Dear Readers: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but school was really crazy for me and I had gone down to Florida for a choir trip! Here's your long awaited chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. Another one will be up soon, I hope! It depends on how many reviews persuade me to write faster: ) love, MoaninMyrtle

Chapter 13: To Trust, or Not to Trust?

James sagged against the door he had just closed and breathed heavily. He stood there, unable to do anything other than think about what had just occurred.

Then the most horrible thing happened to him, something that hadn't happened since he was in his toddler years.

His eyes clouded with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

He wouldn't cry though. He wouldn't allow her to take away anymore of his pride. Crying was for sissies; men who couldn't take the pain. He forced himself to take it, even if he didn't like it.

How could she hurt him like that? He had tried so hard and risked so much just to get her to glance at him. He should have known that the stupid cliché about "too much of a good thing being bad for you" would actually be true. He took advantage of his time with her. He should have tried harder to make her see his motives. He should have done it as himself.

But, damn it, she made it so difficult for him to act as someone else when all he wanted to do was take her up into his own arms.

Didn't she realize that everything he did was for her? Just so he could get a shot with her? Why couldn't she see that he would have given up everything to be with her? As stupid as it sounds, it was true.

But, no. She obviously just wanted him to crumble; she wanted to ruin him. She wanted to make him feel so disillusioned by his "romantic" attempts to win her over that he would never trust or love ever again.

That's exactly what she got.

James had thought he was doing well with her. He had gotten her to talk about him after all. He made her see that she really did like him. But now that she liked him, she had made it so that he couldn't even trust her anymore.

What kind of relationship is that, one without trust? Love without trust…is that possible? James asked himself.

He wished he had a love like his parents had. They grew old together and never stopped loving each other, not once. Every time he glanced at them, they were so happy to be together. Nothing could tear them apart. Even at their age, they still flirted and showed affection for each other. He wanted a love like that.

After a long time, he pushed himself off the door and shoved his hands into his pockets. He walked down the stairs, and through the hall in silence.

He hated silence. It made him think too much.

Once on his way, he looked at a picture on the wall, and there was his reflection on the frame. His reflection. Not Amos. It was awkward. He hadn't been himself for so long, he felt as if he didn't even know who that person was in the reflection.

He dragged his hands through his hair. Damn girls. He thought furiously. Damn them and their bitchy attitudes. Damn them and their mood swings! He was walking briskly now. Damn them and their tricks! Damn her for being so smart! Damn her for putting me through hell! He mumbled the password subconsciously and yanked at the portal door when it creaked open too slowly for him. DAMN HER FOR EVERYTHING!

"So? How'd it go?"

James had walked right passed Sirius, hardly even noticing there was another person even in the room.

"What are you doing up?" James growled.

He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be able to bitch about Lily in his mind without having her overprotective stepbrother interrogating him! Even more so when it was his best mate.

"It went that well, eh?" Sirius smiled, but James was on the verge of exploding. It was no time for sarcasm. There was no room to joke. He could tell James had been truly hurt. Anyone could tell. How couldn't you tell?

The boy was a total wreck! His eyes were staring wildly at nothing, but searching for something at the same time. His hands constantly ran through his hair, barely giving it time to settle before his ruffled it again. He sighed every other five seconds.

But what gave it away was his posture. He was caved in, as if he was protecting his center, his heart, from anything else. He slumped as if he was defeated in a constant three-day battle.

"You want to talk?" Sirius asked after a while.

"No."

"Okay."

Silence.

"She's just such a bitch!" James exploded suddenly. Sirius knew James wouldn't be able to hold it in long, so he waited until James vented all his frustration.

"How could she do that!" he said more to himself. Of course, he'd had this whole conversation in his head already, but hearing himself say it out loud would help. The words would get out of his head and stop making his head throb.

"She knew! She knew and she didn't say anything! I could have lost control tonight, and she would have went along with it! That bitch!" James gripped the arms of the couch as if he were going to rip it apart.

Sirius bit his tongue. He didn't say anything.

The room was quiet. James didn't like it. Surely Sirius would not allow James to sit there are call his sister a bitch? There was something wrong. Sirius would have said something by now. But, when James looked at him, it only took a few seconds to read his face.

Sirius looked at James, truly captivated by those quick-analyzing eyes. They could read through anything! It was a wonder why James didn't see what Lily was up to.

But James didn't make that mistake twice.

"YOU KNEW, TOO!" he boomed, positively bolting up from his chair.

"Keep it down, Prongs! People are sleeping!" Sirius tried to quiet him.

"I don't give a damn!" James growled through his teeth.

