Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling has a newborn infant that she is probably spending time with at this very moment. I, however, am not a mother, and am probably checking my email for reviews, not attending to a screaming infant right now. Therefore, the conclusion is: I do not own Harry Potter.
A/N: Here it is! Chapter ten, and the second-longest chapter I've ever written. It was a little hard to write at times, especially the ending, but now I like it. Thanks to all my twenty-something reviewers for last chapter! Read on.
Back Into My Heart
Chapter Ten: The Question of Love and Falling in Love
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-Mother Teresa
"Harry," Ginny mumbled, once the two had finally taken a breath. Harry's arms were wrapped around her back, and her hands were on the back of his head. Ginny looked up into Harry's face, only a little shyly.
"Yeah?" asked Harry, now fiddling with her hair with a disbelieving grin on his face.
"I- what are we doing?"
"Snogging," Harry answered, tilting his head at her.
"But, it… we… can't just be like this. Kissing and then avoiding each other? Is that what's going to happen? What is going to happen?" Ginny questioned desperately, suddenly doubting the idea of her and Harry.
Of course she loved kissing Harry. She didn't want to leave his arms, or the taste of his lips. But Ginny had to know what was happening. Should she be snogging someone ten minutes after she had just… broken up with Paul? Even if that someone was Harry. Though she still wasn't about to just walk away from him.
"No. I love you, Gin," said Harry firmly, taking a deep breath. "I always have. But there was always the problem of Voldemort in the back of everyone's minds, and I knew he would kill you. Yeah, it was some stupid heroic thing, but it didn't matter. It kept you safe. But I love everything about you. I love you, Ginevra Weasley. I know I do."
"What?" Ginny asked dumbly. She had been hoping for him to say he fancied her and would she like to be his girlfriend, not vow forever love! Did she even love him? Ginny hadn't thought of this when she had been hoping that Harry would say something to her.
"I love you," he whispered. "I love you, I love you. And I know you do too. No matter about Paul."
"Paul and I… have just decided to be friends," said Ginny, without thinking.
She saw the light in Harry's eye and the grin on his face, and she couldn't help but smile. But inside Ginny wondered what she was doing. Could she be with Harry? He loved her, but she had no idea if she loved him. Would that be fair to him?
Ginny wanted to be with Harry more than anything in the world; to be his girlfriend. But love? She had just figured out that she fancied him a few days ago! Maybe she should go and think about it, talk to Hermione and Fleur…
"Ginny?" Harry said her name softly, searching her eyes.
"Er." Ginny took a step back and looked down at her feet, filling her lungs with air. "Er, I… just let me, er, think about things. I mean, I know I… fancy you. But just… I'll talk to you later."
Ginny took a few more steps back, and then walked quickly into the Burrow, picking up her Christmas gift from the picnic table on the way. She glanced back at Harry only once, and saw him standing, dumbstruck, where she had left him.
Ginny turned back around, hot tears filling her eyes. How could she be so mean to Harry, after he had just told her that he loved her? She was a horrible person.
"Ginny," Hermione said, stepping in front of Ginny as she headed for the stairs to go to her room.
"Oh, Merlin, Hermione!" Ginny choked out, grabbing Hermione's arm. "I need to get upstairs to my room."
Hermoine sighed heavily, and put her arm around Ginny. "Come on, upstairs. I saw the whole thing from the kitchen window, and I can guess some of what you said, but you have to tell the whole story."
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"Hello, Harry," said Fleur, as Harry walked inside and slumped down on the living room couch.
"Hullo," Harry replied dully.
Fleur, who was sitting in an armchair next to the couch, studied him curiously. "What 'appened?"
"Ginny," answered Harry, sighing. "She… I don't understand her."
"What did she do?" Fleur questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"I… kissed her. And she just said something about thinking and walked away. But Ginny said she fancied me… after I told her I loved her," Harry said miserably.
"Where did she go?" Fleur stood up, ignoring what Harry had said.
"Inside somewhere. Probably her bedroom. Why?" asked Harry, but Fleur had already hurriedly left the room.
Harry sighed again, and leaned back into the couch cushions, wondering why girls were so weird.
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Ginny opened her eyes slowly, and rubbed the grit out of them. It was still dark, and she supposed it was going to be sunrise soon. After talking and crying with both Hermione and Fleur for an hour, they had left and Ginny had fallen asleep at only eight o'clock.
She knew she was acting stubbornly and rather stupidly about Harry. Hadn't she had a crush on him for years and years? But he loved her? How could he love her?
