermione said cheerfully, trying her best to change the topic of conversation. "Who wants to go swimming?"
Fred and George immediately jumped up and transfigured their robes into speedos for the amusement of Paul, and ran into the lake.
"Merlin, you two! Not everyone wants to see you in speedos!" Ron yelled, looking away quickly.
Ginny bit down on her lip hard, wanting to cry. Of course, her family –well, mostly the twins- would have done everything they could to chase off and/or scare Paul away. She decided she shouldn't have brought Paul, and was about to stand up and see if Paul would go to the village when she looked at him.
Oh, Merlin, he was laughing. Could it be true that he was not completely freaked out? Ginny hoped so, and nudged Paul.
"They're mad, eh?" she joked, trying to make herself feel better. It would not do to start crying. That would only make it worse… besides Paul didn't seem that horrified.
"Crazy," he agreed. "Almost makes me wish I had siblings. Still got Lorelai, though."
"Yeah. Have you seen her?"
"Uh huh. I went and checked on her yesterday and this morning, and everything seems fine. Uncle Arnie still hasn't really warmed to the idea of her being a witch, but I think he'll get used to it eventually." Paul looked up at the other four that he realized were still there and grinned, noticing that Ginny hadn't said anything about Lorelai to them.
"Er, who wants to leave the twins here and go get some ice cream inside?" Ginny thought up, and got up to her feet.
"Sure," everyone agreed and Ginny turned around and glared at the twins again, although they weren't watching her at all.
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"Nice guy." Ginny jumped, not aware of Harry's presence behind her. Paul was up a few yards, talking animatedly with Ron, Hermione, and Fleur. Ginny had been thinking, and wondering if Harry was going to say anything. Harry laughed and put a hand on her shoulder, hastily glancing up at Paul, who hadn't turned around.
"Er, yeah. He's great," Ginny said shortly, trying to tell Harry without words that he couldn't like her. Not after all the years of ignoring her. Not just like that.
Harry smiled a little, and knew that Ginny didn't want to talk any more. His hand left her shoulder, and he walked quicker to catch up with Ron.
Ginny sighed heavily, having had a tiny bit of hope that their first words after their kiss would have been different. But she supposed she hadn't really done anything to help it, with that hope only in the back of her mind, and Paul in the front. And Ginny also fastened her pace, and was soon smiling into the face of Paul.
"So, you like them?" she whispered demurely, chewing on her lip again.
"Yeah, yeah, of course. They're real nice. But… I mean, I get the feeling Harry doesn't really like me. I know it's probably nothing, but what do you think?" Paul hesitated, stopping for a second, and then kept walking.
"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Probably just in an off mood. Nothing to worry about," fibbed Ginny through her teeth. Paul grinned at her and nodded, casually putting an arm around her shoulders with one last glance at Harry.
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"Yum. Zis ice cream is very good, Mrs. Weasley," Fleur commented, scooping herself another bowlful of the ice cream.
"Yeah, haven't had this good of ice cream in a while," said Harry, smiling at Mrs. Weasley and stealing another glance at Ginny.
Ginny sighed a little to herself, growing tired of Harry's glances. Not only was she sitting right beside Paul, but it was becoming harder to want to be with Paul and ignore Harry when she kept seeing Harry's face.
"We're running out of ice cream," noted Hermione aloud. "Ginny, come help me find some more in the freezer."
"Oh, it's not that hard to find. Just-" Fleur then interuppted Ginny, who wasn't wanting to leave Paul and Harry together without her.
"Come on," Fleur said, grasping Ginny by the arm with a weird glaeam in her eye. Ginny reluctantly followed Hermione and Fleur to the freezer in the other room.
Before even opening the freezer, Hermione and Fleur cornered Ginny with eager looks on their faces.
"Did you see Harry glancing at you?"
"And what was he saying when we were walking here?"
"And what was Paul saying?"
Ginny put her hands up, and stepped from in front of them to the freezer. "Nothing, really."
"Bullshit," swore Fleur, leaning on the freezer.
"Fleur, don't swear. And Ginny, we deserve to know, honestly," Hermione lectured, waiting expectantly, and remind Ginny of Parvati and Lavender from Hogwarts.
"You don't deserve to know," Ginny corrected. "But I may as well tell you two anyway."
