Ano?

Genre: General
Rating: T-13
Summary: One Shot There is no summary… mainly because I don't know what the hell 'summary' is in Filipino and I have lost my dictionary. T-13 for a few bad words (in English and Filipino) and foreign language randomness.
Language: Filipino

With the emergence of a Filipino language option here at Fanfiction-net, I've been wondering for some time now if I dared flex my brain and write in the vernacular of my motherland. My initial thought was, 'Shit, that's going to be fucking hard.'

To those who aren't Filipino, let me just say that most Filipinos, myself not excluded, find it incredibly difficult to pen our thoughts down in our native language. While we have little to no problem, for the most part, speaking it, garbled and littered with English as it is, writing is another matter. I remember that I would write my Filipino essays in English first before translating them. Not healthy, I know, and I assure you that what follows was no walk in the park either.

To other Filipinos, feel free to correct my word usage and grammar, because I freely admit that I suck. The first part is the fic in Filipino, and the next is the same only in English, for those curious as to what shit I churned out here.

Date Uploaded: 15 August 2005

In Filipino... (a.k.a. The Hacked and Garbled Version)

Ano?

"Ano?" tanong ni John Cena sa itaas ng malakas na kalambog ng tubig sa paliguan, saglit na nabingi sa tunog.

"'Di kita maintindihan, pare. Anong klaseng wika 'yan?" tinig kaagad ni Randy Orton sa kanya, umiiling para mawala ang tubig sa tainga. Sigurado siya na nagsasalita siya ng Ingles kanina.

"Kung 'di mo ako naiintindihan, b'at mo ako nasasagot?" sabi naman ni Cena, nalilito.

"Hmm. Oo nga, 'no," sang-ayon ni Randy.

Nagkaroon ng pagtigil sa usapan habang iniisip ng dalawa papaano sila nakapagalam ng panibagong wika ng iilang segundo lamang. Yun, at bakit parang sila lang na dalawa, isang RAW artista at isang Smackdown! artista, mukha at sakong (o good guy at bad guy kung gugustuhin mo), ay nasa lugar paliguan sa isang hindi tiyak na gabi ng linggo.

Si Cena ang unang nakarating sa hatol. "Nasa loob tayo ng isang fanfic, hindi ba?"

"Oo," sabi ni Randy, malungkot na tumutungo. "At isang banyagang wika na fanfic pa. Ano sa isip mo? Ugong Asyano sa akin."

"Oo. Baka Indonesian o Malaysian," sagot ni Cena, parehong hindi tumama sa marka.

"Gaano katagal bago tayo makalabas sa walang kuwentang bagay na 'to?" tanong ni Randy, tumitingin sa kanyang mga daliri. Nagiging pruny na sila.

"'Di ko alam, pero sana matapos ito bago tayo makagamit ng sapat na tubig para punuin ang Grand Canyon ng tatlong beses."

Isa uling pagtigil ang sumonod dito. Pagkatos si Randy, na gumagawa ng kabuuan na pagtanong sa fic na ito, ay nagtanong, "Isa pa, bakit palagi tayong nalalagay na magkahubad sa paliguan na magkasama?"

Si Cena, na sinadyang hindi tingnan siya ng kahabaan ng salaysay na ito, ay nagkibit ng balikat. "Fanservice siguro."

"Sinabi mo ang 'fanservice' sa Ingles."

"Alam ko. Wala yatang katumbas ang salita na iyun sa wikang ito. O baka tinatamad lang hanapin ng may-akda."

Mayroon nanaman na paghinto, mas mahaba ngayon. Pagkatapos agadagad na pinatay ni Cena ang paliguan na ginagamit niya. "Oo na, aalis na ako sa lintik na lugar na 'to bago ito maging isang banyagang wika na pwp slashfic." Sa malas wala rin katumbas iyun.

"Nasa likod mo ako," sabi kaagad ni Randy, medyo hindi naisip ang naisabi niya.

"Hindi kaya!" sigaw ni Cena, habang dinadakot ang kanyang tuwalya at nagmamadaling lumabas.

Pinatay din ni Randy ang kanyang paliguan at nadulas ng kaunti sa kanyang pagmamadali sa labas. At iyun ang wakas ng walang punto na salaysay na ito.

WAKAS

And in English... (a.k.a. The Inifinitely Clearer Version)

What?

"What?" John Cena asked over the pounding of water from the showers, momentarily having gone deaf.

"I can't understand you, dude. What kind of language is that?" Randy Orton promptly called back, shaking water out of his ears. He could have sworn he was talking in English.

"If you can't understand me, how come you can answer me?" Cena said back quizzically.

"Hmm. Oh right," Randy conceded.

There was a momentary lull in the conversation as the two pondered exactly how they had seemed to learn another language within the space of seconds. That, and why it only seemed to be the two of them, a RAW star and Smackdown! star, a face and a heel (or good guy and bad guy if you preferred), were there in the locker room showers on a vague weekday night.

It was Cena who first came to the best conclusion. "We're in a fanfic, aren't we?"

"Yup," Randy said, nodding his head solemnly. "A foreign language fanfic at that. What do you think it is? Sounds Asian to me."

"Yeah. Indonesian or Malaysian, probably," Cena answered, getting both off the mark.

"So, how long do you think before we're out of this piece of crap?" Randy asked, looking at his fingers. They were getting pruny.

"I don't know, but let's hope it's before we use up enough water to fill the Grand Canyon three times over."

Another pause. And then Randy, who was doing a lot of questioning in this fic, asked, "One more thing. Why do we always end up naked in the shower area together?"

Cena, who had pointedly refused to look at him for the duration of the story, shrugged. "Fanservice, I guess."

"You said 'fanservice' in English."

"I know. There doesn't seem to be an equivalent in this language. Either that or the author was too lazy to look it up."

There was a silence break once more, this time longer. And then Cena smartly shut off the showerhead he was using. "All right, I'm leaving this goddamned place before this shit turns into a foreign language pwp slashfic." Apparently there was no equivalent for that either.

"Right behind you," Randy said hurriedly and quite unthinkingly.

"No you're not!" Cena shrieked, grabbing his towel and hurrying out.

Randy shut off his own showerhead and slipped a few times on his hurry to get out. And that is the end of this pointless fic.

END

Actually the point I may have been going for here (yes, ohmigosh, I had a point!) was that it seemed futile to write in a story in Filipino when it is easier and makes more sense to just do it in English, especially since there are so many words that are untranslatable. That, and the fact that WWE is in English, with the possible exception of Tajiri. Of course there is no such word for 'fanfiction' in Filipino. The closest I could get to was apisyunadong pagsasalaysay, or something like that. Anyway, that's it for me, until the next senseless fic!