But more importantly, did Ginny love him? She knew in the back of her mind that she couldn't be with Harry until she figured out if she did. For one thing, it wouldn't be fair, and another, Ginny wasn't sure if she wanted to have a relationship when it wasn't serious. Besides, it would be way too awkward if they broke up. She had to be positive that it was worth a try before she admitted to loving Harry.
Ginny blew her hair out of her face with a sigh, and turned over on her stomach, her face smushed in her pillow. She didn't have to think about anything right then.
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A few days after that, filled with nothing but lounging around the Burrow with Hermione and Fleur, Ginny was sitting in the living room, continuing reading a book Fleur had lent her.
"Hey, Ginny." Ron plopped down on the couch next to her, peering at the book. "We're going to the lake."
"Who?" Ginny didn't look up from her book.
"Erm, me, Hermione, and Harry. Want to come?"
"Er." Ginny paused, marking her place in the book and then shutting it. Ron didn't know about her and Harry's kiss. Only Hermione and Fleur did, and of course her and Harry. But it didn't seem that Ron would let her out of this. "…Maybe for a little while. Sure. I'll go get my swimsuit."
"All right. Hermione and Harry are upstairs changing too. I reckon I'll get mine on now," said Ron, standing up and wandering up the stairs.
Ginny bit down on her lip, trying to catch her thoughts for just a quick moment, and then followed Ron to get on her swimsuit.
After a few minutes, in which Ginny had taken her time getting a change of attire, she walked slowly back downstairs to find Hermione waiting on her in the hallway.
"Ron and Harry already went to the lake. Ready?" Hermione asked, glancing at Ginny, who had been dodging Harry since their little run-in.
"I guess. Remind me again why we're swimming outside in December?" Ginny rolled her eyes as she and Hermione walked outside.
Hermoine laughed a little and quickly cast a warming spell on her, while Ginny did the same to herself.
"Because we're magical, and can do anything we want," reasoned Hermione and Ginny snorted.
"Can't change back time," she muttered to herself and Hermione only smiled sympathetically.
"Oy!" Ron grinned at his sister and girlfriend as he jumped into the lake with a rather large splash.
Hermoine waved at him as he came up from underwater, while Ginny set her stuff down after a quick glance at Harry. He was treading water next to where Ron was, grinning at his mate, and giving equally swift looks back at Ginny.
Ginny sat down on her towel, and Hermione joined her as they laughed at Ron and Harry's antics.
"Aren't you going to get in?" Harry shouted at the two, trying to act as though everything were normal between him and Ginny. It seemed to be easier than having everything awkward.
But Ginny disagreed, not wanting to be around Harry. "In a little while," she called back as Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up.
"What the hell," she heard Hermione mutter as she dove in the water.
Ginny smirked, knowing how deeply Hermione would blush if she knew that Ginny had heard her language. She really did want to get in the water, as her heating charm was slightly overdone and she was about to break out in a sweat. She ignored it, however, and lay back on her towel.
The spell wore on, however, and Ginny shifted uncomfortably. I want some ice cream, she thought miserably, glancing back up at Hermione, Ron, and Harry laughing in the lake. A very big bowl of ice cream. Or two bowls. Three if I dare.
Ginny soon sat up, exasperated, and stared at those in the water. Oh, dammit. I'm going in, she decided, standing up and diving into the lake in one swift motion.
"Got hot?" Hermione teased, swimming over to Ginny.
"Yeah, a little," said Ginny sarcastically, treading in the water.
She looked over at Harry, who was spluttering from being splashed by Ron, for what must have been the thousandth time, and frowned, ducking back underwater.
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"Arthur bought fireworks!" Mrs. Weasley told Ginny, smiling over at her husband, who was setting a few bags down on the kitchen table. "And because it's New Year's Eve's eve, we can do some tonight, but we'll need to save the majority for tomorrow night. And later."
"Good." Ginny walked over to the bags and looked through the assortment of fireworks.
For a moment, she wondered what her mother would say if all of a sudden she told her everything that had happened in the past two weeks or so. Mrs. Weasley would most likely be slightly shocked and disbelieving that Ginny was old enough to have others love her and be in love. Of course, Ginny would sooner stab herself in the heart that spill everything to her mother… well, maybe not. But still.
"Dad got a lot of 'em," Ginny commented, having finished looking at the fireworks.
"Yes, well, you know how he loves those things." Mrs. Weasley smiled fondly at her husband, who had almost collapsed into a chair from the overload at work.