"Continue, please." Fleur smiled sweetly, ready to listen.
"Well, I'm supposing Hermione told you about last night. Anyway, all me and Harry have said to each other is 'Nice guy' and 'Yeah, he's great.' And Paul told me he didn't think Harry liked him, so I made up some excuse, but I don't think he really believed me. That's all."
"Okay," said Hermione, sighing. "But you have to keep us posted."
Fleur nodded her agreement and Ginny consented, rolling her eyes and getting the ice cream.
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Angelina and Alicia simultaneously apparated into the Burrow's living room, next to the fireplace. Ginny looked around to see who had come, and smiled, standing up.
"Mum, Angelina and Alicia are here!" she announced. The three young women stepped into the kitchen, where Mrs. Weasley had been cooking supper for all of the guests.
"Oh, hello, dears," said Mrs. Weasley, waving merrily, and Ginny rolled her eyes with a smile, recognizing her mother's Christmas spirit coming out. About time, too, as it was already Christmas Eve, although it sometimes seemed that Mrs. Weasley had Christmas spirit all year round.
"Hi, Mrs. Weasley," the newcomers chorused, sitting down at the Weasley kitchen table.
"Oh yeah, Mum. We saw Katie and Oliver at the Leaky Cauldron during lunch, and they're coming tonight, too. I figured you'd cook plenty enough."
"Of course. You know, the more the merrier!" Mrs. Weasley smiled warmly at Percy and Penelope who had just walked through the door.
"Hello, mother." Percy bent and kissed his mother on the cheek, while Mrs. Weasley gave another of her famous hugs.
"Percy and Penelope! So good to see you!" she exclaimed, now hugging Penelope. "Just about everyone's here, except we need to call everyone in the house, and wait for Katie and Oliver to come."
After a few short minutes, everyone had come to the kitchen and helped carry the food outdoors, where there was more room to enjoy the meal. Everyone greeted one another, said their 'Happy Christmas Eves,' and sat down outside at the long picnic table. Warming charms had to be cast, of course, but outdoors was the only option with the whole Weasley family plus others.
The supper was spent with Ginny eating silently for the most part, and occasionally talking to Katie or Alicia. Hermione and Fleur didn't take their eyes off of Harry and Ginny for long.
Ginny only looked at Harry when she was sure he wasn't looking, and then only for a moment. She saw him out of the corner of her eye watching her quite a bit, however.
Most of the meal, Ginny only watched and listened to the others talking and laughing, feeling like she was not included in the scene and only watching it from somewhere else. It was not the first time this had happened, after all she was the youngest Weasley.
Percy and Penelope were sitting together, laughing and talking quietly, as Percy felt his wife's stomach and they both smiled. Beside them, Mrs. Weasley was smiling fondly at her husband, who paused from his talk with Harry and looked up to grin back at her.
Nearer to Ginny, at her end of the table, Katie was chatting with Alicia and Angelina, though she was holding Oliver's hand. Alicia and Angelina were both sitting beside their respective twin, and occasionally talked and laughed with them over something nonimportant.
Ginny saw that everyone was sitting with their girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, or fiance/fiancee. Even Charlie had brought some woman friend of his from work, and Ginny predicted that they would soon become a couple.
But Harry didn't have anyone. Though he "wasn't currently dating," of course. Ginny was sure that he would find somebody eventually, but what about her? The only thing Ginny knew, though, was that she was not in love with Harry, and all she could do was wait and see what happened to her and Paul.
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Hey, Ginny. I had a great time meeting everyone at your house, really. Thanks for inviting me, and can't wait to see you again tomorrow. Happy early Christmas, by the way! On the way home, I stopped by Lorelai's place and she's still fine. Maybe we can go tell her Happy Christmas tomorrow or something. See you again tomorrow, then. –Paul.
Ginny smiled a little, after most people had left from the supper that night. Paul was definitely a great guy. So there was no reason to worry about Harry or anyone else, really…
A/N: Heh. Hope you like it, and not much else to say except… I'm getting my air conditioner back tomorrow probably, and I'll update like hell, I swear. And I only write for reviews, so please take the hint and review. And for the 100th reviewer, which is coming up soon, I'll do something special for them or whatever. Any ideas what?