We are here, at the Weasley residence, for a change, because, of course, Ron finally decided to go shopping. This is the very end of the pregnancies, so hang tight, bee-hotches!

"What in the blazes did you do to my NEW FUCKING RUG?"

"I did nothing!"

"Bullshit! Why is there PISS on my new rug?"

"I didn't piss!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"I did not! My water broke, for fuck's sake!"

"Oh, sure, that's what all the pregnant women say!" Ginny cleaned up her rug and waddled out angrily with a waddling Hermione at her heels.

"Ouch! Damnit, Ginny, I've got to get to St. Mungo's!"

"Well, pin a rose on your nose. Ha! I kill myself some days," Ginny giggled. Hermione suddenly pointed at a rather large wet spot in the middle of Ginny's maternity robes.

"Honestly, Ginny, it wasn't that funny."

-----

"Hey, Ron, what did you do with the Fletcher report?" Harry called out. Ron grumpily stomped in with a mug of coffee sloshing in his hand.

"It's in there, damnit! Look!"

"It's not, Ron. I checked."

"Check again."

"I've already checked twice."

"Check a third time." Harry sighed.

"It's. Not. There. How many times must I drill this into your head?"

"None, because it's there!"

"Poor Hermione. Alright, Ron, I'll prove it to you. Accio Fletcher report!" A large packet of paper came zooming by, taking time to whap Ron on the head.

"I told you, Ron."

"Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh, I told you Ron, nyeh-nyeh-nyeh. You don't have Hermione as a wife, keeping you up. Those hormones are seriously fucking with her mind."

"Ginny got so mad at me the other night she was conjuring plates simply so she could smash them on my head. I still have a bruise." Harry pointed to a black-and-purple lump on the left-hand corner of his forehead.

"Haha. I am still bruise free."

"But you're also sex-free too, aren't you?" asked Harry, realizing that he had hit a nerve in Ron's brain.

"If you put another hand on my baby sister..." Harry got up to properly whap Ron upside the head.

"When the hell are you going to get it through your mind that we're married? See? See the ring on my hand? I got that at my wedding. And guess what? Ginny has one, too. Do you understand what that means? Let me clue you in. We're married, you moron!"

Harry threw up his hands in defeat and got back to his report while Ron stalked back to his desk, still rubbing the spot where Harry had hit him.

-----

"Aw, shit, I just these robes last week!"

Ginny stared down at that stupid wet spot on her favorite new maternity robes.

"Ginny, damnit, go Floo the boys."

"Why me? You do it!"

"No!"

"And why not?"

"Because I'm older and bigger than you!"

"Oh, yes, 23 months is such an age gap these days. And besides, it's not my fault your baby's fat!"

"Don't say that! You'll hurt it's feelings!"

"If your child grows up to be a ninny, don't come crying to me!"

"Stop saying that! The baby can hear you!"

"You know what? I give up. You do it, if you're so keen."

"Fine, I will!" Hermione stuck her head into the fireplace to call the boys. Standing up, the realization of what just happened hit her.

"Ginny, you bitch!" Ginny just laughed.

"You know, Hermione, for the cleverest witch of your age, you're a bit of a dimwit." Ginny waddled away, leaving a huffy and fat Hermione so that she could quickly pack.

-----

At St. Mungo's

-----

"Harry, damnit, take my stuff out of my robes and bring it back to size." Harry rushed over to his wife's cloak and tapped the suitcase quickly. Once attaining normalcy, Harry lugged the suitcase to his wife, so she could order him to put things around the room for a little decoration.

Hermione, on the other hand, was not faring quite at well.

"Damnit, Ron, just summon the fuck already! It hurts! You'll never do this again, do you hear me?" Hermione was in mid-contraction, and Ron had no idea what to do, so he sat there as his fingers were being shattered.

A Healer arrived to inform Hermione could start pushing once dilated.

This was not what Hermione wanted to hear.