Mr. Weasley had taken off a few days for Christmas, and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, to be with his family, so he had to work extra during the few days in between the holidays that he had. No one was getting any closer to finding Malfoy and the other remaining Death Eaters, and the minister had almost everyone in the Ministry working on finding them.
In a half hour or so, all of those currently staying or living at the Burrow were assembled on the Weasley's back porch, or just outside of it. Mr. Weasley excitedly lit a firework and grinned in delight as it blew up in the air.
Ginny only smiled a little from her rocking chair on the porch. A little ways in front of her was the dark outline of Harry's form, which was all that she could see of him in the semi-darkness of late evening. Ginny's thoughts were soley on that tall figure.
Things had been made simple for her. Wonderfully simple, actually. Why couldn't she just accept that everything was okay and allow herself to be with Harry? Ginny knew that she was making up reasons for them not to be together out of small things that really did not matter.
So what if she didn't know if she loved him? She might love him, and not know it, seeing as she hadn't thought about it much. But Ginny didn't know if she knew what love was. What was it? Passion, yes, and a wonderful feeling, but what else? Or was it just that? How did you know if you were in love anyway?
Ginny knew one thing though. If she was in love with anyone, it was Harry. Though she might only fancy him… Hermione and Ron were in love, Ginny knew that. Maybe she could ask Hermione.
But, no, she always asked Hermione, Fleur, or Cathy about this sort of thing. It was her problem, and her feelings. Ginny was the one that needed to deal with it, and come up with an answer herself. Even if it took a little while.
Ginny knew she would figure it out eventually. She had to. Hopefully before Harry left to go back to auror training, and she went back to school. But she only had four more days to do that.
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"Happy New Years' Eve!" George ran down the upstairs hallway again screaming. His twin followed him closely, matching George's amount of noise with a smug grin at all of those sleepily poking their heads out of their bedroom doorways.
"Sweet Merlin," Ron said angrily. "Do you two still have to do that every holiday?"
"Happy New Years' Eve, Ron," said Hermione, smiling at her boyfriend.
Ron's look softened considerably, and he grinned back at her before the two disappeared into some closet.
"Don't you think it's a bit too early for that?" Ginny asked grumpily, rapping on the closet door that Hermione and Ron were occupying. Her only response was a giggle and she turned away, slightly disgusted but with the beginnings of a smile on her face.
Mrs. Weasley's New Years' Eve breakfast was by no means less hearty and delicious than the Christmas or Christmas Eve breakfast. Apparently she cooked by the same standards for every meal, though tried her best to make food even better on holidays.
That morning was every kind of muffin known to man, most types of bagels, a hearty load of bacon and sausage, and eggs cooked every which way.
"Wow, Mum, you really do outdo yourself. What time did you wake up?" Fred questioned Mrs. Weasley in amazement.
"Up at dawn, just like every day." Mrs. Weasley smiled at her son, ruffling his hair, as he protested and ducked out of reach to the breakfast table.
Ginny allowed herself to smile as she sat down at the table, Fleur and Bill on one side of her, and Hermione and Ron on the other. She dipped her plate, getting a few muffins and bagels and several pieces of bacon. Mrs. Weasley's bacon was the best thing in the world to Ginny at the moment, and she didn't notice Harry slip into the seat next to her where Hermione had been.
She glanced up, startled, when she realized this, and saw Hermione heading upstairs, claiming to have a headache. She frowned slightly, and tried to think of a way she could ignore Harry without being completely rude to him.
"Hi, Ginny," Harry said quietly. The din of the Weasleys and other talking loudly and laughing overran his voice so that only Ginny could hear him.
"Er, hey," Ginny squeaked and cleared her throat embarassedly. "Hello, Harry," she said in her normal, if slightly uncomfortable, voice.
"How've you been? I haven't talked to you, or seen you around lately," commented Harry lightly, and Ginny bit her lip, knowing that his purpose for the conversation was not as casual as it seemed.
"Uh, yeah. Just been… busy," Ginny said lamely. "Sorry about that."
"No, you haven't," Harry interuppted, a little less casual, but not in a mean way.
"No. I haven't," said Ginny slowly, trying to think of what to say next with her thoughts all in a blur.
"If I… er, upset you… It was pretty sudden, I know. I mean, I didn't even know I was going to say all of that. But-"
Then Ginny interuppted Harry, not wanting to know what he would say. "Er, I'm going to check on Hermione. Later, then."
Ginny stood up quickly and walked out of the kitchen just as fast, grabbing a few last pieces of bacon off of her plate and her mug of orange juice. She didn't, however, go upstairs, but turned to the right and headed for the back porch, where she desperately hoped that no one would bother her.