Here was Sirius. His best friend. His confidant.

Lily's stepbrother.

Why didn't Sirius tell him about Lily's plan? That's the sort of thing a best mate would do. They were suppose to trust each other!

TRUST! Hah! That seems to be the theme of the day, doesn't it? James wanted to physically take the word "trust" and shove it up someone's ass. It had no meaning in his life, not now. It probably wouldn't ever again! Who could he trust if not his best friend, or the person he loved?

"How long did you know about her smart little plan to ruin me?" He mocked.

"Don't put this down on me like I was part of it, Potter!" Sirius stood up.

If James wanted to fight, fine. If James wanted to be a jackass and a prove himself to be plain stupid, he would dare raise a fist to his friend without knowing why. James wouldn't do that normally, but when James was angry, there was no limit to him power. Sirius was ready. But the blow never came.

" I can just see it now! You and Lily whispering to each other, giddy with your newfound friendship! And what with your new alliance? You tell her my secret! That's it. You probably told her everything because you wanted her to like you! Telling her my secrets would make you two all buddy-buddy, is that it? Did you sell me out for someone who walked out on you when you defended her?" James was now arms length away from Sirius, his voice thick with challenge. Sirius had betrayed him, he was sure of it. How else would he have known!

But James was blind. Sirius shook his head. If James kept drawing conclusions like this, especially disrespectful and irrational ones, Sirius was going to throw the punch to make him sorry for it.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I can't believe you sold me out!" James kept on, without hearing Sirius, "After what I did for you, this is what I get?"

James didn't mean to come out like that. Immediately, he shut his mouth and stared at Sirius who had flinched as if he was hurt. James wished he could take it back, but nothing he could think of would make it better.

"If I'd known you wanted me to pay you back for keeping me off the streets—supposedly out of the goodness of your bloody heart—I'd have told you to go to hell and let me go my own way. I could have made it alone. I don't need anyone," Sirius said through gritted teeth.

James was being a prick! He hadn't done anything to James, if anything he thought he had helped James. All this misplaced anger was really getting out of hand.

"But you knew. You never told me," James glared.

"I never told you because I thought she was being smart! What do you expect James? I would have gotten you back, too if you tried to trick me like that!" Sirius sat back down warily.

"It was your idea in the first place!" James yelled, completely frustrated.

"I told you to stop! I knew it was getting out of hand! Look where it's gotten all of us!" Sirius put his forearms on his thighs and looked down at the carpet.

"You should have told me. That's what friends do!" James paced through the room.

This is all too much. He had been betrayed twice in one night! How much was he expected to take? How could his life get any worse?

"Look, I—" Sirius tried to explain.

"Shut up!" James cut him off immediately.

He didn't want to hear anyone talk. He didn't want to be near anyone. He just wanted to think by himself, away from anyone who would hurt him again. He felt vulnerable and he hated it. Absolutely hated it.

Sirius understood and attempted to leave.

"I bet she just used you to get to me," James muttered.

Sirius flared up at that. He'd had enough and no one should talk about his sister like that. There was only so much he could tolerate from James when he was angry.

In three strides, Sirius had picked up James by his collar and threw a sound punch at his left eye, but James didn't fall back.

"What the hell!" he advanced on Sirius.

"Shut up, Potter! That's enough out of you!"

"You're such a little bitch, Sirius!" James shoved Sirius out of anger.

Then Sirius swept his leg behind James' knee and James fell to the ground with Sirius hitting him. James fought back, but a sound at the door stopped them both for a split-second.

"What the hell is going on!" Remus boomed from the boys' rooms.

He ran down the stairs and tried to pry Sirius off James, but he was too strong.

"Stop you're bitch slapping! I swear you act like girls!" Remus shouted trying to get between James and Sirius who were both panting from exertion.

"What's the matter with you two!" Remus shoved them both, "We've never hit each other since the day we met! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Potter's being a pansy!" Sirius said.

"Shut up! You think you're special 'cuz you're Lily's little bitch now?" James scoffed.

"What!"

"That's enough," Remus said in a commanding tone. He was not one to be heated, but he was fed up with all this childishness. They had been friends for what seemed like forever and they were fighting for pride. If there was one thing Remus couldn't stand, was a cocky man.

He was just about to threaten James by telling on him, but that threat carried out even before it was issued.

The door burst open and slammed against the sidewall, which made James, Sirius and Remus jump a little.

A very angry McGonagall was standing next to Dumbledore with her wand ready and her other hand on her hips. Dumbledore, on the other hand, was quite serene as always.