"WHY CAN'T YOU USE MAGIC? YOU CAN TURN PEOPLE INTO FUCKING CANARIES AND YET YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY IFND THE TIME TO MAKE THIS PAIN FUCKING STOP?"

Harry and Ginny could hear her screams many rooms down the hall.

"You know, for the cleverest witch of our age, she certainly seems to be a bit of a dimwit," chuckled Harry.

"That's exactly what I said. OH FUCK!" Ginny felt another contraction and mashed Harry's large hand in her own tiny one. A Healer came in, similar to the one that had, unfortunately, entered the Weasley room.

"Good, now, I'm guessing that in about an hour's time you can push, Mrs-?"

"Potter."

"As in Harry?"

"No, as in Bob. What do you bloody think?" Harry meekly waved to the exited Healer.

"Oh, the Chosen One is having a baby! With his Hogwarts lover! Oh, it's so BEAUTIFUL!" The Healer weeped and skipped out of the room.

"Ginny."

"Yes?"

"Kill me."

"Um, no. But I feel another contraction coming on. How about I break your hand instead?"

"Even better."

-----

"FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Hermione's cry weakened as a child's cry replaced it. The Healer placed the baby on a table and waved her wand to measure the baby's stats. Ron, pale from anticipation and utter lack of solid bone in his hand, glowed as the Healer wrapped the little boy up and carried it away.

"Okay now, Mrs. Weasley, you have to push again!"

"What?" Ron's face paled again.

"Didn't you know? There's another one in there."

"How in the hell is there another?" Hermione cried as she lifted her head to see the healer.

"Well, it's something general humanity likes to call twins, darling," said Ron.

"I got that, Ron."

"Okay, Mrs. Weasley. PUSH!"

-----

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, you're parents to a little boy!"

Ginny lay sprawled on the cot as the Healer waved his wand to measure the statistics. Harry laughed triumphantly.

"GINNY! Ginny, did you see? Did you? We've got a boy!" The healer brought the child over and placed it in Harry's arms. It gave its father an odd look.

"I am NEVER doing that again." Ginny attempted to heave herself up as her mother bustled in.

"Oh, Ginny, I'm so proud of you!"

"Mum! Damnit, my legs are open and everything!"

"Oh, honey, calm down! Your brothers will be here shortly."

"MUM!" Unfortunately, Ginny heard the halt and recession of five pairs of shoes into the hallways, followed by retching sounds.

"Oh, Ginny dear, fix yourself!" Ginny rolled her eyes and propped herself up on her bed.

"Arthur! Arthur, you can call the boys in now!" Mr. Weasley poked his head in.

"Um, Molly dear, I don't think they're ready quite yet." Harry could still hear at least one Weasley brother retching.

"Nonsense! They need to see their nephew! Tell them dinner's off until they come in and see little... What's the name, Ginny dear?"

"Unknown, as of yet."

"Unownasovyet? What a terrible name for a child." Mrs. Weasley bustled in the Weasley brothers, still green in the face, to see their nephew.

"Hey, Gin, what's the name?" called Fred from the back of the posse.

"We haven't picked one out yet." Mrs. Weasley sighed.

"Oh, good, the other one was dreadful." Harry rubbed a temple with his free hand as Ginny went on.

"I've got no idea what to name him, Fred."

"Shotty James!" Harry held a finger to his nose. The baby squirmed and gave Harry another weird look.

"Alright, the baby's name is James."

"Ginny dear, aren't you going to pick out a middle name?"

"Shotty Arthur!" This time, Mr. Weasley held his finger to his nose. Everyone, including the baby, gave him a weird look.

"What?" he asked innocently.

-----

"It's a girl, Mrs. Weasley!" Hermione heaved a sigh of relief. Ron took a moment to look between his wife's legs.

"Please don't tell me there's another."

-----

More later, because we have yet to even experience the new and improved (or so we hope) Weasley twins. Bye.