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"Ginny," Hermoine said hesitantly, after Ginny had been sitting in a rocking chair on the back porch for nearly an hour.
"Huh? What?" Ginny turned around and saw Hermione standing just outside of the Burrow's doorway.
"When are you going to stop avoiding Harry? Just tell him the honest truth," Hermione advised Ginny in a matter-of-fact manner.
"But I don't even know what the truth is! Do I love him or don't I? …And don't answer that. I have to figure out my own feelings." Ginny sighed, and leaned back in the rocking chair, finishing off the last of her large mug of orange juice.
"You'll figure it out eventually," assured Hermione, sitting down next to Ginny.
Ginny wished she wouldn't. She only wanted to be alone and brood with her orange juice and sulk. About nothing. About anything. Everything.
Knowing she was being rude to Hermione, just as she had been to Harry, Ginny stood up and wordlessly walked back upstairs to her bedroom. She didn't cry or scream, although she had locked and sound-proofed her room. She only sat on her bed, staring into space and wondering what was going on .
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"Gin." There was a soft, but pleading, tap on Ginny's door accompanied by the sound of Harry's voice. "Are you in there?"
Ginny licked her lips from her spot where she was lying lazily on her bed. She was eagle-spread, staring at the ceiling, reliving the last several days and all of the conversations. What did it all mean? Did she love Harry? Did he really love her?
She reached for her wand beside her on her bed and flicked it, erasing the spells she had cast on her room. Ginny opened her mouth to say something she wasn't quite sure of, when Harry spoke again.
"Gin?" he called in a louder voice, but kindly. "I need to come in."
"Yeah, okay." Ginny sat up just as her door creaked open and Harry smiled at her, lying there with her long auburn hair fanning out around her.
He walked over to the bed and sat at the edge, a few feet from Ginny's legs. Ginny propped herself up on her elbows, not taking her eyes off of Harry.
"Hullo," she said, not knowing what else to say.
Harry nodded at her and shifted on the bed, his face more serious.
"Had time to think yet?" he asked, looking around her room.
"Sort of. Not enough," Ginny replied shortly, her mind racing with many questions and no answers mere sight of him.
"I love you," said Harry simply. "Do you love me? That's all there really is to it. I'm not lying to you. I love you."
Ginny frustratedly ran a hand through her hair, trying to think of words to explain herself to Harry.
"I… it's weird. Knowing you for years and years –seven years?- and then having a little crush on you, and then it turns to fancying you… hero-worship," Ginny struggled with a short laugh at her last word. "And then I bury my feelings. And I get used to it. It's not that hard. Then, there's Voldemort. And auror training. And Paul… and me still in Hogwarts. When will I stop whatever I'm doing?
Then, suddenly, you say you're in love with me, taking me by complete surprise. And I'm getting used to it, but still not sure if it's real love or it's the truth or whatever. And do I love you? I honestly don't know if it's that deep. What if it isn't? There's always been everything in the way, and now that's the only thing and I think I'm blowing it up to be more than it is. I just don't know about anything. Eventually I will."
"And you'll tell me?" Harry asked softly, having sat quietly during the whole of Ginny's speech, watching her, looking around at her room.
"And I'll tell you," Ginny finished, lying back down on her bed.
Harry smiled a little ironic smile and eased off of the foot of her bed. He took a few steps forward, swiftly bending down to kiss her on the lips, and Ginny forgot what she had just said.
She put her hand up on the side of his face, with her other arm bending to prop her up. It was a sweet, simple kiss, but Ginny leaned closer to Harry, twining her arm around his neck.
Harry put his free hand on the hand of Ginny's that was on his back, and brought it down to her side, leaving it there. He slowly pulled back, and straightened up, as Ginny put a hand to her lips softly.
"So just think until you know the answer. Do you love me?" Harry said softly, and walked out of the door, closing it quietly behind him as he left.
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Ginny spent the rest of the day all around the Burrow, sitting wherever, but was always thinking and wondering silently to herself. She hadn't seen Harry all day, but assumed he had gone somewhere with Ron and the twins, as she didn't want to ask anyone, or really talk at all.
Hermione hadn't been able to get out of her what happened before lunchtime with Harry, but she knew it was something. She contented herself with the fact that all would probably be okay soon and then she could know, while she watched Ginny stare at an old lamp across the living room.
Fleur had decided to spend most of the day with Bill, but Ginny and Hermione both had seen the puzzled looks that Fleur had been giving Ginny. Mostly Ginny had smiled a little to anyone, and turned back to her silence, or read a book without really reading it.