"Mr. Potter, how lovely to see you," Dumbledore smiled sweetly.

"Lovely? Lovely!" McGonagall shrieked at Dumbledore, "Oh, how I'd like to ring your neck from frustration, Mr. Potter! Where have you been!" McGonagall demanded.

"Floo system threw me off. I just found my way back, Professor," James looked at the floor.

"Oh? And you felt the necessity to start a brawl with your best friend upon your return? Is that a custom for you, Mr. Potter? I sincerely hope not for the your sake and the sake of our school. Mr. Potter, please come with me." McGonagall signaled to him with her hands and walked out of the Boys' Dormitory.

"Perhaps you boys should stay here," Dumbledore advised Remus and Sirius who gaped at the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall.

"Boys?" Dumbledore said once more to catch their attention.

"Mmm?" Remus grunted.

"We're taking Mr. Potter away for the evening. Please return to your beds."

They did so once they were certain that James was being carried away by McGonagall and Dumbledore, and not some Voldemort impersonators.

Once in Dumbledore's office, James felt very nervous. He knew there was something wrong by the way McGonagall was pacing around the room in front of him. Even Dumbledore seemed to lose some of his serene aura, though his face never showed it.

"Professor?" James asked quietly.

McGonagall stopped sharply and stared at him. In a few moments her eyes were glazed with unshed tears.

"You're mother and father…" she started and choked on a single sob.

"What?" James stood.

"They're in the hospital," she said slowly.

"No they aren't. Remus wrote that letter, Professor," James lowered his head in shame, "I've been here the whole time as Amos Diggory because of a selfish plan. Don't worry, Amos is safe, but I just wanted to tell you the truth before I started making up another lie."

"James," McGonagall had used his first name for the first time in 6 years and he looked up knowing that whatever she said would be important.

"I don't care where you've been. What matters now is that you understand that they are in the hospital. They need you. Remus didn't send all these letters," McGonagall pulled the letters out of Dumbledore's drawer.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore spoke softly, "You need to see them now. We're going to send you to St. Peter's Hospital in the Muggle World."

"The Muggle World? What are they doing in the Muggle World?" James asked stupidly. Everything that he was hearing seemed to be so surreal.

"The car accident happened in the Muggle World and it was an emergency. There was no way, they could have used their magic to get back here in time. The doctors are pretty good down there, but I don't think they are good enough to save your parents."

"What…" James said softly. Was he really going to lose his parents? The core of his being? He loved them so much and if he lost both of them at the same time, he knew that he would never know happiness again.

"Are they dying?" James whispered. McGonagall walked over to him and unexpectedly took him into an embrace. He had never been hugged like that, except from his parents. He didn't like it. If she kept hugging him like that, he was sure to start crying. There was too much emotional locked up in this one day. Why was everything happening now? Was he really meant to lose his first love, his best mate and his parents in one day? He gently stepped back and turned to face the door.

"I'll get my things, and I'll be back," he said to them without looking and walked slowly out of the office.

Once outside the door he allowed his heart to beat furiously in fear. He practically ran back to the dorm and summoned his things with a flick of his wand. Remus and Sirius were in bed, but they were obviously awake.

The flying suitcase had knocked Sirius in the head when he sat up in his bed.

"Damnit, Prongs!" Sirius muttered.

"Where're you going?" Remus called out.

James was about to leave the dorm, but he dropped his things on the floor and collapsed on the couch with his face in his hands.

Remus got out of bed to go over to him. Sirius hesitated for a few moments then decided to get up as well.

"Bloody emotional git," he muttered.

When both of the boys had joined up with James, he looked at Remus with dead eyes.

"What was in the letters you sent?"

"Letters? I only sent one," Remus said remembering a few weeks back to the day they had hatched this terrible plan.

"What did it say!" James demanded irritably.

"I said your mum was sick and she needed you to take care of her!" Remus said defensively. After all, that was what James had asked him to write.

"So you didn't write about my parents being in the hospital?"

"No."

"You didn't write that they were in a car accident?"

"James, what are you trying to say?"

"They're dying, Remus! That's what I'm trying to say! And it's all my fault!" James ran his hands through his hair.

"Dying…" Sirius whispered. The Potters had been parents to him for the longest time and he could not imagine the pain James would go through to lose them. They were the most wonderful people who were kind enough to take him in.

"Are you going to the hospital?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Now." James stood and picked up his luggage.

"We're going with you," Sirius said.

"No."

"You can't go through this by yourself!" Sirius protested.

But James didn't stay to argue. He left without another word and within a few hours he was at St. Peter's Hospital.