The day passed with little conversation for everyone except Ron, Harry, and the twins, who had apparently gone to Diagon Alley to get some supplies for Ron and Harry's auror training. It was a slow day to everyone, and foggy and cold outside.
Ginny heard the last thing Harry had said to her before he had walked out of her room over and over in her mind. So just think until you know the answer… Do you love me?
Did she? And what was with that kiss? She shouldn't be kissing him like that! He only meant it to be a nice, quick kiss, not some full-frontal snog. What was the matter with her?
Maybe I'm falling in love with him, said that ridiculously annoying voice in the back of Ginny's head. Ginny shook her head, clearing it away for a moment, and laughed aloud to herself. Could she really be falling in love with Harry? Or was already?
She tried to think of everything that she liked about him. He was pretty damn hot, for starters. And really nice, and not one of those guys that only wanted you for sex. That was annoying. And around Harry, Ginny felt like she was really important. He wasn't thinking of someone or something else when he talked to her, and he didn't think of her as the youngest Weasley who could produce a really good bat-bogey hex if you got on her bad side.
Harry knew when to be serious, considering the whole defeating Voldemort thing and all. That was another thing. He was brave too. And in Gryffindor, and well-liked by all of her family and most of the wizarding world.
Harry could always surprise her, and it seemed like he was always there for her, even if he was in auror training. He cared about her. But the most important thing was that Ginny could be herself, without having to worry about what he would think about her. She could do the craziest things, and Harry would join in or do equally insane things.
Did Ginny love him? She was pretty sure that she did by now, with all of the thinking. Not quite positive, not enough to tell him without any doubts, though. But Ginny would just wait until she could. And she was pretty sure that that would be sometime in the near future.
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"I'm going to bed now, I guess," said Bill, standing up in the living room, where everyone had gathered to talk.
It was eleven-thirty and most were yawning, seeing as they had stayed up until two in the morning doing fireworks the night before, and the twins had woken everyone up at a horrible hour.
"But what about ze countdown? Until midnight!" Fleur protested, refusing to stand up. "And ze superstition. If I am asleep at midnight, I will sleep all year! I should be with Bill at midnight, so it will be good this next year."
Bill rolled his eyes, nevertheless smiling, and whispered something in Fleur's ear. Her eyes lit up and after that she agreed to leave. After that everyone decided to head upstairs, not caring about midnight at that point.
Ginny had been hoping for a time to tell Harry that she did love him, but couldn't catch him as he was talking with Ron when he entered their room. She had decided this earlier and was trying to find him alone since he got back, but there was no opportunity. She sighed grumpily, and supposed it would have to wait until the next morning.
In her bedroom, she changed into her pajamas and lay on her bed, her thoughts still consisting only of Harry. Ginny thought again of what Fleur had said about the superstition, and wished that she were with Harry. She couldn't stop thinking about everything, as had been the problem lately, and decided that she couldn't rest until she told Harry the truth.
Sighing, Ginny slipped out of bed and smiled, knowing what she was going to do. She tiptoed into Harry and Ron's room after hearing Ron's snores and knowing he was already sleeping.
"Gin?" Harry asked confusedly, sitting up on his mattress.
"Hey, sorry," she whispered, walking to him. "D'you want to go downstairs for a little while?" she suggested impulsively.
"Er, yeah, sure."
In a moment, both were downstairs and Ginny was doubting her idea. She looked considerably stupid, standing in front of Harry in her pajamas.
"Er, yes?" said Harry, smiling at her.
"I just wanted to say… Wow, I look stupid, huh? Never mind, this can wait until morning I guess." Ginny laughed nervously, but Harry was still smiling as he put a hand on her shoulder.
"No, what?"
Ginny took a breath, and stepped forward. "Er, I do love you Harry. A whole lot. I love you."
Harry only stood in front of her for a moment, slightly surprised, and then grinned the widest grin Ginny had ever seen. He didn't say anything, but stepped forward and leant in for the most passion-filled kiss Ginny had ever had and probably will ever have.
Ginny smiled into his lips as the Weasley clock struck midnight and was not at all unhappy at the thought of spending the rest of the year –or her life- with Harry. She knew she was important to someone who loved her with everything he had, and who she loved more than anything. Someone crazy and kind and a much better kisser than she ever could have imagined.
A/N: Aw! This is my first completed story. Unless you count oneshots and that little three-chapter thing I did. I don't count those, though. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I still need to write and post the epilogue, so that'll be coming later this week. I got too many reviews to respond to everyone, so just thanks to all! Please review. Hope you liked this story!